Being shot down because of my skin colour

[Andrew]

i am with calf and a few others. time to move on. if she doesn't like you, don't linger on it. if a girl causes that much pain, not worth it! She wants no part of you. A relationship takes two.

I am asian, I don't prefer asian girls. But it doesn't mean I won't consider it. My reasoning... I think socially growing up and being born in Canada I have more similar ideologies to caucasians and a relationship would just work better, knowing from past experience. I don't speak any of my native language, do similar things to do them etc. BUT I have many asian friends, and I have friends of all other races, this speaks for itself.

Sure there is presure within famillies to marry your race. I hear it all the time from friends, not in my family though. But even if my parents were adamently against marrying caucasians (which they are not), would I listen to them???? no. Love is love and nobody really has the right to tell you who to marry, not even your parents. And to those of you whose parents think this way and refuse to even be OPEN.... you're just ruining your own chances. Bottom line is choice, a relationship is serious. Racist or not it is her choice.

[photon]

There's so much involved in establishing relationships that I can't see how not wanting to date people of specific race/creed/religion/nationality/shoe size is really racist (unless the person really is racist but then it'd come out in other ways too).

She could be the nicest girl ever but if her family are freaks then I'd probably take a pass. Does that make me a familyist?

Race can be important because cultures vary so much. My wife is from Central America and I can see issues that if both of us weren't aware of up front it could have caused problems. It isn't wrong to me to want to be with someone that understands your culture.

Religion is another one. It may work for a while but what happens when the kids come? Are they raised Jewish or Christian? To people that care about their faith that can be a huge issue that they should have worked out before hand.

Like others have said, maybe her family is very traditional and she doesn't want to cause tons of problems by dating a white guy? Nothing wrong with that, it's not racist, it's only a choice.

[DJRice]

Originally posted by HelloHockeyFans+Sep 8 2005, 09:00 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (HelloHockeyFans @ Sep 8 2005, 09:00 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-jonesy@Sep 8 2005, 03:35 PM
I see it as racist. She is making a decision based soley on race, isn't that the definition of racist?

Exactly!

It's correct when people argue that she's making a decision based on her preference, but it's completely incorrect in my opinion, when people try to argue that her preference to not date specific races is not necessarily racist. [/b][/quote]
agreed.

And to the above poster who mentioned a person like her isnt even worth a post on a forum.

[HelloHockeyFans]

Originally posted by photon@Sep 9 2005, 01:46 AM
Like others have said, maybe her family is very traditional and she doesn't want to cause tons of problems by dating a white guy? Nothing wrong with that, it's not racist, it's only a choice.

Again, making any sort of decision with race being the only factor is racism. If you drive a cab, and see two people hailing you down in the rain, and make the decision to pick up the white guy and not the black guy because he is black, that's racism. Can't argue that can you?

In another scenario, a girl chooses to not date a black guy because he is black. Is this racism? Damn right it is.

[DJRice]

Originally posted by HelloHockeyFans+Sep 8 2005, 06:59 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (HelloHockeyFans @ Sep 8 2005, 06:59 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-photon@Sep 9 2005, 01:46 AM
Like others have said, maybe her family is very traditional and she doesn't want to cause tons of problems by dating a white guy? Nothing wrong with that, it's not racist, it's only a choice.

Again, making any sort of decision with race being the only factor is racism. If you drive a cab, and see two people hailing you down in the rain, and make the decision to pick up the white guy and not the black guy because he is black, that's racism. Can't argue that can you?

In another scenario, a girl chooses to not date a black guy because he is black. Is this racism? Damn right it is. [/b][/quote]
Yip, and anyone who denies it being racism, doesnt know the true meaning of it.

[JiriHrdina]

Originally posted by DJRice@Sep 8 2005, 08:09 PM
Yip, and anyone who denies it being racism, doesnt know the true meaning of it.

Get off your high horse dude.

This is a murky issue at best.

Romantic relationships are different than from other human relations. Everyone has the right to choose his/her mate based on whatever criteria they choose. Do you want a law that prohibits people from not dating other people because of their race?

The idea of racism is essentially the belief that one race (or races) is inferior to others. However, when it comes to this issue, that's not what's its about at all. Its simply about attraction - and race is one element of attraction. A person may believe that all races are equal but still not be attracted to them all.

[photon]

Originally posted by HelloHockeyFans@Sep 8 2005, 07:59 PM
Again, making any sort of decision with race being the only factor is racism. If you drive a cab, and see two people hailing you down in the rain, and make the decision to pick up the white guy and not the black guy because he is black, that's racism. Can't argue that can you?

In another scenario, a girl chooses to not date a black guy because he is black. Is this racism? Damn right it is.

If I pick up the white guy and not the black guy only because of skin colour and that I think all black people are violent or something then yes that's racism, not because of the act itself but because of my motivation.

But this isn't nearly the same thing.

If a girl chooses not to date a black guy she might have different reasons and those will determine if it's racist or not. Is he not attracted to black guys? That's not racist. Is she worried that her racist family will never talk to her again? That's not racist either, that's just deciding that you want your child to be able to see their grandparents. I can think of tons of reasons that aren't racist.

The ICERD (International Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination) defines racism as follows:
“Any distinction, exclusion, restriction, or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin which has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment, or exercise, on equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural, or any other field of public life.”

[4X4]

Let me ask you something, DJRice - and everyone else who condemns this chick as a racist...

Would YOU date a racist? If you knew that the pretty girl across the bar was a racist, would you still make your attempt?
If not, doesn't that make you just as biased as you want to make this chick out to be?

She's racists against everyone not arab, you're racist against racists.

If she proposed that the two of you go on a date, but you knew that she refused to date arabs, would you date her? After all, she's a "RACIST"....



I think that you jokers that are calling her a racist just need to label people to feel better about yourselves.
Get over it. I'm not attracted to natives. Never have been, doubt I ever will be. Guess I'm a racist. I've dated asians, pollacks, persian, even had a little fling with a black chick. But I don't have it for the nates. I'm a racist, right?

[Tower]

I've dated almost every race - I hate self centred loud women... that's all - oh and I needs to be attracted to them too.....

[Winsor_Pilates]

Originally posted by 4X4@Sep 8 2005, 07:54 PM
Would YOU date a racist? If you knew that the pretty girl across the bar was a racist, would you still make your attempt?
If not, doesn't that make you just as biased as you want to make this chick out to be?

Is she racist against me, or another 3rd race? If she's racist against me, no, because I'd be wasting my time. If she's racist against another race, depends how drunk I am and how racist she is.

She's racists against everyone not arab, you're racist against racists.

How can someone be racist against racists? Racism discriminates based on race. Discriminating a racist has nothing to do with the race of that racist, and therefore is not racist.

I think that you jokers that are calling her a racist just need to label people to feel better about yourselves.

Could be that, or maybe it's just because she is a racist.
How can someone who "prefers to only mingle/ have anything to do with arab guys" not be racist?

[HelloHockeyFans]

This is obviously a sensitive topic which Grant has already alluded to. As with any other topic, there's going to be differing viewpoints and opinions. That's the way it is.

4x4, to answer your question about whether or not I, personally would date a racist. The answer is no, I would not date a racist. You are right though. I am making a decision based on a bias I have against racists. My reasoning behind not wishing to date her would be based solely on her being a racist.

Although you didn't explicitly ask the question, you're implicity saying that my decision makes me as 'bad' as the person who doesn't date a specific race because of their race alone, and I have to disagree with you.

It's already been mentioned by others and myself, with relationships there will most definitely be different preferences that individuals seek in a mate ranging from their weight, their height, their education, their career, or their race.

I'll be upfront and honest. I admit I don't tend to date heavier women solely because of their weight. I discriminate against heavier women. It's a preference of mine which stems from the obvious need for physical attraction in a relationship, and for me, I do not have a physical attraction for heavier-set women. If a heavier-set woman were to seek me for a relationship, I would deny her for reasons solely to do with her weight. Is this fair? No. But it's my preference.

As I've said already, a black guy who does not date white girls purely because they are white (an example), has made a decision based solely on race alone. The guy is discriminating against her race. Or in other words, he is a racist. He feels no physical attraction to white girls, and thus chooses to not date them. Is this fair to the girls who seek a relationship with him? No. But it's his preference.

In one case, the discrimination is based on weight. In another, it's based on race. Yes, they are both biases, but is one worse than the other? You be the judge.

In a hypothetical situation, let me ask you guys the following: Back in the dark days when racism against African-Americans was widely accepted in the US and even upheld by the law, blacks and whites were to use different washrooms. The reasoning being based solely on the colour of their skin. Let's say now, that this incident happens close to a time when whites were beginning to become more accepting of blacks as an equal in society. A black woman walking alone somewhere in the middle of nowhere feels the urge to use the restroom. She sees a house up ahead so she goes and knocks on the door and asks to borrow the restroom. The oldest son of the family that answers the door is white. Let's say that the son has nothing against blacks, but his family does, but he's home alone. The story ends with the son making a decision to not let her in to use the restroom for fears that his family may be viewed upon negatively by others if anyone were to find out. Or perhaps he's worried that his racist family will never talk to him again.

Is he a racist?

In my opinion, for that instant when he made the decision to close the door, he made the decision based on a large number of factors. He made the decision ultimately because he was worried his racist family would not talk to him again, or that his family would suddenly be thought less of because of the incident. All of these reasons undeniably resulted from the issue of race. Yes, he did it because he did not want any negativity directed towards his family. Yes, he did it because he did not want to become an outcast of the family. But he also did it because of her race. So for that instant, even though he is not usually a racist, he was a racist, because he made a decision based on her race.

(I don't think I've ever posted anything this long before on CP) :P

[KevanGuy]

Hey DJ, did you tell her you are about to be married? Did you tell her you have a 10th month old? Gee, must be just about a year old now eh?

Originally posted by DJRice
More of a stay at home type guy now, since Im soon to be married and have a 10 month old son.

That can be found near the bottom of the first page here.... http://forum.calgarypuck.com/index.p...opic=12737&hl=

[KootenayFlamesFan]

I was thinking the same thing.

This DJ guy sure gets around!!!

[photon]

Lol... Yeah, how's the weather in New York DJ?

[Neeper]

I agree with Photon. I don't think it' racist. When it comes to relationships, it's that person's choice. I was never attracted to Arab girls or Indian girls. And I know I am sure as hell not racist. I've dated only white girls and asian girls. It's my choice.

[Bill Bumface]

Originally posted by photon@Sep 9 2005, 09:28 AM
Lol... Yeah, how's the weather in New York DJ?

Does an IP check reveal that it is 9 degrees and raining where DJ is?

[jonesy]

Originally posted by KevanGuy+Sep 9 2005, 05:44 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (KevanGuy @ Sep 9 2005, 05:44 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> Hey DJ, did you tell her you are about to be married? Did you tell her you have a 10th month old? Gee, must be just about a year old now eh?

<!--QuoteBegin-DJRice
More of a stay at home type guy now, since Im soon to be married and have a 10 month old son.

That can be found near the bottom of the first page here.... http://forum.calgarypuck.com/index.p...opic=12737&hl= [/b][/quote]
Damn, now even I wouldn't date DJ Rice

[Reaper]

Originally posted by 4X4@Sep 8 2005, 08:54 PM
She's racists against everyone not arab, you're racist against racists.

Um, being racist isn't an ethnicity. It's a viewpoint.

I don't think it's a horrible thing to be discriminating when it comes to associating with people based on the views they hold.

If I find racism to be offensive why would I want to hang out with people who hold racist viewpoints?

Unless I'm a missionary then I would probably find the experience unfavourable and unsavoury.

I like to avoid unsavoury experiences when I'm able to.

[FireFly]

Originally posted by Reaper+Sep 9 2005, 12:18 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Reaper @ Sep 9 2005, 12:18 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-4X4@Sep 8 2005, 08:54 PM
She's racists against everyone not arab, you're racist against racists.

Um, being racist isn't an ethnicity. It's a viewpoint.

I don't think it's a horrible thing to be discriminating when it comes to associating with people based on the views they hold.

If I find racism to be offensive why would I want to hang out with people who hold racist viewpoints?

Unless I'm a missionary then I would probably find the experience unfavourable and unsavoury.

I like to avoid unsavoury experiences when I'm able to. [/b][/quote]
And that's what it boils down to right there. She may not be discriminating based on race, but race related opinions. She may like to avoid what to her are unsavoury experiences. Arabs have their own sets of beliefs. Other races don't have the same beliefs.

[4X4]

Originally posted by FireFly+Sep 9 2005, 11:32 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (FireFly @ Sep 9 2005, 11:32 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>

Um, being racist isn't an ethnicity. It's a viewpoint.

I don't think it's a horrible thing to be discriminating when it comes to associating with people based on the views they hold.

If I find racism to be offensive why would I want to hang out with people who hold racist viewpoints?

Unless I'm a missionary then I would probably find the experience unfavourable and unsavoury.

I like to avoid unsavoury experiences when I'm able to.

And that's what it boils down to right there. She may not be discriminating based on race, but race related opinions. She may like to avoid what to her are unsavoury experiences. Arabs have their own sets of beliefs. Other races don't have the same beliefs. [/b][/quote]
Exactly. Which is why she's not a racist. She's just doing what any of us would do.