Bullying in schools, what can be done?

[Matata]

Originally Posted by Azure

Its not always easy to say 'just stand up to him' when the other guy is 2' bigger and 30# heavier.

And bullies usually are bigger.

If standing up to bullies was easy, there would be no bullies. Even if you get your butt kicked, if you put up a fight, they won't see you as easy-pickings. Bullies are generally in the easy-pickings business.

Getting into trouble at school and getting your butt kicked are nowhere near as bad as eating a bullies **** every day.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by Matata

If standing up to bullies was easy, there would be no bullies. Even if you get your butt kicked, if you put up a fight, they won't see you as easy-pickings. Bullies are generally in the easy-pickings business.

Getting into trouble at school and getting your butt kicked are nowhere near as bad as eating a bullies **** every day.

Quoted for truth. Better to get your butt kicked than your mind raped.

[Russic]

I'm really not an advocate of physical violence in many situations, but in this one I find it hard to ignore. Teachers do have their hands tied to a certain extent, and even when they can intervene there isn't much they can do besides suspend the bully. Not sure if anybody has ever dealt with a bully, but I don't recall them ever coming back to school after a suspension with a fresh outlook on things.

I thought the comment about learning to box was interesting in that the person never fought. To a degree I think a lot of bully behavior is focused on physically weak people with low confidence. I can definitely see being active in some kind of activity (not necessarily combative training) can build enough confidence that you know when to stick up for yourself. I'm not even talking about throwing a punch, sometimes you can make enough of a display verbally that the bully realizes you aren't worth the trouble.

[BaldyAuldy]

I had a big problem with bullying growing up. I was born and raised in Calgary but when i turned 12 i was sent out to Cochrane for middle school and high school. There is a lot of rich kids and cowboys out there. Me being neither made it hard to fit in. There was this one guy named Terrance Stevenson. He was the biggest bully. At age 16 he was probably 6'3" and 245 pounds. This was one big dude. My locker was right beside him. Every single day in grade ten he would knock my books out of my hand. That then progressed into him shoving me into the locker. I wasn't a skinny kid so it was a real tight fit to get inside. I wore my shirt to school one day inside out...that was a huge mistake. That was one of my worst days of my life. The constant verbal and physical abuse was driving me insane. And nobody was doing anything about it. I decided I had to stick up for myself. I was gonna go to school and before Terrance could even say "what's up four-eyes" I was gonna punch him square in the nose. So I went to school that day all ready for it. Walked in with swagger like I owned the place. Needless to sayI got in one little fight and my mom got scared, and said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air."

I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror.If anything I could say that this cat was rare, but I thought "Nah forget it, Yo home to Bel Air." I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "Yo homes, smell ya later."
Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

[gargamel]

I'm sure that fighting back works for some people, but it can also make things worse depending on the situation. The one surefire way to deal with it is to make it so that the bully doesn't see any reason to pick on you. That's easier said than done (and other short-term remedies are needed in the meantime), but joining a sports team and getting that group of friends can make all the difference. I've known plenty of kids who knew karate that still got picked on, but I've never known anyone who was on a school sports team who got bullied.

[Boblobla]

Originally Posted by Sliver

It would be nice to hear from kids who were bullied that are now adults. What do they think people could have done to help them when they were a kid?

My story: We moved from Calgary to an acreage the summer of my Grade 4 year. I started at a rural school that was K-9 and most of the kids had been together since Kindergarten. The kids who were nice to me when I arrived we apparently "not cool" so I got lumped in with them right away. Grade 5 and 6 were not terrible but they weren't a ton of fun.

Grade 7 started differently, most of the kids I was friends with went to a different Jr. High. I was bullied a lot in Jr. High, to the point where I went to a high school that was different than the majority of my Jr. High.

I didn't stand up for myself. Teachers didn't to SFA to stop the bullying. I am sure they were aware of the issues but it was a rural school and the bullies were mostly the star athletes so nothing happened.

I grew almost a foot in a year from Grade 9 to Grade 10 and I was never bullied in high school. I am sure part of it was me growing up in addition to the size.

I WILL tell my kids to stand up for themselves and if this leads to them punching some d-bag bully in the mouth so be it.

[IliketoPuck]

Nice Segway

[Bill Bumface]

I'm a pretty slim guy now, but back at the end of Jr high I was maybe 6' tall but weighed about 100lbs less than I do now. Lots of people wanted to take down the tall kid just so they could brag about it. I was a total clumsy weakling at the time just trying to figure out my new go-go-gadget arms and legs, but I wish now I would have just challenged one of them and got my @ss kicked. It would have ended it instead of living in torment, and I probably would have ended up with self confidence a lot younger and scored with more chicks, which is what highschool should be all about.

[photon]

And has been pointed out, not every kid or person has it in them to stand up to bullies. Should there be no help for those kids? Just let them commit suicide? Is teaching them to go against their nature and fight back the only reasonable answer?

And one downside I can see of standing up to a bully is sometimes the bully is willing to escalate further than someone can stand up for themselves.

Sure you can stand up to the bully, but what happens when the bully returns with 5 friends? Or they do something that ends up seriously damaging or even killing the kid being bullied? It happens, is teaching your kid to stand up for bullies worth the risk of them being seriously or permanently injured or killed?

Hard questions, I don't look forward to having to deal with it.

[Rifleman]

Take all the bullies and enroll them into hockey school....
A hockey school run by Graham James.

I kid. I kid.

Sometimes it's best just to move the child to a different school. There was this one kid I knew back in jr. high that was bullied mercilessly because he was overweight and always word Def Leppard t-shirts. Everyone would take shots at this kid, and his attempted comebacks would earn him even more scorn and derision. He eventually moved schools, and after running into him at Franklin Mall one night with my mom while out shopping for cheap shoes, he told me he liked his new school a lot better and people there didn't make fun of him all the time.

Some schools just have a bunch of bad apples, and they unfortunately spoil the cart. (By drawing graffiti all over it, no less.)

[IliketoPuck]

Who here can't say, that if they knew what they know now about life/women/cars/etc. that they wouldn't go back to highschool and just dominate the place.

[Huntingwhale]

To the OP, your son did the right thing. I know the school simply sees it as a 'fight and your son punched so and so', but you know what it's never as black and white as that. I'm not sure what your reaction to the suspension was, but what l would have done is gone down to that school, demand a meeting with the principal, and proceed to reem him/her out and ask why they did nothing. I'm willing to bet that kid who picked on your son will think twice before starting a fight with him again. As someone who was smaller in school and had his fair share of getting picked on, good on your boy for sticking up for himself. l got jumped by one guy in elementary, kicked his ass when he tried to bully me, and he never touched me again.

[Ozy_Flame]

I would suggest that, with the parents permission through a signed waiver or something similar, schools are able to invest in social networking tracking software, such as Maltego or Able2Act, and monitor cyberbullying as it happens, as needed.

The one advantage to cyber bullying is that there is now a paper trail for evidence against said bullies, and kids don't have enough will power to stay away from computers and social media sites these days. I say take advantage of it.

[IliketoPuck]

There is the risk of escalation of course. Really there is no good answer, and I think every case is unique. The one constant is that you want bullying to stop. How to get it to stop is not an easy answer. I've given my two cents from personal experience.

[peter12]

Originally Posted by photon

And has been pointed out, not every kid or person has it in them to stand up to bullies. Should there be no help for those kids? Just let them commit suicide? Is teaching them to go against their nature and fight back the only reasonable answer?

And one downside I can see of standing up to a bully is sometimes the bully is willing to escalate further than someone can stand up for themselves.

Sure you can stand up to the bully, but what happens when the bully returns with 5 friends? Or they do something that ends up seriously damaging or even killing the kid being bullied? It happens, is teaching your kid to stand up for bullies worth the risk of them being seriously or permanently injured or killed?

Hard questions, I don't look forward to having to deal with it.

I think giving your child another world to play or explore is important. Things like art, reading, science, drama and all that are pretty neglected by most schools as important skills that can increase a young student's enjoyment of their education experience.

Being a peer to your child and providing the materials and guidance to help them become confidence in the things they are good at is a pretty good way to develop your child's abilities.

I was pretty bullied up until Jr. High. I've never been too good at sports, but always excelled at reading and writing. Basically my parents just stuck with me the whole time, gave me the room to explore my own interests outside of school.

[photon]

If parents treated their kids with the same kind of a abuse a bully does they'd go to jail. If one adult treated another with the same kind of abuse a bully does they'd be charged with assault. It should be MORE serious in schools. Remove the bully permanently.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

If my kid was getting bullied and started fighting back I wouldn't care how many suspensions he got. I'd tell him I was proud of him for standing up for himself and I would let the principal and the teachers know that he has my consent to fight back against anyone who bullies him.

They can either deal with it or he can be homeschooled, which is what I would prefer anyway. The social aspect of traditional school can be made up for through things like community sports or music or whatever.

Sure, as long as you follow though. However hidden curriculum is more that just socialization.

[photon]

Originally Posted by peter12

I think giving your child another world to play or explore is important. Things like art, reading, science, drama and all that are pretty neglected by most schools as important skills that can increase a young student's enjoyment of their education experience.

Being a peer to your child and providing the materials and guidance to help them become confidence in the things they are good at is a pretty good way to develop your child's abilities.

I was pretty bullied up until Jr. High. I've never been too good at sports, but always excelled at reading and writing. Basically my parents just stuck with me the whole time, gave me the room to explore my own interests outside of school.

That's a great suggestion.

I am actually shocked I was never really bullied in school, but I think I was always the peace-maker and able to do something to help others so in that way maybe I avoided being bullied.

[CaptainCrunch]

I think that most schools are moving to a zero tolerance rule on bullying, its no longer a suspension, its moving to expulsion.

I didn't have a growth spurt until I was in Grade 10, so the good Captain usually got bullied. I was also pretty shy back then. I would have the occassional fight and usually got my butt kicked in which doesn't discourage bullies. Once I learned to fight maybe not to win, but to really hurt people things turned around for me. In my day my old man encouraged me to stand up for myself and fight, it was the old "Hows the other guy line" If I complained that someone was bullying me, the old man would stare at me for a second, swear under his breath and ask me what I was going to do about it.

Because of that great advice, I became more pro-active and basically challenged the guys who would bully me each and every day, even if they didn't do anything to me, I wanted to make them back down. I would make sure that each time I fought them, I would do something to make then bleed, or make them wish that they didn't fight me. I remember slamming one guys head in the locker door because he wouldn't stop riding me. Another guy I threw down a flight of stairs because he had shoved me down a flight of stairs the day before.

Bully's really don't respect you if you stand up to them, they'll just bring in more of their buddies to help out in the fun. But if you eventually break the leader the rest will fall into line. If a bully suddenly starts showing up with a black eye, or with a missing tooth, or a knee the size of a grapefruit, he's eventually going to back off and move on.

But its different know days because there really is no honor system, we read about stabbings and swarmings and people getting jumped from behind. In my day even if you were pissed off the fights were one on one, you usually didn't kick your opponent when he was down, and jumping someone from behind was the ultimate act of a gutless coward.

I had a buddy of mine and his wife over for dinner last year and the discussion turned to bullying, and the wife said that not only was she going to teach her boy to turn the other cheek, but to take it further and try to befriend the bully because he was mis-understood. I looked at my friend who was nodding his head in agreement because she was so damn smart, and remarked that they'd better teach their kid to hid his lunch money underneath his nuts because other wise he was never going to eat lunch, and he was going to become the school's whipping boy.

Kids only understand one thing, they don't understand lame gestures like trying to be their friend, or turning the other cheek, or hugging a bully because he needs it. They need to understand the what dogs know. The only way to become the alpha, the only way to get rid of bullies is to make bullying unpleasant.

Even if the kid gets beat up, if he can lay in one really good painful lick, eventually the bully will back up.

Oh and take the initiative.

[troutman]

What do you do in a school that has metal detectors and gangs?