How to deal with horrible inlaws?

[Bertuzzied]

Originally Posted by chemgear

That seems like a terrible reason to have kids. You live at your parent's place (or they live with you?)

?? i live at my own place. My comics live everywhere though.

[TheGrimm]

Originally Posted by Flash Walken

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Str.../dp/0060507853

LOL, just leave a copy of that on the coffee table the next time they visit, should kickstart some interesting conversation.

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by Flash Walken

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Laws-Str.../dp/0060507853

It's a pretty complex problem, and education is probably a good starting point. I'd also suggest keeping a journal, documenting your inlaw's behaviour.

[Flabbibulin]

Have you considered a half-hearted conversion for the sake of the relationship with your wife's family? Dont drink around them and throw in some jesus talk once in a while at family dinners and all is good... Just hope your father in law doesnt get you to kneel down in front of his congregation and scream "I'VE ABANDONED MY WIFE"...

Besides, whats the worst that can happen- you find out in the afterlife that CP was wrong about the existence of God and you get to laugh your ass off at us as we burn in hell...

[SportsJunky]

Since moving my wife back to her small podunk prairie town so that her and the kids could be around her family more while I'm away for work...the in-laws have been at our house every day. 19 days in a row. This will not continue much longer. Daddy is about to set up some boundaries.

[longsuffering]

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

Tell them you'll have 10 kids and you'll forbid them to see their grand kids. That might help.

Seriously, recommend they talk to their pastor. If he's reasonable, he may advise what they're doing is stupid.

This is a great idea. I think this is the route to go.

The pastor could potentially act as a mediator. Unless he's at crazy as the in-laws, he could steer them away from their bad behaviour.

[Yakbutter]

These type of people can absolutley not be reasoned with. If you give them an inch they will take a mile. Take a stand and don't let these people onto your property or communicate with them in any way.

[puckluck2]

Originally Posted by tenyardrambo

they go to a community church, so I am assuming non denominational

Assuming? You don't know which religion your in laws are? Did you meet this chick and marry her over night?

[Komskies]

Originally Posted by fotze

Uppercut to the MIL's box (cammy one timer knee style). Pretty sure they won't be as concerned about your "drinking" then.

Ahh yes, the squid punch, fabled relative of the falcon punch. I agree, a squid punch would definitely solve this dilemma.

[albertGQ]

I think OP should stop being so beta

[3 Justin 3]

Originally Posted by albertGQ

I think OP should stop being so beta

aware op is a phaggot

I'm with Yakbutter on this one, it is highly likely these are not people will be reasonable. Either get the hell of our there (move away from them), or tell them to outright fata off.

[northcrunk]

She might get more of a backbone once you have kids. But she needs to talk with her parents and sort this out or else there may not be kids becuase you are fed up with all of them. Talk with her and work out a plan for her to confront her parents if she is nervous about it and support her fully (i'm sure you already do). It's going to be more effective coming from her than you, if they still don't get the hint confront them yourself. Make sure you have lots of ammo to shatter their little churchy beliefs and show them to be the hypocrites they are.

[Traditional_Ale]

Hey OP:

If you can look your father in law in the eyes and without fear tell him "this, this, and this needs to stop now, because you are out of line and I will not be disrespected in my home or life by anyone, including you. If there is a problem with this then we can discuss it further away from the women" then I think you'd put him in a right spot.

[malcolmk14]

I want to hear more stories about these in-laws!

But tenyardrambo is nowhere to be found!

[Two Fivenagame]

Some conditions that need to be met ASAP

1) Pic of wife
2) Tickets to the next time the in-laws show up to your home. (I will bring beer)

[Maritime Q-Scout]

Originally Posted by tenyardrambo

I just got married few months ago. The inlaws are from hell.
They are 'pick and choose' religious, which means they will implement their beliefs when they decide, usually(it seems) whenever they talk to myself/wife.
My wife is like a softie and a punching bag for her parents/siblings. I have told my wife if she doesn't want to do anything with them, just stick up for yourself and say NO. She gets bombarded with texts and calls stating she is selfish, controlled, dumb and many other names.
On the weekends, we sometimes have a bbq and drink a few beer. Because the inlaws saw in the recylcing bin a few beer cans, we are all alcoholics and that I am influencing her into 'sin'. That drinking beer is causing my wife to not act her old self. They stated if we dont stop having beer on the weekends they demand to see all our financial information, pay stubs and go to AA. We buy one 15 pack of beer and it lasts 4-5 weeks. My wife had a small bruise on her leg and apparently I beat her up according to my inlaws due to drinking, this then spreads like wildfire and the lies grow from there. I have been called all names in the book for doing nothing, just living a married life.
Occasionally there will be a random knock on the door to see if we are drinking on the weekends.
This family believes in government freebies. Trying to get into the 'disabled' category when there is nothing wrong with them.

I have told them they are being intrusive and it is pissing me off, yet it only ends in argument. Any advice? lol

It sounds to me that someone had an alcoholic in their life and it didn't go well. Do you know your in-laws history with alcoholism? When I say alcoholism I don't mean to imply that they are/were alcoholics but someone close to them may have been.

It would explain the irrational response to a few beer cans in the recycling (which is another issue, glass bottles are way better, not just for beer, pop and juice as well. Don't know why but the taste is far superior).

It would also explain the irrational conclusion that a small bruise equals abuse.

When did the texting or name calling start? Before or after the her can discovery?

What was your relationship like before your marriage? After but before the discovery of beer cans? Were her parents at the wedding? Was their alcohol at the reception (I mean it was a wedding right?).

Essentially I think you need to brainstorm logical reasons as to why your in-laws are reacting how they are. Calling them bat crap crazy doesn't seem to add up as
1) their daughter is presumably normal (hence your desire to marry her)
2) the in-laws didn't deter the marriage, and presumably didn't try to stop it

Come up with scenarios as to why they would rationally act this way (ie: alcoholic family member) then discuss the situation with your wife. Then come up with various options to proceed (ie: the pastor idea, but I don't think you have enough to go to them with).

No matter what you do, you want to find a solution not an ultimatum.

I realize it's easy for me to type this out from across the country not being in your shoes (but I am typing on a touch screen smartphone so it isn't *that* easy). But I hope this pos helps you calmly a d rationally move forward in solving your issues and hopefully allows for a lo g and happy relationship with your in-laws.

But seriously, with very limited info check to see if there are alcoholic family members that became abusive and ruined their lives. Perhaps grandpa didn't handle his experience overseas too well?

[Trailer Fire]

My fiance and I just arrives at the falling out point with my mother. I was very similar to your wife. I'm quite constantly the punching bag for my mom and when Jess would stand up for me, my mom would try to brow beat her too. Here we are 2 years later and I finally had enough and told my mom how stupid and selfish she was being and what she was doing to what was left of her family. Its been just over a week since it all happened and I haven't heard a word from her in any form. It sucks big time but it had to be done. Jess and I have been trying to reason with her for a long time. Finally it was too much hassle.

[tenyardrambo]

Wow to all the responses. Let me answer most questions.

When I was dating my wife, she was very independant when it came to the basics of life. Paying rent to a landlord(who was her supervisor at the time), buying groceries, small time budgeting. Like I mentioned about government entitlements, she somehow slipped into a certain disability category when she was in elementary, now she gets money from the government to supplement her income. I legally had to send in paystubs to the government so they can see how much I was making. When we first got married the government wouldnt allow me to fax them in directly, so I had to give it to my mother in law. That p1ssed me off big time. Now I make enough that the entitlement period is no longer in play. This is another part where the first month of marriage was h3ll with my inlaws, they had to see my income.
I have no idea if they had witnessed someone close who had drinking problems but I know that they do drink wine at home on a weekly basis. Hypocracy? yep!
I have sat down with them and told them to mind their business in a nice way but the stuff that is said behind my back is quite frustrating. From being a 'drunk', controlling, manipulative, obsessive.
I am showing my wife how to say no and mean it. Instead of giving in. If she sticks up for herself, she is being told by her family that I am controlling her. Whenever someone wants something to be done with/by my wife, it needs to be NOW, drop whatever she is doing and assist.
Most of the above posts are right, she needs to stop being very emotionally attached and live her life, I cant control it(irony) its up to her.
I have told my inlaws a few times that our life is ours and we need no middleman. The mother in law always says 'yes you do'. Thats when I leave.
I tried being nice, I have nipped at them but it is coming close to a lose lose situation.
Another problem is my mother in law will always try to isolate my wife from me, going out to lunch or coffee. She asks my wife the oddest questions about if I have been talking about moving outside of Calgary? I made a joke once when they were showing how much housing prices costs in the States and said 'hey lets move there! big house costs the same as our average sized house here in Calgary.' That leaked out and next 'family' function, I was accused of trying to separate everyone by that moving to the states comment.
The end result is that I cant talk, communicate with my inlaws without them b1itching about something.
I tried being the peacemaker but now I am on my last string.

[MrMastodonFarm]

Originally Posted by tenyardrambo

I tried being the peacemaker but now I am on my last string.

Last step, murder.

[Fluffy Bunnies]

These are poisonous people OP. You and your wife need to kick these hypocritical deadbeats to the curb. Tell your wife to grow a goddamned spine. You need to start acting like the Alpha, not the pushover Beta Male. These people arent going to change, and you and your wife know it.

Tell your wife this: just because you are related to them and share their blood doesnt make them good people.

A friend of mine had to learn this prolonged and painful lesson himself with ####ty parents that commited financial fraud on him. It took his wife threatening to leave with his 3 kids before he saw the light and did what needed to be done.

You know this is only the start of a lifetime of hell right? They will only get worse.

Tell your wife to cut the deadweight out. You both will live longer and happier.