Quote:
Originally Posted by rohara66
Not to pick on you but you were just the last person to comment on it, I've heard others (friends and coworkers) say similar stuff about hoping people hit the $100 mark to 'cover their costs'. If people want to run their reception that way why not tell people no gifts but $100 cover charge to get in the door. Seriously.
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First off, there's a HUGE difference between
hoping for $100 average per head vs
expecting minimum $100 per head.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...n_3535780.html
This story? Beyond horrifying.
Now, I can't speak for all couples as many have differing opinions on this, but personally, a $100 average is a nice thing to have so that we start married life with less dents in our finances. We knew we were subsidizing guests, I guess you could say we just hoped we could subsidize less.
To be honest, I hate(d) this convo before, during and after the wedding.
Guests that asked how much to give were all told "Whatever you are comfortable with. No obligation. We just want to celebrate with you." This annoyed my guests (especially out of town guests) to no end and they started contacting each other and friends to figure out what they all were comfortable with. I have no idea how it was determined, but $100 unofficially seems to be the current "sweet spot" for wedding gift giving at the moment.
Lots of people ask if we broke even with our wedding. I hate that conversation. The answer is no. They'll often then ask why they didn't ask the guests to pay more. My answer is that I did not feel it was our place to do that. We wanted friends to come celebrate with us. Not pay admission to a DoubleF and wife spectacle. We also felt it was our responsibility to make all guests comfortable. Expressing little interest in the money gift and glazing over the topic we felt was the best overall way. It's not a one size fit all topic IMO anyways. People talk. I didn't need the drama.
I guess in some senses, the way this money is viewed is like tipping. Not tipping or tipping too little is frowned upon by like everyone else (though how much each person gave is none of the other guests business). What is considered adequate is debated heavily. Some are ok with no tipping, some think it's beyond rude to do so. Some say I expect "minimum $100 each for the wedding, some say higher, some say lower, some don't expect nothing at all"
Eloping is getting more common. Couples don't want to subsdize their weddings and don't want the awkwardness of the money conversation with friends. We know of at least two couple friends who have done this now with seemingly more couples open and actually excited about the idea. The idea of eloping often accompanies a discussion about a bigger/better ring (different convo... but yeesh) and a more lavish honeymoon.
Eloping can't be hinted. It needs to be an open conversation. The ENTIRE wedding should be an open conversation. No open communication regarding such a stupendous expense is just asking for trouble. My wife and I had many conversations about pulling the plug on the entire ordeal and just eloping. We didn't and we are glad we didn't. There are other couples for which eloping really solves a crud ton of issues without creating new ones though *cough passive aggressive parents cough*. Both our families would have been ok with either option though I thinks.
I don't know if this answers your question...
Plus the last Mrs. Impaler turned me into a productive human being, so she was a huge financial windfall all around. I agree with whoever mentioned the Asian/Indian outlook - it's meant to get the couple started in the "green". I would say that view is shared by pretty much all non-WASPs (Italians, my people, etc...).
