Anyone here in their 30's and still single? But want marriage?

[Byrns]

Rule #1: Don't set a date for when you expect to be married. Let it happen when it happens.

I got married at 35

[bubbsy]

meh, 30s the new 20. You'll be fine, just don't rush into something.

[MoneyGuy]

Getting married because you think you should could be the biggest mistake of your life.

[koop]

I've never understood wanting to get married by a certain age, or just saying you'd like to get married in some general sense without any clue of who that person would be. To me it would be like asking someone if they'd like to trade in their car for a different one... how do you answer that without knowing what kind of car you'd be trading in for? What if it's a crappy, rusted, POS that's never going to run?

It seems like some people concentrate more than they should on things that get associated with marriage like kids, settling down, etc. even though these things actually have nothing to do with marriage, at least IMO. Really the only thing that matters at all with marriage is the person you're marrying.

[Cluelessboy]

Originally Posted by Flashpoint

I think I see the problem.

No, really. If that is your attitude when you are out dating, you're going to have problems. You're going to get out of dating, whatever emotions and attitudes you're willing to invest into it.

And ask yourself honestly - do you really believe there aren't a plethora of women in Calgary who are good, honest, caring women looking for companionship? Far more numerous then there are "gold diggers"?

You need to put yourself out there, and expect you're going to get back exactly what you give out.

Setting a "goal" of being married by 30 seems pretty short sighted to me. You should have a goal of being married when you meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, not on some pre-determined timeline.

(Unless you want your wife to have 9 kids before she's too old or something).

I used E-harmony, and met my wife when I was 34. She was 37. We've gotten along like a house on fire ever since. There was no secret to it. We just needed to meet, and be honest and open with each other.

So, no, you don't need to worry that you aren't married yet. I can guarantee there is a perfect woman for you out there looking just as hard for you as you are for her.

Make sure you're in the right mindset on the day you meet her!

I know there are good women in this city looking for campanionship but i just havent come across any. The ones who I meet who are nice and real are either married or in a relationship - figures.

Ive tried eharmony for a year about a year ago and it was a complete waste of time and money for me. Wasted at least a couple hundred dollars on it. I never got any solid connections out of it. Ran into a lot of girls with serious issues or from what ive found, they just were on it to play the field and werent serious. But its great that it worked for you!

Ive also tried lavalife and plentyoffish in the past and same thing. POF to me is a garbage site, i discontinued my membership years ago. Nothing but flakes and superficial pre-madonnas on there.

Originally Posted by taco.vidal

An obvious problem is that when you get into your 30s theres less single women in your immediate age range. You can always date younger but that may mean trying to find women outside of your normal social circle since most people have friends within a close range of their own age. Finding a 30+ single woman without baggage (kids, divorce, psycho ex-husband, overall whack job) isn't easy.

Thats exactly it! Its much harder to find women in your age range when in your 30s. I want one who has a career, wants to have kids and get married eventually. One who is NOT into clubs and getting high. Thats why i prefer 25 and up. ive dated the young girls in the past and Ive learned theres just too many differences in a girls mindset in her late teens-early 20s to a girl in her late 20s-mid 30s. Young girls just dont have the life experiences and perception that older ones do due to their lack of experience and familiarity. Besides young girls arent looking for marriage, they want to play the dating game, go party and go to college. They want to have fun in life and the last thing on their mind is wanting to settle down with someone. Also a guy dating a much younger girl will always give a bad impression to others. others will look down on you and question why youre dating a girl so young.

Originally Posted by MoneyGuy

Clueless boy, are you wealthy? Serious question.

Not at all. But it seems I have a lot of toys that women like - nice car, nice clothes, nice electronics (tvs, computer, etc).

[CaramonLS]

Are you decent looking?

Not going to lie, but that is going to be one of your biggest obstacles to meeting women. We live in a superficial world, and you've got to play the game.

Attitude as well - I mean if the first thing you say to a woman is something along the lines of "you're not the first person I've met online, had a lot of bad experiences, etc", you've already lost her.

Most women want someone who is POSITIVE around them. So don't overwhelm them with negativity or your "woe is me" stories.

Yep there are bad apples out there, but there are some good ones too.

I'm single and I'm 29 and been that way for a bit, but I'm trying to approach it with a good attitude, I've dated attractive women and it hasn't worked out for whatever reason. Eventually there will be someone you can connect with.

[RedCoffee]

Originally Posted by hkstylez

29 also in a few months and still single, if I don't find one before I am 30, my grandparents are probably or will be going to find me one somewhere in China. *Shudders*. haha.

What's wrong with a girl from China? Tell them to find me one too.

[MoneyGuy]

Originally Posted by Cluelessboy

Not at all. But it seems I have a lot of toys that women like - nice car, nice clothes, nice electronics (tvs, computer, etc).

They can't be gold diggers then if there is no gold. Idiots, maybe.

[Ashartus]

Originally Posted by koop

I've never understood wanting to get married by a certain age, or just saying you'd like to get married in some general sense without any clue of who that person would be. To me it would be like asking someone if they'd like to trade in their car for a different one... how do you answer that without knowing what kind of car you'd be trading in for? What if it's a crappy, rusted, POS that's never going to run?

It seems like some people concentrate more than they should on things that get associated with marriage like kids, settling down, etc. even though these things actually have nothing to do with marriage, at least IMO. Really the only thing that matters at all with marriage is the person you're marrying.

The one part where age comes into play is kids - I can understand that if you want to have kids you might set an age limit on doing so, since having kids at a later age increases the risk of several health conditions (not to mention the problems with feeding/educating teenagers when you're retired and don't have much income). Strictly speaking marriage and having kids are two different things, but they are associated.

I didn't meet my wife until I was in my 30's though, and honestly I don't think I would've been really ready for it much earlier than that. Once you're at that stage of life you have a better idea what you really want out of life than when you're 18. You just have to think about what you are really looking for, and what is really important to you. Also realize that no one is perfect - instead of seeking perfection ask yourself if you could live with a potential spouse on a day-to-day basis and be happy, and whether your long-term goals in life are mutually compatible. Finally, you can't just sit back and expect potential spouses to come to you; you need to go out looking, whether it be joining clubs where you meet singles socially, using internet dating sites, or whatever.

[vtec260]

After university, paid off all my debt after working 1.5 years, took 6 months off work to travel and find out what else is out there in the world. Met my wife over-seas (not China, not that there is anything wrong with that) and got married after 2 years of long distance relationship at ripe age of 26. Did I expect that? Nope. Things happened when I wasn't expecting and let the things roll. I had no plan to get married at 26 or finding someone over-seas. Had 2 kids by 31 and have been married for 14 years now.

From seeing my friends single in their 30's and trouble finding the "right" person, I can see how OP can be stressed. Even when I was in my 20's, most decent girls where either: "pre-med" or "pre-dental" or "pre-wed"(ie. engaged). Glad to have had kids when we were younger....they will leave the nest sooner, too.

[Bunk]

I find that men who are down on marriage usually have a pretty crappy marriage/partner or have witnessed stressed relationships. Marriage is great if your partner is great and you are truly a match for each other. It's as simple as that.

I've also been similarly puzzled by this idea that marriage is such "work" - again I don't think it really is if you have the right partner. It's just like if you don't have a great job - it really seems like work, but if you truly love what you're doing, it rarely feels like work. Maybe I'm just one of a very lucky few though. I was engaged at a young age with someone, and it was constant work, frequent friction - we split up after 5 years of being together and it was the best decision I ever made. In the end, we just weren't compatable. Now I'm in a great marriage with someone who is perfect for me.

[macker]

Married by 26 and last child born by 31. Based on the amount of energy required with having a young family I am not sure I would want to do this in my 40's. I think you need to have a goal in mind when it comes to these types of things or else you may just float along and lose track of time and never get down to business. Once in your 40's I can see where the decision to not have a family becomes a lot easier. Then again McCartney is married again at 69 and old farts like Letterman and Larry King have kids beyond the normal age zones so they are more like grandparents to their children. There really is no normal timeframe anymore but still a reasonable timeframe.

[saillias]

Originally Posted by Cluelessboy

Ive tried eharmony for a year about a year ago and it was a complete waste of time and money for me. Wasted at least a couple hundred dollars on it. I never got any solid connections out of it. Ran into a lot of girls with serious issues or from what ive found, they just were on it to play the field and werent serious. But its great that it worked for you!

Ive also tried lavalife and plentyoffish in the past and same thing. POF to me is a garbage site, i discontinued my membership years ago. Nothing but flakes and superficial pre-madonnas on there.

Have you tried OkCupid? That seems to be the most popular one, (maybe not in Calgary though.)

I'm too jaded about marriage. I just associate it with divorce, giving a woman your house, monthly payments and visitation rights.

[REDVAN]

If you can't find a girl online, you're doing it wrong. I see you've (the OP's) been patient, but seriously... there are a lot of great girls out there if you know what you're looking for.

I've found my current and one previous gf online- this time from eharmony and it's the best relationship I've ever had. The previous was from POF, and while it didn't work out in the end, that wasn't because of the venue with which we met. I've found the quality of girls online is better- I dated offline too, but the connection and similarities were much harder to find.

If you are attracting gold diggers, that's on you- not them. You're never going to find someone if you don't know what you're looking for. It seems like you just don't want a gold digger. But what do you want? Who do you want to be with?

If there's anything I've learned through my relationships, it's that EVERYTHING is on you. If you're unhappy, it's not the other person's fault. If they are stepping on you, it's because you're letting them. If they aren't spending enough time with you, it's because you don't ask for it. If you keep finding trashy girls, maybe that's the type you're attracting. That's not their fault. Stick with someone who deserves you, be picky, but don't find trivial reasons to get rid of someone worthwhile.

So if you are really worried about the lack of good choices out there, and keep attracting the wrong type: change your self, change your outlook. You will find who you are looking for when the time comes. Don't rush your life, but don't close yourself to the possibility either.

[Dion]

You’re lucky you don’t approach women in bars, man. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says: “Most girls go to bars to drink for free off of strangers and have their egos stroked, then they go home to their boyfriends who are completely oblivious.” So, you do have some hope, my friend. Stay out of those bars.

You’re absolutely right that there should be no hurry for marriage and kids, but the problem here is that you have no selection process for finding the right girl. You don’t know how to read women quickly, Tyrus, and that’s where I come in. Because after truly grasping my techniques, you’ll be able to do just that: You’ll be able to read women quickly, which is what I’m all about. You’ll be able to see the danger signs and red flags immediately, which means you won’t waste time hanging around and being miserable like you were.

Texting is just a waste of time, pal. You should be asking these girls out and using the techniques in my book on them instead of spinning your wheels. Then your situation would be different and you wouldn’t be caught in this vicious cycle you’re marooned in.

http://ca.askmen.com/dating/doclove_...ip_expert.html

[Muta]

I'm 28, recently single, and that's okay. Usually takes a good 2-3 months to get over it. Half my friends are now married or in the process of doing so. I don't really care, as long as my friends are happy that's what counts.

Oh yeah, and the marriage in your 20's thing is a regional thing. You want to meet alot of single women in their 30's, and you're in your 30's? Go to a city that's a bit more 'urban' than what you'd find in Alberta. Go to New York, San Francisco, Toronto... lots of girls there that focus on their careers in their 20's and then do the relationship thing in their 30's. Here in Calgary, it seems people tend to get married alot younger than other places. While this sucks, I've come to accept it. It is what it is, and you just deal with it.

Oh yeah, and I'd never do those dating sites. I just gather the confidence to approach women in person. Sure you get rejected, but I guarantee you that you don't ALWAYS get rejected - it only takes one to be receptive. Case in point - I'm planning on walking into the dental clinic across my office sometime this week and asking the cute hygenist out that I've made some eye contact with recently. Do I care if she's not interested or if she's in a relationship / married? No. I'm fully prepared to get rejected. But you'll never know if you don't try.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Muta

I'm 28, recently single, and that's okay. Usually takes a good 2-3 months to get over it. Half my friends are now married or in the process of doing so. I don't really care, as long as my friends are happy that's what counts.

Oh yeah, and the marriage in your 20's thing is a regional thing. You want to meet alot of single women in their 30's, and you're in your 30's? Go to a city that's a bit more 'urban' than what you'd find in Alberta. Go to New York, San Francisco, Toronto... lots of girls there that focus on their careers in their 20's and then do the relationship thing in their 30's. Here in Calgary, it seems people tend to get married alot younger than other places. While this sucks, I've come to accept it. It is what it is, and you just deal with it.

Oh yeah, and I'd never do those dating sites. I just gather the confidence to approach women in person. Sure you get rejected, but I guarantee you that you don't ALWAYS get rejected - it only takes one to be receptive. Case in point - I'm planning on walking into the dental clinic across my office sometime this week and asking the cute hygenist out that I've made some eye contact with recently. Do I care if she's not interested or if she's in a relationship / married? No. I'm fully prepared to get rejected. But you'll never know if you don't try.

My best friend found his partner for life through a dating (Lava Life) site. She's a nurse at the Tom Baker Cancer Clinic and they are a perfect couple. They travel all over the world and are living the youth they wished they lived earlier. They both said it was great way to meet someone from the opposite sex, and an alternative to the bar scene.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by Dion

My best friend found his partner for life through a dating (Lava Life) site. She's a nurse at the Tom Baker Cancer Clinic and they are a perfect couple. They travel all over the world and are living the youth they wished they lived earlier. They both said it was great way to meet someone from the opposite sex, and an alternative to the bar scene.

I never said they were ineffective whatsoever; I just said that I don't do them.

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by macker

Married by 26 and last child born by 31. Based on the amount of energy required with having a young family I am not sure I would want to do this in my 40's.

A-frickin-men. I have no idea if I could keep up with 3 kids under the age of 8 plus work in another five years.

[calgaryred]

Dude if you want to meet someone try going out and talking to real people, internet dating sucks. I tried it and really I thought it was no different then walking into a bar.

I went out got some balls started talking to girls got some dates and met a great one. Internet dating has worked for some I don't deny that, but I had more fun going out and meeting people. Play the dating game for real go out make friends and if it works out date. That is way more productive, then reading profiles, and looking at pictures to find a mate.