Let's talk about "spark" when it comes to new relationships - Page 3 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

DownhillGoat · 12-09-2014, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

She needs to realize that she may need to step out of her boundaries to find what she wants and that things arent always going to come to you in the way you want. Life is about making sacrifices in achieving your goal.

I'm confused as to why she needs to realize that. She's clearly not willing to sacrifice that 'spark' to be in a relationship. Or maybe she's just not that into you.

Are you're saying she should stop looking for exactly what she knows she wants and settle?

J pold · 12-09-2014, 12:32 PM

Did you kiss her?

ChickenPho · 12-09-2014, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nik-

How old are you and how old is she? You seem to be investing way too much into a 3 date "relationship". If you're getting that kind of pushback that early in ... why would you press it? Is she the finest thing going or what?

Im 33 and she turns 27 this Sunday (which I had on my calendar). Too bad I cant wish her a happy birthday, or even better take her out on her birthday. Oh well.

I would say what I find the most attractive about her is just her personality and the fact she is an independant woman who knows what she wants in life and she has a mysterious (yet hard to discover) side to her. Aside from her pushback and her unforgiving expectations when it comes to relationships, she is short and brunette, I have a soft spot for them.

nik- · 12-09-2014, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Im 33 and she turns 27 this Sunday (which I had on my calendar). Too bad I cant wish her a happy birthday, or even better take her out on her birthday. Oh well.

I would say what I find the most attractive about her is just her personality and the fact she is an independant woman who knows what she wants in life and she has a mysterious (yet hard to discover) side to her. Aside from her pushback and her unforgiving expectations when it comes to relationships, she is short and brunette, I have a soft spot for them.

So one of the things you like about her is applying negatively to you and you want her to ignore it or look past it?

ChickenPho · 12-09-2014, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cuz

This right here, IMO, is what makes her high maintenance. She may not be high maintenance in the traditional sense (i.e. taking a long time to get ready, lots of make-up etc.), but she is in the emotional sense and she expects guys she's dating to live up to her (somewhat) unrealistic standards, which I believe to be worse than the traditional definition of high maintenance.

That is a good point, high maintenance in the emotional sense. She basically wants to keep re-living her past relationships with the love at first sight and not too willing to exploring new options. I was really taken back when she said this, and thought it was a bit odd and perhaps turned off a bit...but I always try to make compromises.

northcrunk · 12-09-2014, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

That is a good point, high maintenance in the emotional sense. She basically wants to keep re-living her past relationships with the love at first sight and not too willing to exploring new options. I was really taken back when she said this, and thought it was a bit odd and perhaps turned off a bit...but I always try to make compromises.

That get old fast. Best relationships are the ones that come naturally and the girl isn't expecting constantly from you. Also she seems like a very insecure although she may come off in person as secure the way she is holding on to having to have love at first sight. It's almost like she needs to be the centre of attention for anyone who dates her and given proiority constantly. Too high maintenance emotionally.

ChickenPho · 12-09-2014, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kunkstyle

I'm confused as to why she needs to realize that. She's clearly not willing to sacrifice that 'spark' to be in a relationship. Or maybe she's just not that into you.

Are you're saying she should stop looking for exactly what she knows she wants and settle?

It would just be nice to get her to be a little more open minded, but I know you cant change someone if they are dead set on their preferences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by J pold

Did you kiss her?

Eh not the kiss that I was planning. I did get a last crack at it when dropping her off, I got out of my car to let her out and was going to walk her to her door, thought it would be another shot at it but I was not getting a good vibe at all.

This of course, was just literally 15mins after she had cut the date short and backed out at the very last minute from what we had planned as our 2nd activity. We got to the venue and was about to find parking and she said she wanted a raincheck cause its too cold out. And this was just 10mins after, she had planned for that venue! Uhh, such a quick drastic turn of events that happened within minutes. I was just dejected when she did this, but more dissapointed that she wasnt willing to go out of her way a bit for us getting to spend more time together that night. We were dressed right for the weather, it was only -1. That right there, pretty much killed the mood for me that night. Ive had girls in the past who eagerly stepped out of their boundaries a bit on a date just for the fact knowing the oppurtunity they had on hand. Her indecisiveness that night really turned me off. She said she wanted a raincheck and that she was tired, but I was skeptical.

When we did say bye, I hugged her, went for the long kiss and she only let me peck then turned to her cheek. I knew right there, something wasnt right. And she said that I didnt have to walk her to her door, so I didnt. That was even more damage. I took off right away and was confused as hell as to what went wrong.

Dan02 · 12-09-2014, 12:57 PM

You seem way overly attached to someone you've gone on 3 dates with.

nik- · 12-09-2014, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

It would just be nice to get her to be a little more open minded, but I know you cant change someone if they are dead set on their preferences.

Eh not the kiss that I was planning. I did get a last crack at it when dropping her off, I got out of my car to let her out and was going to walk her to her door, thought it would be another shot at it but I was not getting a good vibe at all. This of course, was just literally 10mins after she cut the date short and backed out at the last minute from what we had planned as our 2nd activity. I was just dejected when she did this. Her indecisiveness that night really turned me off. She said she wanted a raincheck and that she was tired, but I was skeptical. When we did say bye, I hugged her tight, went for the long kiss and she only let me peck quickly then turned to her cheek. I knew right there, something wasnt right.

... dude

why would you even try to kiss her after those events happened? Those aren't even really hints at that point.

Northendzone · 12-09-2014, 01:16 PM

offer her up a free mousetache ride for her bday, if she says no be happy you did not spend any real money on her.....er, i mean, it is always dissapointing when you meet someone who you like and want to get to know, and they are in a different place than you are......

Bring_Back_Shantz · 12-09-2014, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

It would just be nice to get her to be a little more open minded, but I know you cant change someone if they are dead set on their preferences.

Eh not the kiss that I was planning. I did get a last crack at it when dropping her off, I got out of my car to let her out and was going to walk her to her door, thought it would be another shot at it but I was not getting a good vibe at all.

This of course, was just literally 15mins after she had cut the date short and backed out at the very last minute from what we had planned as our 2nd activity. We got to the venue and was about to find parking and she said she wanted a raincheck cause its too cold out. And this was just 10mins after, she had planned for that venue! Uhh, such a quick drastic turn of events that happened within minutes. I was just dejected when she did this. Her indecisiveness that night really turned me off. She said she wanted a raincheck and that she was tired, but I was skeptical.

When we did say bye, I hugged her, went for the long kiss and she only let me peck then turned to her cheek. I knew right there, something wasnt right. And she said that I didnt have to walk her to her door, so I didnt. That was even more damage.

Really? You knew right there? You didn't notice every other indication that she wasn't into you and was trying to let you down easy?

BigBrodieFan · 12-09-2014, 01:17 PM

She's just not that into you.

However, from a woman's perspective- the way to get her interested is:

1) Ignore her completely- if she texts you, text back six hours later with one word answers

2) If she starts calling you and wants to go out tell her you're busy.

3) Tell her you're seeing other people.

**The above advice doesn't set the stage for a long term relationship but it may get you laid once or twice. If this happens or if it does not happen- refer to my first piece of advice which is the truth..

She's just not that into you.

vegasbound · 12-09-2014, 01:18 PM

She's not into you. I'm a girl, a little bit younger than her and she's not into you. My last 3rd date (it's been awhile), we were goofing off and going on a booze cruise and not even thinking about the future.

jeffman · 12-09-2014, 01:25 PM

Time to bail

ChickenPho · 12-09-2014, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nik-

So one of the things you like about her is applying negatively to you and you want her to ignore it or look past it?

I feel that I'm always too accommodating to their needs. I don't look past these negative signs, but I have a bad habit of always trying to either get used to them or work around to them, soley to focus on the positive stuff. It probably doesn't help the cause that I'm a very forgiving person.

Quote:

Originally Posted by northcrunk

Also she seems like a very insecure although she may come off in person as secure the way she is holding on to having to have love at first sight. It's almost like she needs to be the centre of attention for anyone who dates her and given proiority constantly. Too high maintenance emotionally.

Thats what I thought too, but was more curious than anything on why she was so set on the love at first sight relationships.

troutman · 12-09-2014, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigBrodieFan

However, from a woman's perspective- the way to get her interested is:

1) Ignore her completely- if she texts you, text back six hours later with one word answers

2) If she starts calling you and wants to go out tell her you're busy.

3) Tell her you're seeing other people.

**The above advice doesn't set the stage for a long term relationship but it may get you laid once or twice. If this happens or if it does not happen- refer to my first piece of advice which is the truth..

Does that ever really work? If so, that is messed-up. Wicked games.

V · 12-09-2014, 01:32 PM

Just employ the D.E.N.N.I.S. system. You'll be fine.

vegasbound · 12-09-2014, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troutman

Does that ever really work? If so, that is messed-up. Wicked games.

Yes and no. My ex and I play these games all the time with each other for some stupid reason.

ChickenPho · 12-09-2014, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nik-

... dude

why would you even try to kiss her after those events happened? Those aren't even really hints at that point.

I was just giving her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps she was telling the truth when she backed out last minute from the second venue. Maybe the weather was too cold for her. But regardless, I wanted to stay optimistic and not be a jerk to end it.

Even though a girlfriend of mine said I should have told her to cab it home when she backed out at the second venue.

Bring_Back_Shantz · 12-09-2014, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Thats what I thought too, but was more curious than anything on why she was so set on the love at first sight relationships.

DUDE, SHE'S NOT!

She's not into you. She's trying to let you down easy by feeding you a clever variation of "It's not you, it's me".

I'm not trying to be a dick about it, but you really need to chill out about this chick.
It was 3 dates, and you already had her birthday in your callendar, and wanted to make birthday plans with her, and you've written pages about it on CP?

Okay, sorry man, you were apparently really into this chick, but she's not into you. It sucks, you can't win 'em all. But man, you need to stop trying to rationalize this and just move on.