Another tragic bullying story

[DoNotCompute]

People bully other adults all the time with blackmail, extortion, threat of law suits, and just plain intimidation.

Unfortunately you cannot go to the principal or teacher when you are 30 years old! Or the police.

Bullying is perfectly legal. Yet wrong.

Blackmail, extortion, and intimidation are all illegal. Bullying is considered harassment, which is also illegal. The number of harassment cases going to court over childhood bullying is constantly increasing. Hopefully these sorts of proceedings are applied in this case; the children responsible need to pay for what they did to this poor girl.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by Devils'Advocate

I don't think parents are any more or less functional than they were in the past. My family history is a line of alcoholic, abusive fathers that showed little love for their sons and daughters. On both sides. saying today's parents are worse than parents in the past is wrong... There has always been an abundance of horrible, horrible parents. But I think what has been introduced is technology that even the responsible parent has trouble dealing with, much less the chaos that ensues from kids with irresponsible parents.

I agree with the majority of what you said and I thank you for sharing your obviously very personal story. I was bullied for being heavy in school too, certainly not even close to the degree as you were and I would be hard pressed to say what I went through was actually "bullying". But my original point with the parents was more an idea of switching targets versus parents are worse now than they were.

I think the focus should be bombardment of terrible for the BULLIES. For example instead of running an add showing a kid being bullied and focusing on what constitutes BEING bullied they should be focusing adds on the bullies themselves. Are you a bully? Do you act like this? And what ensues is an onslaught of guilt of how this type of behaviour effects those targeted. You wouldn't get the sociopaths who are going to act that way regardless but you might catch a few who don't really realize the impact of even something minor like simply calling a person fat, or anything that is an attack on them personally.

[vektor]

Someone should find that guy who was doing this #### to her in the first place. People telling her to kill herself, I say that gets 10 years in prison at least. Knowingly kicking someone when they are down, suffering from anxiety and depression deserves punishment.

[Ducay]

I still cannot mentally understand those that commit suicide over things like this. Doing it over unbearable pain/illness I can get to, but stuff like this, I just don't mentally get how they can justify it.

I've always lived by the belief that if I were in a situation that was [B]that[B] bad, I would just up and leave; live a life of a vagabond, maybe make my way to some deserted island, etc. You only get one crack at life, why give up over the internet?

[valo403]

Originally Posted by Ducay

I still cannot mentally understand those that commit suicide over things like this. Doing it over unbearable pain/illness I can get to, but stuff like this, I just don't mentally get how they can justify it.

I've always lived by the belief that if I were in a situation that was [B]that[B] bad, I would just up and leave; live a life of a vagabond, maybe make my way to some deserted island, etc. You only get one crack at life, why give up over the internet?

Do you think she was feeling full of rainbows and unicorns?

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Devils'Advocate

. When the tipping point comes where the kid that normally wouldn't bully someone sees the critical mass coming down on someone, so to fit in, they join in on the torturous behaviour.

This is why I have drilled into my kids that they must stand up to bullys, whether it is them getting bullied, a friend or some kid they don't know.

Many bullys are cowards, when faced with more than one face they will often back down.

I hope your life has turned out well, and all the best.

[Ducay]

Originally Posted by valo403

Do you think she was feeling full of rainbows and unicorns?

Don't doubt that, but c'mon, kid lives in Vancouver and has internet access, life can't be that rough. I know about a billion people who would gladly trade places with her just to be in Canada and have access to school and a roof overhead.
Move out east, stop using the internet, quit going to school and build a teepee all day, go plant trees, there are about a million options to get away from it that are better than the decision she made.

Don't get me wrong, things were obviously bad enough that she did this, but I just don't get how someone can see that as the only option.

[burn_this_city]

I didn't realize 15 year olds had the freedom to just get away. You'd think her parents might have something to say about her just up and leaving.

Plus, kids get sucked into the mentality that they'll never escape their situation. Which is the furthest thing from the truth.

[The Yen Man]

Originally Posted by Ducay

Don't doubt that, but c'mon, kid lives in Vancouver and has internet access, life can't be that rough. I know about a billion people who would gladly trade places with her just to be in Canada and have access to school and a roof overhead.
Move out east, stop using the internet, quit going to school and build a teepee all day, go plant trees, there are about a million options to get away from it that are better than the decision she made.

Don't get me wrong, things were obviously bad enough that she did this, but I just don't get how someone can see that as the only option.

You're looking at it from the perspective of an adult vs. a 15 year old kid. It's always easy as an adult to look back and think of how you would do things differently as a kid or a teen if you had your mentality now.

Plus, depression affects people differently. I don't understand how people suffering from depression can contemplate suicide, but that's because I've never had depression.

[SilverGS]

Originally Posted by Ducay

I still cannot mentally understand those that commit suicide over things like this. Doing it over unbearable pain/illness I can get to, but stuff like this, I just don't mentally get how they can justify it.

I've always lived by the belief that if I were in a situation that was [B]that[B] bad, I would just up and leave; live a life of a vagabond, maybe make my way to some deserted island, etc. You only get one crack at life, why give up over the internet?

She was ill. Depression is no minor thing.

She was 15 where is she going to pick up and leave. Her parent's did seem to try and get her away by moving to another city and attend other schools but didn't seem to do enough to get her away from the internet.

[Kybosh]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

This is why I have drilled into my kids that they must stand up to bullys, whether it is them getting bullied, a friend or some kid they don't know.

Many bullys are cowards, when faced with more than one face they will often back down.

I hope your life has turned out well, and all the best.

I agree that standing up for yourself is so incredibly important, but how do you stand up to an online assault from many different people (likely some known to her and some not)? I really have no idea. Think about the sh*t that 4chan and other internet sites have done all while being more or less anonymous.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by valo403

I think there's a pretty big difference between going after a persons view on a certain topic and going after a person.

I am not sure it is bullying but some posters have a tendency to be rude and insulting to other members, even going so far as to follow it up with private messages which is pretty lame. I am not going to name anybody though.

[HPLovecraft]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I am not sure it is bullying but some posters have a tendency to be rude and insulting to other members, even going so far as to follow it up with private messages which is pretty lame. I am not going to name anybody though.

People that follow a disagreement up on CP with a private message are kind of weird and creepy.

[HPLovecraft]

Originally Posted by Ducay

I still cannot mentally understand those that commit suicide over things like this. Doing it over unbearable pain/illness I can get to, but stuff like this, I just don't mentally get how they can justify it.

I've always lived by the belief that if I were in a situation that was [B]that[B] bad, I would just up and leave; live a life of a vagabond, maybe make my way to some deserted island, etc. You only get one crack at life, why give up over the internet?

I'm assuming you've never suffered from actual depression? Unbearable pain is probably the best way to describe the way you feel. Besides, it's not as if depression is a disease that enhances your rational decision making processes. A depressed person doesn't think the way a non-depressed individual does.

[Devils'Advocate]

This "stand up to the bully" thing is an easy way to blame the victim. Usually it's not one person against one person... It's a gang of people. Secondly, bullies usually go after the weakest person they can find. Someone smaller, and weaker. When taunted into fighting a bully I ended up with a black eye and busted nose.. But worse, he knew he could beat the crap out of me since I didn't know the first thing about fighting, especially fighting someone fitter and stronger than I. Thing was that Ron knew not to throw the first punch because that was always the first question the teacher would ask, so as long as I didn't start the fight I would not get the crap beat out of me. But that left him with free reign to call me lardass, take my lunch and step on it saying "you don't need to eat that", or grab my hat and toss it down the corridor say "I'm doing you a favour... Making you get some exercise". He was HOPING I would throw a bunch because then he could break my nose again and say it was self-defence.

I think the whole "bullied kids need to stand up for themselves" is blaming the victim. There are kids who just don't have the physical prowess to defend themselves.

[Diverce]

Originally Posted by Ducay

Don't doubt that, but c'mon, kid lives in Vancouver and has internet access, life can't be that rough. I know about a billion people who would gladly trade places with her just to be in Canada and have access to school and a roof overhead.
Move out east, stop using the internet, quit going to school and build a teepee all day, go plant trees, there are about a million options to get away from it that are better than the decision she made.

Don't get me wrong, things were obviously bad enough that she did this, but I just don't get how someone can see that as the only option.

You can't compare one person's struggle to another. Fact is no one knows what one person is struggling with. What may seem frivolous to one, seems like the end of the world to another. It's easy to say, she could've done this or that, but to her, she was stuck, and things got so bad for her that it was her only option. It is sad, and my thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family.

And being someone who was bullied as a kid, and suffered severe depression as an adult, and still have episodes, suicide does look like the only option. I can't count the times during my lowest moments that I thought about it, and I'm forever grateful that I had someone to talk to and that helped me through it. A kid however. There life is now, it's all they see, it's all they know, and when it becomes unbearable for them it does seem like their only option cause they really don't know what else to do. They don't understand that there is help out there for them.

Even I found it hard to ask for help. As a kid you don't fathom that people will help you, you feel almost like the world is against you, and as an adult, people assume it as a sign of weakness.

It's like quicksand. One thing happens and you get stuck, another thing happens and you struggle to move, and you get deeper, you sink more and more, and the more you struggle with it the harder it is to get out till you get so overwhelmed that your in over your head. It's tough, being someone that has been there, and at that tipping point asking for help is one of hardest things to do.

I'm all for the anti bullying campaigns that come up, but I think WAAYYY more should be put into helping these kids. Focus more on the mental health and well being of these kids, and doing more to police social media and more or less taking things more seriously. How to do that, I wish I knew.

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I think parents should put an age limit, and strictly monitor and enforce, certain types of internet use by their children, e.g. something like 15 or 16 for facebook, etc. Even when their children start facebook, I think parents should be aware at what's being posted.

Computers are so pervasive this is impossible.

And that gets down to the more fundamental issue, which is this kid was not equipped, AT ALL, to make the right decisions when confronted with what was essentially a sexual predator. The entire thing could just as easily have played out in the playground.

This isn't a story or an issue about "cyber" anything.

[HPLovecraft]

Originally Posted by sclitheroe

Computers are so pervasive this is impossible.

And that gets down to the more fundamental issue, which is this kid was not equipped, AT ALL, to make the right decisions when confronted with what was essentially a sexual predator. The entire thing could just as easily have played out in the playground.

This isn't a story or an issue about "cyber" anything.

It seems she was hounded on social media for years by her bullies, even when moving to different schools.

I would say it's most definitely an issue about "cyber" something. The guy had her picture on Facebook for hundreds to see. How could the equivalent of that possibly been done on a playground?

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Ducay

I still cannot mentally understand those that commit suicide over things like this. Doing it over unbearable pain/illness I can get to, but stuff like this, I just don't mentally get how they can justify it.

I've always lived by the belief that if I were in a situation that was [B]that[B] bad, I would just up and leave; live a life of a vagabond, maybe make my way to some deserted island, etc. You only get one crack at life, why give up over the internet?

Words have meaning and sometimes can really hurt. When it's over a long period of time and from a large group of people, you start to believe in what they are saying is true. Self esteem and self worth go out the window and severe depression sets in. The emotional pain becomes too much to handle and suicide is sometimes viewed as the only way out. Death is welcomed as it will bring an end to all the pain.

The above being said, I can appreciate what happened to this young gal as I was bullied during my primary school years. I got it pretty bad and it was also during a time when the schools didn't give a damn. Changing schools doesn't always help either as most schools are dealing with similar problems

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by HPLovecraft

It seems she was hounded on social media for years by her bullies, even when moving to different schools.

I would say it's most definitely an issue about "cyber" something. The guy had her picture on Facebook for hundreds to see. How could the equivalent of that possibly been done on a playground?

Nah, the creep would have stalked and bullied via other means like snail mail, posters, pictures hung in public places she frequented.

This is not a new problem, nor one unique to online social media.