So I am getting married - wedding advice, expertise, past experiences needed.

[LChoy]

My 2 cents and lessons learned from my wedding:

- Weddings are expensive, but if you have a really good rewards card, try to put as much wedding expenses on there. Even if it's something small and you can pay it off right away, the points add up. We were able to accumulate enough Aeroplan points that we were able to fly first class round trip to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Something to think about
- I guess it depends on your background, but with Asian weddings, the wedding is for the families, the honeymoon is for the bride and groom. I fun at the wedding but with something that was planned to the last detail for over a year, it will feel that we were moving along to the next thing on the schedule. For my guests and family, they enjoyed it but then again, they also got to eat, drink, and have a good time
- If you are looking into photographers, may I recommend http://www.debbiewongphotography.ca. Normally I am wary involving good friends and business, but I was very happy that she shot my wedding.

[TheGrimm]

First off... Congratulations! My biggest piece of advice is simply remember it's just one day. You should enjoy it, but expect there will be hiccups and drama, and just roll with it. If you are expecting that everything has to go smoothly you are in for way too much stress for a day that should be about having fun!

1 - How do you feel about a Friday wedding? If that is the day you want, go for it, but at the same time understand that if people decline to go you can't really hold it against them.

2 - How do you feel about a long weekend wedding? I have no issues attending long weekend weddings, especially when it's a bit of a destination, it makes the whole weekend feel a bit less rushed. We are attending a wedding this summer in Sandpoint over a long weekend and decided to rent a cabin for the whole week, just to be able to make a holiday out of it. The only caveat here is that you may end up paying a premium for venues and services.

3 - When it comes to first cousins, how do you weed them down to the number you want. These are the most tenuous issues with weddings. I have a very large family and we ended up choosing a venue based on our numbers rather than cutting them down. I tend to be a pushover on this front as I would feel bad excluding anyone without appropriate cause.

4 - If a first cousin got married and you werent invited because either A it was rushed due to an "unexpected bun in the oven" or B they are cheap and introverted and only had a justice of the peace marry them with their parents what is your obligation to invite them if you are inviting their siblings who invited you to the wedding? See above.

5 - I have about 16 guests that I am not sure will come or not and I would rather not wait until 2 months before I know if they will come or not, are "save-the-date" letters acceptable forms of intial weeding out? In your invitations you set an RSVP request and a date, if they don't respond by that date you have to assume they aren't coming. That is the most common way I've seen.

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?
Mostly covered by others.

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer? Most venues that host these types of events hammer through those details when you meet with them. If you are worried a quick google search will find you a bunch of questions you can ask.


Regarding the cheap photographer route, I may be slightly biased as my wife is a photographer, but I too would be leary of cheaping out here. Photos (and possibly videos) are really the only thing from that day that you will continually look back at. It's not like your wife will be wearing her wedding dress to formal events and you aren't likely to have your wedding cake decorating your living room for the next decade or two.

[LChoy]

Oops, I should probably follow the convention. See below

Originally Posted by mykalberta

1 - How do you feel about a Friday wedding?
It's not the most ideal, but it is your wedding so you make the rules
If it is on Friday, I suggest keeping it short and simple. Ceremony followed by a reception nearby (or in the same venue)

2 - How do you feel about a long weekend wedding?
I know some people think it's a gear grinder but I don't mind it. I think it works well if you have a lot of people coming from out of town. Also, you may get a break on expenses if you did the Sunday of the long weekend rather than prime time Saturday.

3 - When it comes to first cousins, how do you weed them down to the number you want.
Both my wife and I have large Asian families and it will depend on your relationship with your cousins. For us, we sent out invitations to the cousins we keep in touch with, and for the others, the invitations were sent out to the Aunts and Uncles and included the name of the cousins.

4 - If a first cousin got married and you werent invited because either A it was rushed due to an "unexpected bun in the oven" or B they are cheap and introverted and only had a justice of the peace marry them with their parents what is your obligation to invite them if you are inviting their siblings who invited you to the wedding?
It's family and if you're inviting cousins, you'll have to invite them all

5 - I have about 16 guests that I am not sure will come or not and I would rather not wait until 2 months before I know if they will come or not, are "save-the-date" letters acceptable forms of intial weeding out?
Yes, you can send out those letters and have a way that they can reply if they are interested or not.

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?
1. Ring, 2. Catering + rentals, 3. Venue (2 + 3 can be combined if venue includes the food and entertainment), 4. Alcohol, 5. The "miscellaneous costs"

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer?
Enjoy the catering taste testing. It might be the only time you get to sit down and enjoy the food
My wife and I created mini "Iron Chef" judging cards and took photos of each of the catering places we tried. I had a 2 page questionnaire I asked them as well, but I don't have it handy right now. Among the questions I asked though were:

Caterer:
1. Experience
2. There protocol with allergies dietary restrictions
3. Kids menu, vendor meals, unexpected guests
4. With steak, how do they ensure the meat doesn't become overcooked when they are prepared in large quantities
5. Alcohol package. Bring your own option? Open bar rules..etc?
6. Do they include all the cutlery, linens, chair covers...etc If not, who is the supplier for those things and associated cost of rentals
7. Their staff costs and tipping expectations. Our the staff in house, or are they hired through another agency (important to know for service quality of the staff)

Venue:
1. What is and not included - (everything from tables and chairs, podium, sound system, lights)
2. Are they able to store things in advance, grant advance access for setup, ease for vendors to come and go...etc
3. Who to call if something goes wrong

Oh yeah, Congratulations!

[Sliver]

I'd consider eloping.

All that money you're going to blow on one day will serve you way better and help your life way more if you put it into your house, savings, etc. Invite your friends and family over to your place for a nice party/BBQ to celebrate.

Photography is a big one you can save a lot on. You just don't need and won't want hundreds of photos. One or two pictures will be all that matters once you start getting months and years away from the wedding day. Nobody will ever want to see your giant wedding album, and it would be weird to put more than a couple wedding photos up around your house.

If you come from a wealthy family, ignore all of the above. My point is just make sure you don't sacrifice anything in your future for a one-day celebration. It's the marriage that's important; the wedding day is just one day of thousands you'll be spending together.

[TheGrimm]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I'd consider eloping.

All that money you're going to blow on one day will serve you way better and help your life way more if you put it into your house, savings, etc. Invite your friends and family over to your place for a nice party/BBQ to celebrate.

Photography is a big one you can save a lot on. You just don't need and won't want hundreds of photos. One or two pictures will be all that matters once you start getting months and years away from the wedding day. Nobody will ever want to see your giant wedding album, and it would be weird to put more than a couple wedding photos up around your house.

If you come from a wealthy family, ignore all of the above. My point is just make sure you don't sacrifice anything in your future for a one-day celebration. It's the marriage that's important; the wedding day is just one day of thousands you'll be spending together.

Big time disagree here, I've spent countless hours going through my grandmothers photographs, including wedding photographs. I am not going to say you are alone on an island in your sentiments, but I am guessing there aren't many who are with you in this. Just because you don't appreciate the nostalgia and reminders of the day, doesn't mean your wife, children, grandchildren, or great grandchildren might not appreciate it.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by TheGrimm

Big time disagree here, I've spent countless hours going through my grandmothers photographs, including wedding photographs. I am not going to say you are alone on an island in your sentiments, but I am guessing there aren't many who are with you in this. Just because you don't appreciate the nostalgia and reminders of the day, doesn't mean your wife, children, grandchildren, or great grandchildren might not appreciate it.

I do appreciate the nostalgia of the day...I just don't need 100 or 200 professional photos to show me. A few will do just fine. Plus I love photos in general (who doesn't?), just not a ton from one single event. Although, everybody and their dog has a camera, so there will always be hundreds of photos for free that will capture the look and feel of the wedding. Your post implies I suggested having a no-photos rule or something at the wedding.

I think my children are way better served by having the $5000 some people spend (and can't afford) on photography put into their college funds or into the house that will be the roof over their heads as they grow up than into a photo album that will be looked at for a grand total of two hours over the next 50 years.

But - keep in mind - I also said to go nuts if you are rich. Just don't ever put a wedding on debt or sacrifice anything from your future to pay for a party.

[CaptainCrunch]

One of the cool things that a friend of mine did at their wedding was that the center piece contained disposable cameras, they asked all of the guests to basically be photographers for the night and then collected the cameras at the end of the evening and then picked the best pictures and cut them onto DVD's that they sent out to the guests to music.

It was a very fun touch, except for the rowdies that tried to snap upskirt pictures.

[Parallex]

Originally Posted by mykalberta

1 - How do you feel about a Friday wedding? From our perspective since most people will be driving 3+ hours anyway then they can take a Friday off and then enjoy the Saturday/Sunday in the mountains.

Seems fine to me, I didn't have one but that was because their was a prior committment on the venue we wanted.

Originally Posted by mykalberta

2 - How do you feel about a long weekend wedding? The only Saturday date available at our top 3 locations is durring a long weekend. On the face of it I am 100% against long weekend weddings as I feel that I dont want to intrude on someones freebee vacation day.

I think you're good. In fact if I were an out-of-towner I'd like it even more since it becomes a mini vacation for me. Besides weddings and receptions are enjoyable fun experiences (for guests) you're enhancing their freebee day not stealing it.

Originally Posted by mykalberta

Guest list questions:

For myself I have a relatively small family by most respects but the numbers when you count aunts, uncles, cousins, their kids, etc etc etc start to add up quick and I am having a difficult time trying to explain to my parents who I respect and realize there is a protocol to these things vis a vi relatives.

3 - When it comes to first cousins, how do you weed them down to the number you want.

Can't help you... I invited everyone.

Originally Posted by mykalberta

4 - If a first cousin got married and you werent invited because either A it was rushed due to an "unexpected bun in the oven" or B they are cheap and introverted and only had a justice of the peace marry them with their parents what is your obligation to invite them if you are inviting their siblings who invited you to the wedding?

IMO you'd have the obligation to invite them... A: Had extenuating circumstances and B: treated everyone in the extended family the same (even if they were cheap about it).

Originally Posted by mykalberta

5 - I have about 16 guests that I am not sure will come or not and I would rather not wait until 2 months before I know if they will come or not, are "save-the-date" letters acceptable forms of intial weeding out?

No, I never feel obligated to commit until I get an "RSVP by" notice.

Originally Posted by mykalberta

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?

In my case (just going off of memory):

#1: Honeymoon (but it was totally worth it)
#2: Catering/Bar. Having an open bar is a huge expense... I had a toonie bar (Guest Covers the first $2.00 we cover the rest) and it was still pricey.
#3: Venue (including bells and whistles)
#4: Photographers/Videographers (don't forget to include them as "guests" they'll need to eat too and they'll need a space to sit while doing so)
#5: The Dress
#6: The Rings

Everything else was pretty minor. We went DIY as much as possible.

Originally Posted by mykalberta

We are meeting 3 different places about venues/catering this weekend and middle of next week.

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer?

1: Price Range.
2: In my experience our initial plan was to have an outdoor wedding but Calgary being Calgary we needed to have a back-up plan for poor weather (which we ended up needing to use) so you may want to ask about alternate spaces (Plan B).
3: Audio-Visual Equipment on site (Music/Projectors/Speakers/Mic's) whether they have it and if there is a cost.
4: Technical Support for #3
5: Table Dressings
6: Bar Options
7: Space/Activties for youngins'

We had our wedding at the Calgary Zoo... I highly recommend it.

Hope that helps

Enjoy your life together!

[Plett25]

Here's some unsolicited comments...

Does it have to be Aug/Sept? You'll have a lot more flexibility if you go to a non-traditional wedding month. (So won't have to be a Friday or a long weekend)

I got married in November in part because we were sick of having every other summer weekend gobbled up by weddings. Summer is short and there's lots to do, winter is long and there's nothing to do.

Plus, honeymoon on a beach makes more sense in the winter than in the summer.

And for photographers, I have never looked at my wedding pictures. I don't think anyone else has either (maybe my wife and her friends shortly after the wedding) IMO you only need one good picture. That's all our grandparents had.

The wedding shouldn't be a big deal, the marriage is what's important.

[GomerPile]

Originally Posted by Plett25

Here's some unsolicited comments...

The wedding shouldn't be a big deal, the marriage is what's important.

I agree - it is only as big a deal as you want to make it.

I got married this summer, the only advice I have. If there is money- even a little - coming from your parents or your soon to be inlaws. Remember it is you and your wifes's day, don't start making concessions or changing things to be more ridiculous then they need to be for someone else. Or even scale down something becuase someone makes a comment.

We wanted a "non wedding like" 250 person wedding, we succeeded, but not without a few battles about "traditional things we were leaving out" and bs like that. As far as I could tell when I went to bed at 330 am and people were still partying, everyone had a great time.

Oh and one more thing - I havent met anyone that loves 4 hours of Speeches and Program. Keep it locked down to a few people.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by GomerPile

I agree - it is only as big a deal as you want to make it.

I got married this summer, the only advice I have. If there is money- even a little - coming from your parents or your soon to be inlaws. Remember it is you are your wifes's day, don't start making concessions or changing things to be more ridiculous then they need to be for someone else. Or scale down something becuase someone makes a comment.

We wanted a super low key 250 person wedding, we succeeded but not without a few battles about "traditional things" and bs like that. As far as I could tell when I went to be at 330 am and people were still partying, everyone had a great time.

Disagree. If you want it your way, pay for it yourself. If somebody is giving you money and you're accepting it, that buys them a voice (as it should).

Weddings also aren't "your day" unless you are a selfish prick. Time off is valuable to people, so if you're asking people to attend I think it's incumbent upon you to ensure they'll enjoy themselves. Keep the speeches to a minimum (nobody wants to sit there for hours while you and a handful of others jerk you off), keep the ceremony short (nobody on earth likes wedding ceremonies), serve the food at an appropriate hour (not super late), etc.

Also, don't disappear for a couple hours with the wedding party to take photos somewhere while all your guests sit around twiddling their thumbs. That's the definition of rude.

[TheGrimm]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I do appreciate the nostalgia of the day...I just don't need 100 or 200 professional photos to show me. A few will do just fine. Plus I love photos in general (who doesn't?), just not a ton from one single event. Although, everybody and their dog has a camera, so there will always be hundreds of photos for free that will capture the look and feel of the wedding. Your post implies I suggested having a no-photos rule or something at the wedding.

I think my children are way better served by having the $5000 some people spend (and can't afford) on photography put into their college funds or into the house that will be the roof over their heads as they grow up than into a photo album that will be looked at for a grand total of two hours over the next 50 years.

But - keep in mind - I also said to go nuts if you are rich. Just don't ever put a wedding on debt or sacrifice anything from your future to pay for a party.

I know what you are saying, and every situation is different. In some cases, where money is tight absolutely trim things that aren't a priority. The thing is, nice photographs don't simply fly out of nowhere. Just because you have 100+ people running around on your wedding day with cell phones and cameras doesn't guarantee any of those photographs are going to be something worthy of hanging on your wall.

When you get images throughout your day it is basically capturing the story of your day. From getting ready photos to the first time your wife's dad see's his daughter in her wedding dress, to the time you tried to sneak off into a corner with your wife to steal a kiss before the reception... The photographer is there... like a ninja with a camera!

My parents attempted to sidestep the photographer expense for their wedding and had a friend attempt to shoot it for them. Long story short, he lost all of the photos and they now have only a handful of shots from the day. It's one of their big regrets now, because memories tend to get foggy with time.

Again though, I am not impartial in this.. so I say keep the photographer and cut everything else...

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by TheGrimm

I know what you are saying, and every situation is different. In some cases, where money is tight absolutely trim things that aren't a priority. The thing is, nice photographs don't simply fly out of nowhere. Just because you have 100+ people running around on your wedding day with cell phones and cameras doesn't guarantee any of those photographs are going to be something worthy of hanging on your wall.

When you get images throughout your day it is basically capturing the story of your day. From getting ready photos to the first time your wife's dad see's his daughter in her wedding dress, to the time you tried to sneak off into a corner with your wife to steal a kiss before the reception... The photographer is there... like a ninja with a camera!

My parents attempted to sidestep the photographer expense for their wedding and had a friend attempt to shoot it for them. Long story short, he lost all of the photos and they now have only a handful of shots from the day. It's one of their big regrets now, because memories tend to get foggy with time.

Again though, I am not impartial in this.. so I say keep the photographer and cut everything else...

Fair enough...we all have different priorities. I just like to be vocal on my opinion on this matter because the trend is definitely heading towards more lavish and expensive weddings that spare no expense. I like to remind people there is another way (which is the way weddings were done for the past few hundred years or so, not including the past 10).

[albertGQ]

Sliver just doesn't like to spend money on anything unless its RRSPs, RESPs, TFSAs, a used car or a house.

To each their own I guess.

But we spent $15k on our wedding and the only part where we wished we didn't spend as much on was the limo. We got a hummer limo but we had to since our wedding party was quite large. Everything else was money well spent.

I highly recommend an open bar. I thought there would be tons of waste with an open bar but that was not the case at all. I've been to weddings with toonie bars and find even though its only $2, people don't do as many shots. At our wedding, since booze was completely free, people were doing Jagger bombs like it was going out of style.

[Flabbibulin]

Wow, completely different perspectives- but everyone's suggestions are based on how much of a budget you are working with. So, the most important thing to decide is how much you are working with? Weddings can be next to nothing and they can be in the full year's salary sort of range. Both of those two extremes can be bad and good- for example, I think it is wrong if a man has a large income with plenty of cash and denies his fiance the wedding she wants simply because he is cheap. If both are on the same page for a low cost wedding, then great. On the other hand, having a wedding well beyond your means and going into debt for several years is just ridiculous.

The financial help of parents is a big factor- some people prefer to leave their parents alone even though they are willing to help. Some couple are more than willing to have parents cover a substantial portion. In our case, we have two very successful sets of parents that were insistent on having a very luxurious wedding- and my wife wanted the same thing. At the end of the day, the total cost was essentially divided three ways and everyone was happy. Had we been planning the wedding without the help of our parents, the budget would have possibly just been the 1/3.

My personal opinion is to listen to what your fiance wants and really try to make her happy- Im not suggesting being unreasonable if you can't afford it, but IMO, the first consideration of a groom should be to give his fiance the wedding she wants. Call me old fashioned.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by albertGQ

Sliver just doesn't like to spend money on anything unless its RRSPs, RESPs, TFSAs, a used car or a house.

To each their own I guess.

But we spent $15k on our wedding and the only part where we wished we didn't spend as much on was the limo. We got a hummer limo but we had to since our wedding party was quite large. Everything else was money well spent.

I highly recommend an open bar. I thought there would be tons of waste with an open bar but that was not the case at all. I've been to weddings with toonie bars and find even though its only $2, people don't do as many shots. At our wedding, since booze was completely free, people were doing Jagger bombs like it was going out of style.

Geez, when you put it like that.

But really, what I want is a happy life with my family. I think a paid-for house, no debt, as much personal time as possible and early retirement are the best ways to achieve that goal.

My advice in these threads is always with the above strategy in mind, which I think helps lead to a happy marriage. Plus, if things go sideways in your life (illness, injury, losing a job, etc.), it's best not to be too far leveraged.

[Russic]

Speaking as somebody who has photographed weddings that borderline shouldn't have been, don't skimp too much on photography. I've only done a few and I won't do any more. The stress is high if you don't know *exactly* what you're doing, and if you're paying very little, chances are the photographer doesn't. I did pretty well but I attribute that more to luck than anything. A true professional will be prepared for a fast kiss, a cute kid moment or screwy weather. If you're going super cheap you could lose out on some great shots if you're photographer is busy trying to change a lens that shouldn't have been on in the first place.

I'm not saying you have to pay far beyond your budget, just don't go crazy cheap (the definition of crazy cheap is up to you). Find the number you're comfortable with and work from there. If you get the old "cousin Dave sure has a nice camera, let him do it!" line, walk away.

Congrats!

[Canehdianman]

Mexico.


In the alternative, do whatever you want. It's your damn wedding, not anyone else's.

[me_dennis]

First off, Congratulations! I just got married two months ago, so here's some tips from my experience.

Originally Posted by mykalberta

1 - How do you feel about a Friday wedding?
No. It is a bit selfish IMO

2 - How do you feel about a long weekend wedding?
We contemplated a long weekend wedding, but keep in mind that in the summer, most people will be camping/vacationing during long weekends, so some people might not be able to make it to your wedding (could be a good or bad thing). We personally didn't wan't to share our wedding anniversary with thanksgiving weekend.
Guest list questions:

3 - When it comes to first cousins, how do you weed them down to the number you want.
If you or your wife have talked to said cousins within the past year, invite them. I may be biased because I am super close to my cousins (over 20 of them).

4 - If a first cousin got married and you werent invited because either A it was rushed due to an "unexpected bun in the oven" or B they are cheap and introverted and only had a justice of the peace marry them with their parents what is your obligation to invite them if you are inviting their siblings who invited you to the wedding?
I'd still invite all first cousins, personally.

5 - I have about 16 guests that I am not sure will come or not and I would rather not wait until 2 months before I know if they will come or not, are "save-the-date" letters acceptable forms of intial weeding out?
Yes, save the date letters would be acceptable.

6 - What would you say are the top 10 highest costs for a wedding?
Booze, Photographer, reception Venue, Food, Church/ceremony venue, DJ, Bridal party dresses and tuxes, wedding bands, limo rentals, wedding cake, rentals, stationary ie. menus, place cards, flowers (in no particular order)

7 - What are some of the questions you would ask the reception location/caterer?
- availability
- is there is a minimum charge
- is there a dance floor
- can you BYOB, and if so, what is the corkage fee
- menu options
- any costs to rent the facility
- any kids/vegetarian/gluten free menu options
- prices for late night snack or cocktail hors d'oerves
- if you're planning to do slideshows, ask if they have screens or projectors or if you will have to rent these on your own
- layout of tables
- dance floor layout
- if they offer day of coordination, or what sort of services do they offer (ie table set up) and at what cost
- parking situation

Other tips:
-offer to help out your fiancee with the planning (happy wife happy life)
-get pinterest and show this to your fiancee. you can find lots of DYI ideas on there, and it will be cheaper if you DYI
-michaels has lots of wedding supplies, and they have weekly 40-50% off coupons
-check kijiji for rentals, old wedding items for sale (centerpiece vases, miscellaneous wedding supplies). it may be cheaper than renting, and you can sell it after.
-keep a budget (search online, there are websites that offer checklists and help you bulid a budget) and stick to this budget

Good Luck!

[CedarMeter]

All right, let me be the first to say congratulations to you then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, mykalberta. Way to work it through.

Anyway for photos I went with Perry Thompson.. He's pricey but our photos were fantastic http://perphoto.com/#/special/splash...-photographer/