I was actually relieved when they told me it was just torsion/muscle strain. For a couple of days, I was convinced that it was cancer. Like convinced. I had gone through the mental process of losing a testicle and everything.
That's maybe the worst day of my life. Before I found out I just had huge balls.
I was convinced it was cancer, only to have my doctor, hand on my balls say, "Nope, just big balls."
Why does it hurt when I pee? Why does it hurt when I pee? I don't want no doctor To stick no needle in me Why does it hurt when I pee? I got it from the toilet seat I got it from the toilet seat It jumped right up 'N' grabbed my meat Got it from the toilet seat My balls feel like a pair of maracas My balls feel like a pair of maracas Oh God I probably got the Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus! My balls feel like a pair of maracas Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh! Why does it Why does it Why does it Why does it hurt... when... I Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
Why does it hurt when I pee? Why does it hurt when I pee? I don't want no doctor To stick no needle in me Why does it hurt when I pee? I got it from the toilet seat I got it from the toilet seat It jumped right up 'N' grabbed my meat Got it from the toilet seat My balls feel like a pair of maracas My balls feel like a pair of maracas Oh God I probably got the Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus! My balls feel like a pair of maracas Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh! Why does it Why does it Why does it Why does it hurt... when... I Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
My cousin broke his...member...Apparently he was "running" (I think he had a date with Palmela Handerson, but whatever) and damaged the nerve in his dong. So yeah...he had to go get surgery, and now has 8 stitches in his wang. I don't even want to think about how much that must have hurt. And how awkward it would have been talking to his parents about it.
__________________
Let's get drunk and do philosophy.
If you took a burger off the grill and slapped it on your face, I'm pretty sure it would burn you. - kermitology
Why does it hurt when I pee? Why does it hurt when I pee? I don't want no doctor To stick no needle in me Why does it hurt when I pee? I got it from the toilet seat I got it from the toilet seat It jumped right up 'N' grabbed my meat Got it from the toilet seat My balls feel like a pair of maracas My balls feel like a pair of maracas Oh God I probably got the Gon-o-ka-ka-khackus! My balls feel like a pair of maracas Ai-ee-ai-ee-ahhhh! Why does it Why does it Why does it Why does it hurt... when... I Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
Once while playing high-school football we hosted a team from the States and billeted them at our houses. One of the players on the other team got his sac torn while in the game. He needed to be taken to foothills while his coach and the player on my team that was billeting him had to take care of him. Ouch
Any of you ever get a sore nut? No real reason (did as little as possible this weekend) and not reallllllllly sore, but dull pain nonetheless...
Now that you mention it, yeah, my right one has a dull ache today. I had a vasectomy in the fall, and it ached for a couple of days then, but yesterday I went for my first big burst on my bike this spring, going around the Glenmore Reservoir while pulling a bike trailer with 40 pounds of kid in it.
Thats an odd place to do your first one, that is some serious dedication to the sport.
Oh, I took it pretty easy. There's some snow/ice/slush in places, so I walked 'er at times. My older two boys rode while I pulled their little brother..........my seven-year-old made it with no trouble.
No trouble for me either...........except for the achy berry.
Oh, I took it pretty easy. There's some snow/ice/slush in places, so I walked 'er at times. My older two boys rode while I pulled their little brother..........my seven-year-old made it with no trouble.
No trouble for me either...........except for the achy berry.
Saw the title of the thread and got some severe flashbacks. TOLD myself not to open it.... but I did, and sure enough, my name is in the first reply. Blue square the f'er Fotze!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by NuclearFart
I'm not sure how old you are, but torsion is much, much more common during the teenage years to early twenties, rather than outside that window. And it is a medical emergency! In genuine torsion, you've only got roughly 6 hours before your testicle dies. If this pain is persisting, get to the ER ASAP so that they can do an ultrasound. Having said that, you can get intermittent torsion, where deez nutz flip in and out of torsion spontaneously.
This reply is the closest to gospel that has been posted. I was told I had about two hours, and it was gonzo.
In my case, it was physical stress induced. I was working at a beer distributor (lucky me!) pulling a pallet of empties towards me. Went to stop it and go forward around a corner and BOOM!! It felt like I was hit in the nuts with a sledgehammer swung at full speed.
Totally out of the blue. Didn't know what happened, but knew I was in big trouble. Unbuttoned the jeans, no help. Took them off, no help. F' me I was hurting.
Called my Dad who was at home that day and wasn't all that far away. He took me to emergency. No one knew what the hell to do.
A few doctors later, all the while with each previous doctor remaining at my side, and nurses galore around, one says he knows what the problem is.
Holding my nuts in his hand and motioning like he is weighing them, he indicates to each other doctor to do the same.
I was almost passing out from pain each time.
Once the "lesson" was taught to the half dozen others, I was whisked to a surgery room. Gassed, and the last thing I recall was saying "while I am here, can you remove this mole too?" They laughed, had me scratch an "X" on some release form and I was asleep.
Woke up to find the boys about the size of a grapefruit. But the major pain was gone. A few days later I was released.
Dumb me, who was in full party mode at that time of life, went out the first night and against doctors orders not to do anything strenuous or imbibe in alcohol and whatnot, went out and under the initial influence of 892s, drank a dozen beer, smoked a ton and ended up getting into a major fight with a guy who tried stealing a beer from me. I paid for it in the morning when I woke up though. Massive swelling, stretched stitches and pain galore. Turned out I got a reputation as a "tough nut" when the story unfolded to everyone.
If you have a twisted testicle, aka testicle torsion, you WILL know it. Worst pain I have ever felt in my 42 years on this planet.
Concerns about lumps are legit. I know this guy, let's call him Mr.Coffee, who had a lump on one of his guys. I told my brother this all in secret and the first contact he had with another human he managed to blurt it out. This all got spread pretty fast to virtually everyone I know so I dont care if people know now.
Anywho- if you've got a lump on the ball and are giving yourself a self-check (your supposed to do this monthly), the position of the lump matters:
If said lump is on the side- get yourself to a doctor pronto.
If said lump is on the bottom or top- most likely, in the words of my doctor, it's "build up". I was told there were 3 ways to get rid of it... apply a lotion, take a pill or ejaculate.
Having a prescription for this activity is even better than not.
This thread is hilarious! I've been reading it off and on today, and while it is terrible at parts, it is still almost bringing me to tears laughing!
Can someone with the torsion explain what the rest of us should avoid doing though? It sounds horrific enough to not have to experience this. Any preventative measures or is it just luck of the draw (or withdraw as the case may be!)?
Can someone with the torsion explain what the rest of us should avoid doing though? It sounds horrific enough to not have to experience this. Any preventative measures or is it just luck of the draw (or withdraw as the case may be!)?
What, give away the secret to avoidance and not have you join our club?
Nah, we need more horror stories. Just remember, every move, every twist, every possible bodily function, even a sneeze, could one day grant you the knowledge of what it is like for a man to give birth.
now that i have finished reading this thread, i swear i will never touch it ever again and wish it to be locked away in the depths of CP's bowels. i have to try and coax my nuts out of my stomach now, they're like a pair of frightened chipmunks
Oh, I took it pretty easy. There's some snow/ice/slush in places, so I walked 'er at times. My older two boys rode while I pulled their little brother..........my seven-year-old made it with no trouble.
No trouble for me either...........except for the achy berry.
LOL!
