How important is your relationship with your husband/wife's family?

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Russic

I immediately question if you not getting along with her sister is actually the reason you fight with your girlfriend from time to time. I'm sure she wants you to get along with her, but to say it's one of the main reasons you fight seems a little dramatic. It reminds me of a buddy who's wife told him they'd probably have more sex if he spontaneously gave her back rubs. Didn't work... she just wanted more back rubs. She wrote a cheque her ass couldn't cash. Literally.

I thought all women pulled that crap.

[Yasa]

This is why I strictly date orphans.

[VladtheImpaler]

Don't live in the same city as all your in-laws. Quite simple really.

[SuperMatt18]

Originally Posted by REDVAN

Your girlfriend coming to CP will quickly make her your ex-gf... I learned this the hard way once. NEVER tell them your CP handle.

Or just tell them you are a different CP member.

Fotze and CaptainCrunch work quite well.

With Fotze they wonder why everybody is making jokes about your mom and with Captain Crunch they wonder why you act like a crazy old man telling kids to get off your lawn.

[IliketoPuck]

Or if you really want to make a good impression, say your handle is Moon, Ren or Old-Fart. Pretty much guaranteed to get you laid.

[Nage Waza]

Originally Posted by Rathji

Tell me how you arranged that!

My mom and wife have a lot in common. In fact, most people have a few things in common. Just exploit those things. If they both like something, get them tickets for it. Working together for something is also a good way to go. Maybe a potluck and let the wife/mother organize. Start early, because as this thread shows, a bad start is hard to get over.

[krynski]

Well, its different for everybody. My roomate has been with his GF for 6 years, and its really screwed up because not only does everyone like each other despite 2 breakups, but she is best friends with his mom. Screwed up, i know. They basically team up on him, and he's none the wiser.

For me on the other hand, i wasn't dealt with very personable parents. Infact, they are quite the opposite. I will wait as long as possible before i introduce a GF to my mother, or father.

It really depends on the people and the personalities. Some people can just get along with others, while others can't. All of my brothers have learned that their wives should not associate with our mother as much as possible. It doesn't work for my family, but that doesn't mean it can't work for yours

Just...give it your best shot. I would suggest planning an activity based on your initiative, and try to be as personable as possible. If things still don't go ok, well, just tell your GF you gave it your best shot.

[sergei_makarov]

Thanks for all the comments, lots of good stuff in here. I think the post about not criticizing her family is actually completely correct and I let my feelings about her sister get to me and seized the opportunity if you will. I'll bite my tongue from now on.

[Flames in 07]

My thought is once your married you and your spouse always have to take each others side. If my wife disagrees with my sister I always take the wives side. Details don't matter. Anything else and you are asking for problems long term. Her family is full of manipulators and it sounds like it works on her. If you can live with it fine. But don't assume it will just go away.

Lots of inlaws are messed up, what matters is how the gf deals with it.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Flames in 07

My thought is once your married you and your spouse always have to take each others side. If my wife disagrees with my sister I always take the wives side. Details don't matter. Anything else and you are asking for problems long term. Her family is full of manipulators and it sounds like it works on her. If you can live with it fine. But don't assume it will just go away.

Lots of inlaws are messed up, what matters is how the gf deals with it.

Ugh I can't stand when people blindly support each other. Nobody is right everytime. Why wouldn't you take the side of what's right? Who would want somebody to support them if they're wrong, anyway? That's a crazy philosophy.

[Knut]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Ugh I can't stand when people blindly support each other. Nobody is right everytime. Why wouldn't you take the side of what's right? Who would want somebody to support them if they're wrong, anyway? That's a crazy philosophy.

A united public front, but in private it can be a different story. You should support your mate in public at all times, even if wrong. At home you can bring up that you feel he/she is wrong.

[wooohooo]

I'm the type to try to maintain as best relations with family as possible. I like a girl who has a good relationship with her family, shows a lot IMO. I don't mind having to put up with a little bit if that's what makes her happy. That's life though right?

[8sPOT]

No offense to women, but I must offensively say that they are imossible to deal with.

I am finally seeing the whole 'women marry a guy thinking they can change him, a guy marries a girl thinking she won't change'.

At the end of the day a relationship, especially a marriage, takes a TON of work.

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by sergei_makarov

Thanks for all the comments, lots of good stuff in here. I think the post about not criticizing her family is actually completely correct and I let my feelings about her sister get to me and seized the opportunity if you will. I'll bite my tongue from now on.

The old saying, "Blood is thicker than water" comes to mind in this situation. Those bonds between sisters will probably always be there to some extent, and you probably shouldn't be trying to weaken them.

I think it's very important to have a good relationship with the inlaws. It seems to me that there may be some oversensitivity and insecurity issues between you and your gf's older sister. Perhaps lighten up the situation by telling a joke, relating positive or happy things between you and the gf, etc.

I have found that sometimes the older sister-in-law can act like the proverbial Mother-in-law by adopting the attitude that "no one is quite good enough for my baby sister". This can be gradually overcome in time, by showing her that her misconception about you is false. I think marriage will probably go a long way to showing your commitment to the relationship.

Basically you have only 2 choices. Either work to make the family relationship more harmonious when living in close proximity, or as others have said, "Create some distance between you and the inlaws by moving".

[Zevo]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

The old saying, "Blood is thicker than water" comes to mind in this situation. Those bonds between sisters will probably always be there to some extent, and you probably shouldn't be trying to weaken them.

I think it's very important to have a good relationship with the inlaws. It seems to me that there may be some oversensitivity and insecurity issues between you and your gf's older sister. Perhaps lighten up the situation by telling a joke, relating positive or happy things between you and the gf, etc.

I have found that sometimes the older sister-in-law can act like the proverbial Mother-in-law by adopting the attitude that "no one is quite good enough for my baby sister". This can be gradually overcome in time, by showing her that her misconception about you is false. I think marriage will probably go a long way to showing your commitment to the relationship.

Basically you have only 2 choices. Either work to make the family relationship more harmonious when living in close proximity, or as others have said, "Create some distance between you and the inlaws by moving".

Excellent idea! Next time you get together with her sisters and parents, tell them this joke:

A rabbi and a preist are walking down the street when a 12 year old boy rides by on his bike.
"Lets ###### him" says the preist.
"Out of what" replies the rabbi.

You'll be in like Flynn.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by Zevo

Excellent idea! Next time you are together with her sisters and parents, tell them this joke:

A rabbi and a preist are walking down the street when a 12 year old boy rides by on his bike.
"Lets ###### him" says the preist.
"Out of what" replies the rabbi.

You'll be in like Flynn.

Holy #### that joke is hilarious.