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Old 01-13-2014, 06:30 PM   #41
To Be Quite Honest
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Originally Posted by troutman View Post
It used to be that Dads generally got the kids every second weekend, and maybe a weeknight in between. I think there has been a move away from that, where the starting point is some version of 50/50, and it is adjusted from there based on circumstances and the best interests of the children. It is likely an infant that is breast feeding would be mainly with mom. Once a child is over 14, they have a greater say in where they live. Child support is reduced once you have the child more than 40% of the time.

The research shows that children of divorce do as well as other children, when they have maximum contact with both parents.
Could you tell me where this research is? There were a dozen fathers I was an open ear too over a year ago. This could be some good info to send them.
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:37 PM   #42
troutman
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News flash.....dad's get emotional and protective of their kids too. I played that game you outlined at first and all I found was I was getting f&cked over. I took a stand for my rights with my kids. Let me tell ya, it wasn't fun because my ex is a social worker in management for child protection. That bitch tried every trick in the books to try and seperate me from my kids.

My best piece of advice: Dad's, stand up for your rights when it comes to the kids. Don't play into the "I'll be the bigger/better person" because you will lose in the end.
Children have rights. Parents have only obligations.
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:53 PM   #43
Angelamc
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Not a single Dad, but shared custody with my son for week on/off for approx. 12 years now so i'll share my experience. Hopefully you dont mind.
I can say that it has worked extremely well for him and us as parents. It was hard at first being away from him for a week (he was just under 2 years old when his Dad and I split) but his Dad was awesome about letting me pick him up from the day home or wherever to go for supper or something with him on his weeks when I was really needing to spend a little time and vice versa. Before we knew it he was in school/sports etc. and there haven't been too many weeks, aside from summer vacations, where I haven't seen him during his Dad's week. You end up at their game, art show or helping the other parent out to pick him up if they are stuck in traffic or tied up at work or whatever and get to see them even on your 'off' week.
Not sure about the child support though, I never requested it from his Dad, it didn't seem right as we shared him 50/50 and I am just as capable of supporting our son as he is. He does make a lot more money than I do and that has helped as my son has gotten older. Now that the bigger money is needed, ie: my son made AA hockey this year which came with a big price tag of 7k all in, he was more than happy to pay for it, which is good for me because to have to fork out 3.5k for me is much harder so am happy that he is willing to do it and because I've never received child support it makes it that much easier for him to do it no problem.
With 50/50 custody you also get to tax plan a bit. One of you can use equivalent to spouse as a 'single parent'. We would figure out (before he was married and I was self-employed) how to get the biggest refund depending on who used the credit. CRA will question when you switch between parents and ask for court documents stating custody agreement but a hand written letter will work fine (we never went to court, was a gentleman’s handshake on the agreement) CRA accepts that. We would figure out refund and split it.
As the child gets older it doesn't even feel like week on/off. With the helping each other out driving, the 'can you take the child/teenager early this week as I have a thing', and my son having a cell phone I never feel like a 'single' parent.
This is just my opinion and nothing else, I don't agree with what i'm seeing in a lot of co-parenting situations, the forced nightly phone call by the other parent from the child to the other parent. I'm not saying that the child should not be allowed to telephone the other parent if they want to, but from past experiences with friends in the nightly call situation, I don’t think the kid needs a nightly reminder that their parents aren't together and I think the parent who is with their child for that week or few days or whatever it works out to be should have the opportunity to create 'their' time together as it naturally would and not with the interruption of what will be/or is their time with the other parent. Just my opinion.
Hopefully you and your ex will remain entirely focused on what is best for the child. If the two of you can pull that off you'll raise a gooder.
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