Moons ago I wanted to learn how to chop things very quickly like professional chefs.
Like this:
I watched Tubes like this, talked to my son who is a pro Chef and thought I can do this.
Sharpened my knife to razor sharpness and away I went.
Problem is, I moved my guide fingers. Cut the damned skin off all of my knuckles right down to the bone and bled like a pig.
Did the same thing again after I healed with the same results...I am happy to chop slowly now.
Years ago I was washing some dishes. Filled the sink with hot water and had a nice dish soap foam on top. Dropped some glasses in and started washing. I washed glasses with the index middle and ring finger inside the glass and baby outside.You know, to get the grime off the inside of the cup. Little did I know that when I dropped one of the glasses into the soapy water it chipped the edge of one of the glasses.
Now hot water takes away the pain of a good cut, so I was a bit freaked out to see the suds turn bright red after my cleaning maneuver. The cut was clean through the web of my little finger and ring finger on the right hand. Far enough to cut the nerves.
I now put the soap in AFTER the water has been poured and use a brush to clean.
Im a freak for cuts.
Last edited by Cheese; 01-19-2023 at 11:23 AM.
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I'm less absent minded than you guys seemingly, but my dumb mistakes tend to come from me getting lost in the moment and making a bad choice.
- When we were teenagers, we had a dartboard out in the back garden. Sometimes we'd put posters of footballers or popstars on there and throw darts at them. One time, we started getting too giddy, running around throwing darts at the board from various parts of the garden. I unfortunately put one right through my brother's finger. Literally stuck through his finger like a cartoon arrow. An ambulance had to be called and the paramedics laughed at the silliness of it, but it's always haunted me that it could've gone into his head, neck or eye.
- Once I shared a taxi home from work with a new colleague. My house was closer so I was getting out first. In some weird awkward thought of saving my colleague money (would've been like 10-20 cents now that I think about it) I made the decision to get out of the taxi as quickly as possible and opened the door. Except the driver hadn't come to a full stop and so I opened the door into a lamppost. The driver stops, turns to me and chews me out, gets out to inspect the damage and thankfully luckily for me there was literally not a scratch. God I felt like an idiot in that moment.
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Made a beautiful chicken and vegetable broth for a soup I was planning on making the next day. When it was finally ready, I placed the colander in the sink to strain it and poured the contents of my stock pot into it being careful not to spill any outside of the colander. I forgot to place a bowl under the colander to catch the broth...
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One of my earliest ones was just when I started university and had to make my own meals. I was feeling sophisticated and decided to buy some fresh pasta from a local shop. I had only ever used dry pasta up to this point and basically thought that fresh pasta was ready to eat. Anyway, it was not. I heated it up and dumped some carbonara sauce on it and quickly realized after the first bite that something was very wrong.
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I've done many BH things. Even lost my wedding band this summer. But one of the funnier (to my friend walking with me) things was; I was walking my dog in Fish creek with a friend one day. My dog is a Pyr/Husky... over 120 pounds. He takes a gigantic runny, disgusting smelly s*1T. I had one of those old plastic bags from Safeway to pick it up. I got as much of the viscous, noxious goo into the bag. Grabbed the handles (handle in each hand) and twirled it to make the plastic into strands so I could tie a knot in it.
Turns out there was a hole in the bag that I didn't notice. The force of the spinning sprayed his disgusting feces up and down the whole midline of my body And because I am a BH, it took me multiple "twirls" before it sunk in as to what was happening and stopped.
So here I am in the middle of FCP ripping off my poop-stained clothes while trying not to vomit while my friend is busting a gut and my dog looking a little guilty (might have had something to do with the repeated f-words that I was screaming).
So gross.
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This looks like a thread for me, we all need a little laugh at me, this thread would be empty without me.... except I can't think of the good things to share. I can't remember any of my boneheaded things right now but I can remember every boneheaded things all my friends and family have done!
Well.... I do remember one thing. I've done it several times. Forgot to pick up my kids after work. Each and everytime it is the same thing. One of my kids is somewhere and I'm to pick that kid up when I leave work. Sometimes I'm even leaving early in order to pick them up. I leave my office, I walk across the parking lot and get into my vehicle. I turn it on and I get to the end of the parking lot and.... auto-pilot kicks in and I go home instead of going to wherever my kid is. Thankfully I live in Lethbridge so it doesn't take long to go get them once I've discovered my mistake.
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And I'm glad for you, I also dont regret my marriage either as all regret is pointless, everything has both positives and negatives and all life is a lesson if we have the wit to learn from it, none the less 150,000 grand in lawyers, property and support payments later (in 1990's and early 2000's dollars) if I view my life dispassionately I would be way richer and have had to slog through way less emotional crap if I had either not married or realised it was time to get out quicker.
One of my more recent favourites was about 2 weeks ago. I have a big jug of Frank's Red Hot that has been in the cupboard for a while. I took it out to use some, but it is really old and I noticed the colour wasn't quite as vibrant anymore. I opened it to give it a smell and taste, it seemed fine. I thought, I better check the internet to see if this stuff actually goes bad. Sometimes things that have a "best before" date don't actually go bad, but it is more about how the product looks over time. Given how acidic hot sauce is, I figured that was probably the case here. I went to the computer to look it up and got sidetracked (likely on CP), but eventually got around to looking it up. People were saying it was fine to consume, but just to shake it up well. I went back to the kitchen and grabbed the jug and just started shaking it like crazy. Like in a really violent and sarcastic way. It was after the 3rd shake that I realized that I didn't put the lid back on. I was covered in hot sauce, there was hot sauce on the floor, on the ceiling, on the appliances, on my phone, on my VR headset that was charging near by. Two weeks later, and I am still finding splatter in areas. To make it worse, my wife just happened to walk by when I did it and she thought that I was going insane or something.
I did the same thing recently with a Yop. Yes, I am a grown ass man that drinks Yop, that in itself I am sure qualifies as something worth ridicule.
Anyway, I shook it up and loosened the lid, and got pulled away from my desk just as I was going to take a sip. Go do what I have to do, come back and reshake it again. Lid flies off and my keyboard and monitor looked like that South Park meme. Worse yet a coworker sitting across the desk took a photo of me sitting here in shock looking at the aftermath.
The U key on my keybord still gets stuck.
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Most of mine are stupid things that led to injuries.
Junior High home ec class, I had this stubby little pencil about 2 1/2" long that I would twirl between my fingers and for some inexplicable reason I kept the thing ground to a razor sharp point. One of my friends was bugging me writing some stuff on a piece of paper so I reached over - with the hand the pencil was in - and grabbed the paper and crumpled it up. Friend starts freaking out trying to get it back, starts kind of smacking me and I start to get pissed off. No idea where the teacher was during all this. Anyway I'm not thinking and I slammed my partially closed hand (with the crumpled paper) down on the top of the table out of frustration. Felt something weird like a little tug at my hand, but thought nothing of it until I opened my hand to move it off the table and saw out of the corner of my eye the piece of paper went with it. I look down and the pencil has impaled the web of my hand between the thumb and the first finger - like right clean through. Amazingly it didn't hurt yet, and I just held it up in front of my face and stared at it for a minute. Now the friend is really losing it, and like an idiot I grabbed it and pulled it out. There was blood everywhere. I'm remembering first aid training and trying to stanch the bleeding by applying direct pressure, but I can't really squeeze both sides of my hand effectively and our table now looks like a prop from a slasher flick. Eventually the teacher comes back, doesn't even bat an eye, sends me to the office for attention. (we didn't have a school nurse or anything) I ended up needing stitches and still have the scars today from where the pencil went right through.
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I was at the gym two Saturdays ago, doing some deadlifts, and decided for a split second to look at the mirror to my left to check my form; that split second I went off-balance, twisted my spine and absolutely destroyed everything in my lower back. Dropped the weights in extreme pain. Couldn't walk for two days after that, and have been limping and in pain ever since. Feels like my back has stopped healing at 60% of how it used to feel.
Life tip: don't #### around when deadlifting, that #### will ruin you.
I think this is more the truth. IMO the risk/reward isn't there especially getting older.
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Too many to list... I'm lucky i'm not dead tbh
- Growing up in Signal Hill, "luging" on my skateboard from the top of the hill to Mac's with my cousin in the middle of the road
- A cpl buddies and I took turns hitching to my car down McLeod Trail after a drunken night at Limericks (hitching is someone driving a car while someone else hops on a skateboard and grabs a hold of the car from behind)
- First car, taking it with my cousin down grid roads (where Springbank hill is now) and trying to "jump" over hits going as fast as we could
- Thinking I could do my best impression of Peter Line and do a massive jump off one of the hits at COP when they first opened the park. Concussion and bruised tail bone later...
- Millennium Park first opened, tried doing a drop in on the full pipe, not realizing the level of difficulty. I'm a street skater, not a pipe skater. Surprised I didn't break my shoulder or face
So many more dumb things... I keep telling my wife that our sons will experience pain as well, just hopefully nothing that results in life altering consequences.
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Red Liner's story reminded me of one of my boneheaded stories. No, not the gore and being impaled by a pencil, just the mention of Junior High.
I was in Grade 8 English class, or Language Arts as it was called back in my day. We were writing something, probably an essay or short story. I was using pen and I made a mistake so I pulled out my whiteout to correct the spelling error.
Now, I wasn't sitting up and using my desk properly. I was leaning back in my chair and the bottom of my binder was sitting on my belly while somewhere near the top was leaning on my desk. So, I applied the whiteout and leaned forward to blow on my whiteout so it would dry quicker.... and that's where things went wrong. As I leaned forward my binder launched itself towards my face. Yup, my lips were pursed as I was blowing and the binder hit me square in the kisser... right on the whiteout. I got whiteout all over my lips.
I touched my lips and yup, there was whiteout all over them. I looked around to see if anyone saw and one girl did. She had a look on her face of "You're such an idiot".
I don't know what its like now but in those days you had to ask permission to leave the classroom. So, I had to ask the teacher permission to go to the washroom. EVERYBODY heard and looked at me. Super embarrassing.
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And because I am a BH, it took me multiple "twirls" before it sunk in as to what was happening and stopped.
? If the former, ouch.
