Alberta women cross-border shopping for men

[CMPunk]

Originally Posted by FireFly

I don't have a problem... I think I look fine. The questions were really asked because two of the posters here who said it was the girl's fault for what she looked like, know me in person. I was wondering if it's something they'd also say to me.

But thanks for trying to help.

LOL I always thought you were attractive enough, but too smart for me, or at least thats what you told me

[Gozer]

Originally Posted by HelloHockeyFans

Well, as far as getting APPROACHED by a stranger, the reality is it comes down to physical appearance. Hurts, but that's the truth. If these girls aren't ever getting approached at a bar, I think the problem is pretty clear.

I think that theory has some validity, but it's all relative.

The thing is, for random girl X, most guys that see her either think "out of my league" or "not in my league."

So many guys are caught up in the "is she hotter than me, but not so hot I don't have a chance" cycle of self-defeat.


Arranged marriages FTW!

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by Gozer

I'll tell you what I'm getting at, because all I'm doing is wondering if you have anything in common with some of my friends.

I know a couple girls that always talk about how awful this part of the date was, or how ugly his shoes were. Really Seinfeldian stuff. They're not generally unpleasant or stuck up, just seem to rather talk about silly things that go wrong rather than silly things that go right. And I think they project that when guys approach them - "oh no, what's this guy's worst feature going to be" and guys pick up on it and cool their jets. I know that's the impression I got when I met them, and the more I'm around these two the more I believe it.

Maybe it doesn't suit you at all, but that was a nice little vent that made me feel a little better.

Well I don't go into a date looking for things to go wrong, but if I'm together with my girlfriends we might dissect a date. And I may comment on his shoes if they're especially ugly, but I'm not going to refuse a second date over it. I'm mostly concerned about the discussion and a bad date for me revolves around that.

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by CMPunk

LOL I always thought you were attractive enough, but too smart for me, or at least thats what you told me

I really wish guys I've gone out with would quit saying things like that! I never said that! People must think I'm such a bitch! I'll never get a CP date again! Gawd!

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by FireFly

Awwww.... look at all the boys being defensive here.

Here's my own story so you can tell me to STFU as well.

I've been single for over 3 years now. Not that I haven't gone on dates, not that I haven't ever been asked out, but I do have to say I have done most of the asking, at least 80%. I've been approached in bars a total of maybe 3 times in those three years. And 2/3 times were guys looking for a booty call. I've given out plenty of signals to men who were looking in my direction as well, so it's not like I haven't tried to have a guy come strike up a conversation with me. So why don't they?

So here's the question for those who know me... is it that I project a snootiness? Or am I ugly? Or am I giving the wrong signals? Or are men just waiting for ME to approach them? And why can't they take the initiative?

You were in my class. You just gave off a friendly vibe but I only spoke to you like four times because man, I think I skipped that class like 80-90% of lectures.

Talking about girls in general, I think there was a study that men have no idea how to interpret what girls think are "signals" unless it's outright flirting. Girls can give off their "signals" and guys will be totally oblivious. That's definetely true with me and even when it is outright flirting it can fly over my head...Usually though, if that is the case, it means I'm not interested enough in the first place to pay enough attention to the girl anyway. Usually it's superficial.

We need pictures of the girls from the article posted in this thread because you know, this thread without pictures is useles...well has diminished usefullness.

[J pold]

Originally Posted by HelloHockeyFans

Well, as far as getting APPROACHED by a stranger, the reality is it comes down to physical appearance. Hurts, but that's the truth. If these girls aren't ever getting approached at a bar, I think the problem is pretty clear.

More so for women than men, there are things that a guy who isn’t really that attractive can do to get himself noticed or get a good looking girl too approach him

It is harder for women though I agree men base there initial attraction on looks, while women base it on how a guy makes them feel

And come on guys you gotta know that one of the first thing a girl looks at is shoes…number one thing you have got too get right in terms of dress is shoes

[GreenTeaFrapp]

Originally Posted by FireFly

I've been single for over 3 years now. Not that I haven't gone on dates, not that I haven't ever been asked out, but I do have to say I have done most of the asking, at least 80%. I've been approached in bars a total of maybe 3 times in those three years. And 2/3 times were guys looking for a booty call. I've given out plenty of signals to men who were looking in my direction as well, so it's not like I haven't tried to have a guy come strike up a conversation with me. So why don't they?

You need to put a Spicy Baconator in your purse when you hit the bars.

[GreenTeaFrapp]

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

We need pictures of the girls from the article posted in this thread because you know, this thread without pictures is useles...well has diminished usefullness.

I'm guessing they have rumps so plump that they can be used as a coffee table while they're standing up. More Sir Mix-a-lot wannabees in the US that would be after them.

[North East Goon]

Originally Posted by FireFly

I don't have a problem... I think I look fine. The questions were really asked because two of the posters here who said it was the girl's fault for what she looked like, know me in person. I was wondering if it's something they'd also say to me.

But thanks for trying to help.

I have seen pictures of you and I would certainly go on a date with you. Problem being my wife doesnt allow such behaviour - so basically I am no help to you whatsoever.

[Thunderball]

I always find it interesting when I hear people lament their dating misfortune and equate it to location... I just don't buy the argument. In my experience, its usually one (or more) of these four factors.

Some girls are just too shy to attract guys save for the odd time when it pays off.

Some girls give off the desperate vibe and believe it or not, some guys can sense it and it throws them off (or convinces them the girl is a booty call and nothing else).

Some girls can't sense whether or not a guy is looking or not. If we're not looking, there's usually a good reason. Either committed, or not interested.

Some girls look in the wrong places all the time. Clubs/bars/pubs are almost always the wrong place to look for anything but a QF. Online dating sites, social events, sporting teams, social networking are probably the best ways to do it, since there tends to be a much better filter on who you're meeting.

[onetwo_threefour]

Yeah, I'm the guy Yvonne's talking about. Unfortunate but true. If I hadn't started dating my sister's best friend I'd probably still be sniffing around the edges. (get your minds out of the gutter) I don't think it's a Canadian thing though. I know a ton of assertive, almost aggressive guys who have no problem. As for charm, luckily, that is in the eye of the beholder.

BTW, our ninth wedding anniversary was yesterday, so it really can happen to you...

[Ozy_Flame]

I have never....EVER...experienced a dating scene more awkward than that in Calgary. If the good ones aren't taken, then the rest of the women are either too airheaded or too clingy to consider dating. I've heard numerous people complain that the single twenty-somethings in Calgary are high maintenance, stubborn, close-minded, and too concerned about their "careers" to begin anything meaningful. I tend to agree.

Dating in Australia and New Zealand was MUCH easier. I've even met girls from other parts of Canada who are great people and were fun to date; I think it's just Calgary's fast-pace, high-performance lifestyle.

[LChoy]

Firefly,

I haven't seen a picture of you before, but I am a bit of a profiler. For what it's worth, I think you are a great catch. A girl that is passionate about hockey, works for the Flames, active participant on a largely male forum.
I do agree with J Pold, I was looking at the self-confident angle myself when I first read your thread. You previously created a thread "Where to Meet Guys (or something related to that)". I understand how difficult it is to be single when your friends are all dating/married. It's good that you haven't given up yet, and have taken a chance at dating guys from CP (a good idea, since you already have something in common).

The other good thing, you don't appear to be picky or looking for a particular type (white, tall, rich,...etc). Sure there is a minimum level of standards everyone has, but I have always believed in the "Clicky factor," in that attraction just happens when you meet the right person. I believe that you're looking for a serious relationship, and not a booty call/fling, so the bar scene probably isn't the best place. Continue playing sports, or join a cooking class. Take Salsa lessons (a particularly good idea since it involves close contact with members of the opposite sex).

If there is a guy you are interested in and he appears to be shy or unwilling to approach, then do so yourself. Just go over and say hi, say something like "Do you come here often?" (or some other opening for the guy to talk). Psychologically, appeal to the guy's ego, get him to talk about his interest. Mingling is really like an informal interview where two people swap stories with the hope of advertising themselves to the other person (assuming they are interested). With that said, have a couple of good "role" stories that not only include aspects of your likes and interest, but where your target could imagine being part of your story.

Anyways, I just rambled off the top of my head, so I hope this helps

P.S. Your Hugging happy face always makes me smile

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

I have never....EVER...experienced a dating scene more awkward than that in Calgary. If the good ones aren't taken, then the rest of the women are either too airheaded or too clingy to consider dating. I've heard numerous people complain that the single twenty-somethings in Calgary are high maintenance, stubborn, close-minded, and too concerned about their "careers" to begin anything meaningful. I tend to agree.

Dating in Australia and New Zealand was MUCH easier. I've even met girls from other parts of Canada who are great people and were fun to date; I think it's just Calgary's fast-pace, high-performance lifestyle.

I thought this was a gross over-simplification at first, but on second thought, almost all of my girlfriends were NOT from Calgary.

[Slava]

I think that a lot of this has to do with the old adage "A 6 at home is a 10 on the road"...

[CaptainCrunch]

Somewhere along the line we all as guys and girls received this pre-conceived notion of beauty and desirability and it becomes the first thing that we look at. We also let our friends and our family members enforce it. Thanks a lot MTV generation.

I've found in dating lately, that conversation is a lost art, maybe we all cyber too much. Frankly I really like good conversation, and I really enjoy it when the person that I'm with doesn't agree with me on stuff, and while they care about their appearance and all of that stuff, the intent is not to fit into what they think that I, a guy wants to see.

When I was younger, I hated the bar scene, maybe its because and I still have that problem, its the intimidation factor of starting a conversation with a member of the opposite sex, again trying to figure out what they want to hear. Plus I'd much rather have a nice meal at a unique place, or a lazy afternoon or evening coffee date, maybe go and see a play, or even a good movie (then nail her. . . I kid I kid). But I hated the bar scene for the crowds, the smell of beer and sweat and the instinct to start punching people out.

Are looks everything, No, they are part of thing, but its up to us as people to be able to work past that and get to the meat of the subject. Is that person interesting or is that person someone that has nothing to offer after that first initial date. You know the one, with the akward silence after 20 minutes when you start checking your watch to see if that damn movie is going to start so she'll just shut up about the bad things at work, and her ex boyfriend, Rollo the mad dog cow puncher, and her car.

I'm thinking that I'm going to start up a company based around the concept of the anti-hitch. I'll charge woman to go out with me, treat them like Junk, totally ignore what they saying when I take them to hooters for dinner, totally try to get into her pants with inane lines and then ask about her sisters and their availability.

I know Alannis Morressette or however you spelll her name probably subscribed to the same service and she came out stronger and much richer for it.

[FanIn80]

Yep, I'm the same way. A nice relaxing, laid-back date is definitely more my cup of coffee...as it were.

Personally, though, I used to be a drunken womanizer - but not anymore. I've been around that block (so to speak) enough times, now I'm just worried about looking after myself (in a healthy way, not talking about being selfish).

I'm a firm believer in "attraction, not promotion." I just quietly go about my day trying to do the right thing and focus on the stuff that matters (I really hate that whole "chicks dig shoes thing" - I don't think I'll ever go out and buy a pair of shoes I hate just for the sake of getting laid), and if I meet a woman who's on the same page, then it's all good.

[Tron_fdc]

Girls need to realize that when I'm pissed out of my mind and yelling at them, making fun of their shoes, lighting things on fire and generally acting like an ass that yes, I am trying to pick you up.

My world will be a better place when that happens.

[Dan02]

Originally Posted by troutman

I thought this was a gross over-simplification at first, but on second thought, almost all of my girlfriends were NOT from Calgary.

you know same here, as per my experience BC girls seem to be alot more compatible for Alberta guys

[FireFly]

I'm from Red Deer, does that make it okay?