Family Issues

[habernac]

Brave move, dissentowner. Good luck to you, stick to your guns, look after yourself and your boy.

I'd also like to leave a thanks for my family for being somewhat normal compared to this. We have our drama, but man, nothing this bad. (hope I'm not sounding dickish here, not meaning to).

[Senator Clay Davis]

Man threads like this remind me why I'm never getting married. Best of luck dissentowner, your fiance is right though so I'd listen to her.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I don't know about that, I talked with my mom about what was said and she already knew how I felt and both my parents say they don't blame me at all and that my sister obviously has "something wrong in her head".

I hope that sticks, but in my situation my parents because a leverage point and they were worn down by it.

[Bmuzyka]

I can completely get where you are coming from. My sister has decided to be all Buddy-Buddy with my ex-wife, and it has put a huge wedge in my relationship with my sister.

[return to the red]

b*tches be crazy.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Bmuzyka

I can completely get where you are coming from. My sister has decided to be all Buddy-Buddy with my ex-wife, and it has put a huge wedge in my relationship with my sister.

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully it does not balloon into a cluster%*## like mine did.

[GreenLantern]

Originally Posted by photon

Make sure you take the bigger picture into consideration in whatever you do, you might want to cut all ties but will that be best for your kid? Will it create a situation that makes your parents choose, and you end up in a worse situation now?

Rather than the drama and finality of a "cut all ties" moment, you can do the exact same thing simply by prioritizing differently and reacting differently. If they contact you be polite, be reasonable, socialize if they ask and you think it's worth doing, but otherwise don't actively solicit interactions, don't follow what they're doing, etc. Just treat them how you'd treat a co-worker or a teacher at your kid's school; polite and sociable, but otherwise not really involved in their lives.

Didn't read the entire thread, but this is what I was basically going to say. I have had my own issues with family, and life is just too short to carry this kind of crap with you.

You either have to forgive and forget, or never talk to them again. You can't have interactions with someone where you are carrying animosity or it just will eventually come to the surface and recreate the problem.

That doesn't mean you need to be friends with them, but you can forgive it deal with it and never put yourself in a situation where they can hurt you like that again.

I am very surprised that your sister wouldn't want to be more active in her nephews life though, and set a positive example. I don't have kids, but I have nephews and nieces and I would do anything within my power to make their lives even remotely easier.

edit: And #### your slut of a wife for cheating on you, that is just the lowest form of low. If you don't have the balls to tell someone you don't want to be with them you should be shot, pissed on, lit on fire, put out with more piss, and dragged behind an asphalt truck with the tray pouring.

[FakenHaken]

To be honest I don't have any advice for you in this situation. It is one hell of a situation. What I am going to say is. You are the very definition of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Keep your held hell high you have done your very best and should be commended for the amount of effort you have put forth already. Best of luck, I hope all of this turns out to be the best for yourself, fiancé, and most importantly your son.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by Locke

I dont know....does it rotate? It'd be sweet if it rotated....

why? maybe you're getting a pedestal confused with this

NSFW!

http://www.amazon.com/360-Degree-Spi...pr_product_top

[GoinAllTheWay]

Man....my head is simply spinning here. I COULD NOT imagine being in your position. I have an excellent relationship with my sis in law but if I ever found out she cheated on my bro, I'd have no room for her in my life. Because the met through an adulteress relationship, I don't know that I've really ever fully trusted her but that was 20+ yrs ago so it really seems unlikely at this point.

If I was in your position and my brother not only kept in touch with my ex after she cheated on me but also kicked me out of the house I sold him at a steeply discounted price so she could stay there, I'd say my importance to him was very clear. He'd be out of my life for sure and I'd be damned sure he knew and knew why.

I mean serioulsy, she's almost blatantly telling you she doesn't care much for you. I simply can not fathom how anybody of sound mind that cares for their brother could even concieve this idea.

Wash your hands of these dead beat emotional drains on your life. You really don't need them. Clearly.

[BloodFetish]

Originally Posted by karl262

The sheer amount of uncouth your sister, brother in law and especially your ex has demonstrated is exceptional. Cut and run. I suggest telling those people that you no longer choose to have a relationship with them based on their actions. It doesn't have to be a big blow up fight or anything like that, just send an email or letter or whatever so they get the point, after which screen your calls, delete emails from them and RTS any post. They have to understand that there are negative consequences for their actions and they cannot impose family relationship as a free pass to treat you the way they have. Avoid any family gatherings where your ex, sister and brother in law will be there.

Just think of them as people you used to know.

^ Despite everything that's happened so far that's a ####ty way to live.

Originally Posted by photon

Make sure you take the bigger picture into consideration in whatever you do, you might want to cut all ties but will that be best for your kid? Will it create a situation that makes your parents choose, and you end up in a worse situation now?

Rather than the drama and finality of a "cut all ties" moment, you can do the exact same thing simply by prioritizing differently and reacting differently. If they contact you be polite, be reasonable, socialize if they ask and you think it's worth doing, but otherwise don't actively solicit interactions, don't follow what they're doing, etc. Just treat them how you'd treat a co-worker or a teacher at your kid's school; polite and sociable, but otherwise not really involved in their lives.

^ Much better.

My brother and my Dad had a big falling out many years ago. The more time that passes, the wider the chasm between them and now a reconciliation is all but impossible. My Dad will never get to be a grandfather to his grandkids. Hasn't even met them, in fact. My brother didn't come to my wedding because my Dad would be there. That's the type of price you pay years down the road when you cut all ties.


EDIT: Just read the rest of the thread and events have taken their course. In that case I say #### 'em. Wait three months until they're on vacation and cause $50,000 worth of property damage to your former house. Remodeling the basement suite with a garden hose should do it.

[darklord700]

I can understand what you are going through but dis-owning a sis is never that simple and clear cut. If it was a friend, I support you ditching him/her 100%. But what if your folks are sick and you and your sis will need to take turn taking care of them.

I would suggest having a heart to heart with your sis and bro in law, let them know how you feel about their association with you ex and go from there. These people only show up a few weeks a year in their lives. They'll be fresh and interesting but they are not family, that's what I would tell your sis and bro in law.

[bigtmac19]

Originally Posted by Bmuzyka

I can completely get where you are coming from. My sister has decided to be all Buddy-Buddy with my ex-wife, and it has put a huge wedge in my relationship with my sister.

I come from the other side of this situation. I'm still friends with my ex sister-in-law. She told my ex when he left that she couldn't just cut off contact with me, we had known each other so long, I was basically her sister by that point. He couldn't accept that, and he stopped talking to her. There are always difficult situations like this after divorce, it's so widespread sometimes, the family issues.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by darklord700

I can understand what you are going through but dis-owning a sis is never that simple and clear cut. If it was a friend, I support you ditching him/her 100%. But what if your folks are sick and you and your sis will need to take turn taking care of them.

I would suggest having a heart to heart with your sis and bro in law, let them know how you feel about their association with you ex and go from there. These people only show up a few weeks a year in their lives. They'll be fresh and interesting but they are not family, that's what I would tell your sis and bro in law.

No, it has gone beyond that now. They obviously want them in their lives and the fact that they have treated me like a dirty litter tray to go along with it means they can go to hell. If someday down the road they want to sit, talk it out, and apologize because they finally get a clue just what they have put me through then I will cross that bridge then.

[karl262]

Originally Posted by BloodFetish

^ Despite everything that's happened so far that's a ####ty way to live.



^ Much better.

My brother and my Dad had a big falling out many years ago. The more time that passes, the wider the chasm between them and now a reconciliation is all but impossible. My Dad will never get to be a grandfather to his grandkids. Hasn't even met them, in fact. My brother didn't come to my wedding because my Dad would be there. That's the type of price you pay years down the road when you cut all ties.

I just think if someone is causing you a great deal of suffering, is aware of it, and continues to do so, no matter who they are, they're simply not worth your time.

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[CaramonLS]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

No, it has gone beyond that now. They obviously want them in their lives and the fact that they have treated me like a dirty litter tray to go along with it means they can go to hell. If someday down the road they want to sit, talk it out, and apologize because they finally get a clue just what they have put me through then I will cross that bridge then.

What I don't understand is how your sister can have such a tolerance for this person treating not only her family like crap, but her own child.

If one of my friends was doing that to their own child, I would have a very difficult time being friends with them. It highlights their character.

[habernac]

Originally Posted by CaramonLS

What I don't understand is how your sister can have such a tolerance for this person treating not only her family like crap, but her own child.

If one of my friends was doing that to their own child, I would have a very difficult time being friends with them. It highlights their character.

2 kids!! That's the part that kills me. Abandoned 2!!!

[Locke]

Originally Posted by habernac

2 kids!! That's the part that kills me. Abandoned 2!!!

Have you ever met kids? I'd abandon them too.

Little jerkfaces....

[BloodFetish]

Originally Posted by karl262

I just think if someone is causing you a great deal of suffering, is aware of it, and continues to do so, no matter who they are, they're simply not worth your time.

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Sure. Just a couple different ways of going about it, that's all.

Option #1 is to no longer spend time with people who hurt you or make you feel unhappy.

Option #2 is the same as #1, but also pouring gasoline over everything and lighting the match.

Like Darklord says though what happens if/when the parents need both of their support, and now you're forced to work with the sister? Or maybe you don't and take it all on yourself without any help. Or maybe, years later, someone else in the family graduates/gets married/hosts Christmas dinner and you don't go because you're worried your sister will be there? Life's too short for that kind of stuff, IMO.

Anyway DT I hope everything works out for you. Definitely didn't need them in your day-to-day life, and sounds like you accomplished that!

[albertGQ]

OP has put up with a lot in the past so I hope you are able to stick to your guns and F them.

Can't beleive your ex cheated on you during your trip to New Orleans. Where were you when this all happened? Weren't you guys together almost the entire trip?