Have you cold approached a girl?

[corporatejay]

Originally Posted by Wormius

She maybe thought you were an interesting person and just wanted to be friends. Members of the opposite sex should be able to carry on friendships regardless of their relationship status. I don't know why it has to seem so bizarre to people that this occurs.

Really? You don't know why this seems bizarre to him or anyone for that matter?

Also, if she just wanted to be friends, why didn't she want to hang out with him instead of blowing him off and then saying "I have a boyfriend".

[Antithesis]

Originally Posted by Wormius

She maybe thought you were an interesting person and just wanted to be friends. Members of the opposite sex should be able to carry on friendships regardless of their relationship status. I don't know why it has to seem so bizarre to people that this occurs.

While I agree entirely with the content of your post, in this context, her actions would not make sense. The sensible action in this scenario would have been to say, "Yeah, you're a great guy and I'd love to get to know you better, but I'm in a relationship" or something along those lines to clearly define the situation.

Unfortunately, she's pretty clearly "just not that into you" and didn't want to say so as it is confrontational to some extent, even though this is one of those situations where almost everyone would prefer the more direct and truthful response.

[Nage Waza]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

Really? You don't know why this seems bizarre to him or anyone for that matter?

Also, if she just wanted to be friends, why didn't she want to hang out with him instead of blowing him off and then saying "I have a boyfriend".

She gave the number to avoid an uncomfortable situation (although saying sorry I have a boyfriend seems pretty easy). Via text/email/message board, she is as brave as the rest of you. The boyfriend claim is often untrue and usually means she thinks you are lame.

[TjRhythmic]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

Really? You don't know why this seems bizarre to him or anyone for that matter?

Also, if she just wanted to be friends, why didn't she want to hang out with him instead of blowing him off and then saying "I have a boyfriend".

Well, with that exchange that was posted it didn't seem like she was blowing him off. He asked if she was free this weekend, she said no as she was spending the weekend with her boyfriend.

Take this as a lesson, move from it. Dood has the game to get the number, and is obviously charming enough to make enough of an impression. Even though she does have a boyfriend he sparked enough of an attraction that she felt compelled to give him her number. Maybe next time, if he does meet someone and he is interested, just flat out ask if she has a boyfriend.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by RedCoffee

i know that but why give her number at all, she could have easily said, it was nice meeting you, i have a bf.

socalwingfan: wasn't so much a cold approach, we just happened to get coffee at the same time and look at the same table so I said why not share. Then she started talking about how crowded it was and I introduced myself ... that's all.

If she's like that then why would you want a date with her?

Her loss, not yours!

[Wormius]

My take away from them exchange was that she thought he was a decent, interesting guy in a platonic sense.

I assume that she later got the impression from his texts that his intentions were romantic.

The bizarre part to me is that people believe that interactions between members of the opposite sex can only be romantic in nature, and that you can't have an enjoyable, platonic time with somebody without having to preface it with your relationship status.

I think she thought he would be a good friend, but maybe he was a bit over eager with the texting. And imagine how insulting and dismissive it would have been to talk to somebody and they say "I have a boyfriend/girlfriend", especially if you are not interested in them romantically.

[19Yzerman19]

I wouldn't find that dismissive or insulting, I want to know if I'm wasting my time and appreciate directness and honesty. Even if that was a mistake of my intentions it wouldn't bother me.

Anyway I find it amusing that some random interaction in a Starbucks is worthy of multiple pages of analysis.

[Bill Bumface]

Once you get the one word answers, shut 'er down. If she was just busy or something, she will reach out to you later. If not you save yourself forcing her into the "I have a made-up boyfriend" angle when the previous hints have failed, and it's less awkward for all.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

Once you get the one word answers, shut 'er down. If she was just busy or something, she will reach out to you later. If not you save yourself forcing her into the "I have a made-up boyfriend" angle when the previous hints have failed, and it's less awkward for all.

The technical name for that is "The Fade Away". There is even a song.

[J pold]

My rule of thumb when texting is less is more.

Basically it should only be used to arrange logistics of meeting up and seeing the other person. Start off with some light banter then just try to arrange things, and if you get the "I'm too busy" more than once move onto the next.

[CaptainCrunch]

Texting to me is the worst form of communication during the initial stages or the flirting stages. You can't really read a persons intent in texts.

to me its also shows low effort. I can rip off a text in seconds.

I rarely text in a relationship unless its to confirm plans or a simple conversation, I think the idea of hearing someones voice and having a impromptu conversation.

But then again I'm old.

[undercoverbrother]

Thank god there were no cell phones when I was single.

Without a doubt i would have sent numerous images of my knob to various females.

[CaptainCrunch]

That's what fax machines were for.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

That's what fax machines were for.

It always ended up pinching my foreskin.

[Knut]

^ i actually snorted out loud to that one.

[GoinAllTheWay]

Originally Posted by Hesla

^ i actually snorted out loud to that one.

I only exhaled slightly harder than normal through my nose.

[sec304]

Originally Posted by GoinAllTheWay

I only exhaled slightly harder than normal through my nose.

So you mean "LOL"...

[bizkitgto]

I don't try the cold approach very often, it's pretty tough and you really need to be in the right state of mind. I've crashed and burned a hundred times downtown and have sort of lost my guts and drive for cold approaching (it used to be fun). Has anyone been successful chatting up a girl in the grocery store and gotten at least a phone number? Grocery stores seem a lot tougher than downtown at lunch.

[Alberta_Beef]

Going to be visiting Calgary and going to be taking the train. I thought of this thread and thought to myself, "should I cold approach a girl and do so using the lost tourist routine?"

[JMN]

Need a confidence booster? Just head to Vegas and cold approach everyone. Never been easier and never felt better.