Destination Weddings

[Knut]

Destination weddings are fine if...

1) You do not get butthurt if we can not make it.

2) You do not get butthurt that we booked separately from your travel agent because we found a much cheaper rate / wanted to stay longer / stay at a different resort for part of the time. I know you get a cheaper travel rate if more book with the travel agent, but then we have to pay much more.

We have a had two in recent years that I was part of the wedding party. Ended up on the same flight down, staying 3 days longer (at a much nicer hotel for the 7 days after the wedding was over) for less money for the first one. The couple got pissed because we did not use their travel agent. We gave her a chance to find us a package for 3 extra days, but she took 2 weeks to do so. By that time we had booked online and were paying less than those that booked with her.

The second was at St. Eugene's Mission in Cranbrook and was fantastic.

[BlackArcher101]

Originally Posted by Hesla

The couple got pissed because we did not use their travel agent.

Seriously?

[fundmark19]

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

Seriously?

Ya by using their travel agent they get credit towards their stay/expenses. x number of guests = free stay for bride and groom during wedding

[Johnny199r]

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

Seriously?

Bride and Groom wanted a free trip by signing so many others up....

[Fighting Banana Slug]

Originally Posted by Hesla

Destination weddings are fine if...

1) You do not get butthurt if we can not make it.

2) You do not get butthurt that we booked separately from your travel agent because we found a much cheaper rate / wanted to stay longer / stay at a different resort for part of the time. I know you get a cheaper travel rate if more book with the travel agent, but then we have to pay much more.

We have a had two in recent years that I was part of the wedding party. Ended up on the same flight down, staying 3 days longer (at a much nicer hotel for the 7 days after the wedding was over) for less money for the first one. The couple got pissed because we did not use their travel agent. We gave her a chance to find us a package for 3 extra days, but she took 2 weeks to do so. By that time we had booked online and were paying less than those that booked with her.

The second was at St. Eugene's Mission in Cranbrook and was fantastic.

This is bang on. There is no room for butthurt-ness from either side. Bride/Groom should expect some to decline and should never use it as an excuse for a free trip for themselves. Guests (especially extended family and work associates) shouldn't feel butthurt for feeling like they were excluded. Go, don't go, it is up to you.
My wife an I had a destination at Emerald Lake, so just a drive, but still an expense for our guests. Great place to stay, host bar and wonderful meal, but we understood not all could attend.

[YYC in LAX]

Originally Posted by Two Fivenagame

As a guy - Destination wedding %100 of the time. Think about ALL the BS that people have to endure for a local wedding. Someone has to set up, decorate, entertain, drive grandma, pick up flowers, where is the cake etc etc.

Destination weddings are soooooo simple because they do thousands of weddings in a year and they know what they are doing. You'll be faced with questions like "Honey, do you like the square cake or the round cake? Do you want Chocolate or Vanilla?" You can easily plan your wedding in one night.

No stress.

No one else has a job to do. Everyone can kick their feet up and have a great time.

The flight down with your buddies getting loaded is like being on a school field trip....with booze.

Local wedding venues will shut the party down by midnight. Destination wedding - the party goes ALL night.


Seriously, having a local wedding is a dick move. At least with the destination wedding, all the people who don't really give a #### can just say "sorry man, we can't afford it".

Are you a real person? Having a local wedding where the hosts pay for the food and open bar is a dick move?

[cracher]

Originally Posted by CliffFletcher

I find it interesting how quickly and how dramatically social norms change. Destination weddings have only been a thing for about 10 years. Presumably, they're driven by:

A) People getting married later in life, when they have more money.

B) The skyrocketing increase in the frequency of beach vacations among the middle class (especially in Alberta).

C) Weakened bonds of extended family and communities.

I find it quite interesting as well. Never expected such polarized views on a seemingly benign topic.

Really wondering if the different perspectives correlate with one's attitude towards marriage in general. It is not the same universally revered institution it was even 15 years ago. In fact, in my peer group (late 30s, early 40s), it is a knee-slapping joke for many. I'm going to guess that the newest batch of grandparents demographic (early 50s+) wouldn't push grandkids for it like the previous generations did.

[driveway]

Originally Posted by YYC in LAX

Are you a real person? Having a local wedding where the hosts pay for the food and open bar is a dick move?

Well, think about this: If you're having a 'local' wedding, the expectation that everyone who is invited will almost certainly show up. resulting in significant travel for at least some of the people, but no cool destination, just the Willow Park Golf Club... woah, shut the front door! Willow Park!?
Secondly, you end up with the issue of children: are they coming or not? If not, you're forcing parents to deal with babysitters, particularly onerous for anyone who's making, let's say a three-hour drive down from Edmonton.
If you are letting them bring kids, you're ending up with people leaving early because little Timmy is tired, and you've got people who could otherwise be enjoying themselves with their friends and family chasing kids around a golf course.
Then you've got the social problems that result from extended social networks and families, vastly more likely that people's ex's or disliked cousins will be there, and raging conservative-theory uncles are going to be talking someone's ear off the whole time.
Most likely it's happening on a long weekend, so that's the 'we don't get enough time off' argument against destination weddings right there: everyone's losing their long weekend to the Dinner/Wedding/Reception/Gift Opening extravaganza.
Then you've got the expectations of gifts, the likely bachelor/bachelorette parties, the potential stag and doe, the shower, a great many of which are done-away with when it comes to the destination wedding: your presence is the gift; the wedding itself is the bachelor/bachelorett party; no one should have a stag and doe for a destination wedding: that's crass.

Yes, a destination wedding is expensive, but it doesn't place any other expectations on people the way a local wedding does.

Local wedding: dick move

[Regorium]

Originally Posted by driveway

Well, think about this: If you're having a 'local' wedding, the expectation that everyone who is invited will almost certainly show up. resulting in significant travel for at least some of the people, but no cool destination, just the Willow Park Golf Club... woah, shut the front door! Willow Park!?
Secondly, you end up with the issue of children: are they coming or not? If not, you're forcing parents to deal with babysitters, particularly onerous for anyone who's making, let's say a three-hour drive down from Edmonton.
If you are letting them bring kids, you're ending up with people leaving early because little Timmy is tired, and you've got people who could otherwise be enjoying themselves with their friends and family chasing kids around a golf course.
Then you've got the social problems that result from extended social networks and families, vastly more likely that people's ex's or disliked cousins will be there, and raging conservative-theory uncles are going to be talking someone's ear off the whole time.
Most likely it's happening on a long weekend, so that's the 'we don't get enough time off' argument against destination weddings right there: everyone's losing their long weekend to the Dinner/Wedding/Reception/Gift Opening extravaganza.
Then you've got the expectations of gifts, the likely bachelor/bachelorette parties, the potential stag and doe, the shower, a great many of which are done-away with when it comes to the destination wedding: your presence is the gift; the wedding itself is the bachelor/bachelorett party; no one should have a stag and doe for a destination wedding: that's crass.

Yes, a destination wedding is expensive, but it doesn't place any other expectations on people the way a local wedding does.

Local wedding: dick move

I really can't tell if this is satire.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by Regorium

I really can't tell if this is satire.

Me either, though it does provide an interesting opportunity to discuss what my wife and I did for the kids involved in our local wedding.

Kids were invited to the ceremony with their parents, as we trust their parents to keep the kids under control, and it was an outdoor ceremony in Confederation Park. I noticed a couple of times a couple of parents going to the back of seating area with a rambunctious child, but nothing big beyond that.

For the reception, the kids ate with the parents, and then for the dancing and partying that followed afterwards...the parents took their kids to a separate room where a couple of professional babysitters were. The room was outfitted with a couple of tv's, a dvd player, a couple of game systems and some kid-friendly food. There was even an area that the smaller ones could be put if they fell asleep. Since it was a room off the reception hall, a parent could pop right in to check if they were worried, or the babysitter could come out and get a parent if a child was being particularly problematical. Seemed to work pretty well. Granted, we only had about 10 kids in a roughly similar age range though.

[KTrain]

The worst are the couples who get their trip free if they get a certain amount of people to go to their destination wedding. Then they're pressuring friends and family to go so they can get a free ride.

[driveway]

Originally Posted by Regorium

I really can't tell if this is satire.

I'll never tell.

[Party Elephant]

Well, I'm going to a destination wedding in Jamaica at the end of october and I also get to be the best man! I'm pretty excited to have a nice relaxing tropical vacation to tie in with my visit home to Calgary. It's not going to be a huge one. Our group is something like 24 people. I know most of the groom's family quite well but half the people there are going to be strangers to me - I guess that's to be expected though.

I can't comment on the destination vs local wedding debate as the only other wedding I've ever been to was one I catered. All I know is that I get to spend a week in the sunshine with friends drinking beer and cocktails, what's wrong with that?

[Tyler]

Love the destination wedding concept. Let's face it, 1/3 of every extended family are pretty much losers. Destination weddings are a nice way of weeding out the leeches and enjoying the day with the people you want there instead of HAVE to have there

[icarus]

Ours was a destination wedding (well I had never heard that term until after we announced it). We got married in Portugal (I'm Canadian, wife's Australian, we live in the UK, so people were going to have to travel regardless so we figured we'd just get married in a place we love and that would be awesome).

We fully didn't expect many people to turn up, since the closest anyone travelled from was Paris, and weren't offended at those who couldn't attend. In the end the turnout was way more than we expected, 70, and we had a great (but expensive) time--we had visitors from Canada, Australia, Singapore, USA, France, UK.

We arranged it so that it was pretty informal, you could do whatever you wanted in the days leading up to the event, there were a few optional activities/drinks. We had the bachelor/ette parties a couple days before the wedding in and around Lisbon that it wasn't really any added time or expense.

Number one piece of advice though is to get a local wedding planner, there is absolutely no way we could have done it without ours (especially if it's in an non-English speaking country).

[peter12]

We got married in Ucluelet, and only invited immediate family. Turnout was 16 people, and it was perfect. We got to do everything that we wanted to do without the strain of socializing with 80 plus people. Then, when we got back to Calgary, we invited our extended family and friends over for a BBQ.

[JayP]

Originally Posted by KTrain

The worst are the couples who get their trip free if they get a certain amount of people to go to their destination wedding. Then they're pressuring friends and family to go so they can get a free ride.

This is greasy, but the vast majority of the time the cost of the free trip down is just spread among all the guests and subsidizes their costs a bit.

[steveo]

Originally Posted by Tyler

Love the destination wedding concept. Let's face it, 1/3 of every extended family are pretty much losers. Destination weddings are a nice way of weeding out the leeches and enjoying the day with the people you want there instead of HAVE to have there

or you can just not invite the people you don't want there..

[Tyler]

Originally Posted by steveo

or you can just not invite the people you don't want there..

Yeah, that always works so well and no one's feelings are ever hurt

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Tyler

Love the destination wedding concept. Let's face it, 1/3 of every extended family are pretty much losers. Destination weddings are a nice way of weeding out the leeches and enjoying the day with the people you want there instead of HAVE to have there

Wait, if you're inviting everyone, how do you know the "losers" won't attend instead of the people you want to have there?

Maybe it depends how you define "losers" but the members of my family who I'd least want to hang out with aren't necessarily the ones who couldn't get time off and/or afford a random extra week beach vacation.