Rant: Getting People To Come Out

[Ren]

Originally Posted by dubc80

I get annoyed when guys don't come out when their gf/wife/fiancee don't want to. Like seriously. You have to be with each other 24/7?

I take it you've never been in a serious relationship.

It's a hell of a lot easier to tell your drinking buddy no than it is to deal with a pissed off girlfriend the next morning because you went out when you were supposed to stay home with her.

[Ozy_Flame]

To be honest, I'm not interested in hanging out with 'couples'. They're usually the ones to cop out early, and really become wet blankets when you want to party. There are, however, other likeminded people who love to party and enjoy their youth. They're a little harder to find in Calgary, but they're here.

Come to think of it, I actually find it harder to go out now because I'm not interested in talking to women anymore who are in relationships. If I don't have a chance to get in their pants, I'm not interested.

[Kswiss]

I agree with it being a maturity issue, so if you fall for the ol "Im down" but no proof of comittment a second time then shame on you

[dubc80]

Originally Posted by Ren

I take it you've never been in a serious relationship.

It's a hell of a lot easier to tell your drinking buddy no than it is to deal with a pissed off girlfriend the next morning because you went out when you were supposed to stay home with her.

LOL. I'm engaged. Guess Im a lucky one.

Besides, Im not talking about bailing out when you have previous plans with the lady. That is a definate no-no. Im talking about people who dont come out solo.... ever.

If their gf/wife/fiancee is "busy" and cant come, they are also automatically out.

I think the key to having a good relationship is being able to have your own lives too.

[Ren]

Originally Posted by dubc80

I think the key to having a good relationship is being able to have your own lives too.

People will put up with some seriously clingy, insecure behaviour if it means getting some sweet, sweet lovin'.

[ResAlien]

Originally Posted by MRCboicgy

That's what the dog said

fyp.

[IliketoPuck]

Originally Posted by Ren

People will put up with some seriously clingy, insecure behaviour if it means getting some sweet, sweet lovin'.

Yea....the guys just can't quite compare to the lady in a nice little outfit with a case of your favorite beer and a booklet of coupons. I have said too much.

[Devils'Advocate]

I had a season ticket package for 12 Sens games per year along with 3 friends. The three friends got married. I haven't seen them since.... Once they were in a serious relationship, they just dropped off the face of the earth.

[RT14]

I can't believe what I'm reading here people! To those who say it's easier to not have to argue with the girlfriend/wife or would rather spend every day with their loved one rather than hang out with the boys once in a while - I call BS, grow some balls!

I don't care who said loved one is, there's just no way you could get me to spend that much time with any ONE person. I've been with the same girl for 7 years and we've been married for 3. I love her just as much as the next couple, but I need to get the hell out of this house once in a while. It's completely unnatural to spend that much time with only one person. We are social creatures, don't deny yourselves of that. You have to set boundaries that allow yourself to go out separately once in a while or you'll go stir crazy and the littlest things begin to spark bigger and bigger arguments.

If you set down some rules that work for both parties, there should be no reason for her to get pissy everytime you want to go out with the boys. If she still does, I'd seriously question what the motivation behind that was. Really, is she so selfish that she needs you by her side every day? That's completely ridiculous.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by RT14

Really, is she so selfish that she needs you by her side every day? That's completely ridiculous.

IMO, it's more needy than anything. I've been there with these types of girlfriends before, the constant neediness, the constant crave of attention, and I'll never, ever, ever do it again. I agree with you... being constantly smothered by your significant other is not healthy. Even for the healthiest relationships.

Especially for an independent person like me, who needs a chick to be just as independent as I am. We have our fun together, but we hold no grudges if we want to hang out with our own friends and do our own thing. They have to be completely cool with that. And they are out there... I'm currently dating one.

[gargamel]

Originally Posted by Muta

It comes down to three things: 1) Relationships, which just becomes more and more the prime factor as people get older / engaged / married, 2) Not living in the same geographical location anymore (this is completely understandable for obvious reasons, however) and 3) general apathy to just going out (ie. getting too old to go to bars populated by 18 year olds).

The combination of 1) and 2) makes hanging out nearly impossible. I live several hours away from most of my good friends, so it doesn't really make sense to drive far enough to hang out unless we're at least going to make a weekend of it. And hanging out with the guys for the weekend is a lot harder to sell to the wife than a night out would be. It can happen, but any more than a few times a year causes more problems than it's worth.

[algernon]

Originally Posted by fleury

I'm not really self conscious, but the few people we did meet in Cuba last year who were there by themselves were cool, but there was always something a tad sketchy because of them being there by "themselves". I prefer having someone to verify your stories too when you come back. Always fun.

No offense intended, but are you regularly untrustworthy? I mean, if you never see your buds anyway, when will you have time to have someone vouch for the veracity of your stories?

I went to Cuba by myself a few years ago. I had a blast, travelled all around the west side of the Island.
If I had went with someone else, I wouldn't have partied all night with a group of Italians that spoke no english (only espanol)or unexpectedly took a
trip to the AWESOME town of Trinidad, based on a tip from a local. Trinidad, by the way has a Disco located up on the hill that was a real life PIRATE CAVE!!!!, and also the famous Casa de Musica.
I wouldn't have ended up in a Havana getting a (amiable) tour from a Cop who proudly showed me their Capitolo and explained the significance of their statues, and I probably wouldn't have hitchhiked in the back of a dumptruck on the way to the beach...

Sometimes going solo forces you out of your shell, allowing you to see things you wouldn't normally see.

If you are only going somewhere to be able to tell verified stories, why not just go to Cancun with a video camera? American sluts don't mind being filmed. (from what I've heard)

[ken0042]

What's the point in even going out? You're just going to end up back home eventually anyway.

[username]

This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves going right now. When someone gets a gf/wife whatever and drops off the face of the earth. Even worse is when the guys girl completely ditches her friends and the couple end up being the only company eachother see other than family.

A perfect example is one of my best friends. For years, all he did was make fun of couples b/c they are boring, don't stay out late, go to Home Depot etc all the while he was single and nailing broads. Now he's the one hitched and living with his gf and we maybe see the guy every 3 or 4 weeks. It's ridiculous.

I just don't get why people feel the need to spend their life couped up in their home when they move in with a partner. Why?

[GreenLantern]

You should make sure that your friend either reads this post, you email a copy to him, or you say it to his face.

He deserves to know how upset you are, and if I was your friend I would want you to come to me with this so we can talk it out, and it doesn't fester into behind the back bashing that is never good for a friendship.

I also agree, it is increasingly hard to get anything going.. but I guess that is part of growing up? I have noticed over the years it is a lot harder for my group of friends to get together, especially for a boys retreat.

But once a year we have a fishing trip where it is no BS, no girls, just the boys on the lake for an entire weekend and it is glorious. So far we have not lost a casualty to couples or kids, that streak is in danger this year but I feel it will turn out OK in the end..

However.. now that I think about it.. that kind of thing used to happen once every second weekend.. times they area changin'..

[Locke]

Haaave you met Ted?

[Ozy_Flame]

Keep in mind as well, that once the initial 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship is over, things can get a bit easier. If my buddy can't come out because he's getting sexed up, well, then I can't fault him for that.

Nice.

[Russic]

Of my friends I was the first to get married, and now I'm the first to have a kid. I've always had the option to go out solo and sometimes I did, but truthfully it was never as much fun as when I was single. I have flames tickets, so I get out and have a night to myself with a friend once or twice a week, and that's great for me. Beyond that I don't really want to spend time away from my wife.

I love my friends and they're great, but truthfully I find it much easier to hang out with my friends that are in a similar life situation as I am. As much fun as it is to go for a night on the town with a single friend, I'm prefer to go to dinner with friends that are married.

Now that there's a kid in the picture things have changed even more and we're more likely to hang out with other couples that have kids. I love my friends that don't have kids, but they have a harder time understanding how a baby changes your ability to schedule. We have our week generally planned ahead, so if you plan an epic party and give me a day or two notice, there's a very strong likelihood I won't be attending.

In addition to baby-living, my wife is home all day with the kid. If I plan a night out for myself, she's with the kid and gets absolutely no break to herself. Staying home with a kid can be exhausting, and not getting that hour to yourself when dad comes home can be pretty bad. So now I find when somebody wants me to come out after work, the answer is almost always going to be a no just because it's unfair to my wife.

[malcolmk14]

One thing that bothers me is that I feel like I'm always the one to initiate things with my circle of friends. I'm always the one calling, e-mailing, texting saying "hey, we should do this next weekend" or "hey, what do you think about vegas for spring break?"

I swear, if I didn't call my friends to make plans, we would never hang out. I've tested this theory with a couple friends and stopped calling them and putting in the effort to make plans with them. Haven't heard from them in almost a year. I guess I wasn't high on their list of priorities to begin with, but it's still annoying.

Maybe I'm just a jerk and people don't like hanging out with me?

[Russic]

Originally Posted by malcolmk14

Maybe I'm just a and people don't like hanging out with me?

Highly doubtful. If they all get together without inviting you, then you can get paranoid. Priorities change as you get older ... it happens to most people and it's totally normal.

I realize there's a common belief that the wife becomes a ball and chain and doesn't let you do anything, but the far more likely scenario is that sometimes people just like hanging out with their wife. I don't want to sound like a Streisand or anything, but after a long day of work, 90% of the time I just want to go home and watch a movie with the wife and go to bed.