07-30-2022, 09:02 PM
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#41
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First Line Centre
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerPresJamesTaylor
I would never do that
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You just did in saying
Quote:
Already given away and building homes for the less fortunate among us at that point.
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07-30-2022, 10:27 PM
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#42
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: east van
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If I was in your position and could afford to give my sister half I would, not out of any obligation but just it sounds like your father was a bit of ####e father and it would go to some degree to make up for that.
My mum is insisting that I get 50% of her estate and my 2 step sister share the other half (my step dad has already passed) I have told her I would prefer 1/3rd to each of us but thats easy as I'm doing fine and dont need to money
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07-31-2022, 12:15 AM
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#43
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nanaimo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerPresJamesTaylor
Didn't mean to offend, some of us just have a more charitable spirit. No judgment
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No judgement but you comment 2 times about it lol
I've recently had the to deal with and even with the will stating me and my wife should receive something we got nothing because her aunt had a will the revised it while she was sick and just didn't get it notarized in time. She died 2 days before she could get to her notary meeting after the revision.
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07-31-2022, 12:19 AM
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#44
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nanaimo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerPresJamesTaylor
Already given away and building homes for the less fortunate among us at that point. Also I would never announce my intentions on or offline, tack goes a long way.
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I would never announce my intentions but I have already given away/ built homes .....
You read what you wrote right?
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07-31-2022, 12:24 AM
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#45
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Calgary
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerPresJamesTaylor
Didn't mean to offend, some of us just have a more charitable spirit. No judgment
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Damn, we got a real internet Mother Teresa here!
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07-31-2022, 12:30 AM
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#46
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Calgary
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I would say, if the money has been left to you, then you are free to do with it however you feel makes you comfortable.
Me, personally, I value long term relationships over money, so I would offer 50% to my sibling, easy choice for me. I would rather that than risk fracturing a relationship with her. I guess you would have to ask yourself is keeping more of the money worth it.
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07-31-2022, 12:35 AM
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#47
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Franchise Player
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twitchy15
Yeah I have no idea when I will even see any money could be months to a year? Who knows
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If you're the named beneficiary on the life insurance you'll get that money quite quickly. Just have to get in touch with the insurance company and give them death certificate. If the beneficiary is the estate it could take longer.
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07-31-2022, 01:15 AM
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#48
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First Line Centre
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Calgary, Canada
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There are competing priorities and differences of opinion. People do and say different things and some equate love and money and a whole host of emotions.
Your father wanted you to have the money and that was his personal wish. He wanted to exclude your sister for a whole host of reasons in his eyes, some perhaps valid, some absurd in some ways.
Being of European background myself and having a lot of immigrant friends, you have no idea how often the topic of family money potentially not being left to the "daughter" for fear that some random son in law may take half or more. These people are forgetting the otherside of the transaction and that's the son's wife taking half. In the end the strangers get the money.
You do what you please but I am sure your sister had a difficult relationship to deal with and it wasn't easy for both of you to grow up with a father you weren't very close with. Her being left out of the will, despite it being a small dollar value, probably add's to her level of hurt and betrayal in her eyes. You did the right thing in looking after your father in his later years and that is important, you did it because it was the right thing, you didn't do it for financial reasons. Your sister made her choice at the time for whatever reasons, some valid and some not. It's not a choice I would make.
If I were you, I would give her half as it could be a massive boost to her personally. This is a gift from you to her, you may even want to put some conditions on it so that she can maximize the benefit. Pay down debt, move into her own place, save for retirement etc
I personally would consider this "family money" and it should be treated as such amongst siblings.
Personal opinion only
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07-31-2022, 02:38 AM
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#49
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Franchise Player
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Calgary, AB
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One thing I'd say is no matter what you decide to do, don't do anything with the money until you're sure everything is settled and you've received the clearance certificate from the CRA.
If you decide to give your sister half and then a few months down the road, it turns out there's a bunch of unexpected money owing, you don't want to have to try to get it back from your sister.
By waiting, it puts some time between the emotions of the moment and deciding what to do. If your mom brings it up again, tell her that you have to wait for things to get finalized before you know what the final amount will be and you'll deal with it then.
Also, if you're the sole executor and you're also dealing with cleaning up his place and dealing with his possessions and everything without any help from your sister or mother, make sure you're fairly compensated for your time dealing with that too. It's not easy and can take a lot of time and effort to deal with everything. There can be a lot of driving around and you might need to take time off work to go to banks, lawyers, accountants, realtors, etc.
Plant the seeds now that just because the insurance payout is X, it doesn't mean you'll just be walking away with X in your pocket. That way, whatever you do end up giving to your sister, the expectation should not be that it will be 50% of X.
__________________
Turn up the good, turn down the suck!
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07-31-2022, 09:06 AM
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#50
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Pent-up
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Plutanamo Bay.
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There always someone to pop up and turn a post looking for support/advice into it being alllllllllll about themselves.
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07-31-2022, 09:13 AM
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#51
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Franchise Player
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twitchy15
Nice to hear the various different opinions. I have a good relationship with my sister. I don’t even know if she expects any money. I was planning on giving my sister some money, don’t think I personally before thought I would give 50% due to her not being in his life for 15 years and him depending on me to help him with everything he needed towards the end and getting no help from her.
Just kind of angry today is my first normal day since his passing to just sit down and think and she comes attacking me about money and other bull#### not related.
I think in my moms opinion as well is that I need the money less compared to my sister. I’m married and both have normal decent jobs. Where my sister lives at home works for minimum wage and has unknown health problems making her life difficult.
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With you saying you're very close with your sister, it adds even more reason for me to say that you should split it 50/50 with her. You could change the percent split but then she'll wonder why only 30 or 25 and given you're so close to her, it's not worth second guessing yourself later why you felt you needed to be judge and jury when an even split would've prevented all of that. Sorry for your loss.
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07-31-2022, 09:32 AM
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#53
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First Line Centre
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twitchy15
Nice to hear the various different opinions. I have a good relationship with my sister. I don’t even know if she expects any money. I was planning on giving my sister some money, don’t think I personally before thought I would give 50% due to her not being in his life for 15 years and him depending on me to help him with everything he needed towards the end and getting no help from her.
Just kind of angry today is my first normal day since his passing to just sit down and think and she comes attacking me about money and other bull#### not related.
I think in my moms opinion as well is that I need the money less compared to my sister. I’m married and both have normal decent jobs. Where my sister lives at home works for minimum wage and has unknown health problems making her life difficult.
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I can tell you right now, If I was in the same situation my wife's opinion on what to do with the money would matter far more than my mother's or sister's.
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07-31-2022, 09:51 AM
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#54
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Franchise Player
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Well...first, I am sorry for your loss.
You may have told your mother how much you are EXPECTING, but from my and my family's experience with inheritances, that's rarely how much one GETS. Especially when all is said and done. Cleaning up and finalizing someone's financial affairs is often much more than one would expect.
Since you've mentioned that you have intended to give your sister some money in the first place, my suggestion would be to wait until everything is fully settled. This is a process that could take years. Then, when that's all done and you know the actual amount you have left over, you can make your decision based on what is left over and what you want to give her. Then, if your family is so crass as to ask, you can reply with "this is your share of what is left after everything has been taken care of."
If that's not good enough for them, you have an answer to a question you didn't ask, but needed to know.
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07-31-2022, 12:28 PM
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#55
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Ate 100 Treadmills
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Quote:
Originally Posted by afc wimbledon
If I was in your position and could afford to give my sister half I would, not out of any obligation but just it sounds like your father was a bit of ####e father and it would go to some degree to make up for that.
My mum is insisting that I get 50% of her estate and my 2 step sister share the other half (my step dad has already passed) I have told her I would prefer 1/3rd to each of us but thats easy as I'm doing fine and dont need to money
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This has always been my thinking too.
If a child has a bad relationship with their parent, it's almost always the parent's fault. The parent is supposed to be the more mature one. They're supposed to stick by their child no matter what.
Also inheritance shouldn't be earned by becoming the parent's favorite child. People only have one set of parents and in this day and age, that inheritance can be life changing.
I'm an about even distribution, regardless of the relationships.
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07-31-2022, 01:20 PM
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#56
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evil of fart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blankall
This has always been my thinking too.
If a child has a bad relationship with their parent, it's almost always the parent's fault. The parent is supposed to be the more mature one. They're supposed to stick by their child no matter what.
Also inheritance shouldn't be earned by becoming the parent's favorite child. People only have one set of parents and in this day and age, that inheritance can be life changing.
I'm an about even distribution, regardless of the relationships.
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Always the parent's fault? Not to say anything about this particular family, but that just can't be true. It sounds like the, 'no such thing as a bad dog; only a bad owner' line of thinking, which I also disagree with.
I think an inheritance can be split up however the deceased wanted it to be split up. For example, if one of my kids would not be a good custodian of my estate (drug issues, whatever), I would adjust things such that they didn't get the same as the other one that would take better care of what I have earned.
Also, it's reasonable to leave money to the person in your life versus the one who wrote you off. It's understandable why the sister didn't want a relationship with her dad by the sounds of things, but being left out of the estate is a consequence of that.
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07-31-2022, 01:24 PM
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#57
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Franchise Player
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I always thought money and friends never mixed well. Money and family can be worse I guess.
Regardless of the drama, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find a way to navigate the difficult time and situation.
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07-31-2022, 02:17 PM
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#58
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Powerplay Quarterback
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Internet humble brags are so funny. How insecure do you have to be to brag about your wealth and philanthropy on an anonymous internet forum?
We get it buddy, you're an amazing person, maybe the best in all the land. Can I offer my daughter in marriage and a dowry?
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07-31-2022, 02:24 PM
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#59
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evil of fart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheoFleury
Internet humble brags are so funny. How insecure do you have to be to brag about your wealth and philanthropy on an anonymous internet forum?
We get it buddy, you're an amazing person, maybe the best in all the land. Can I offer my daughter in marriage and a dowry?
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Honestly, I'm 100% sure FormerPresJamesTaylor was joking around that whole time.
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07-31-2022, 05:41 PM
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#60
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Lifetime Suspension
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheoFleury
Can I offer my daughter in marriage and a dowry?
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Sure I mean offer away, but that doesn't guarantee acceptance on my part.
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