Rate your current mental health level out of 10

[J pold]

2/10

I'm 2 months into a separation from my wife. We've been together for 7 years and have 2 young kids. These past few months, I've been fighting it, saying I won't give up on our marriage. I have been going to therapy, self-reflecting, and understanding why this happened, which has been helpful, but I've been taking those actions in the hopes of the outcome I want - which is to try and get her back.

Over the weekend, some stuff came out that made me realize that I can't get her back and that I have to let her go and detach.

Deep down, I know that's the right thing to do, but god, it is hard to do. I know things get better with time, but I am just in the thick of it, and it's awful.

Edit: Does anyone know a reasonable and fair divorce lawyer in Calgary?

[Duruss]

My mental health is pretty killer right now. Cutting out toxic "friends" and sticking to my psychedelics assisted therapy has been so obviously the right choice.

I have met every goal and challenge I've set for myself the past 6 months and today I just deadlifted double my bodyweight and could do more!

The biggest lesson I learned in all this is trust my intuition, I get it right most of the time. I'm never going back.


Sorry to hear about your loss J Pold.

[CroFlames]

Originally Posted by Duruss

My mental health is pretty killer right now. Cutting out toxic "friends" and sticking to my psychedelics assisted therapy has been so obviously the right choice.

I have met every goal and challenge I've set for myself the past 6 months and today I just deadlifted double my bodyweight and could do more!

The biggest lesson I learned in all this is trust my intuition, I get it right most of the time. I'm never going back.


Sorry to hear about your loss J Pold.

Love hearing success stories like this. Good for you dude.

[bluejays]

I wanted to post for two reasons - I have a question, and also to share an app for those interested.

Firstly, my early experience with my psychotherapist is that she's been trying to put my work situation in context and have me avoid catastrophisizing numerous pieces of it, or reading too deeply into everything and the constant replaying what my options are. When I'm not in a dire situation, she's asking me questions about my childhood, and what may be traumatic things that have molded me into the person I am today. For example, being bullied by classmates in elementary, or the French teacher doing the same and threatening to send me to the principal's office for not wearing my glasses. Anyway, I'm not sure what's supposed to come out of the history piece, so I want to ask others how they've worked with their psychotherapist to get results? I'm in no way complaining about mine - it's still early, I just want to know how others have approached their conversations or if different therapists approach in a different way.

Secondly, she recommended an app called Insight Timer for meditation to get into the habit of using it so that I don't get to the 8/10 stage of anxiety. I thought I'd pass along the app name for those who are interested themselves.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by bluejays

I wanted to post for two reasons - I have a question, and also to share an app for those interested.

Firstly, my early experience with my psychotherapist is that she's been trying to put my work situation in context and have me avoid catastrophisizing numerous pieces of it, or reading too deeply into everything and the constant replaying what my options are. When I'm not in a dire situation, she's asking me questions about my childhood, and what may be traumatic things that have molded me into the person I am today. For example, being bullied by classmates in elementary, or the French teacher doing the same and threatening to send me to the principal's office for not wearing my glasses. Anyway, I'm not sure what's supposed to come out of the history piece, so I want to ask others how they've worked with their psychotherapist to get results? I'm in no way complaining about mine - it's still early, I just want to know how others have approached their conversations or if different therapists approach in a different way.

Secondly, she recommended an app called Insight Timer for meditation to get into the habit of using it so that I don't get to the 8/10 stage of anxiety. I thought I'd pass along the app name for those who are interested themselves.

Here's an example from my life. I was bullied for most of my primary school years and developed a fear of people and anxiety that carried on into my early adult life. I went for therapy because I didn't understand at that time why I was afraid of people and had anxiety. So she had me talk about my childhood and all that was happened in it. The purpose was to discover the root of my fears and anxiety. Once we discovered it was all the bullying, I came to understand why I had those fears and anxiety. She said we needed a base of understanding to work from. From there I did the hard work, with her help of course to eliminate the fear and anxiety.

[bluejays]

Originally Posted by Dion

Here's an example from my life. I was bullied for most of my primary school years and developed a fear of people and anxiety that carried on into my early adult life. I went for therapy because I didn't understand at that time why I was afraid of people and had anxiety. So she had me talk about my childhood and all that was happened in it. The purpose was to discover the root of my fears and anxiety. Once we discovered it was all the bullying, I came to understand why I had those fears and anxiety. She said we needed a base of understanding to work from. From there I did the hard work, with her help of course to eliminate the fear and anxiety.

Not to get in your business or anything but what type of homework did she get you to work on once you discovered these things? I mean I understand a lot of these things are from childhood, and particular values or bullying. But I’m just not sure what the homework entails. As an example.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by bluejays

Not to get in your business or anything but what type of homework did she get you to work on once you discovered these things? I mean I understand a lot of these things are from childhood, and particular values or bullying. But I’m just not sure what the homework entails. As an example.

For me it was a graduated exposure to my fears. Understand that it will take time and not to get down on myself if I feel i'm failing. To keep a diary of my emotions and thought processes that we could talk about in our next session.

I was asked to focus on my thought process and to try and avoid getting into what I called back then the vicious cycle of what if's and maybe's that was partially driving my fears. The toughest part was retraining my mind to an attitude that this is a challenge and that I will become stronger as the weeks progress.

I had breathing exercises that I had to practice when I felt anxiety building up inside of me. Report back on how that was working.

[Scroopy Noopers]

The nice thing about therapy is there are few different ways you can utilize it. The tricky part is the individual practitioners vary quite a bit and you really need to mesh with them easily (for me at least, that’s what I needed). Something about straight advice and tools rubbed me the wrong way personally. I wasn’t there for this stranger to try and solve problems. I was really only in it to verbalized thoughts, and have a soundboard to help me grasp reality. I guess that’s how I can put it is, I didn’t think I understood the realty around me. I got lucky and only had one that didn’t work for me before finding one that did.

Hearing how relatable a lot of my thoughts and feelings were really helped. It helped me feel strong within myself to continue doing what I was doing, and making the changes I was making, despite how I was losing people who had been close to me along the way. Turned out to be what I needed, but I was too scared that everything was my fault and that my thoughts and feelings were dumb and I should ignore them.

[bluejays]

Thank you kindly for answering that. My therapist said she's not the homework type, but I don't know what homework type even meant. Again, in no way am I complaining. Only 5 or 6 session in so far. I think with her she puts things in context nicely for me. It helps in that moment. I'm practicing the breathing exercises. Also I rode the stationary bike for 15 minutes and felt good today. Being in a work situation where I'm targeted to save the company money and protect themselves from a lawsuit, is hard. I appreciate everyone's continued thoughts and advice. I'm fortunate to have work coverage for therapy, so I'm using it. I hope it's a steady linear progression (as linear as can be).

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by fotze2

The biggest bullscrap thing an employer will tell you is "make sure to take care of your own health....and also we have this service from RBC benefits that you can use".

This is why I absolutely loathe this "mental health week", "let's talk" complete horsecrap. It's not so much that companies buy into it, its that all of you re-tweet this complete transparent crap. Movember is now slapping on mental health. STFU.

Oh ya, feeling low, phone this 1-800 number. What a bunch or horse####. If you have ever referred anyone to a help number or Let's talk, you are part of the problem.

We care about mental health so much, the spending limit is equivalent to naturopathy nonsense.

At least corporations are semi-transparent with their crocodile tears nonsense.

Lets just continue to do nothing but create an economy that profits from it. We need more stickers and campaigns and company team building exercises.

The world is full of Ralph wiggums thinking they are helping.

"yes I know it's crazy busy and we've cut hours so I can make my bonus. But here you are complaining to me that it's too stressful to continue like this, yet I can see you haven't even tried the resiliency course on the online academy!"

[8sPOT]

Find myself single once again, after a 4 year relationship, but now in my 40's. Prior breakups I was always feeling desperate, hopeless, completely alone and just sad.

I'm about 3 months into it, but for a variety of reasons this time I feel super optimistic and even excited.

Through reading books, therapy, and talking with close friends I had an epiphany of sorts. Where I finally understood how being 'too nice' has been a real issue for my relationships.

Long story short, I am generally a super optimistic person, even blindly optimistic. I'm able to delay gratification indefinitely. Because of that, its always been really easy for me to put my partners needs before mine, all the time. I thought that by always being laid back and not needing anything that I was being the best husband/boyfriend in the world. I had it all completely backwards, I was not setting any boundaries at all, and eventually my partners just take that as me not having any direction or drive, and essentially being a passenger in life.

Now, I feel I still have my super optimism but by putting my needs first I feel like I'm on this brand new journey. Where its all about my goals and dreams, and being optimistic doesn't mean sitting around assuming things will improve. No action = no change.

Rather than desperately search for a partner, I will work on the things that make me happy and will get me where I wanna be. I'm enjoying my alone time, I'm seeing great progress physically, emotionally, and mentally. Makes me a little sad it took me until the age of 41 to realize any of this. Its still a daily grind, but the progress seems tangible somehow.

Just, for anyone struggling, feeling lost and alone, dont give up. It really is never too late for change and to start becoming the best version of yourself.

[fotze2]

Our gun laws and the lags are a good thing tonight

[Andrew]

I was a 1 .
I quit my job drinking every night. Really lost hope. Lot more to it. Not on a board lol


But not now i am now a 7 of 8. Be gracious still not working there is hope to be found. Talk to good friends you would be surprised lots with challenges. Those that don't care. You don't need them. Eat good exercise. Find new hobbies. Evaluate everything you do from getting up make changes. Do the small things. Plan your day for a better tomorrow. Execute! All you can do. Read lots keep busy forgot about the bad move forward. I tried meds off all. Healthiest in 20 years!

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by 8sPOT

Find myself single once again, after a 4 year relationship, but now in my 40's. Prior breakups I was always feeling desperate, hopeless, completely alone and just sad.

I'm about 3 months into it, but for a variety of reasons this time I feel super optimistic and even excited.

Through reading books, therapy, and talking with close friends I had an epiphany of sorts. Where I finally understood how being 'too nice' has been a real issue for my relationships.

Long story short, I am generally a super optimistic person, even blindly optimistic. I'm able to delay gratification indefinitely. Because of that, its always been really easy for me to put my partners needs before mine, all the time. I thought that by always being laid back and not needing anything that I was being the best husband/boyfriend in the world. I had it all completely backwards, I was not setting any boundaries at all, and eventually my partners just take that as me not having any direction or drive, and essentially being a passenger in life.

"Toxic people pleasing" was a big problem for me in my marriage, too. It basically resulted in my waking up one day and realizing I didn't even recognize my own life any more, and it's a big part of why I became a divorcee at 37. Good on you for figuring it out, and while we all wish we'd figured it out sooner, sometimes it takes going through it to finally figure out the problem.

[Andrew]

Further to my post. The world is evolving its a fast paced place. Cell phones ai etc. Work demands productivity, relationships, children, family everything requires attention. Social media news. What do you read on your phone. In my recent self evaluation ( I am not perfect ... don't take this as I am) i am on war on cell phone usage. On days off can 5-6 hrs a day on there. It's not so much usage. But what are you reading? Is it productive? Does it help your mental? Does it develop you? I have had problems with mental before excessive smart phone. But I don't think it helps. Doom scrolling
Reading too much sports stats negativity. I am a bit adhd too. Lol time wasted on phone is lost productivity can be really bad. Set a timer eliminate social media. Delete cp. Take a break. Leave your phone in another room. Sleep with phone in another room. 1 hr phone free to focus on other things. All sounds simple but it is an addiction

[fotze2]

Originally Posted by Andrew

Further to my post. The world is evolving its a fast paced place. Cell phones ai etc. Work demands productivity, relationships, children, family everything requires attention. Social media news. What do you read on your phone. In my recent self evaluation ( I am not perfect ... don't take this as I am) i am on war on cell phone usage. On days off can 5-6 hrs a day on there. It's not so much usage. But what are you reading? Is it productive? Does it help your mental? Does it develop you? I have had problems with mental before excessive smart phone. But I don't think it helps. Doom scrolling
Reading too much sports stats negativity. I am a bit adhd too. Lol time wasted on phone is lost productivity can be really bad. Set a timer eliminate social media. Delete cp. Take a break. Leave your phone in another room. Sleep with phone in another room. 1 hr phone free to focus on other things. All sounds simple but it is an addiction

I set my record for no sleep in a night. Went to bed at 9 woke up at 10 and not a wink after that, absolute hell, the feeling of falling asleep feels like I am about to die, so I jump awake with my heart pounding. I'm a total zombie today. Pounding coffee that gives me the ####s, this is heaven boys. Gotta keep earning for the family right. Feels like hell.

[Andrew]

Originally Posted by fotze2

I set my record for no sleep in a night. Went to bed at 9 woke up at 10 and not a wink after that, absolute hell, the feeling of falling asleep feels like I am about to die, so I jump awake with my heart pounding. I'm a total zombie today. Pounding coffee that gives me the ####s, this is heaven boys. Gotta keep earning for the family right. Feels like hell.

That's brutal man. I was on sleeping pills for like 10 years. It almost worse. It's an addiction too. I get up at 5 can't go back to sleep now sometimes up till 1 too. For me is distraction need to lomit. Getting good habits of sleeping regular. It's hard to control thoughts mom maybe meditation or prayer if into that

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Andrew

That's brutal man. I was on sleeping pills for like 10 years. It almost worse. It's an addiction too. I get up at 5 can't go back to sleep now sometimes up till 1 too. For me is distraction need to lomit. Getting good habits of sleeping regular. It's hard to control thoughts mom maybe meditation or prayer if into that

If I can't sleep, I get up and do chores for half an hour and then try to sleep again. If I can't sleep in 5-10 mins, I get up again to do chores. Rinse and repeat until I sleep or it's the next day. Worst case, there's less stressors for the next day.

You're right about phone addiction. Phones are a vehicle for consumption. Similar to food, there's good consumption, junk consumption and excess consumption. The right balance for you is best. One thing that might help is to intentionally put the phone in the opposite pocket you normally use. When you auto pilot reach to a device that isn't there, it's easier to tell yourself to not pull it out to do something mindless. It was kinda crazy how many times I'd reach at a phone that wasn't there.

Anyone who sees my sleep stats would probably be appalled. But I feel a lot less day to day stress once I started doing small tweaks like this. My sleep schedule is still an absolute mess, but I don't feel as easily overwhelmed or agitated on a day to day basis.

[rotten42]

Originally Posted by rotten42

Id say I'm sitting at an 8 or 9. This has been a year of transition for me.

I ended a relationship that was wearing me down.

In June I quit my job I had for the last 12 years and started a new better job in July.

I've improved my health considerably. I haven't had a drink in 34 days. I've been working out consistently. (4-5 days a week). I've dropped 14 lbs in this time. All my blood work is excellent. Sleeping 1-1.5 hrs more each night.

I feel so much better mentally and physically.

Update:
Finished the F45 challenge. In 45 days I dropped 19.4 lbs!

[bluejays]

An update on my ongoing situation. On Wednesday during my regular one on one meeting my boss told me my VP wanted to join the conversation. They started by asking me if there's anything I would like to tell them about my situation which may be affecting me. I told them yes, since this process started I've been anxious and seeking psychotherapy to deal with it. They strongly suggested taking some time of time off such as short term leave "as a friend" (over and over again). I said my doctor didn't agree with it the first time and that because it was situational based on this situation my conversation with the psychotherapist would be to find a new job to help me. They still suggested the leave to get better. They said the expectation when I came back would be to take on another big project in a PM capacity (the role they moved me off in August). I said the therapy takes a long time to get better. I said I didn't know what the leave suggested would look like but I got the strong hint that if I said no, there would be negative consequences. They said they'd look into it and get back to me. A couple hours later my boss pulls me into an office and says that a certain leave is unpaid so to do short term leave. That obviously has to pass through a doctor and the insurance so she said next week to take off sick and she'd get the process started from there. She asked for my personal email and phone number to send me the bonus information coming out next month and for communication purposes. More on this later. Fast forward to yesterday later afternoon, she contacts me to talk through the process of going on short term leave to confirm I know it. She ends the conversation saying she'll also be emailing a letter with our conversation. Half hour later I get a letter and am gutted. It says:

1) That my performance has not been up to standard since summer where I was coached and that next steps will have to be taken to bring my performance up to standard. It says they removed "tasks" from my plate to mitigate the risk for the company.
Facts about this is that my VP called me up suddenly during the summer and said all coaching and plans for PIP would be stopped and they'd like to utilize my skills in a different way on a different project more in a BA capacity where I could work with others. It was not my specialty but I said what the hell and went with it. At the time my project was pretty on track. A few weeks later before going on vacation in September I told her the best idea for my mental health would be to move to a new role elsewhere and I'd like to give her the courtesy that I'll be applying within the company. She said all the right things at that time. In October when I came back I was told two expensive contractors on the project were let go (probably known to her since August which is why they wanted me), as the budget was not approved to keep them beyond October. Then as I mentioned in another post I was given a terrible performance review end of October. First of my career.

2) The second part of the letter stated that they understand I'll be seeking short term disability for my health and that they support my well being and here are company resources that may help with that.
Facts: I already knew of those resources and utilized them. But it was them suggesting to take short term leave. Normally an employee initiates it by informing the employer suddenly. In this case we literally had a meeting to plan it then they positioned it as them understanding I was going to take it.

3) They asked me to sign and date acknowledgement of the letter

I haven't received acknowledgement of the letter and have put in a call to my lawyer for Monday. I'm hoping he's not pissed it deteriorated since August and will return my call. I didn't sleep all night. Who positions themselves as friends and good righteous people, then screws me to my face by twisting the situation in a letter to save the risk to the company? Further I provided my personal email and phone which I'm positive they'll use to run a query to see if it shows up anywhere for evidence gathering (which I've found out they hire external company to do for emails and chat messages). I recognize they've duped me by pretending to be acting in my best mental health interest only to change the narrative by saying all the right things and methodically mitigating their risk by addressing potential human rights and other violations by listening carefully to what I was saying and putting it in writing that they care. But their Friday afternoon letter right before going on leave says otherwise. 2/10.