Office Rumours

[Flashpoint]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

I just feel like that's a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation, cause I feel like either way my reputation could be tarnished. I leave it alone and ignore the rumours, they eventually become truth and I'm the chick that sleeps her way to the top. OR I do something, go to HR or threaten lawsuits, I get labelled the chick that can't take a joke or is willing to play the harrassment card and then I become an office pariah.
It sucks, but I am definitely going to do something about it.

You have done nothing wrong, and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity in your workplace. There is nothing bad about handing it to HR and letting them take care of it. Odds are they are just as concerned about confidentiality as you are.

[flylock shox]

Originally Posted by Gozer

Just start sleeping your way to the top. Everyone wins!

Totally.

This is a clear case of double jeopardy. You can't be convicted for the same offence twice (even in the court of public opinion), so now you could totally engage in the subject matter of the rumour without having to worry about any consequences.

Well, except for STDs and pregnancy that is. Boy do they ever mess up a good thing.

[J pold]

We should start CP rumors

I herd that fotze got all those red squares for doing some posters a few “favors” if you know what I mean

[old-fart]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

I don't actually work with a bunch of girls, oddly enough. In fact, I am about 100% sure of who started the rumours and that person isn't a chick. I just don't have any proof to be able to make a formal complaint against him.

Anyways, thanks all for the suggestions. Definitely appreciated. The collective wisdom of CP never fails to impress.

Sounds like dude is a bit jilted. Did he ask you out once and get the cold shoulder?

Perhaps the solution is easy. Tell everyone that he asked you out and at first you considered it but then, for some reason, he felt compelled to tell you about his issues in the performance department... as in, he couldn't. Your hysterical laughing must have hurt his feelings so now he is starting rumours about you.

[return to the red]

you are in a professional atmosphere and such deserve to be treated with a professional attitude. You aren't in a school yard here. Reggie suggested the right course of action by taking it to HR.

It's obviously effecting you enough if you are asking for advice on handling it

[Eastern Girl]

Originally Posted by old-fart

Sounds like dude is a bit jilted. Did he ask you out once and get the cold shoulder?

Perhaps the solution is easy. Tell everyone that he asked you out and at first you considered it but then, for some reason, he felt compelled to tell you about his issues in the performance department... as in, he couldn't. Your hysterical laughing must have hurt his feelings so now he is starting rumours about you.

No, he's not jilted, he's just an anus. He's never asked me out, he flat out hates me, seemingly. He has right from the start.

Originally Posted by return to the red

you are in a professional atmosphere and such deserve to be treated with a professional attitude. You aren't in a school yard here. Reggie suggested the right course of action by taking it to HR.

It's obviously effecting you enough if you are asking for advice on handling it

It's not effecting my work. I am still carrying on as always. It's just making dealing with my coworkers somewhat uncomfortable for me because I am not sure who knows what, or who's spreading it around further, who believes what. But I've already decided I have to address it before it goes any further. What I am still unsure of is whether I will address them with my boss and HR or just go the HR route. I am concerned that if I don't tell my boss as well, he might think I don't have confidence in him to handle it or that I think he may know about it, but that he is unwilling to do anything or even a part of it.

[DuffMan]

The best defense is a good offense.
Plant porn on his pc, inform HR, he gets fired, problem solved.

[BCReefer]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

No, he's not jilted, he's just an anus. He's never asked me out, he flat out hates me, seemingly. He has right from the start.



It's not effecting my work. I am still carrying on as always. It's just making dealing with my coworkers somewhat uncomfortable for me because I am not sure who knows what, or who's spreading it around further, who believes what. But I've already decided I have to address it before it goes any further. What I am still unsure of is whether I will address them with my boss and HR or just go the HR route. I am concerned that if I don't tell my boss as well, he might think I don't have confidence in him to handle it or that I think he may know about it, but that he is unwilling to do anything or even a part of it.

I am not sure how old you are but I would like to offer some advice, first - you will NORMALLY never stay long at a company if you want to further your career, moving from job to job every 4 - 5 years is the norm. So because of this, don't stand for any bull from anyone. I would say majority of your co-workers know it not to be true but go along with it because it is the herd mentality. Speak with HR and if someone comes up to you and says you are a whinny person, then look him right in the eye and say “No I am a professional and I will not have any lies about me from anyone” Stand tall and proud and don’t let anyone bully you.

2nd – keep on doing what you are doing now. Don’t let anyone change how you do things. You do not require everyone to like you but they should respect you for what you have to offer. I don’t give a fig what people think about me except for my family. I have been given some plumb jobs because I have proven to my bosses that I deliver. If someone is jealous, that is their problem not mine and I don’t loose any sleep over it. I will go as far as I want cause I want and if someone made a rumour about me and I had an idea of who said it, I would confront the person in professional manner. Say something like, “I hear there is a rumour about me in the office that I might sleep around, do you know who started this or who is saying it?” This usually shuts the person up since they know you are on to them.

I would also suggest that if you can, speak to a co-worker is more senior in the company and you can trust and explain how you feel. Usually it will only take 1 co-worker to shut the rest up. If I heard such a rumour about a co-worker I would not tolerate it, I would nip it in the bud then and there and I would tell my boss about so they can deal with it directly.

This is a form of bullying and it is usually from a person who is usually unhappy about themselves and they want to bring you down to their level. Don’t let them and stand up to them.

Remember there are many jobs out there where there is a healthy respect in the work place for everyone.

[old-fart]

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

No, he's not jilted, he's just an anus. He's never asked me out, he flat out hates me, seemingly. He has right from the start.

Then he probably just knows you are out of his league and therefore feels jilted, even though he never had a chance in the first place.

Originally Posted by Eastern Girl

It's not effecting my work. I am still carrying on as always. It's just making dealing with my coworkers somewhat uncomfortable for me because I am not sure who knows what, or who's spreading it around further, who believes what. But I've already decided I have to address it before it goes any further. What I am still unsure of is whether I will address them with my boss and HR or just go the HR route. I am concerned that if I don't tell my boss as well, he might think I don't have confidence in him to handle it or that I think he may know about it, but that he is unwilling to do anything or even a part of it.

I think you have to talk to your boss first. Not in a whiney way, more of a "seeking advice" way. You are right, if you don't give him the opportunity to address the situation first you are basically saying that you either don't trust him to deal with it or that you believe him to be "in on it".

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by old-fart

I think you have to talk to your boss first. Not in a whiney way, more of a "seeking advice" way. You are right, if you don't give him the opportunity to address the situation first you are basically saying that you either don't trust him to deal with it or that you believe him to be "in on it".

not necessarily true. The responsibility of the HR department, amongst other things, is to handle such situations. I say if you feel comfortable talking to your boss first then go ahead and do it but you shouldn't feel obligated

[Titan]

Just another thought. You want to document this situation. I would suggest you prepare a letter to HR and/or your boss. As well, make notes of any conversations you have with either about this subject. Don't think they aren't making notes about it. If push comes to shove you want to be able to demonstrate that you took notes at the time of occurrence. Also, a written complaint is taken much more seriously.