Alcohol...yes I have a problem

[Phanuthier]

Best of luck, I wish you the best.

[Titan]

Your wife may want to check out Alanon as well. It really helped a friend of mine and will give her the tools to better support you as well.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by FLAMESRULE

I feel like I always have to drink. I find it very hard to go out for a business lunch downtown and not have a couple. I NEVER go out for dinner, a sporting event, concert, etc. without having "a few". I dont feel like getting "drunk" very often, just that I HAVE to drink. It feels like an addictin.

I dont feel like I'm overreacting. I've got TERRIBLE family history that I am desparate to avoid repeating. My dad has no relationship with his parents because of booze.

My drunk mood is 100% dependant on how I feel before. If I've been squabbling with my wife, it can get ugly in a hurry. I'm not violent, but I can be a lippy and mean drunk in a hurry.

Yeah, that sounds more like addictive behaviour than your previous post. I consider myself a pretty heavy drinker, but I don't feel like I need a beer everyday. I'm mostly a weekend and social occasions kind of guy.

EDIT: Does acting as DD help you at all when you go out?

[chemgear]

Originally Posted by Phanuthier

Best of luck, I wish you the best.

Indeed, good on you for acknowledging the problem and starting your efforts towards resolving it. I'm sure it won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile in life ever is.

Best of luck sir!

[ben voyonsdonc]

Originally Posted by First Lady

Most alcholics (or any addict) don't realize what they have done to their wives, husbands, famiies until it's too late.

That is true in many cases for sure. Alcoholics can be very self-centred individuals who have no idea how much pain they are inflicting. Other alcoholics see the destruction of their family lives as just another reason to drink more as a means of self-medication. It is an ugly feedback loop - your drinking hurts the people that you care about the most but the only way to deal with the pain that comes with it is to drink more.

Drinking is most dangerous when it is used as an analgesic to try to deal with (or avoid) pain. I have struggled with this over the past month or so...I am ok with drinking but get worried when I drink for the "wrong reasons" which has been a problem for me recently.

[jeremywilhelm]

I've never understood alchoholism. If you can't control it, why do it?

Do they just think it's not a problem? And if you know it IS a problem, why drink? It's like putting your hand into a fire. Ow, that fire hurts, but maybe THIS time it won't burn me?

I am not trying to be ignorant. I just don't understand that, if you know you are a bad drunk, why drink?

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by jeremywilhelm

I've never understood alchoholism. If you can't control it, why do it?

Do they just think it's not a problem? And if you know it IS a problem, why drink? It's like putting your hand into a fire. Ow, that fire hurts, but maybe THIS time it won't burn me?

I am not trying to be ignorant. I just don't understand that, if you know you are a bad drunk, why drink?

You are being ignorant of addictions in general and I know of no way to explain to someone who claims not to understand. It is a real phenomenon and addiction affects most of the human race to varying degrees. For some addictions and some people, it simply is beyond regular willpower or volition or rational sense as you might comprehend it, especially if those addictions exist to counteract other problems in that person's life that seem unbearable without them.

For someone who is suffering from stress or depression and self-medicating for example, the analogy would be more like your hand is already in the fire and you are experiencing pain on a subtle or even subconscious level that is more or less unbearable and the alcohol puts out the fire to offer temporary relief only to cause other problems that can harm you in a different way but you do it any way since it hurts less in the short term and it is convienient because of its abundance in society and the social circles and habits we exist in.

Alcoholism is no different from an addiction to painkillers for a chronic injury that causes constant pain. It is no different from having a drug habit. It's no different from being a sex addict where temptations are on every restaurant menu. It might be worse because the issues and symptoms are not as apparent but they have as much aggregate affect and it's an easy slipperly slope since you don't realize it happening like the frog you put into water you slowly heat until it's boiled alive without realizing it.

I have my own addictions and unhealthy habits. Fortunately (or unfortunately), alcohol is not among them because I have a defective enzyme and I get poisoning and really sick after a few beers. Hell, I had a pint of Keith's the other day and had a raging headache all night. Two years ago in Belgium, two shots of tequila and I was lying in the gutter in the street. I've read that certain alcoholism treatments induce the same reactions to stop alcoholics from drinking.

[jhunt223]

I've been addicted to worse things than alcohol and am completely sober now. Regular excersize always helped me get clean and stay clean. That and the realization that there were some of my friends that i just couldn't be around anymore.

[Codes]

My Dad is a recovered alcoholic. He finally realized one day that he couldn't carry on, and I think it was at work one morning when he decided he had to quit drinking, or it would ruin his life. He entered a detox program, and combined with AA meetings he was able to beat the addiction.

He has been sober for well over a decade now, but I remember how he initially struggled. It was too risky to hang out with his old friends as they also enjoyed the drink. He found solace in helping others with the same addiction.

Very proud of my Dad for that accomplishment. He came from an alcoholic family, but had the fortitude to overcome the addiction before it destroyed him, and our family.

My best wishes to you. Seek help and surround yourself with like-minded people who will give you all the support you need.

[Bill Bumface]

Wow, what a downer to read after attending a wedding with an open bar.

As a single 28 year old dude, summer is weekend after weekend of going out and getting hammered. At this age it kind of makes me question whether it's something to be worried about or not.

[Flash Walken]

Originally Posted by jeremywilhelm

I've never understood alchoholism. If you can't control it, why do it?

Do they just think it's not a problem? And if you know it IS a problem, why drink? It's like putting your hand into a fire. Ow, that fire hurts, but maybe THIS time it won't burn me?

I am not trying to be ignorant. I just don't understand that, if you know you are a bad drunk, why drink?

Because it is a compulsion that is very hard, and occasionally impossible, to control?

It's not like locking your doors when you drive through the bad part of town. It's not a 'judgement' thing. Actually, it is quite the opposite, and the OP is illustrating this. He knows he has a problem, and yet, feels compelled to continually act on this.

I feel like a the worst cliche on the planet for what I am about to do (aand for the second time in a week no less), but...

Dr. Rosen: You can't reason your way out of this!
Nash: Why not? Why can't I?
Dr. Rosen: Because your mind is where the problem is in the first place!

/end cliche

To the OP, good luck with your future decision making, might not mean much, but it warms my heart to read posts like this. There are definitely resources that are available through provincial health, which is where I would start, but my advice is not from personal experience.

Good luck dude.

[transplant99]

Originally Posted by jeremywilhelm

I've never understood alchoholism. If you can't control it, why do it?

Do they just think it's not a problem? And if you know it IS a problem, why drink? It's like putting your hand into a fire. Ow, that fire hurts, but maybe THIS time it won't burn me?

I am not trying to be ignorant. I just don't understand that, if you know you are a bad drunk, why drink?

The answer is in the question.

[flames_fan_down_under]

FLAMESRULE I am in a very similar situation right now.

I have had such good times when i've been drinking though. When I think back to all the fun times I have had in my life, back in university, or travelling, or summers back in Calgary, most of them have been when I was drunk. I just associate good times with drinking. But I don't really have that much fun anymore, the novelty has worn off and I more or less just end up feeling really guilty and am mad at myself, and I'll say to myself for the millionth time that this is the very last time I drink, then two days later I'll be back at it. It's pathetic.

Meeting up with the fellas? Pitcher of beer.

Watching literally any sporting event? Pitcher of beer.

I find myself in situations where I am ALWAYS drinking. It makes it even harder for me as I am a bartender and being in the "Industry" going out and mingling and drinking is what it's all about. Not to mention I feel like I am more confident at bars when I'm drunk. I'm better with conversations, approaching women, joking. Now i'm not sure if this is an illusion of alcohol or if it is the truth but this is why I do it! Along with the fact that all my friends LOVE me when I'm out getting drunk, doing stupid things, making them laugh. When I make my friends laugh it feels good! And this usually happens when i'm drunk. Not to mention that when I'm sober around my friends im finding that I am a lot more quiet, unresponsive that how I used to be.

Now I am at a very similar stage where I am slowly starting to think I have a problem. I will say to my friends "Guys I am really gonna try and take a break from the booze" and their response is always something along the lines of "ya right man, we'll see how that goes". Now that's fair because this is up to me, not my friends, I just need to get the will power to actually say no to booze.

Not to mention that I actually love booze. Like I love scotch, I love beers, I love classic cocktails, I could drink a thousand Negronis. I just feel like I wouldn;t be able to give it up, and at this point I haven't. I want to though.

[Flash Walken]

Down Under,

Set yourself a goal to reach. See if you can go 2 weeks. If your buddies ask, tell them you're seeing if you can actually do it. I'm sure they'll all have a laugh, but it will be an interesting test.

Heck, just try to do one week.

Just as important as a start date is an end date. It gives you a momentary feeling of relief when things get hard. I'm going to liken it to exercise in a loose way, but 5 miles isn't so bad when you know at mile 4.5 that you only have half to go.

I always find it easier to get motivated about something when there is a resolution in sight. A 'temporary' stoppage of drinking might be that thing that gives you the confidence in your will power.

Of course, you actually have to start, always the toughest part.

[Antithesis]

It takes a great deal of strength to admit to anyone - especially yourself - that you have a problem. You're right - that is Step 1 - and it is a huge step. My Dad has been a recovering alcoholic for 16 years now. I would strongly suggest trying at least one AA meeting in your area to see if it might be for you. It worked/works for my Dad and for that, I am forever grateful. They have meetings all over the city, at many different times. Some are downtown over lunches, and some are in the evenings. Don't be put off by the fact that many are in churches ... it is a spiritual group but by no means has any religious affiliation, if that puts you off. You'd be more than able to go to a meeting and just sit there without saying anything - there's no expectation that you're going to open your heart to these people upon meeting them.

If you find it works for you, or even if you don't, please let your wife know about the Al-Anon problem, which is a support group for families and friends of people with drinking problems. It may help her work through many of the issues she has relating to your drinking. My Mom has been attending these meetings for the same amount of time as my Dad has been going to AA, and still attends them even though they have been divorced for over a decade.

Wish you all the best on your journey - if you feel like talking a bit more over PM, that would be totally fine with me (or if you don't, that's fine too). Take care of yourself!

[Stillman16]

Originally Posted by jeremywilhelm

I've never understood alchoholism. If you can't control it, why do it?

Do they just think it's not a problem? And if you know it IS a problem, why drink? It's like putting your hand into a fire. Ow, that fire hurts, but maybe THIS time it won't burn me?

I am not trying to be ignorant. I just don't understand that, if you know you are a bad drunk, why drink?

This is part of the answer. As hard as it is, you'll have to separate yourself from situations where you normally would have had a drink.

Spend more time with your wife on mutual interests, instead of beers with friends. For work functions, treat them as such-no alcohol when working!
Maybe tape a picture of her to your wallet to remind you when you go to pay for that drink......

If you explain to your real friends that you want to control/stop this problem, the real ones will support you and help you, the others you should avoid-they are part of the problem!!!!

It definetly won't be easy, but if you really want to fix the problem, you will have to work at it.

Good luck

[c.t.ner]

FR,

No worries man. It's a big step to admit this and a bigger one to post it on a message board. I hope the one thing you've got out of it this thread is that you're not alone with this issue. I hope the responses here show you that there are guys out there just like you who have stopped, are thinking of stopping and wish they could be where you are.

Being a 25-30 year old male and trying to stop drinking is one of the most difficult things in life to do. It's not going to be easy, but as others have said do the things that work for you to stop and try to ignore what everyone else says. I was met with a massive wall of opposition when I tried to stop (I also had tried three times before hand) with my friends. None of my buddies wanted to see the end of "overdrive" and for the beginning I felt really left out and alone. But over time you're true friends will comeback and for me a bunch of them are starting to wonder if maybe it's time for them to stop.

Also, you (and others on this thread) might want to check out the book - "The Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome" by Wayne Kritsberg

http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Syndrome-Discovery

I read this book numerous time over the years I was quitting and it's a book that I'm going to give my wife to help understand the problem. It's not a religious book by any means, it's just a logical look at the lingering issues with anyone who grew-up in an Alcoholic Family and is now an adult.

I really can't recommend it enough. It's a comparative look at the differences between "normal families" and "alcoholic families" and does a great job of explaining why addicts act they way they do.

best of luck.

[FLAMESRULE]

Down Under, i can absolutely commiserate with you. I get drinkers regrets every single time I get drunk.

To everyone else, thanks fro the support. It does make it easier knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this disease.

[JustAnotherGuy]

The #1 rule is: Don't have a drink today.

That might be simplistic but it can help you manage the big picture. It can be a bit overwhelming to think that you can never have a drink again. So keep it simple. Don't have a drink today.

Listen to everybody and do some reading and then decide what the best method is for you.

Besides you are hitting your 30s. It is time to get out of the 20s phase where the point is to get drunk. It is all fun and games in your 20s but when you hit your 30s it is probably best to change your social habits a bit.

[Peanut]

If you're going to change, it has to be for YOU, and not for your wife and future family.

If you don't really want to change, but you're trying to do it "for" your wife and not yourself, you'll just end up resenting her and continue having problems with alcohol.

Just my personal opinion.