Help us roast a 40 year old

[hmmhmmcamo]

Originally Posted by onetwo_threefour

Depending on your audience...

I know a couple other 40 year olds that paint... Of course they're brain injured...

You're so full of yourself you can't find a canvas big enough for a self-portrait.

Your artwork has always been an inspiration to me. It's inspired me to look the other way...

BTW... I'm a man, man...

lol, please keep going

[VANFLAMESFAN]

The following are my fav bits from the comedy central roasts. Greg Giraldo is the fnniest guy on those and here's my fav lines of his.

Greg Giraldo on Gilbert Gottfried

If he's got kids....."Who would f*&^ you, you've got the sex appeal of a school bus fire."

Giraldo on Lisa Lampenelli

If his wife is a slut....."she's got a lot in common with the Octo-Mom, she hasn't had a kid, but she has had 80 fingers inside her at the same time."

Giraldo on Gary Busey

If he's got big horse face teeth...."Your teeth look like a row of urinals, everytime you talk, I wanna piss in your mouth."

On Mario Pintone(little gay guy)...."You are one tiny, loud mouth fairy, you're the only guy I know that takes a step ladder to a glory hole."

On Brad Garret from Everyone Loves Raymond(giant guy)....."You are a f'n monster....how did you ever get your head up Ray Romano's ass with those bolts in your neck"


Those are just a couple off the top of my head. You can find plenty more on youtube that are solid.


Sarah Silverman on Kimmel...."I'll never forget the first time I saw Jimmy's balls, they were on Adam Corolla's chin.

[onetwo_threefour]

Who knew that eating all those crayons and lead paint as a kid would lead to this?

I've always thought that society should support artists more. Maybe if we gave them some money they'd find something useful to do.

I think we're finally coming to the age where we can really appreciate your art. Heck, I know my eyesight's getting worse...

I know your wife has always supported you in your career. Is it because you can do her makeup better than she can?

Art appreciation is so subjective. I would appreciate it if your art was subjected to some gasoline and a match.


That's it for now, gotta get some sleep and my thumbs are tired from typing on the BB...

[hmmhmmcamo]

Originally Posted by onetwo_threefour

Who knew that eating all those crayons and lead paint as a kid would lead to this?

I've always thought that society should support artists more. Maybe if we gave them some money they'd find something useful to do.

I think we're finally coming to the age where we can really appreciate your art. Heck, I know my eyesight's getting worse...

I know your wife has always supported you in your career. Is it because you can do her makeup better than she can?

Art appreciation is so subjective. I would appreciate it if your art was subjected to some gasoline and a match.


That's it for now, gotta get some sleep and my thumbs are tired from typing on the BB...

I really appreciate your help. The party isn't until Sat night, but I think you've written most of our act already. Thanks again.

[hmmhmmcamo]

Bump....in hopes of some last minute drunken inspiration

[onetwo_threefour]

Nothing but scotch or wine is enjoyable after forty years.

You know you're getting old when even an erection doesn't eliminate the wrinkles.

Hey Halloween's not for a few weeks yet, you can take off the old man pervert mask...

[Cheese]

the best gifts to buy is a box with the following: ( You can get a bunch at the local Sally Ann used clothes store)

Corn pads
adult diapers
fiber drinks
a pair of cheap reading glasses
tylenol
white belt
white shoes
knee high black ankle socks
bermuda shorts
skin cream
cheap wine
cheaper beer

you get the idea....

[Mirajj]

Never much understood the point of a 'roast'. I've seen some of them on Comedy Central, heard about a few others, and all I can think of would be "And I considered these folks friends?"