Looking for story ideas

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Crispy's Critter

Ruby Dhalla. As it turned out, the three midget lesbians were her Filipino workers who were trying to escape, but having no passports or paperwork of any kind, they could only resort to living in people's blue boxes. As she advanced toward me, howling like a banshee, I noticed she was holding a Dell computer which seemingly didn't work.....

But I didn't care, I was enamored by her earthy good looks and more importantly her heaving bosoms. I was thinking of a way to get her to allow me to give her the motor boat when I heard a strange whistling sound and my thoughts changed from that one drop of perspiration slowly and enticingly rolling in between her cleavage to intense pain as the Dell impacted with my nose crushing it and reducing my vision to a sheet of red.

"Fracking Dell computers" I thought as I slowly lost consciousness while admiring Rudy's legs my last thought was of . . .

[jammies]

my comfy chair. Now that I was out of the way, Ruby was certain to find it, and sink down into its leathery embrace like a boytoy with his GILF. I could see the blood slowly filling my left eye, shading the world red and signalling the end of all good things... but wait! CHUPACABRA!

The horrifying monster fastened itself upon my wound with the ferocity of a personal injury lawyer witnessing a five-car pileup, and I could feel its goatsucking tongue probing the flesh, seeking delicacies beneath the skin. Then, with an enormous spray of blood like the work of a thousand incompetent dentists, the CHUPACABRA! was flung away from me, all but disintegrated by the power of my friend and saviour

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by jammies

my comfy chair. Now that I was out of the way, Ruby was certain to find it, and sink down into its leathery embrace like a boytoy with his GILF. I could see the blood slowly filling my left eye, shading the world red and signalling the end of all good things... but wait! CHUPACABRA!

The horrifying monster fastened itself upon my wound with the ferocity of a personal injury lawyer witnessing a five-car pileup, and I could feel its goatsucking tongue probing the flesh, seeking delicacies beneath the skin. Then, with an enormous spray of blood like the work of a thousand incompetent dentists, the CHUPACABRA! was flung away from me, all but disintegrated by the power of my friend and saviour

Gary Coleman . . . you know that half sized kid from the T.V. show who vanished only to be seen on really bad reality T.V. shows. What the general public hadn't known that Gary was code named "little man" a genetic experiment to create the ultimate soldier that ended in failure when the chief researcher forgot to carry the 1 leaving our nations last best hope for defense woefully short.

But Gary had spent his years in obscurity working on various deadly arts including spoonnijitsu, the deadly art of disembowling his enemies from a distance with a spoon.

After he hastily disposed of the Chupacabra, he reached his hand out to me and said "Come with me if you don't want to die" Then he pointed down the highway and mumbled that we had a job to do, we had to . . .

[stang]

BUMP how did this die?

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Gary Coleman . . . you know that half sized kid from the T.V. show who vanished only to be seen on really bad reality T.V. shows. What the general public hadn't known that Gary was code named "little man" a genetic experiment to create the ultimate soldier that ended in failure when the chief researcher forgot to carry the 1 leaving our nations last best hope for defense woefully short.

But Gary had spent his years in obscurity working on various deadly arts including spoonnijitsu, the deadly art of disembowling his enemies from a distance with a spoon.

After he hastily disposed of the Chupacabra, he reached his hand out to me and said "Come with me if you don't want to die" Then he pointed down the highway and mumbled that we had a job to do, we had to . . .

Save the worlds supply of Hookers and Blow! Turns out the 3 lesbian midgets were relatives of Garys, (and also hookers) and had to hide in the bins because the Sham-wow guy was threatening to take over the world by snorting all the cocaine, and punching all the worlds hookers in the face.

Turns out that by becoming a Mall rent a cop Gary had found peace with himself and has renounced his past of punching women, and has made it his personal mission to ensure that there is hookers and blow for everyone.

"We are going to need some wheels" I say, to noone in paticular, as Gary has dissapeared. I turn around to try and see where he went, but just then I head a loud squealing of tires, and Gray pulls up driving a.....

[4X4]

How did I miss this thread to begin with?

[jammies]

...18 wheeler rig with flames painted down the side. I noticed Gary was wearing a ballcap with "Free Moustache Rides" embroidered on the front, and from somewhere he had also found an old dirty wife-beater tucked into a pair of emo jeans that didn't really fit the image. I staggered up to the door and climbed into the cab, and we took off, with the midgets screaming obscenities and jerking their wee middle fingers into the air.

Soon we were on the Deerfoot doing 140 km/h and weaving from lane to lane, while Gary yelled into the CB all sorts of crazy stuff about "bears" and how he was going to "keep on truckin' and f'in 'till the Man puts me in my grave." Down on the floor I belated noticed a big baggie overstuffed with weed and another full of a white powder that probably wasn't icing sugar, and I began to feel as if my "saviour" was maybe more dangerous than even the CHUPACABRA! that he had destroyed.

The traffic slowed and slowed, and soon we were mooching along at a walking pace, and even the five pillows Gary was sitting on didn't put him up high enough to see what was happening. He leaned out the window while honking the horn, and then suddenly jerked back into the cab while pointing down the highway and gabbling in horror - "Corksucka! It's...