Another tragic bullying story

[1stLand]

Originally Posted by kermitology

My boss and I got bullied right out of our jobs at Shaw.

If bullying kids is wrong, then why is bullying other adults still socially acceptable? Theres a double standard.

People bully other adults all the time with blackmail, extortion, threat of law suits, and just plain intimidation.

Unfortunately you cannot go to the principal or teacher when you are 30 years old! Or the police.

Bullying is perfectly legal. Yet wrong.

Reading up on the story of Amanda Todd, I am surprised there wasnt more backlash against the guy that kept using her topless pictures as blackmail.

Why doesnt the online community gang up against this kid and make his life miserable. I know 2 wrongs dont make a right. But still. This kid needs to be held accountable.

[polak]

I don't know if I'm big fan of "glamourizing" suicide.
I mean it's great to show support for her and the anti-bullying cause but it makes me worry that some other depressed kids will see this and think that maybe this a good option out of their misery?

Either way RIP. That really sucks. I can't imagine what had to be going through her head to actually do something like that.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by polak

I don't know if I'm big fan of "glamourizing" suicide.
I mean it's great to show support for her and the anti-bullying cause but it makes me worry that some other depressed kids will see this and think that maybe this a good option out of their misery?

Either way RIP. That really sucks. I can't imagine what had to be going through her head to actually do something like that.

That's already happened, and will continue to happen.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by polak

I don't know if I'm big fan of "glamourizing" suicide.
I mean it's great to show support for her and the anti-bullying cause but it makes me worry that some other depressed kids will see this and think that maybe this a good option out of their misery?

Either way RIP. That really sucks. I can't imagine what had to be going through her head to actually do something like that.

Or they may realize they are not the only ones, and that there is help/they are not alone.

If this story helps identify avenues of help for the bullied, then it's a small positive out of this incident.

[polak]

Originally Posted by flameswin

That's already happened, and will continue to happen.

True. Maybe if the media stopped reporting on them though it would help?

It seems to me that bullying will only be solved (if it's even possible, I don't really think it is) at the front line level. So teachers and pricipals. I have a hard time believing that the commercials are doing much.

There are even kids still making fun of her on those FB pages. Disgusting.

[valo403]

Originally Posted by 1stLand

If bullying kids is wrong, then why is bullying other adults still socially acceptable? Theres a double standard.

People bully other adults all the time with blackmail, extortion, threat of law suits, and just plain intimidation.

Unfortunately you cannot go to the principal or teacher when you are 30 years old! Or the police.

Bullying is perfectly legal. Yet wrong.

Reading up on the story of Amanda Todd, I am surprised there wasnt more backlash against the guy that kept using her topless pictures as blackmail.

Why doesnt the online community gang up against this kid and make his life miserable. I know 2 wrongs dont make a right. But still. This kid needs to be held accountable.

None of those things are perfectly legal, they are completely illegal. If someone is bullying you with those types of threats you should be going to the police.

Where it gets difficult, particularly with kids, is where the actions aren't so clearly illegal. Simply being mean to someone, teasing them, excluding them etc. isn't illegal in most places (this case obviously had some elements that went well beyond that). There's little the police can do until things escalate, and by that point a lot of damage has already been done. Schools can try to prevent bullying through intervention and education, but again there's only so much that can be done. Even parents are in a tough position, the most engaged parent may have no idea what their children are like when they aren't around, although many aren't nearly as concerned with things as they should be. It's not something that is easily done away with, but the fact that major celebrities and others are speaking out about it probably helps. Hopefully this situation opens the eyes of some of those kids out there who engage in bullying to the potential impacts of their behavior.

[valo403]

Originally Posted by polak

True. Maybe if the media stopped reporting on them though it would help?

It seems to me that bullying will only be solved (if it's even possible, I don't really think it is) at the front line level. So teachers and pricipals. I have a hard time believing that the commercials are doing much.

There are even kids still making fun of her on those FB pages. Disgusting.

Completely disagree. Bullying will only be solved by the people who engage in it realizing that their actions have actual consequences for the people they are directed at. You won't get them all, there's always going to be scum out there, but a lot of these kids are doing it simply because they're scared to become a victim of it. When not being a bully becomes the 'cool' thing to do that fear goes away.

[Hemi-Cuda]

Originally Posted by polak

True. Maybe if the media stopped reporting on them though it would help?

It seems to me that bullying will only be solved (if it's even possible, I don't really think it is) at the front line level. So teachers and pricipals. I have a hard time believing that the commercials are doing much.

There are even kids still making fun of her on those FB pages. Disgusting.

so the solution to bullying is to ignore the problem? not only should these tragic events be front page news, but journalists should dig deeper and find the ones doing the harassing and put them on TV. if there's one place where the paparazzi might actually do some good it's there

[polak]

Originally Posted by valo403

Completely disagree. Bullying will only be solved by the people who engage in it realizing that their actions have actual consequences for the people they are directed at. You won't get them all, there's always going to be scum out there, but a lot of these kids are doing it simply because they're scared to become a victim of it. When not being a bully becomes the 'cool' thing to do that fear goes away.

I don't think bullying will ever be stopped. Ever. I don't know if you remember grade school very well but kids made fun of each other CONSTANTLY. They even made fun of the bigger kids and the usual bullies behind their backs. I don't think there is a place on this planet where kids don't bully one another.

Kids will always be kids and while I agree that schools should impose (and actually uphold) stricter punishments, I think more focus should be placed on giving bullied kids different options so they never have to resort to such horrible measures.

Basically it's a question of whether you believe that this sort of attention to bullying related suicide scares bullies and makes them realize the consequences of their actions or if it shows depressed kids a way out where they will be made into some what of a maurder.

Like I said, there are kids still making fun of her on that FB page despite her death... so I don't know if the worst bullies, the ones that inflict the real damage will ever get the message.

[Rathji]

Originally Posted by valo403

Completely disagree. Bullying will only be solved by the people who engage in it realizing that their actions have actual consequences for the people they are directed at. You won't get them all, there's always going to be scum out there, but a lot of these kids are doing it simply because they're scared to become a victim of it. When not being a bully becomes the 'cool' thing to do that fear goes away.

So true.

[valo403]

Originally Posted by polak

I don't think bullying will ever be stopped. Ever. I don't know if you remember grade school very well but kids made fun of each other CONSTANTLY. They even made fun of the bigger kids and the usual bullies behind their backs. I don't think there is a place on this planet where kids don't bully one another.

Kids will always be kids and while I agree that schools should impose (and actually uphold) stricter punishments, I think more focus should be placed on giving bullied kids different options so they never have to resort to such horrible measures.

Basically it's a question of whether you believe that this sort of attention to bullying related suicide scares bullies and makes them realize the consequences of their actions or if it shows depressed kids a way out where they will be made into some what of a maurder.

Like I said, there are kids still making fun of her on that FB page despite her death... so I don't know if the worst bullies, the ones that inflict the real damage will ever get the message.

So we should just ignore it?

[polak]

Originally Posted by valo403

So we should just ignore it?

"Ignore" the issue of bullying? No. Never. Like I said teachers need to be a lot better at stopping it and we need more options for the victims (don't ask me how to accomplish these because I really don't know)

I'm saying I don't know if it's a good idea to mention it in the media to this type of extent.

The kids at her school would have found out what happend anyways so the ones doing the bullying would still learn about the consequences of their actions.

Maybe make it a school specific thing and not a national media thing?

I don't know. This is a really difficult issue to try and address.

[Coach]

Maybe they should focus more on the parents/kids doing the bullying. IE instead of running campaigns on how to talk to your kids about being bullied and what to do if your kid is bullied etc... maybe they should run adds on what to look for in a bully. Is your kid a bully? How do deal with a kid thats a bully. A lot of times I think bully's either come from homes where the parents aren't paying attention to their kids or are pushovers that let their kids do anything. The parents are the people that need to be educated on how to properly discipline their kids.

[Locke]

Cue the stuttered deflection of blame from educators and administrators.

"Yes, we knew she was being bullied but....."

[SeoulFire]

One has to look no further than CP to find multiple threads of cyber bullying and 'dog piling' when somebody goes against what is considered standard.

Not only does it happen, it seems to be a game of one-upmanship in order to garner the most thanks. There are already a number of hypocrites in this thread.

[Devils'Advocate]

Last time we had a thread on bullying, many, if not most, said the problem lies with those being bullied not fighting back. And last time we had a thread about suicide, several said the person who killed themselves didn't deserve our compassion since they took the easy way out, leaving a wave of hurt, heartache and guilt. I dunno what makes this case so different, but I haven't seen either sentiment yet. Perhaps it is because this deals primarily with psychological bullying (although there was an assault), making it more difficult to retaliate.

BTW - http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html
Very good documentary on how the Internet is hypersexualizing kids in Grades 7 and 8. Girls, in a desire to be popular, are willing to dress and act provocatively. And there seems to be absolutely no line between private and public anymore.

Kids are hellish cruel, and that does not change over the years. What has changed is the ability to mass-humiliate and the lack of consequences (my Dad talked about all the horrible pranks he played as a kid, but he also spoke of the wrath they faced when caught).

I don't think parents are any more or less functional than they were in the past. My family history is a line of alcoholic, abusive fathers that showed little love for their sons and daughters. On both sides. saying today's parents are worse than parents in the past is wrong... There has always been an abundance of horrible, horrible parents. But I think what has been introduced is technology that even the responsible parent has trouble dealing with, much less the chaos that ensues from kids with irresponsible parents.

I'll echo a sentiment previously made. I was bullied relentlessly in junior and senior high. I was the fattest kid in school. I didn't fit in with any of the cliques, so I, like this girl, often passed my lunch hours alone in the library. If I went outside instead, there was always plenty of big guys willing to target me for throwing rocks at, tripping me, etc.. My parents were constantly getting calls from police, mall security, other parents because whenever the "cool kids" got caught doing something like vandalism or underage drinking - these kids would give my name, number, address to the authority figure. Once these "cool kids" stole a bunch of stuff from other students (Walkmans, baseball glove, etc), broke into my locker and then told the principal that they saw me hiding the stuff in my locker. The principal and vice principal took turns interrogating me, called my parents and threatened to get the cops involved. Even my parents didn't believe me... It was my word against a dozen. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because I was scared of maiming myself instead, which would lead to further ridicule. BUT had these incidents been amplified by YouTube and Facebook and other social media, I think I would have taken the gamble. You put this online, you put it out there for the world to see, it becomes not just acceptable behaviour, but rewarded behaviour. Then the pile-on begins... When the tipping point comes where the kid that normally wouldn't bully someone sees the critical mass coming down on someone, so to fit in, they join in on the torturous behaviour.

[valo403]

Originally Posted by SeoulFire

One has to look no further than CP to find multiple threads of cyber bullying and 'dog piling' when somebody goes against what is considered standard.

Not only does it happen, it seems to be a game of one-upmanship in order to garner the most thanks. There are already a number of hypocrites in this thread.

I think there's a pretty big difference between going after a persons view on a certain topic and going after a person.

[flamesfever]

I think parents should put an age limit, and strictly monitor and enforce, certain types of internet use by their children, e.g. something like 15 or 16 for facebook, etc. Even when their children start facebook, I think parents should be aware at what's being posted.

[Tailgator]

I think Facebook does have an age limit (13?), but a parent needs to actually pay attention if they're going to enforce it.

[undercoverbrother]

One has to look no further than CP to find multiple threads of cyber bullying and 'dog piling' when somebody goes against what is considered standard.

Not only does it happen, it seems to be a game of one-upmanship in order to garner the most thanks. There are already a number of hypocrites in this thread.

Originally Posted by valo403

I think there's a pretty big difference between going after a persons view on a certain topic and going after a person.

Agreed, I believe we have had our differences, and at no point did I ever feel bullied by you.