So, I'm the father of the bride

[Shazam]

Originally Posted by DOK

From my perspective, it's like buying buying shoes at Wal Mart or buying them at the Lecost (sp) store. Same thing, but it feels different when you buy from the best (brand name vs. no name kind of sort of). There is a huge difference in quality between the two prices, but you may be hard pressed to actually visually see those differences. Things like real crystal beading vs. plastic beads, hand sewn seams vs. machine, and of course, name brand. Some brides need to wear a certain designer to say they did. The more you sell the better you get treated as well, kind of like buying a car a VW vs. a Bently.

Funny enough no one is going to tell a bride she looked like crap or her dress didn't fit right, or it sat funny on her, EVER. That being said, she can wear a garbage bag and who would speak up?

That's what they want you to believe.

My wide spent $800 on her dress. Off the rack. Of course, they still do the appropriate adjustments.

[Shazam]

Now that's a Freudian slip.

[kipperiggy]

As an eventual bride, I hope that my/his parents will say "Here is X amount we are comfortable giving you for the wedding" and we will foot the rest of the bill. My philosophy is, if I'm not willing to pay for it, then do I really want it that badly?

For comparison I've had 2 cousins get married, one in 2007 and one this past summer, and neither of them (both females) put forward a penny for the wedding, and the two sets of parents covered the bill. Couples paid for their own honeymoons, but for 20-25,000 dollar weddings, I thought that was a bit much (personally).

[Jedi Ninja]

Originally Posted by DOK

Funny enough no one is going to tell a bride she looked like crap or her dress didn't fit right, or it sat funny on her, EVER. That being said, she can wear a garbage bag and who would speak up?

I'm sure it really does take a $5000 dress and $300+ in up-dos and makeup for some women to not look like crap, but my wife looked stunning in her $500 dress. In the end, these high ticket weddings are more displays of status and wealth and an attempt to display your "place in society". You want to show that you're part of the Lacoste segment of society and not the Walmart segment. For some people, this is really important. Our wedding wasn't about that shata.

[Peanut]

Well, it's a day for the bride that everyone is looking at her, a million photos are taken, and she wants to look her best. To spend $1500+ on a dress is really not that unreasonable, considering an "everyday" dress at a store like Banana Republic will usually run $300.

Personally, I bought a designer dress from a consignment bridal shop. So yeah, I spent $800 on a $3,000 dress that someone probably wore for 8 hours and then ended up divorced and wanted to sell it. Works for me!

[BuzzardsWife]

The parents of the bride traditionally pay for it all, but times have changed.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by BuzzardsWife

The parents of the bride traditionally pay for it all, but times have changed.

LOL! Buzzard hacked BuzzardsWife's account!

[twotoner]

I disagree completely with all the comments so far.

You seem like a really nice guy and the advice that follows won't be easy for someone like you. So start by trying to follow Steven Covey's sage advice:
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.
Visualize yourself, daughter in hand, walking slowly down that isle six to seven months from now. You are twenty feet away from handing your precious daughter off to him. How will you feel? Do you know this guy? Is he right for her? Can they make it?

As a Father in Law to be, you have a critical role to play. It is your responibility to yourself, your daughter and society to prepare them for what follows their big day. These next few months need to test the metal of the groom to be. True character only reveals itself in the heat of battle.

Start by hosting weekly planning meetings. Make them long and drawn out. Sundays are best, a little before noon. Print out an agenda, record lateness. Express contempt when he shows up dressed in anything less than a collared shirt and dress pants. For a couple of these meetings, change the time to Saturday afternoon at the last minute. Note the times he shows up hungover and comment at length about it when he does. If he misses a meeting, arrive unannounced at his place of employment and take him out for lunch to make up for it. Fridays are perfect for this.

Use these meetings to figure out how you can *contribute*. Make each contribution conditional on things you know he won't live up to. When he breaks these promises, withdraw that particular contribution. Retorting to any protests with "You are a man of your word aren't you? You live up to promises you make don't you?" or "Hey, we shook on this!" are quite effective. Don't get emotional, be calm cool and collected but above all firm.

This is your daughter we are talking about right? Contract a PI to do a thorough background check. Listening devices, GPS tracking, hiring seductive women to tempt him, keyloggers on his computer, monitoring his facebook account, and hacking his email are all fair game. Make him authorize a credit inquiry, especially if some of these contributions are framed as loans.

It is very important for them to create their own family unit. They both need to mentally separate from their respective parents and look to each other to jointly make decisions. If it was meant to be, this trial by fire you unleash on them will encourage and speed up this process.

About two weeks before the big day, mellow right out. Come through with all your initial promises. If they've had to downgrade the venu as a result of your games, pull through with the original choice all maxed out. If you've lived up to your true duties as a Father in Law to Be, you'll probably need to comp their honeymoon and maybe even help with the downpayment on their house.

Good luck and definately don't hesitate to poll the helpful CP brethren for more insights on how to make this formative period a real success!

[MoneyGuy]

Originally Posted by twotoner

I disagree completely with all the comments so far.

You seem like a really nice guy and the advice that follows won't be easy for someone like you. So start by trying to follow Steven Covey's sage advice:
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.
Visualize yourself, daughter in hand, walking slowly down that isle six to seven months from now. You are twenty feet away from handing your precious daughter off to him. How will you feel? Do you know this guy? Is he right for her? Can they make it?

As a Father in Law to be, you have a critical role to play. It is your responibility to yourself, your daughter and society to prepare them for what follows their big day. These next few months need to test the metal of the groom to be. True character only reveals itself in the heat of battle.

Start by hosting weekly planning meetings. Make them long and drawn out. Sundays are best, a little before noon. Print out an agenda, record lateness. Express contempt when he shows up dressed in anything less than a collared shirt and dress pants. For a couple of these meetings, change the time to Saturday afternoon at the last minute. Note the times he shows up hungover and comment at length about it when he does. If he misses a meeting, arrive unannounced at his place of employment and take him out for lunch to make up for it. Fridays are perfect for this.

Use these meetings to figure out how you can *contribute*. Make each contribution conditional on things you know he won't live up to. When he breaks these promises, withdraw that particular contribution. Retorting to any protests with "You are a man of your word aren't you? You live up to promises you make don't you?" or "Hey, we shook on this!" are quite effective. Don't get emotional, be calm cool and collected but above all firm.

This is your daughter we are talking about right? Contract a PI to do a thorough background check. Listening devices, GPS tracking, hiring seductive women to tempt him, keyloggers on his computer, monitoring his facebook account, and hacking his email are all fair game. Make him authorize a credit inquiry, especially if some of these contributions are framed as loans.

It is very important for them to create their own family unit. They both need to mentally separate from their respective parents and look to each other to jointly make decisions. If it was meant to be, this trial by fire you unleash on them will encourage and speed up this process.

About two weeks before the big day, mellow right out. Come through with all your initial promises. If they've had to downgrade the venu as a result of your games, pull through with the original choice all maxed out. If you've lived up to your true duties as a Father in Law to Be, you'll probably need to comp their honeymoon and maybe even help with the downpayment on their house.

Good luck and definately don't hesitate to poll the helpful CP brethren for more insights on how to make this formative period a real success!

Ha, why don't I just kill him now and be done with all this? It'd be easier.

I'm an occasional user of this site so am unsure of the customs, but shouldn't this post be in coloured type or something for sarcasm?

[DOK]

From the dress conversation, it's perception more than anything. Not saying a $1,000 dress is like buying from Wal-Mart at all. My dress was off the rack and they took $200 for that fact, putting it down to a whopping $600, which is crazy for a one time purchase in my mind.

There are women out there that brag about what name they are wearing and where they got it from. Others like me brag about the discount and how cheap we got the dress. The rest buy something in the middle. I know a girl who bought a bridesmaid dress as her wedding dress and it cost $65 nothing wrong with that.

I find it kind of like engagement ring shopping. They want you to spend a lot and tell you that you need certain things and God forbid you don't get those things, then you could be cheap and give your girl a junk ring. We all know that's crap. But sometimes the pressure does hit, other times, people think they need the best, and others can afford the best, so why go cheap?

Although this is getting off topic from what a dad wants to give for a wedding, but it does say something about peoples perceptions, wants, likes and needs. They are different for everyone and a wedding is one way to tell who likes what!

[Titan]

Lots of good advice. My two cents is to not, repeat not, scrimp on the photographer. It will be his/her work that is referenced for years to come. We did not do sufficient due diligence and really regret it. Take a look at jtimages.ca (a member) for an idea of what wedding photos can look like. If you have the cash, I think it would be a great idea to take that one of the table and tell them you will pick that up and then make sure to get good one.

It is too tempting to trim from that part of the budget for other "crap" like flowers that will be dead the next day or the dress that will never be worn again, but I think it is the most important part of the day because it lasts after the day.

Congrats btw.