I'd like to call it the Captain Crunch super punch out through time tour.
My first stop would be the dinosaur days, where I'd shoot and eat a T-Rex.
Then I'd charge up the phone booth and fast forward to the day before fire was invented with a lighter, can you say copy right so everytime a fire is lit I get paid.
Then we start the punching. I'd go to the 1400's Spain to punch out the monk who started the inquisition, I know his name, but the spelling eludes me right now.
Then I'd beam back in time and accompany Nero's violin solo while Rom burned with a base guitar.
I'd move forward to the time of King John who split england and tried to sell it to the france and give him the mightiest of knuckle sandwiches.
Then I'd beam into Whitechapel and see if I could find Jack the Ripper (I'd probably take the CSI Las Vegas home game with optional DNA testing to solve the crime)
Then its off to the early 19th century where I'd save the Archduke Ferdinand preventing world war 1 and II. Then I'd punch him in the face.
I'd go and get drunk with John A Macdonald.
Its off to Austria in 1932 where I'd punch out Hitler, then its over to Russia where I'd beat the crap out of Stalin, then I'd take a train over to Japan and put out the sun god in a most violent fashion
After collecting my royalties for inventing fire, I'd put out the first all nude gentleman's magazine a week before playboy debuts, thus condemming Hef to a life as a car sales man, and me to the Captain's mansion filled with hot playmates.
I'd zoom into California and pop Charles Mansio in the mush thus breaking his influence over his followers.
I'd whip over the grassy knoll on the day that Kennedy was shot, and make sure I had my picture taken looking all mysterious, then I'd vanish.
I'd pop into Liverpool england with 5 of my friends and the beatles song book so that I could form the Beatles before the beatles and become a gargantuan millionaire with a band named "Don't listen to the beatles because they stole our music", I'd probably save John Lennon's life because he'd never become famous.
I'd arrive at the watergate hotel 5 minutes before the breakin and expose the watergate scandal. Woodward would become a obituary writer for the Bloom County Picayune, Bernstein would be the gossip columinst for the New York Times.
I think thats it for now, even though there's a lot more history to be skewed to my advantage.
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My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
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