Interesting Gender Assistance Video

[Blaster86]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I wouldn't word it quite like Mikey, but I have to admit I don't understand why people stay in abusive relationships for the most part, either.

Have you ever been in one?

Everything changes when you're in something like that. When you have someone that you do care about treating you like crap, your brain has a bit of trouble figuring out what the hell is going on.

Fear, has a lot to do with why people won't leave. Sometimes it's fear of retribution, fear of self-harm by the other person, fear of having no where else to go. And if the abuser has done a good enough job of bringing you down to the ground floor of confidence and ego, and depression has set it, fear of always being alone.

It's not like these people would stay in a relationship was abusive from the start, but usually it's a build-up. The person is good at first, and things just get worse.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

Have you ever been in one?

Everything changes when you're in something like that. When you have someone that you do care about treating you like crap, your brain has a bit of trouble figuring out what the hell is going on.

Fear, has a lot to do with why people won't leave. Sometimes it's fear of retribution, fear of self-harm by the other person, fear of having no where else to go. And if the abuser has done a good enough job of bringing you down to the ground floor of confidence and ego, and depression has set it, fear of always being alone.

It's not like these people would stay in a relationship was abusive from the start, but usually it's a build-up. The person is good at first, and things just get worse.

But that's how every relationship works that doesn't end in marriage, old age, then death. I'm sure most of us haven't married the first girl we ever dated. When a relationship heads a direction you don't like, you break up. In abusive relationships that's not the case and it is difficult to understand why.

I guess it's along the lines of anorexia, gambling addiction, etc.

[Blaster86]

Originally Posted by Sliver

When a relationship heads a direction you don't like, you break up.

The difference is, when someone gets fat, they're not scaring you into staying with them. When someone stops helping clean and only watches TV, they're not forcing you to do what they want with abuse and fear.

Without experiencing it, or having someone you're really close to going through it, it is really hard to comment because you just can't understand how hard it is for these people. Even for me, I'll never actually understand what was going through my friend's head.

If it was as easy as, "Just leave them and everything will get better," I'm sure they would.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

The difference is, when someone gets fat, they're not scaring you into staying with them. When someone stops helping clean and only watches TV, they're not forcing you to do what they want with abuse and fear.

Without experiencing it, or having someone you're really close to going through it, it is really hard to comment because you just can't understand how hard it is for these people. Even for me, I'll never actually understand what was going through my friend's head.

If it was as easy as, "Just leave them and everything will get better," I'm sure they would.

Except it really is that easy, technically. People who stay in abusive realtionships are like people on Hoarders - it must be some sort of mental disorder that keeps them there. I am for helping people with mental disorders, but it is still difficult to understand. That's all I'm saying.

[Blaster86]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Except it really is that easy, technically.

No, it really isn't. Hypothetically, it is that easy. Technically it is much harder.

Originally Posted by Sliver

People who stay in abusive realtionships are like people on Hoarders - it must be some sort of mental disorder that keeps them there.

Because they are afraid someone will hurt them if they leave? Or that person will hurt themselves if they leave? Yeah, it must be a mental disorder...

Originally Posted by Sliver

I am for helping people with mental disorders, but it is still difficult to understand. That's all I'm saying.

You really just compared someone who is being abused and afraid because of it of being mentally handicapped. Wow. Just wow. "I don't understand it, so it's a mental ######ation." Jesus.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

You really just compared someone who is being abused and afraid because of it of being mentally handicapped. Wow. Just wow. "I don't understand it, so it's a mental ######ation." Jesus.

Mentally handicapped, no.
Low self esteem man-wuss, yes.

Ths idea that a man needs a shelter to run to because his relationship isn't working out is just........weak.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

No, it really isn't. Hypothetically, it is that easy. Technically it is much harder.

Because they are afraid someone will hurt them if they leave? Or that person will hurt themselves if they leave? Yeah, it must be a mental disorder...

You really just compared someone who is being abused and afraid because of it of being mentally handicapped. Wow. Just wow. "I don't understand it, so it's a mental ######ation." Jesus.

Are you kidding around with me? I never said they are ######ed, I said they have a mental disorder. I should have said they may have a mental disorder, but I certainly didn't call them ######s.

I'm sure the specifics of each case can vary wildly. Sometimes it would be just a matter of leaving and other times it would be more complicated. If a battered spouse stays with an abuser, I would think they would be more at risk than if they left, which is why I think it is logical to leave an abuser. If you stay, you're not acting rationally. Why not? Possibly a mental disorder. There is for sure something wrong with you (IMO) if you stay.

[Blaster86]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Ths idea that a man needs a shelter to run to because his relationship isn't working out is just........weak.

He didn't need a shelter. In my friend's case he needed someone to talk to. He needed to find a way out without someone getting hurt, either her or him.

Originally Posted by Sliver

Are you kidding around with me? I never said they are ######ed, I said they have a mental disorder. I should have said they may have a mental disorder, but I certainly didn't call them ######s.

It's ridiculous either way.

Originally Posted by Sliver

If a battered spouse stays with an abuser, I would think they would be more at risk than if they left, which is why I think it is logical to leave an abuser. If you stay, you're not acting rationally.

Unless he/she threatened to kill them if they left. Unless he/she threatened to harm any children, or any family. Unless he/she threatened to harm themselves if the person left. It is rarely just physical abuse, but mental aswell. It is rarely ever as easy as just "walk away."

At the very least it's "run far, far away and make sure they don't find you," in the minds of people in this situation and that can be very very hard to do.

[Wookie]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

"I don't understand it, so it's a mental ######ation." Jesus.

Jesus said that?

I always knew religion hated the ######s.

[Knalus]

Originally Posted by Wookie

Jesus said that?

I always knew relgion hated the ######s.

Did you actually think that was funny? Wow.

[worth]

I thought this thread was about Lady GaGa.

[Wookie]

yes

[CMPunk]

Originally Posted by Wookie

At the time. But having read you quote it I feel bad. I'll delete it. I think I'm needing a break from this site. I generally feel like typing generic stupid comments in everything. Work has been frustrating recently and I'm a little distracted.

Thanks for the comment.

Pansy

[Wookie]

Originally Posted by CMPunk

Pansy

Now I need gender assitance.

All I need would be a few thanks' and laughs and my esteem would improve again.

[MrMastodonFarm]

Originally Posted by Wookie

All I need would be a few thanks' and laughs and my esteem would improve again.

Post that speech from Independence Day like you did before the 04 playoffs and you'll get all the thanks you need.

[To Be Quite Honest]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Mentally handicapped, no.
Low self esteem man-wuss, yes.

Ths idea that a man needs a shelter to run to because his relationship isn't working out is just........weak.

It is actually a lot bigger than this.

Lets say there is a Man who is in a relationship and the Woman is mentally abusive. Now lets say this Man makes less than the Woman. Now lets say this Man doesn't have the same education as the woman. Now this Man is living with this Woman. Now this man is living a life style that allows him to live in a way that he would NEVER get on his own. His friends are her friends. If the Man can't come up with an argument that can support why something shouldn't be done even if it is against his better judgment he may not even know what is happening to him.

Weekly allowance of $50.00.
You can go out with your friends but only when I say you can and you must be home at by 9:00.
You are grounded from using the car. (Takes away keys)
You can't have sex.
You can't leave because you are a loser and can never make on your won. Enjoy the streets.

This is just off the top of my head, but lets say this guy finally cracks. These Shelters can educate. Instead of him manning up and breaking her face he can get some help. there are many ways to look at this Mikey this is just one of them.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

He didn't need a shelter. In my friend's case he needed someone to talk to. He needed to find a way out without someone getting hurt, either her or him.

Unless he/she threatened to kill them if they left. Unless he/she threatened to harm any children, or any family. Unless he/she threatened to harm themselves if the person left. It is rarely just physical abuse, but mental aswell. It is rarely ever as easy as just "walk away."

At the very least it's "run far, far away and make sure they don't find you," in the minds of people in this situation and that can be very very hard to do.

Look I'm in favour of this help being available to people so chillax.

My point is it's hard to understand why people stay in abusive relationships. I can understand seeking help to transition from the abusive relationship into normal life without that person and some protection being available during that time. I don't get when people go back, though. Clearly there is something wrong with you if you go back to somebody that beats the tar our of you and/or your kids.

[firebug]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Look I'm in favour of this help being available to people so chillax.

My point is it's hard to understand why people stay in abusive relationships. I can understand seeking help to transition from the abusive relationship into normal life without that person and some protection being available during that time. I don't get when people go back, though. Clearly there is something wrong with you if you go back to somebody that beats the tar our of you and/or your kids.

You are right, it is tough to understand what other people do and think. Social scientist's might refer to this as projection bias (see slide #9)

This is why it is important to be aware of our own biases and limited experiences.

It is easier to chalk up others circumstances to frailty or defect on their behalf, but my belief is that most people are doing the best that they know how.

We show how we are better not by judging them, but by providing means for them to better themselves.

~bug

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by firebug

You are right, it is tough to understand what other people do and think. Social scientist's might refer to this as projection bias (see slide #9)

This is why it is important to be aware of our own biases and limited experiences.

It is easier to chalk up others circumstances to frailty or defect on their behalf, but my belief is that most people are doing the best that they know how.

We show how we are better not by judging them, but by providing means for them to better themselves.

~bug

Well, it is frailty/a defect that leads a person to stay with an abuser in many cases. The help available is to help people overcome their own issues that have led them to stay in an abusive relationship. It's good this help is available.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

Unless he/she threatened to kill them if they left. Unless he/she threatened to harm any children, or any family. Unless he/she threatened to harm themselves if the person left. It is rarely just physical abuse, but mental aswell. It is rarely ever as easy as just "walk away."

At the very least it's "run far, far away and make sure they don't find you," in the minds of people in this situation and that can be very very hard to do.

One more thing on this - If "he/she threatened to kill them if they left...threatened to harm any children, or any family..." it is especially important that the abusee leaves. Are you suggesting they should stay? Sure a person might need help getting away from their abuser and I'm glad that help is available, but for you to suggest leaving is not ultimately the best thing to do is bizarre.