To be able to learn a martial art and kick someone's butt, you need to really train. It is a major commitment. At least two nights (or mornings) a week at the class plus double that for gym training. Maybe at least one more day a week to train with your class mates for tests etc. That totals about five events a week, if you want to be really good. Guys like GSP probably had ten or more martial art focused things a week before the UFC even went mainstream. Most quit in the first week, then another 60% quit prior to the first belt (based on what I have seen over the years). Have you stuck with a workout regime for longer than 3 months before? I have been there for guys to crap themselves during their first class on several occasions.
Here is a summary of what you can expect:
Boxing: Great for punching and cardio...if you keep this up for a year you can easily transition to any other martial art.
Jiu-Jitsu: Mess with any of your buddies; take them to the ground and mess them up!
Judo: Same as Jiu Jitsu, but much harder to learn with extremely devastating results on the street. Not a good thing to learn if you are not used to training already.
Kung Fu: Ignore the other poster, this is great to learn if you want to beat someone up in a short amount of time. Imagine boxing, but with more gouges and kicks to the juevos. Some of the kicks you will learn from day one can end a fight before a punch is thrown.
Karate/Tai Kwon Doe/Akido: I never took any of these, probably a great workout and will make you better at defending yourself than most of the couch tough guys that post in this site.
Wrestling: If you are somewhere where this is offered, start now. Great workout, and mess with your buddies.
Kick boxing, Muy Thai: Also great, but not for everyone. My build prevents me from going near these classes. Sports systems, so less of a focus on making a guy never have kids again (see kung fu).
All I can say is that someone who can go into a martial art and keep it up will get in great shape and likely be able to defend themselves no problem. If you go to a school and they start talking about never taking the martial art out of the classroom, I would go somewhere else. To learn to fight you need to learn to fight, not the spiritual aspect that some schools teach.
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