Destination Weddings

[Jbo]

Having mine in Westbank, outside of Kelowna and having it the weekend before May Long.

The way we figure, guests that come get off season rates (prices jump after may long), it's far enough to make a weekend drive or even a cheap flight, but it's not out of country. I don't expect everyone to make it, but I'm hoping its in a sweet spot that most will come.

I have done both and have had a great time at both destination and in town. I do find the more elaborate ones tend to be in town, while the more laid back ones are destination

[cracher]

In the same boat. Recently been notified that common-law needs to be upgraded.

100% of the time, a destination wedding beats the standard church+convention center. In the last few years, I've attended weddings in OBX, Cancun and a lake-front campground in interior BC. These were the best 3 I've ever attended. Even if you are not that close to the people getting married, you get a discounted vacation out of it. Win-win for all.

We are looking at an island near portugal (azores). We will likely fly out+hotel essential people (parents, siblings, 1 person party for each side) and figure out some way to block book for friends who want to come. The cost of doing this will be a fraction of throwing a 100 person party here. I'd rather spend the cash on the important people rather than feeding a bunch of superfluous 2nd cousins.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by Two Fivenagame

As a guy - Destination wedding %100 of the time. Think about ALL the BS that people have to endure for a local wedding. Someone has to set up, decorate, entertain, drive grandma, pick up flowers, where is the cake etc etc.

Destination weddings are soooooo simple because they do thousands of weddings in a year and they know what they are doing. You'll be faced with questions like "Honey, do you like the square cake or the round cake? Do you want Chocolate or Vanilla?" You can easily plan your wedding in one night.

No stress.

No one else has a job to do. Everyone can kick their feet up and have a great time.

The flight down with your buddies getting loaded is like being on a school field trip....with booze.

Local wedding venues will shut the party down by midnight. Destination wedding - the party goes ALL night.


Seriously, having a local wedding is a dick move. At least with the destination wedding, all the people who don't really give a #### can just say "sorry man, we can't afford it".

Completely agreed, the gf and I have already decided this would be the way we'd probably go. As long as you're not going to get offended if any particular person outside of your immediate family can't make it (which really, you shouldn't, or your destination wedding IS a dick move), I think it's definitely the way I want to do it.

Just thinking about having to go through all the pomp of your average local wedding, and having to be sincere, emotional and romantic in front of like 70+ people makes me so uncomfortable and awkward. The less there, the better.


Posted from Calgarypuck.com App for Android

[Two Fivenagame]

I would also like to add:

I had such a great time at a destination wedding that I honestly can't wait for the next one. In fact, it's not really about the wedding, its about doing this awesome party/vacation with all your friends and family where no one has a job to do.

Its crazy fun.

But ya, get the wedding out of the way early. And if you have a buddy that just can't afford it but it wouldn't be a wedding without him/her....find a way to get him/her there.
You were going to pay 10K++ on a local wedding anyway.

Also, and I can't stress this enough, make sure your room is away from everyone else. That separation will help you and your wife RELAX, otherwise you'll never get a break.

[Bill Bumface]

I feel like I'm a good candidate to jump in, as I'm halfway through my drive to California for my sister's destination wedding. I'd say clear it with your immediate families if you're close with them, if you get the green light, go nuts.

It can be a huge financial strain, and also takes a week or two of people's vacations.

We have a 6 week old baby, so at first I was kind of perturbed, but now I'm actually really glad as it's forced us out of our comfort zone, and if this goes ok, it opens the door to future adventures. My wife and kid are flying out, then we're taking the opportunity to drive up the coast after to return home, something I've always wanted to do. If this goes well, we'll probably do things we wouldn't have considered with the baby or future babies. Which a colicky 6 week old... we may just learn a very painful lesson... haha.

Also, it's forcing us to have a family vacation, something we haven't done all together in years. I think it will be a blast.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by Bill Bumface

I feel like I'm a good candidate to jump in, as I'm halfway through my drive to California for my sister's destination wedding. I'd say clear it with your immediate families if you're close with them, if you get the green light, go nuts.

It can be a huge financial strain, and also takes a week or two of people's vacations.

We have a 6 week old baby, so at first I was kind of perturbed, but now I'm actually really glad as it's forced us out of our comfort zone, and if this goes ok, it opens the door to future adventures. My wife and kid are flying out, then we're taking the opportunity to drive up the coast after to return home, something I've always wanted to do. If this goes well, we'll probably do things we wouldn't have considered with the baby or future babies. Which a colicky 6 week old... we may just learn a very painful lesson... haha.

Also, it's forcing us to have a family vacation, something we haven't done all together in years. I think it will be a blast.

Far easier to drive with a 6 week old than a 2 year old. Do it now, as it's tougher later

[GP_Matt]

I like the destination wedding but you really should know your audience. Some people that you want to attend will not likely be able to afford it and others may not be able to get the time off. I have been to two and passed on one. The first one I attended was a blast and I would consider attending their anniversary if invited. The second one was a small group in a huge resort which was tough because you spent an hour each day trying to find the group.

Also, if someone can't make it I think the fault is yours and not theirs. You should not be able to give the person any grief if they can't go or can but choose not to. I was invited to my BIL's wedding two weeks after I graduated university, moved out of my parents home 750 km to the north and started my first real job. I had no money, no vacation time and would have had to drive 750 km to catch the plane or add in a $500 flight (they flew SunWing). Years later I was still getting a bit of grief whenever the wedding came up.

[timun]

I've been to one destination wedding, and had a blast. About 50 of us went, mostly composed of the bride's family, and they were great. I echo the comments above about it being great fun because the prep work is done for you.

The bride and groom asked everybody they intended to invite about a year in advance if we thought we could make it. They booked it and gave us all about 10 months to save up for it and book the time off. Once we were there (a resort on the Mayan Riviera) we had nothing to do, nothing to pay out of pocket for (save for tipping the wait staff to keep the stream of cocktails and cervezas coming), just all the free time in the world to have fun and shoot the ****. My days went like this:

- roll out of bed at 9:30 am
- have breakfast by 10:30
- hit up the pool by 11:30
- have lunch at some point in the afternoon
- meet up at 5:30 pm, decide which restaurant to go to for dinner, go back to our rooms to shower and throw some pants and shoes on
- have dinner
- decide which bar to go to for the evening
- party until the wee hours
- start it all over again the next day

It was glorious. It was a fantastic excuse to take a week off work, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

There were a few people who couldn't make it, mostly for cost reasons. It sucked for them but everyone else understood.

[driveway]

I missed Twofivenagame's wedding because I live in Asia and I wish like hell I could have gone. I almost certainly wouldn't have been able to make a local wedding either, but the fact that it was destination made it hurt to miss all the more. Destination weddings are awesome, people who don't like destination weddings are boring stick-in-the-muds.

[Ironhorse]

Originally Posted by driveway

Destination weddings are awesome, people who don't like destination weddings are boring stick-in-the-muds.

I think you're missing the point. Most people would love to go to an exotic location to watch you say "I do" and lay around the beach for the rest of the week, including myself. It's just that we don't like to put ourselves in the poor house to do it...

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Winsor_Pilates

I don't understand the angle of the people complaining about the cost. Most people will go on 1-2 holiday vacations a year anyway so why not just make the wedding of someone you care about one of them instead of looking at it as a $2000 expense?

You would be surprised how many plebeians don't have $2000 to devote to vacations. For many people if they have a spare $2000 they're using it on new appliances because the fridge is so noisy and the dishwasher is leaking again or an RSP or to pay off some credit card debt that resulted from emergency dental surgery/unforseen car repair or...

To try and go "This isn't about the money; this is about friendship" is total bu11$hit because it is about the money. Its great that you don't think $2000 is a lot of money and can afford to go to a destination wedding but for some people that equals two month's rent.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by Reaper

You would be surprised how many plebeians don't have $2000 to devote to vacations. For many people if they have a spare $2000 they're using it on new appliances because the fridge is so noisy and the dishwasher is leaking again or an RSP or to pay off some credit card debt that resulted from emergency dental surgery/unforseen car repair or...

To try and go "This isn't about the money; this is about friendship" is total bu11$hit because it is about the money. Its great that you don't think $2000 is a lot of money and can afford to go to a destination wedding but for some people that equals two month's rent.

Two months rent? Where do you live? Most places to rent these days are in the 1300-1500 range. And yeah...2000/person in addition to the vacation time...that's asking a lot of a lot of people.

"Most people will go on 1-2 holiday vacations a year"...I must be doing something wrong. My wife and I go on one every other year and consider ourselves lucky amongst our friends, who tend to go on 1 every 3-4 years.

[Regorium]

Originally Posted by Ironhorse

Fixed your post. If I'm required to lay out $2200 (perhaps x2) to attend your wedding and be your friend, then I guess we're not friends anymore.

Have your wedding local, and spend the money on a nice honeymoon instead - just the two of you. Destination weddings, with the whole entourage and gong show, have to be one of the most narcissistic things I've seen the past decade. It's no longer about joining two families together, its all about "look at me, look at me". Never mind that half the family can't afford to go, and therefore miss the wedding of their cousin / niece / nephew / aunt / uncle.

The only way I would approve of a destination wedding is if the bride and groom pay everyone's way.

Great post. Really, a destination wedding tells me a LOT about the couple.

Look at some of the costs here - $4000 all-in for the couple. It's all about them. The guests pay $2000 a person just to be there for YOU. It's absolutely crazy.

On the other hand, I have friends that actually want all their friends and families to celebrate with them and thus are doing a local wedding, but are struggling with the $20,000 (conservative) cost of having one here. I respect that a lot more than forcing the costs and vacation time onto your guests.

Destination wedding just tells me you don't want anyone to be there. That's fine, I'll oblige and politely decline. We'll still be friends though!

[Sainters7]

If you're doing a (out of country) destination wedding and you're still expecting everyone to come, and will be insulted if they don't, then yes you're right, that's incredibly selfish.

That isn't always the case though. Some people just don't like all the pomp, ceremony, and size of your average "local" wedding, and want a small group. If you've got the mentality of "we're going here, if you can make it that's great, if you can't I understand", I don't see the issue.

[SuperMatt18]

Determine what you like best and go with it but make sure you get what you are looking for. If having all your family and friends there is important, then keep it local. If you are comfortable with some people not being able to come then go destination.

Had my own wedding here in Calgary this year, and traveled to two other destination weddings. They all have their own merits.

Personally for me with a big family with lots of young nephews and nieces right now, it made much more sense for a local wedding. Was it a pain in the ass at times? Sure, but in the end we had a blast, the party went all night, and I wouldn't change anything about it. If you are concerned about the day of coordination just hire a good day of wedding planner and they will take care of everything for you.

For my one friend he wanted a really low key wedding, with only immediate family and the bridal party (about 18 ppl total) so a destination wedding made total sense. It was a bit expensive to go, especially in a year where we had our own wedding, but in the end we made a mini-honeymoon out of it and had a good time.

In the end it's your day so do it how you want, but if you decide to do a destination wedding just don't be offended if some people can't attend because it can be a fairly large chunk of change for people to dish out.

[dubc80]

I got married in April of this year.

Destination wedding wasn't even considered. We both have very close families and lots of friends so we wanted everyone to be able to make it.

Plus, I don't get to suit up very often so I liked that. The thought of getting married in flip-flops, clam digger linen pants and Tommy Bahama Hawaiian shirt doesn't appeal to me. But lots of people are the opposite and would actually prefer that.

I've only been to one (Vegas) and declined one (Mexico). The one I declined was partially because they chose a pretty exclusive resort. Although I am pretty close with the bride/groom, it was difficult to justify the cost.

The one destination wedding I attended was awesome though. A big multiple day party, basically.

If you are having a destination wedding, I'd say make sure you give everyone lots of notice to save up and get time off, make arrangements for kids/school etc.

Have fun, and CONGRATS!

[Language]

Originally Posted by Regorium

Great post. Really, a destination wedding tells me a LOT about the couple.

Look at some of the costs here - $4000 all-in for the couple. It's all about them. The guests pay $2000 a person just to be there for YOU. It's absolutely crazy.

On the other hand, I have friends that actually want all their friends and families to celebrate with them and thus are doing a local wedding, but are struggling with the $20,000 (conservative) cost of having one here. I respect that a lot more than forcing the costs and vacation time onto your guests.

Destination wedding just tells me you don't want anyone to be there. That's fine, I'll oblige and politely decline. We'll still be friends though!

Completely agree and couldn't have said it better myself.

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by Winsor_Pilates

I don't understand the angle of the people complaining about the cost. Most people will go on 1-2 holiday vacations a year anyway so why not just make the wedding of someone you care about one of them instead of looking at it as a $2000 expense?

No, they don't. The annual airplane vacation is only a very recent thing for anyone but the wealthy, and it's mostly an Alberta and Saskatchewan thing. My friends are all comfortably middle-class and they do maybe one airplane vacation every 2-3 years. The only ones who go away every year work at Westjet or have family who work there.

I find it interesting how quickly and how dramatically social norms change. Destination weddings have only been a thing for about 10 years. Presumably, they're driven by:

A) People getting married later in life, when they have more money.

B) The skyrocketing increase in the frequency of beach vacations among the middle class (especially in Alberta).

C) Weakened bonds of extended family and communities.

I see the cost of conventional weddings cited as a reason to go away, but it's worth keeping in mind that the average wedding today costs four times what it did 20 years ago. They haven't always cost $40,000. I don't really have any explanation for that change.

I got married 16 years ago and it cost about $7,000. Ceremony in a back yard. Dinner for 50 at a local golf course (the biggest expense). Community hall rental for 150 with booze. A friend DJ'd. Another friend took the photos. No rehearsal dinner. No limos. Most of the costs were covered by our parents, which was traditionally how these things were done. All in all, a thoroughly conventional wedding for a middle-class 29 and 25 year old couple in the 90s. Not sure what changed. A flood of oil money? More people living here from cultures that traditionally have huge and costly weddings? An increase in conspicuous consumption and status-seeking?

[username]

The thing that bugs me the most about a destination wedding is that everyone who does them assumes that their guests are happy to go to an all inclusive in Mexico. If my best friend or family member gets married down there I basically have to go and I can't stand going to all inclusive resorts.

So in short, I think destination weddings are a terrible idea.

[Zarley]

I dislike destination weddings for two reasons:

The biggest one being that I only have four weeks off per year and I'm being forced to allocate one week of vacation to going somewhere where I likely have no interest going, with people that I may or may not like. I was recently invited to a destination wedding in Caribbean next July - why would anyone want to go to the tropics when it's the middle of summer in Calgary? Luckily I'm not very close with these people and don't feel the need to attend.

Also, I see it as the couple passing the cost of their wedding onto their friends and family. That's just greasy.