If your significant other was snooping your cell phone/laptop/etc..

[pylon]

Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist

My wife knows how much I make. She knows where I am all the time because we are always talking. She knows my passwords because sometimes I get her to sign onto stuff for me. When you are married, you are for all intents and purposes, one. Why must I house something? Or have some secret accounts?

This isn't about sharing the bank account, or her seeing the tax return at the end of the year. Obviously in marriage stuff like income, and banks accounts will be shared, email accounts may be shared. I get that.

In regular dating relationship? You have no frikkin business about what my income is. It is what it is. You also have no business who I talk to outside of our time. I walked in the middle of a dinner date once, because she asked me what I made.

But if someone is logging into your email account or snooping your phone behind your back to find out if you have cheated, or have a profile on tinder or POF, then your relationship is already broken, and you might as well go ahead and start creating those profiles.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by pylon

This isn't about sharing the bank account, or her seeing the tax return at the end of the year. Obviously in marriage stuff like income, and banks accounts will be shared, email accounts may be shared. I get that.

In regular dating relationship? You have no frikkin business about what my income is. It is what it is. You also have no business who I talk to outside of our time. I walked in the middle of a dinner date once, because she asked me what I made.

But if someone is logging into your email account or snooping your phone behind your back to find out if you have cheated, or have a profile on tinder or POF, then your relationship is already broken, and you might as well go ahead and start creating those profiles.

I think that's where most disagreement is here. Married guys are saying what's the big deal? Single guys are saying wtf?


Edit: Hilarious SwiftKey correction

[OutOfTheCube]

Originally Posted by pylon

But if someone is logging into your email account or snooping your phone behind your back to find out if you have cheated, or have a profile on tinder or POF, then your relationship is already broken, and you might as well go ahead and start creating those profiles.

I don't think this is necessarily true -- we are all human, and we all see hear stories either online, on television, or from friends on a weekly basis of a previously happy relationship that was destroyed by infidelity. It's only natural that, even if just once, someone felt insecure they would want to double check just to alleviate those personal bad feelings.

Now, if it was a constant thing, needing to check in on your phone every day, constantly checking where you are and who you've been talking to on a daily basis, that would be definite cause for concern. But every now and then, I don't think it's a big deal.

Agreed that marriage is an entirely different game than dating though. I wouldn't share much personal information with girlfriends back in the day at all.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist

Married guys are dating what's the big deal?

Well for starters, you're dating while you're married...

[#-3]

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

I don't understand that some couples believe not having any privacy in the relationship is the only way to prove trust. In my eyes having a close, loving, trusting relationship does not mean that I can't have some privacy, whether it be in respect to my phone or email or anything else really. I've been cheated on in the past, but I would still not go into another relationship expecting to have access to my partner's phone whenever I felt like it.

I think you missed the point, it's not that there isn't a lack of privacy if I want it. I don't believe my wife would bother looking at something in my email or phone, unless I told her about it or to look at it. I have no problem with her having access to my stuff because if she saw something I didn't really plan on sharing with her, it would be something I could easily talk to her about, and she would not judge me for.

The only time this really becomes an issue is if one of us is trying to do something nice for the other. But then the surprise just gets blown.

I don't understand how you could sleep next to someone every night, if there isn't that built in level o trust and understanding.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by bigtmac19

I don't understand that some couples believe not having any privacy in the relationship is the only way to prove trust. In my eyes having a close, loving, trusting relationship does not mean that I can't have some privacy, whether it be in respect to my phone or email or anything else really. I've been cheated on in the past, but I would still not go into another relationship expecting to have access to my partner's phone whenever I felt like it.

It is not that you must do so to prove trust, it is a way that can be used to show trust.

Work stuff is off limits not because of trust, but due to professionalism. That's a completely different topic and a significant other should not push that one. Confidential information is not yours to share.

I can totally understand how some individuals don't like the idea of giving access to someone else though.

[burnin_vernon]

I started a thread like this a while back that I realize I never updated.

I had found out my girlfriend was reading my message history on facebook on a semi-shared computer I always leave on. It turned out her ex cheated on her and her suspicions had been confirmed by checking his facebook.

We talked about it and concluded there was no specific reason for her to mistrust me; she was just scared/paranoid of being hurt again. I have since password protected my pc. Not because I'm hiding anything but because I like to have one thing that is just mine (it seems you share everything when you live in an condo together) if that makes sense. I have no desire to see here computer either. All has been well since.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist

My wife knows how much I make. She knows where I am all the time because we are always talking. She knows my passwords because sometimes I get her to sign onto stuff for me. When you are married, you are for all intents and purposes, one. Why must I house something? Or have some secret accounts?

I wish I had some secret accounts and a fake passport for when I fake my death to become a falafel salesman in Morocco or a luchador in Mexico or sell 'beer-like drink' in the mountains of Peru.

Alas, I'm not that exciting.