For me if the parents are already intervening in the situation attemping to do something then you have no place intervening.
If they are doing nothing and oblivious and doing something that affects you then saying something like Please don't touch my shopping cart or I will tell your mom is reasonable. Or quit eating the produce or I will tell your mom. Those things are reasonable.
The one inicident I had was kids kicking rocks off a cliff with people hiking below in Bryce Canyon. I was already past the point of where he was kicking rocks onto but I tore into the 8 year old. I could have been a lot calmer but the kid stopped. His parents glared at me but didn't say anything.
Overall I say go for it if the parent isn't trying to deal with it.
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If you're intervening to protect people, animals, or to prevent damage to property, then fine. If I'm not doing my job in that respect (probably because the other monster is distracting me), then I appreciate your help.
But don't try to teach my kids manners or the subtleties of social interactions. If my kid is licking your grocery cart, then you should be talking to me, not my 4-year-old.
If you're intervening to protect people, animals, or to prevent damage to property, then fine. If I'm not doing my job in that respect (probably because the other monster is distracting me), then I appreciate your help.
But don't try to teach my kids manners or the subtleties of social interactions. If my kid is licking your grocery cart, then you should be talking to me, not my 4-year-old.
So if you were otherwise occupied (with the other monster as you say, or with an important phone call, paying for your groceries, whatever and therefore, unable to notice the act yourself), would it upset you if the person behind you in line suggested to your kid not to lick a dirty shopping cart?
I just don't understand the hostility about it. Especially if it's done in a friendly manner. Do you want your kid licking the shopping cart? How come you don't appreciate that help just as much as you would if someone stopped them from tearing all the cereal from the shelves or kicking an old lady?
Don't mean it in a condescending way, I am just curious about the thought process behind this type of thing for parents.
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Last edited by Coach; 12-22-2014 at 03:32 PM.
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I'm bad at describing specific situations here, but there's a difference between politely suggesting something vs. the "stern talking-to" that some people are talking about. Like making a huge deal about saying "please" for Smarties, when (for all you know) we're already working through the difficulties of that on our own and just haven't quite mastered it.
Your choice to withhold smarties (don't know who I'm talking to), but if you think it's your job to teach a lesson in manners, then you're just wasting your time.
The more I think about it, the more I realize it does go on a case-by-case basis. It depends on the behaviour, if I'm responsible for behaviours that could cause potential harm to themselves or others (working) and sometimes (unfortunately) what kind of mood I'm in.
Another thing that has happened where I tend to back off is meltdowns. With the possibility of disabilities being the cause of the tantrum, parents of the kids are likely sick of people giving them dirty looks. There was one patron with a little girl that has autism at the pool that was having a "bad day" and was SCREAMING in the changeroom while getting her hair brushed. Another patron asked me if I was going to intervene. I know the girl and the family as they are regulars and am aware of the girls behaviours. I can't come out and tell the second patron what's going on because it's not my place to talk about other people's families. All I could do was say that I was aware of what was going on.
Sometimes there's kids that aren't able to tell you in words that they are having a bad day.
Sometimes, in other instances, all I have to do is whip out the "Mom stare"
I'm bad at describing specific situations here, but there's a difference between politely suggesting something vs. the "stern talking-to" that some people are talking about. Like making a huge deal about saying "please" for Smarties, when (for all you know) we're already working through the difficulties of that on our own and just haven't quite mastered it.
Your choice to withhold smarties (don't know who I'm talking to), but if you think it's your job to teach a lesson in manners, then you're just wasting your time.
Ok fair enough to the first part, but to bolded part I again have to ask why this would be a problem for you. Shouldn't we all be saying please and thank you? If you're out of the room and your kid demands Smarties from someone else, they can't ask them to be polite and say please first because it's your kid? Even if you're standing right over top of the interaction and your kid is rude and the person waits for a reaction from you, gets nothing (not saying you personally) and they politely refuse to give the kid a Smartie because they didn't say please. Like you say, it's their choice no to give the Smartie, so is it better to just say no or to also reinforce why they don't get a Smartie?
The whole "takes a village to raise a child" thing. Why is it bad if their reinforcing what you would say anyways had you been there? I just don't see how this is a bad thing.
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Certainly a case by case basis. In theory I wouldn't want someone else giving my son a talking too, but they also don't need too since I'm normally right on top of it.
If it was something bad, like trying to kick a rabbit I'd hope someone would say something to me, but wouldn't be upset if they said it directly to him in that instance either.
Say something to the parent, say something to the kid if the parent isn't there and it's real bad. But for the most part mind your own business.
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Your choice to withhold smarties (don't know who I'm talking to), but if you think it's your job to teach a lesson in manners, then you're just wasting your time.
Haha, screw that. If the kids are little entitled monsters with no manners, and also happen to be my nephews, damn right I'm going to use that situation to teach them about manners.
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It goes both ways... Ive had other peoples kids playing hide and seek around my cart in lineups before, who cares. as long as they aren't hurting themselves or others.
Well there are certain ways humans should behave in public, just because nobody is getting hurt that does not mean the behavior is acceptable.
I know some parents think that raising there voice will make them look like a "bad parent". Well letting your little kid sprint around the grocery store, stand on the table at a restraunt, or not making them listen makes you look way worse. It is hard to try and make kids listen when they have parents who don't make them listen.
Funnt thing here.... My Sister In Law is a Speech Path, has a Masters, her career is working with kids and specializes in teaching children with Autism, well her kids a the biggest little #####s in the family. My Brother who is a construction worker, his wife a waitress, they have the two most respectful, well behaved boys you'd ever meet, those two also have chores, play hockey and two parents who do not tolerate any bs.
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Last edited by Derek Sutton; 12-22-2014 at 05:45 PM.
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A few days ago I was at Starbucks and I had just been handed my coffee when some little brat tore through the area where everyone was doctoring up their coffees. I had just turned and started to walk when this thing almost ran into me. I said to it "hey you shouldn't run through here, there are a lot of hot drinks that could spill on you". Well not only did the Mom scream at me for saying this, but at least 2 other women were also telling me that I shouldn't say this to the kid. I didn't even yell at it, I just said this.
Stupid parents have stupid children and the circle of stupid rolls along.
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Last edited by vanisleflamesfan; 12-22-2014 at 06:35 PM.
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A few days ago I was at Starbucks and I had just been handed my coffee when some little brat tore through the area where everyone was doctoring up their coffees. I had just turned and started to walk when this thing almost ran into me. I said to it "hey you shouldn't run through here, there are a lot of hot drinks that could spill on you". Well not only did the Mom scream at me for saying this, but at least 2 other women were also telling me that I shouldn't say this to the kid. I didn't even yell at it, I just said this.
Stupid parents have stupid children and the circle of stupid rolls along.
I think perhaps its the parents we should be educating here. Spill some hot coffee on one of the women. Useful teaching moment for that child to see what hot coffee does.
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I find alot of people are easily irritated by other peoples misbehaving children.
I fixed your post for you.
I also think that a lot of parents have tuned out their kids frequency and rarely see how bad they can actually be. They are deadened to it and are oblivious to the sensitivity of other people around them.
As mentioned by others, it only took a stern look or a threat to get me and my friends to settle down, and not just from my parents but other parents, and adults in general. And that's not me waxing nostalgia, that's a fact, and I can say that about all my friends I grew up with.
The respect was lost in between then and now, and I don't know who is to blame.
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Last edited by ricosuave; 12-22-2014 at 07:56 PM.
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Location: A simple man leading a complicated life....
Exp:
Quote:
Originally Posted by corporatejay
Oh, so to get my kid from having a tantrum all I have to do is tell him to stop? Thanks armchair quarterbacks....mind your own business.
I remember taking my nephew to WalMart when he was 4 years old. He was playing soccer at the time and saw these pylons that he really wanted. He looked to his uncle Dion and I said he already had some. Well, he started to scream at the top of his lungs that he wanted it and proceeded to lay on the floor kicking and screaming. Meanwhile people are giving me the stare and telling me I should raise my kid better.
Last time my kid tried the ol' kicking and screaming while lying on the ground bit I decided to join her to show her how stupid it looked. Turned out it was the only time she tried that. Of course, I wasn't in a Walmart.
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Originally Posted by V
Last time my kid tried the ol' kicking and screaming while lying on the ground bit I decided to join her to show her how stupid it looked. Turned out it was the only time she tried that. Of course, I wasn't in a Walmart.
It was my first experience with a temper/meltdown tantrum. Nothing I said worked and I staring to panic as to what to do next, so I ended buying him the pylons
I get him back to my sisters and she sees that Tyler had been crying and was clutching the pylons in his arms. She looked at me and laughed saying he did it you did he??? I dropped an f bomb and walked out!
Oh, so to get my kid from having a tantrum all I have to do is tell him to stop? Thanks armchair quarterbacks....mind your own business.
Actually I'm not sure anyone said that, and most of the gripes were about parents who don't care to do anything or worse, think it's acceptable.
And before you go off at me, I first jumped in by saying others shouldn't interfere with a parents discipline methods. They may know what works and are already using it. Kids are noisy, kids misbehave. I said this. I get the ignoring tactic. Often the best thing to do. Kids want attention, positive or negative.
But be fair, your gripe doesn't really fit into the conversation here. So no need to go all hogh and mighty.
I remember taking my nephew to WalMart when he was 4 years old. He was playing soccer at the time and saw these pylons that he really wanted. He looked to his uncle Dion and I said he already had some. Well, he started to scream at the top of his lungs that he wanted it and proceeded to lay on the floor kicking and screaming. Meanwhile people are giving me the stare and telling me I should raise my kid better.
Well here's one for the collective CP mind. I'm still relatively new to this parenting thing (If I ever mention my son, it's technically step-son) but what do you guys do in this situation?
For some reason I think my Grandpa's method wouldn't be quite as accepted in todays world so if it gets past the point of words fixing it I just scoop the kid up and go to the car until he's done. And of course never give in to his 'demands', it's like negotiating with a terrorist. Give him what he wants and he'll learn his powers and just want more.
My sister once walked away from her daughter and started yelling "Whose kid is this?! Get your kid to shut up!" at which point her daughter promptly shut up and started behaving. That was the only time she ever pulled that stunt.
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