Parental financial help for adult children...

[Nage Waza]

Originally Posted by J pold

These days I couldn’t imagine taking money from my him, like someone said if you still get money from parents on a regular basis you are not an adult.

How does that make any sense? My family is involved in some business that has spanned more than a generation. Some of the income is distributed, some of it is spent on investments. My parents now have maxed out RRSPs that they must cash in every year yet still operate businesses.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by J pold

These days I couldn’t imagine taking money from my him, like someone said if you still get money from parents on a regular basis you are not an adult.

Originally Posted by Nage Waza

How does that make any sense? My family is involved in some business that has spanned more than a generation. Some of the income is distributed, some of it is spent on investments. My parents now have maxed out RRSPs that they must cash in every year yet still operate businesses.

lol, what the hell are you going on about? You know what J pold meant.

[Hack&Lube]

I would think of it as helping out financially when it would provide your children with opporunties they couldn't otherwise have.

That includes everything from school to having certain priviledges (like a car, assistance with own home, etc.) to aid in their development and independance.

I'd pay for educational trips/exchanges/internships abroad but not general vacations. I don't really believe in those, even as an adult, I find it difficult to travel when it's not for a professional reason.

I'd help them with a car if I feel they are responsible enough to handle one because it opens up so many social opportunities for them in that highschool/university phase.

I'd help them with a down-payment or co-signing for a mortgage if they were on a career track where I was certain they could take over the mortgage fully within 3 years or so.

[4X4]

I got a bit of both worlds, as my dad was always loaded, but my mom was living on a secretary wage. To this day, my dad still likes to pay for things for the kids, and I'm a-ok with him doing that. At the same time, I subsidize my mom's housing, and in return, she babysits my daughter from time to time.I'll be taking care of my mom until she kicks the bucket, and that is fine with me. She busted her ass for me and my sis growing up. Now I get to return the favour.

As far as my dad goes, his generosity towards me is going to translate into my generosity toward my daughter. I've got her RESP well underway, and I'm pretty much planning on buying her whatever the Sunfire/Corolla equivalent is in 2027 when she turns 16. Her job is going to be to do well in school and enjoy whatever extra curricular activities she wants to join, although, I'm going to insist she learns at least one other language, and one musical instrument. I have friends who had hard ass parents, and they turned out fine. But my parents weren't hard ass at all, and I turned out fine, too. I want my daughter to enjoy being a kid and a teen, and in her 20s, hopefully as a grad gift, I'll have $10,000 set aside for her to go backpacking and experience another part of the world.

I liked HELPNEEDED's post, and I appreciated the blunt honesty. There is nothing wrong with having generous parents that want their kids to have a more carefree childhood. I know a couple people with some entitlement issues, but hopefully I can parent that out of my daughter. My parents managed to teach me how to make money, but also how to be generous. I don't ever want my daughter to dread the idea of having to ask me for some kind of help, financial or otherwise.

[Sylvanfan]

My inlaws paid the difference between us flying and driving to the Okanagan to visit them last year so we would fly and spend more time there. Pretty pathetic given how old I am. They kept asking me why don't you go golfing? I already feel like a complete loser as is...if I couldn't afford to fly there, I shouldn't be able to afford to golf.

[chemgear]

How about the other way around? I know some that some cultures entail financial "obligations" for the sons and daughters to send money back to the parents.

Fairly rare in Calgary/Canada though - doesn't seem like a western value?

[redforever]

Originally Posted by Sylvanfan

My inlaws paid the difference between us flying and driving to the Okanagan to visit them last year so we would fly and spend more time there. Pretty pathetic given how old I am. They kept asking me why don't you go golfing? I already feel like a complete loser as is...if I couldn't afford to fly there, I shouldn't be able to afford to golf.

Sometimes it is hard to accept generosity at face value and not read any more into it.

[Mr.Coffee]

so if one was to give their kid everything they ever wanted, how would you help them grow up to not be entitled?

[killer_carlson]

My comment in this thread is about a family i met travelling. The three adult kids and the mom were extremely wealthy. As i got to know them, the breadth of their wealth was even greater than i had thought. They even had their own family charity they had so much money. I estimate it to have been in excess of big players in he patch

Anyways, the adult children were quite open that they never wanted for anything growing up, and opportunities were available to them that would not be available to many other people on the planet.

However, once you ot to know them it was remarkable to see that they acknowledged the privileges they were given and took responsibility in not wanting to squander those opportunities.

It really made an impact on me. They did not shy away or try to spin their wealth which came fom the parents. They were genuinely appreciative and accountable for their career plans and choices. They took it as way to show their appreciation to their parents to actively take advantage of the opportunities given.

It was refreshing to witness when they eassily could have been like Paris Hilton

[Dion]

My parents paid for my post secondary education and that of my brother and sister. My late father got his industrial accounting degree by going to night school while working and wanted to make sure we 3 kids got a better start in life that he did. It didn't matter which direction we chose, they were supportive all the way in helping us in our decision making. I worked a part time job during the school years and a fulltime job in the summer between school years to buy a car and for any clothes and spending I needed.

Other than the above my parents never gave us any money. We learned at a very early age about the value of a dollar and how to work for it. If I wanted tickets to a hockey game or movie as a kid, I had to do chores to earn it. There were times when I didn't do what was asked and money for tickets or a movie was not given. I'm grateful for that as they taught me how to manage my money and work for a dollar.

Things have come around full circle for me. Before my father passed away from Cancer I told him that mother would become my responsibility and that I would make sure all her needs and wants would be taken care of. My reasoning was that they spent 18+ raising me so it was only just and fair that I help her out in her senior years. She had a problem with her hot water tank last week and I helped to pay for half of it. Any repairs needed around the house I take care of that also. She's 77 years old and wants to stay in her house until she dies.

[SeeBass]

As a kid who grew up in a small town I had to move into the big city with no help from my parents.

I was always jealous of the city born kids who went to college with me and the only difference and change in their lives was that this school didn't take attendance. Dinner and laundry was done and they drove to and from school. I thought they had the world by the balls. They would even have the girl cause they also had the car.

The payback for me was that living on my own meant that there was always a place to party and the girls who lived at home would drop by at all hours.

Pro tip: always have something women love to drink at home

So the moral of the story is: your girlfriend may like the car your parents let you use but when they are up late and partying they come over to my place

[moon]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

so if one was to give their kid everything they ever wanted, how would you help them grow up to not be entitled?

I would say that it is very easy to give kids/people what they want/need while teaching them the value of what is being given to them.

I think that the feeling of entitlement that comes with being given things isn't only in the getting of the money but in how it is given and what is expected afterwards.

Using some examples here paying for school so that a child can have a shot at getting a better job or career that they want seems like a very sound idea if you can afford it. Giving a kid money so he can get drunk and fail out of school probably is a poor idea. Giving kids money to start out a home for themselves/family seems like a good idea, giving them money for their 4th trip to Europe that year while they are unemployed and uniterested in working is terrible.

I know some folks that have been given a lot of help from their parents and have used that opportunity to work hard and make a good life for themselves. Considering the parents could easily afford it why not give the kid the chance to have some more advantages in getting to where they want to be?

I am sure we all know people who weren't given much/anything and yet have no problem thinking they are entitled to everything and anything without doing a damn thing about it.

[V]

I'm actually pretty happy that no one paid for my university degree. I drank my way through the entire undergrad, never went to class, and basically crammed for two weeks during exam week. I probably would have had to answer for that behaviour if someone else was paying the bills.

[theg69]

Just wanted to add my two cents.

Unfortunately, with the professional programs, like medicine and law, it is rare to have someone work their way there through their own means. The path towards these programs is extremely expensive and you need stellar marks to get in (meaning if you needed to work through undergrad, it makes it that much more difficult to do well). That doesn't even put into consideration the number of volunteer hours you should have to be considered a good candidate for medicine (there's only so many hours per week to study, volunteer, and work).

That being said, I have nothing but the utmost respect for people able to become successful within their own means.

My parents fully supported me growing up and paid for whatever tuition in undergrad (although I did have reimbursement with scholarships). I only took a student loan in medical school but they paid for my rent and living expenses because I moved away from home. They also helped me buy my first car in 2nd year university (Honda civic).

I love my oarents dearly and they did whatever they could to help me be successful. I know if I had to work during undergrad, I may not be in the position I am today.

However, I agree that it's a circle, my sister moved up for medical school a year or two ago. My parents bought her a car and she does not pay for anything (she did get a student loan though). I pay for a lot of her living expenses and that is how I am partially repaying my parents.
Now that my parents have retired, I know I will be helping them as they get older such as paying for their vacations and such.

Bottom line is you usually get what you reap in your kids. Invest in them (with the proper teaching of course) and aid them to be successful and they will help take care of you when you are older.

[VO #23]

Originally Posted by theg69

Just wanted to add my two cents.

Unfortunately, with the professional programs, like medicine and law, it is rare to have someone work their way there through their own means. The path towards these programs is extremely expensive and you need stellar marks to get in (meaning if you needed to work through undergrad, it makes it that much more difficult to do well).That doesn't even put into consideration the number of volunteer hours you should have to be considered a good candidate for medicine (there's only so many hours per week to study, volunteer, and work).

That being said, I have nothing but the utmost respect for people able to become successful within their own means.

My parents fully supported me growing up and paid for whatever tuition in undergrad (although I did have reimbursement with scholarships). I only took a student loan in medical school but they paid for my rent and living expenses because I moved away from home. They also helped me buy my first car in 2nd year university (Honda civic).

I love my oarents dearly and they did whatever they could to help me be successful. I know if I had to work during undergrad, I may not be in the position I am today.

However, I agree that it's a circle, my sister moved up for medical school a year or two ago. My parents bought her a car and she does not pay for anything (she did get a student loan though). I pay for a lot of her living expenses and that is how I am partially repaying my parents.
Now that my parents have retired, I know I will be helping them as they get older such as paying for their vacations and such.

Bottom line is you usually get what you reap in your kids. Invest in them (with the proper teaching of course) and aid them to be successful and they will help take care of you when you are older.

This resonates with me a bit. I've just finished law school and am now articling - I feel very grateful that I have a good job where I'm really happy and have lots of opportunity for career advancement. And I paid for law school on my own.

However - my family has been very supportive financially and otherwise throughout 'the journey'. They paid for my tuition and books both for my undergrad degree as well as my very expensive master's degree that I finished before law school. I really could not have made it where I am now without that help at the beginning, because I was able to study hard and achieve a very high GPA in undergrad. I did work through undergrad, but that was to pay for a car, clothing, and other expenses that a young adult has.

I guess the way I looked at it was that my parents were helping me so much by paying my set costs that the best way I could re-pay them was to go to class every day, unless I was legitimately very sick, and participate in class. And that helped me graduate very close to the top of the faculty marks-wise, which opened many doors for me afterwards. Their help and the pressure I put on myself to honour their help was probably the single most important factor in all of it.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by fotze

Why in the holy fata in an age where we need doctors out of our ying yang do we have some arbitrary and stupid volunteering requirement. Would the world end if it was made less horrific for a doctor to become one? Is it some macho hero relic old boys requirement to make it so brutal in school and the first years after?

Basically the number of people who want to be doctors exceeds the spots available by such a large margin that they look for other stuff to pick who gets the spots. To solve the problem, we need to pay for more spots, not arbitrarily lower the admission standards.

[bluejays]

This is a really interesting thread topic. I'm 30, doing alright career-wise in the banking industry (though considering a change), but still live at home. At work there's always that zinger on me that I still live at home (generally from the 45+ co-workers). I don't pay a dime in rent, but I do a ton around the house over the weekends, and help my parents out whenever I can around here. They're always offering to help me out even if I buy some groceries, it's just the way they are. Even growing up, they paid for my first year of university, then I refused to take money from them as they really didn't have much (their retirement fund has always been the appreciation of our home), but they still try to give the shirt off their backs. Even if I'm going out for the night, they're always asking if I need money, which I don't. I know there are a lot of people out there, my coworkers included, who think it's pathetic to be living at home at this age, but it's a different mentality. I've saved up quite a bit of money for a decent downpayment which is why I reside at my parents, and having my parents welcome me to stay as long as I want really has helped for years to come through those savings I've accumulated. I also have friends who moved out at 15, and for the most part they wish they had what I have. Now, the annoying part of staying at home will always be the smaller questions that sometimes come from parents, but that can easily be ignored. When I hear some others talk about how their parents view staying at home after the age of 18, I can't help but think how selfish some of them can be.

[Rathji]

I went back to school at 28, shortly after my dad died.

To facilitate this, I moved back in with my mom for a couple years, since the house was empty except for her. For me, it was mostly for financial reasons as I only paid $400 a month for room and board. For her, it really helped her manage after my dad died and with me living there we essentially renovated the entire home, except the kitchen.

It goes both ways, and even today my mom helps me out with child care and I fix the toilets that her idiot tenants fix with a hot glue gun, instead of bolts.

[d_phaneuf]

Warren Buffet on how much he would give to children

"enough money so that they would feel they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing."

that's the way my parents handled things, and I will do the same. Obviously not in the same situation, and if the means weren't available it's difficult, but I was lucky to be in a situation where any education was attainable with certain requirements attached to it. I feel that it helped me quite a bit not only in getting through school but also learning from a young age.

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by fleury

This is a really interesting thread topic. I'm 30, doing alright career-wise in the banking industry (though considering a change), but still live at home. At work there's always that zinger on me that I still live at home (generally from the 45+ co-workers). I don't pay a dime in rent, but I do a ton around the house over the weekends, and help my parents out whenever I can around here. They're always offering to help me out even if I buy some groceries, it's just the way they are. Even growing up, they paid for my first year of university, then I refused to take money from them as they really didn't have much (their retirement fund has always been the appreciation of our home), but they still try to give the shirt off their backs. Even if I'm going out for the night, they're always asking if I need money, which I don't. I know there are a lot of people out there, my coworkers included, who think it's pathetic to be living at home at this age, but it's a different mentality. My parents have saved up quite a bit of money for a decent downpayment which is why I reside at my parents, and having my parents welcome me to stay as long as I want really has helped for years to come through those savings my parents accumulated. I also have friends who moved out at 15, and for the most part they wish they had what I have. Now, the annoying part of staying at home will always be the smaller questions that sometimes come from parents, but that can easily be ignored. When I hear some others talk about how their parents view staying at home after the age of 18, I can't help but think how selfish some of them can be.

fyp