"Well, I have Studied abroad.. Or two"
[
after Zapp and Leela have slept together]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now you're officially my woman. Kudos! I can't say I don't envy you.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: I'm de-promoting you, soldier. Kiff, what's the most humiliating job there is?
Kif Kroker: Being your assistant.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Wrong. Being *your* assistant.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Don't blame yourself, Kif. We were doomed from the start. I guess all that remains now is for the captain to go down with the ship.
Lt. Kif Kroker: That's surprisingly noble of you, sir.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: No, it's noble of you, Kif. As of now, you're in command. Congratulations, Captain.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: [
surprises Leela in bed] How about I help you finish that dream you were having about me?
Leela: Okay. I was just at this part. Yaaa!
[
punches Zapp in the face]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Uh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Now remember Kif, the quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Do you understand the charges?
Kif Kroker: One beep for yes, two beeps for no.
[
Fry beeps once]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Yes, so noted. Do you plead guilty?
[
Fry beeps twice]
Captain Zapp Brannigan: Double yes. Guilty
Captain Zapp Brannigan: That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.
and the best of them all
Leela: You know, Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson.
Captain Zapp Brannigan: If it's a lesson in love, watch out. I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What did I call it, Kiff?
Kif Kroker: Ugh... sexlexia.