Discussion: Kids & Marriage

[Russic]

There are two groups of people: those with kids and those without. Generally each group feels sorry for the other.

It is very rare to meet an individual with kids that wishes he or she could take it back. I'm sure they exist, but I've never met one.

My little dude is 5 weeks old now and it's just awesome. Your whole life changes but you're happy about it. I spent 9 months wondering how I was going to give up all the things I like to do, and for 5 weeks I haven't even noticed the absence of those things.

It's a hard job though, and I wouldn't recommend you do it until you feel you're ready. You don't sound like this is a step you want to take at the moment, so I say live it up until you want a change. If that feeling never comes, don't feel bad ... it's your own life and you have to do what makes you happy.

[V]

My buddy is in his mid-30s. He's married with no kids, and he got the snip so he won't have kids. He's a very happy guy and can spend a lot of money and time on himself. I don't see him ever being unhappy that he didn't have kids.

I have three kids and I love it.

To each their own. If you don't want kids, you probably shouldn't have kids.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by Russic

It is very rare to meet an individual with kids that wishes he or she could take it back. I'm sure they exist, but I've never met one.

I think it is rare that you will find someone who will admit they would have rather not have kids. Macleans did a Survey a while back and something like 30% of people regret having kids.

As a new parent I think my life changed a lot less then many of my friends who also have kids. Some people when they have kids disappear and never leave their houses

You don't have to do that. Other then Vegas and drunken binges you pretty much can do everything you used to before you had kids. Also if you are frugal they really aren't as expensive as people make them out to be.

[Ashartus]

Having kids is a lot of work, and there are some sacrifices involved (can't always go out with the guys at the drop of a hat), but they are also very rewarding and a lot of fun. They certainly change your life, but I have no regrets. Besides, I'm kind of hoping they'll help look after me when I'm old

I think marriage and kids go together to a certain extent. I don't see a whole lot of point in getting married if you aren't planning on having kids, while on the other hand being married provides more security for the kids. It's something you have to be ready for though - to me, getting married is a serious commitment and not just something you do to get a woman to stay with you a bit longer.

[ma-skis.com]

it's kind of like the satisfaction between getting a gift you wanted as a kid verses realizing the importance of giving a gift to someone when you're little

times a million

[Bigtime]

Originally Posted by rubecube

As 23 year-old man, living in the prime of my life, I can't even fathom the idea of being a father. I love that I have the ability to drop everything without notice and go on a booze-fueled romp to Vegas, so long as I have the funds to do it. I like that I can take my girlfriend to a movie and not worry about getting a sitter. I also enjoy not having to fork over a good chunk of my money to clothe, feed and entertain children.

Wow, it's like I'm looking into my past!

Then I met an amazing woman, got married and we have a little baby girl.

It could happen to you, or it may not. But I still talk about how as little as 3 years ago I thought I would never have kids or be married.

Enjoy the ride, and have fun with where it takes you.

[Locke]

Kids arent so bad, you just have to know the magic words:

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[JohnnyB]

I'm 26 and married. I've been moving around a lot, and am now living in the 4th or 5th city in as many years and I plan on keeping moving around for at least another 5. We're set on being together w/out kids for a good many years before we have them, and we're set on living in a number of different countries and continents along the way until we decide to have kids. Getting married hasn't slowed my life down at all really. I don't go to bars much anymore, but that's because I'm fairly ambitious in work and also have my graduate studies going at the same time. I married my wife because she is ridiculously awesome and we both want to go have a cool unusual life together. I have a partner in crime and someone to enjoy the journey with.

[J pold]

I have a strange view on this, I'm very skeptical of marriage but I know that I want to have my own children, it is very important to me. I know traditionally one comes before the other but for some reason I have much more confidence in myself to be a great father than a good husband. Part of this is because at a very young age I was forced to look after my three younger siblings and play the role of their father while my parents went through an ugly divorce, even to this day my little sisters tell me that they look at me as more of a father figure than a brother. I know for a fact I can be a great Dad, and I've been told that by many people in and outside of my family. Obviously I will wait until my life is more stable before I would actually have my own child, I still have a lot of growing up to do myself.

It's strange if I met me 30 years down the road and I still wasn't married, I'd be fine with that. If I didn't have my own children I would be very disappointed.

[troutman]

You think 23 is the prime of your life?

Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.
Charlotte: It's scary.
Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.
Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that.
Bob: Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.
Charlotte: That's nice.

[CaramonLS]

Give it another 4-5 years Rube. Attitudes change a lot and you just might find you are a lot more open to having kids.

[Antithesis]

My wife and I have been married 5.5 years, together for 9. We have two kids - a two year old and a three month old - and I can honestly say that I have never had so much fun (or joy) in my life in the past 5.5 years. I know it's not the tough-guy thing to say (and no, my wife is not looking over my shoulder), but it's the truth. Sure, I count myself 'up late' if I am awake past 10, and sleeping in is anything past 6:30, but I am having a blast.

[Radio]

I am married (14 years now) have 2 kids, an 11 year old son and a 9 year old daughter.

I didn't get married till I was 29 and have kids till I was 32. At 23 it wasn't something I thought about or wanted to do...it was about the party. Then I met my wife at 25 and life started to change...it wasn't about the party anymore.

I am glad that I didn't get married and have kids till I was older. There was no way I was mature or stable (financially/work wise) enough to have kids at 23...or even 25.

When I was 18 I thought I was a man cause I could go to the bar. Then when I was 21 I looked back I said I was just a kid at 18, but now I am man cause I am considered an adult everywhere. Then when I was 25 I looked back and thought I was no man at 21, just an irresponsible "adult"..but I thought had become a man at 25. Now at the age of 43 I think I only started to become a man at the age of 32 when I looked at my son for the first time. Now I realize that everyday I get a little closer to becoming a man..but I am still not there.

For me it was an epiphany, if you will, having kids..it really was incredible. I won't lie though it's hard work parenting, but what you get back in unconditional love makes the work seem like a pittance.

As for just taking off some where for a weekend..instead of going to Vegas we go to Victoria for whale watching. I find it harder to find someone to look after our dogs than our kids. If me and the wife need a weekend we have plenty of family that will watch our kids for a weekend and we can blow off some steam.

I could go on but this already long winded dribble...if you ever change your mind you'll look back and think what did I do before I had a family of my own..I know I do.

[DementedReality]

having kids comes with pro's and con's, not having kids comes with pro's and con's ... the key is to embrace what you have and not pine for what you are missing.

- grasshopper

[Yeah_Baby]

If and when I get married, I want to wait a few years to have kids. The reason for this is two fold. One, so I can chill out with my wife sans kids for a while. Second so when I have them, I can 'afford' them.

[mikey_the_redneck]

I am in my mid-late 20's, unmarried. The thing I worry about with marriage/kids is the economics of the whole thing. I don't have a super high earning career, ....pretty much average. It seems nowadays most families must have both parents working to live comfortably, and from what I can tell it looks like a hectic lifestyle, logistically. Go, go, go 24/7. I like my freedom and down time you know?

Some lady at work said she pays like $600/month on daycare. I nearly $hit a brick! Friends of mine who are pregnant keep telling me how expensive all the baby supplies are..........they are not helping!
Maybe the key is to space your kids out by 5 years or so, so you are not paying mega costs for everything at the same time. I don't know, I am definately gun shy about the whole thing.

[Finny61]

I've been married for 8 years, it's great to have someone to go on the journey of life with you. Have a 1 year old boy, I was indifferent on kids but figured I would likely regret it down the road... And then of course there is the wife's bio clock Don't regret for a second yet anyway.

Best advice would be give it some time, like what others have said, as you get older your ideals might change.

[V]

I don't know, I have one income. 3 kids. Wife stays home. We don't live extravagantly, but we get by comfortably. I've never understood the dual income thing.

[Peanut]

Everyone's different... my hubby was ready for kids as soon as we got married. I was the one who wanted to wait/wasn't sure if I wanted them at all. I don't know if I can really put a finger on what made me change my mind. Maybe it really was my "biological clock".

I really wasn't even thinking about kids at all and one day a random person at work announced their pregnancy and I had a feeling inside of "I want to be a Mom" and it really surprised me. I mulled it over for a couple more months before deciding for sure. But in the grand scheme of things, my feelings towards kids changed really fast in the span of about 6 months from "not sure if I'll ever have them" to "I definitely want them".

As for marriage, well, I'd been with my husband for 5 years before we got married and I really couldn't imagine spending my life with anybody else. So it was kind of a no-brainer for me/us.

[AFireInside]

I'm 28, (my gf is slightly older)we've been together going on 7 years now, we don't have any desire to have a child, I've been saying I didn't want to have kids since I was about 14....

Will that change 5 or 6 years from now? Anything is possible, but I'm doubting it....


We just got a little bulldog puppy a few months back, and that has been quite a bit of work. But I imagine it's a similar thing with kids. I have the pup waiting at home, and it's awesome coming home and she gets really excited to see you and goes crazy... However when I want to go somewhere I put her in the kennel and go..

I'm guessing I would get in trouble if I put my baby in a kennel?

I'll never say never though, we both just finished school within the past couple years, so once we get settled I guess you never know I do like kids, I just like being able to give them back to their parents after a couple hours!