There was a cracked article a little while back that addressed this question and I thought the guy had a pretty good answer.
He mentions the balance in life between depending on other people and having other people depend on you (using the metaphor of 'taps' and 'buckets').
It really got me thinking about whether I am more of a tap (no) or a bucket (yes), which made me depressed for a moment before becoming a source of motivation to get to a place where there are fewer areas where I require the help of others and more where I can be a resource for others.
This past summer was a bit of a transition for me, as for the first time in my life, when there was a discussion among some friends about needing money and having trouble finding work, I was actually in the position of being able to hire someone. And I was happy to do so. The idea of future recompense never entered my mind.
It seems that there are a lot of downsides to adulthood (especially after reading this thread), but there are some great things about it too.
I was about 30 when I had a profound spiritual experience. You can say 'so what' but for me I finally felt somewhat in charge of my life. I made up my own mind about what I wanted, and what I didn't want I eliminated and felt better for it. I guess I truly started to think for myself instead of being influenced by my friends, by my parents and family and by all the garbage I'd picked up in those 30 years. It wasn't a complete change at 30 as I continued to change and grow but it was at that time I was shown the tools to enjoy my life as before that I didn't see much point in it.
Later I got married, raised a family, bought a house etc. so that others probably thought I was grown up but the thing is what others think isn't what's important, it's what I feel and think. Now my children are adults and I don't have many responsibilities, so I guess in some eyes I'm not grown up anymore.
One thing I've always done is try to stay current with the attitudes of the current generation but I've now given up. I can't relate to hip hop or rap music at all and I now feel I've entered the same mind space of the old people when I was young. I like coming to this site, besides the hockey it helps keep me current and I'm often right clicking a new word or phrase and searching google so I know what the hell someone is talking about.
I am ok with the hip hop, I get huge pleasure casually mentioning to my 15 year old foster kids, 'oh Biggie ripped that whole bass line off Mtume' or InDeep or the like, I am always appaled by the fact that most kids actually think these idiots actually wrote and played on the songs.
What gets me is looking at the supermarket tabloids and not only not recognising but having absoloutly no clue who the hell any of the people on them are, my daughter tells me 'she's a teen mum, or he's on Jersey Shores' I don't have a clue.
What gets me is looking at the supermarket tabloids and not only not recognising but having absoloutly no clue who the hell any of the people on them are, my daughter tells me 'she's a teen mum, or he's on Jersey Shores' I don't have a clue.
That doesn't mean your old - it means you have better things to do with your life than worry about some random pop star that has zero meaningful importance to society.
Ever since my teens I've thought that growing up doesn't stop until you're dead or demented. (I actually heard that from a friend of mine, but I thought it was pretty much dead on.)
Personally, I've always had trouble doing things in the normal order, both in the small scale and apparently in long timescales too.
I've felt like an adult since I was about 18. I was old when I was divorced, balding and miserable, which was at 22. I became a full grown adult five years after that when I had my kid, and now I've fit in well with the other youngsters at the university, who are ~10 years younger than me.
To reiterate, it's basicly been young adult -> old -> adult -> young.
I am ok with the hip hop, I get huge pleasure casually mentioning to my 15 year old foster kids, 'oh Biggie ripped that whole bass line off Mtume' or InDeep or the like, I am always appaled by the fact that most kids actually think these idiots actually wrote and played on the songs.
What gets me is looking at the supermarket tabloids and not only not recognising but having absoloutly no clue who the hell any of the people on them are, my daughter tells me 'she's a teen mum, or he's on Jersey Shores' I don't have a clue.
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Not to sound like a liberal ######, but this post comes off like it was written in the 1950's. Society has seen massive change in the last 15 years, and this idea that you need to follow the path of "career development" to be successful is a relic of a time where your role as a man was to enter the workforce with a 9 to 5 office job as soon as possible and raise a family.
Going off on a bit of a tangent here, but why exactly is it wrong to enjoy video games and cartoons well into your adult years? Life is short, so why should we spend the better part of it worrying about work and money and what society tells us our priorities should be? It's almost as if people derive some sense of pride from being able to say they're too busy for the things they love.
It depends on what each person wants to get out of life. For me, I eventually realized that work was the one place that I was going to end up spending most of my life at, whether I liked it or not. It's just a fact of life so I am determined to find something that I won't hate for the rest of life and something that is as fulfilling as the other things in life such as entertainment, pleasure, relaxation, hobbies, etc. All the other things only feel like diversions to me, things that I am wasting my time on when I only have one life to live and I'd rather it be more meaningful than myself looking forward to 5:00, or the weekend, or holidays, etc. like I see people doing everywhere else.
I am of the complete opposite opinion of what you are describing. I want everything but the traditional life. Family would be nice but is optional. The standard 9-5 and working for the weekend would be an awful life for me. I've just lost interest in most forms of modern entertainment. but that's just me having very narrowly defined tastes and not liking anything people are putting out.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a sense of pride about being too busy to have time for the things they love because that dichotomy is what makes the little time you have with those things even more precious and rewarding.
Last edited by Hack&Lube; 11-13-2011 at 01:42 PM.
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It's funny looking back to my early teens and remembering how much I looked forward to being 21 years old. I was convinced for many years that that was the age at which every person figured out life.
When I turned 21 I was terribly disappointed!
Having long passed that milestone and not lived my life by the normal "model" - married early 20's, house, white picket fence, golfing buddies at 30, etc. - I've only recently come to realize that my life is great and I am truly happy and can continue my ways as I see fit. I know so many people that seemed to live their life the way they thought it should be lived and are now my age and miserable!
Location: A simple man leading a complicated life....
Exp:
Growing up and into my 20 and 30's I thught I was invincible and would live to a ripe old age. I was also pretty much a scrooge with my money - something I inherited from Dad. My brother once made a comment about Dad being tighter than a bark on a tree when it came to money. Yup! That was me alright. I didn't take vacations and would drive my vehicles long past their due date. Most of what I earned went into investments and my retirement fund. The goal was to be able to have a happy retirement.
Then comes the year 2000. My father had been retired for a few years and both mother and Dad were starting to enjoy the retired life. He was in excellent heath and felt he had many good years ahead of him. Out of the blue Cancer shows up in March and he's dead in 6 months. It's like being hit by the freight train you never saw coming.
I have to admit that his death scared the hell out of me. The invincibility I had always felt went out the window. I guess in some ways it was a life changing moment for me. We don't live forever and if you're not enjoying life to it's fullest you'd better get started. Most of all don't take life, friends and most of all family for granted. That was the message that kept going through my head after the funeral.
My life today is totaly different than what it was back then and that scrooge in me is pretty much gone. I would like to think that someday when i'm on my death bed that i'll be able to say that I lived life to it's fullest and have no regrets.
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On one hand I have completed University, started advancing my career. Have an office Job and wear dress clothes every day. Have a condo, responsibilities, a dog etc etc.
On the other hand I still love video games, partying on weekends, being irresponsible, sleeping in to 1, not shaving for 3 days at a time at work and ordering pizza at 2 AM while staying awake as long as I can on weekends.
I've noticed that places like clubs don't appeal to me anymore though. I find kids in the 18-22 range to generally be intolerable. I sympathize with my parents more and understand that sometimes you have to make choices.
I think I am growing up, but I don't think I'm an adult yet.
This is a tough one. I never really felt grown up till just recently. I've lived on my own since 18, been married, now separated with a child and now that I am 32 and having so many financial obligations I tend to feel more grown up because I have no choice but to work alot to pay for those obligations. When I don't work I don't really have much time to myself. Those days are usually spent with my son. So I guess I started to feel old about 6 months ago.
I' guess another thing I've been away from the bar scene for so long that when I do manage time to go out with friends and meet some of the younger ladies, I have absolutley nothing in common with them. I guess as a grown up I pretend to care about what they say because it is the right thing to do.
I am 34, have a great career that started when I was still in University, going on 14 years in the same industry, have progressed nicely. I have been married for 6 + years, have a 4 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. I make good money, own a home a car, a van, lots of toys (though there is room for more).
I have moments where I feel like a "grown-up" when one of my kids does something awesome, but for the most part I feel the same as I always did. The "grown-up" moments catch me off guard as I start to think, "when did this all happen?"
I feel old sometimes, but that ismostly because I am not in the best shape I have ever been in (something that will be remedied shortly).
I know that I am a grown up, but I feel like I am still just a kid, I still do most of the same things I always did, just differently I suppose. No more going to the bar, then out for eats, then to an after party. Instead, a couple friends over for dinner/drinks, in bed before, or as, the bars close.
I still play video games, but no marathon 6 hours sessions with a buddy playing two playoff series in a night etc.
Grown up the day our first child was born. Up until then I really didn't have to. This song kinda sums it up for me and came out right around the same time.
Yellowcard : Life of a Salesman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dtcYOACkHY
As soon as you have others watching you as an example you tend to at least "act" more "grown up"
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The day that my viewpoints went from Liberal, to conservative was one. I can literally remember the earth shaking as I slide across the political spectrum
The first time I refused a bar fight
The first time that I left a bar early because I had to get to work the next morning
The first time that I literally crapped my pants because I was going to be late for work
The first time that I had to do a budget, I knew I was grown up.
the first time that I did up a will I knew I was grown up.
Sadly the first time I turned down sex because in the long run it would destroy the friendship.
The first time I decided not to have bacon and eggs for breakfast and make some oatmeal.
The first time that I grumbled about the teenagers that were neighbors playing their music too loud.
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My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
I’ve wrestled with this question for most of my adult life – when I was 18 the world was my oyster, my friends and I would go out nearly every weekend and be your typical young adult, spending times in nasty night clubs, chasing girls, and drinking way too much. Needless to say it didn’t take long for me to become disillusioned by the whole thing, by the time I was 20 I just felt empty and unfulfilled. So I did a 180, decided it was time to “grow up” and got very stoic and serious about life, I started to look down and resent the people who were living my former life, thinking that they all just had a meaningless existence. In a way this was a good thing for me, my grades improved a great deal, I got a lot more clarity about what I wanted from my life, but I still didn’t feel that fullness I was after.
Fast forward to today, I’m graduated university, back in Calgary, and am working very hard at a job I love. I’ll be making some big decisions in the next year (buying a condo, a car, etc) and feel that I have a healthy balance between serious and fun, I’m more fulfilled now than I ever was in either of those situations. I don’t feel totally grown up yet, but I think I’m getting there.
