Anyone else have parents that are impossible to please? - Page 2 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Machiavelli · 07-30-2009, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by habernac

My Dad always told all of us he'd be happy if we were happy, didn't matter if we were garbagemen or accountants. He had a very stressful and high profile job but never expected any of us to do the same. I've had nothing but support over the years.

Is your father an immigrant? No? NO????

Then shut up.

Just kidding.

Dion · 07-30-2009, 10:15 PM

My father was a very sarcastic person who often liked to get his digs in. He would always needle me about my vehicles and when I should be trading them in. One time I was to take mom and dad to Costco. He made some snide remark in the house that we had to ride in my rust bucket. They walked out the door to get into my vehicle and I was gone

In a nut shell I didn't put up with my late fathers crap.

Sly · 07-30-2009, 10:21 PM

Dad is cool, Mom... not so much.

nik- · 07-30-2009, 10:23 PM

enthused · 07-30-2009, 10:30 PM

My dad has fairly high expectations, but not in the sense that he expects me to achieve a particular goal or status, it's mostly that he doesn't want me to waste my potential. I inherited the "smart but lazy" gene from him, and I think that he worries that I will go through life continuously thinking that I can succeed by doing the least amount of work possible... although it seems to be working so far!

Anyways, I think deep down my dad is pleased even though he likes to bug me sometimes. He's okay with the fact that I picked a random and potentially useless degree, as long as it's something that I enjoy and stick with.

My mom on the other hand seems pretty indifferent to anything I do. Sometimes I think she secretly resents ever having kids... but that's a whole other story in itself!

STeeLy · 07-30-2009, 10:40 PM

I recently switched into Psychology from Engineering (yeah, doesn't seem to make sense, I know)...

My father had to give me a lecture on it for a period of time... and then proceed to tell me why I shoulda stayed in engineering... I don't know if he didn't grasp the fact that if I fail the same course 3 times, I'd be expelled, or the fact that I've studied my ass off for it and still fail it twice and would most likely fail again that he didn't get through to his head.

On another note... if I ever go out on a trip requiring a long drive... he either tells me to get someone else to go or he'll go with me... It annoys the hell out of me... I get fed up with it... then with him in the car with me for so many hours, he's gonna be lecturing me on a bunch of stuff, I can't stand it!!! While I understand the driving part, i can't stand him talking so damn much.

Winsor_Pilates · 07-30-2009, 10:51 PM

yes, yes & yes to the original post. It used to be about education when I was getting a BA instead of law, med etc.
Now it's about getting married which I find really annoying.
But that's parents for you, nagging is their way of showing love. Just gotta learn to deal with it.

GirlySports · 07-30-2009, 10:52 PM

I mentioned in the other thread...

My mom was unhappy with me the day I was born a girl. I have an older brother who's her pride and joy, I'm just the slave around the house.

I'm not a good student either which doesn't help. Just another excuse to get yelled at.

My dad supports me but since I moved out a few years ago, sadly my mom and I aren't on speaking terms.

CaptainCrunch · 07-30-2009, 10:53 PM

I was the youngest boy in a family with 3 other girls, ones a doctor (one of the best in her area), ones a lawyer who creates immigration policy, and ones an engineer with an major oil company.

I of course am also responsible for carrying on the family name, and I haven't taken care of that business.

The only thing that saves me is that my sisters are polar opposites to my dad and myself politically so I usually come to his defense.

I was never a great student, I was an ok athlete. I left home to get away at a young age and joined the army.

Am I a let down now? Nope, I earned my parents respect after several years of not talking, but I'm sure when I was younger I was a huge let down.

I-Hate-Hulse · 07-30-2009, 11:51 PM

At first I completely let down my parents (well, moreso my dad) but in time, they've become happy for me.

First, they wanted me to marry someone I barely knew. Seriously, how can someone marry someone they barely know? Worst of all she was a complete pushover - I need someone that can keep up to me. Disillusioned and against my parents wishes, I left for America to find a wife of my own, and I did in New York.

Career choices are always an issue aren't they? My folks wanted me to take over the family business. I chose a job at McDowells - it was my choice all the way and I have no regrets in what I needed to do to succeed. I've since returned to the family business but that was my choice, not theirs.

Through it all it was great to have a friend to bounce things off of. My buddy Semmi put up with a lot from me, but I think he learned a lot from me.

wooohooo · 07-31-2009, 01:05 AM

Having parents that immigrated from the east, they have strict beliefs and ideas on what life is like. Pretty much - Go to University, become a doctor/lawyer/dentist, make lots of money, get a pretty asian wife, buy a big ass house, take your parents to vacation, have lots of kids that will do the exact same thing.

Growing up, I always fought with their ideals about this but over the last 4 years of my life I had to make some of the toughest decisions out there. I had to choose where to go to University, where to stay, who to live with, and the biggest of all... what I wanted my career to be.

As much as I want to go into the career I would have liked coming out of High school, there was no realistic way it would have payed the bills let alone let me have a family. This is where my parents came in. They pushed me to become a Doctor but I flat out refused and told me to choose a career and they would support me... it being a decent career. So I did and they have supported me every step of the way. I am very thank ful and would not known what to do without them.

About a year ago my Grandpa passed, on his death bed he was telling me how I had to become successful in life and have a good paying job. He used to be a well respected Judge back in China but due to the rebellion there he had to escape to Canada and lost everything he had. With no money in Canada and a wife and 4 kids to support, he had to put down his pride and work as a post worker. Now he wasn't young and the demands and stress of the job really got to him and so my parents had to help in whatever way they could. On top schooling, they also had to work 2, 30 hour jobs. My Mom had to pick berries on top of that so they could 'steal' some extra food and get a little more income. But them over coming hardship for 10 years, all of the siblings have become very successful and are all practicing physicians.

Realizing how they came from nothing to something was remarkable. From their view, if they could overcome that why can't their sons/daughters. We have life easy and can concentrate on school so why not have the greatest expected of us?

I hope that made sense as it's getting pretty late...

Maritime Q-Scout · 07-31-2009, 05:17 AM

My parents are supportive of whatever makes my brother and I happy. They have different ideals for both he and I. Which I think is a good thing. I don't mean that they expect one of us to do super well, and the other to fail. Their theory has always been with the right love and support we can do anything. But they do make sure we finish what we start, or at least don't give up on something we'll regret.

Looks like after moving out to BC for Social Work education my brother fell in love with cooking. His part-time job turned into a healthy obsession (in more ways the one, boo to the pun) which he loves. Way more than social work even. Mom and dad are very supportive of him going into being a chef because they know how happy it makes him, and when they see him cook he's in his own little euphoric zone.

For me, when I got accepted to law school, knowing it's been a dream of mine since I was about 6, mom was WAY more excited than I was. I didn't have to go, but she's seeing one of her kids achieve something he's work really hard for and wanted for a really long time. (I just looked up and saw the tag for the thread not a lawyer, ummm sorry guys).

When it comes to our personal lives they've always been supportive. Mom says she used to think my brother wore a t-shirt that said "crazy girls only" as he had two serious girlfriends that were just bonkers insane. However she'd never let him know that. Always supportive, she says "I'll never say I don't like my child's girlfriend, I'd never want to hurt them in that way". I personally disagree, I tell my bro straight up "she's being a itch, tell her to fata off already". However if she does like our girlfriend she'll certainly tell us. Frig I think she likes my girlfriend more than me . . . and I think she likes my brother's girlfriend more than him!

Love & Support for what you want for your kids, and it seems to have worked out for my parents.

Draug · 07-31-2009, 06:42 AM

This thread is interesting ... Being a relatively new parent myself (daughter is almost 4 and son is 1), it is a little disheartening to read this thread.

I get that people dont like it when their parents only voice disapproval. I get that people want supportive parents. But, it seems like a majority of the posters in this thread do not respect their parents. Why? Are they people that don't deserve respect?

As a parent, I love my kids so much. I want the very best for them. And even with my 4 year old, any behavior shaping I try to do has her best interest in mind. I try to lead by example most of all.

I know as she gets older she will make choices I do not agree with. I know I will love her unconditionally. But, when those choices are clearly destructive (like drunk driving for instance), it is a parent's responsibility to illustrate to a child why a choice might be a poor one - isn't it? In the end, I want my children to be happy, reach their potential, and leave a positive impact on the people they know. After all, the only thing a person leaves behind after death is their impact on those around them.

It seems that a good many in this thread just want parents to leave them well enough alone. True? Is that for the best? IF a parent has a child's best interest in mind, doesn't it make sense for a child to want the parent involved in their lives, even through adulthood?

Lots to ponder...

As for my parents, I come from a middle class, non-immigrant family. My parents divorced when I was 6, and Dad went his own way. He was really only involved at Christmas and Birthdays, so his approval meant very little to me. However, my Mom has always wanted the best for me. She has told me she is proud of me, especially when it comes to the kind of husband and father I am. Honestly, I am proud that I have made her proud. As for her praise of my career, the praise hasn't been as gushing. She definately encouraged me through post-secondary education, and still encourages me in my career endevours, but career must not be the highest priority to her. I think as long as I am doing what I want it's good in her books, but it is definately most important to her that whatever I do takes care of my family.

habernac · 07-31-2009, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Machiavelli

Is your father an immigrant? No? NO????

Then shut up.

Just kidding.

LOL! No, not an immigrant. But he has the work ethic of about 10 normal people. Everyone thought he'd push me to be the same as he is, but it never happened. Our parents left us to our own decisions. I almost wish they were a little more strict when we were growing up. But I'm very happy I wasn't saddled with unrealistic expectations.

Bring_Back_Shantz · 07-31-2009, 08:15 AM

My parents are very difficult to please, but it's not a big issue for me becasue I'm FREAKIN' AWESOME!

Draug · 07-31-2009, 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fotze

So people don't respect their parents but you do because yours were great. Is it not possible that parents can be absolutely and completely different than yours. Reading your post and the others, your mom and their parents aren't even comparable. I am sure that is their parents were like you mom you would be in 100% agreement, if your mom made you follow 1 of 2 career options (why lawyer? what makes that special, ever see a happy lawyer?) I bet you'd be singin a different tune. Its not respect.

On the whole if a kid is not giving a parent respect it is because of one of two reasons:
1. The parents suck and don't deserve respect
2. The parents fataed up and raised the kids to be little s.

I wasn't necessarily saying other people's parents demanded respect. I guess I was exploring whether or not the parents were "good enough" people that they should be respected. Or, can the younger people still respect their parents even when the parents disagree with a chosen life path that the children take?

In my instance, I do respect my mom, obviously. And, she is proud of me. But, I have no doubt in my mind that if I was a poor husband/father, she would definately point that out to me and endlessly preach to me about it. She'd want to morph me into something I wasnt; something she felt would be better. I would like to think that I would still respect her...

Mostly, I am intrigued by this thread because I'm looking ahead 20 years. I dont want my kids to resent me and I dont want to look back with regret at that time. And, as you put it, I dont want to raise kids that are little S***'s!

CaptainCrunch · 07-31-2009, 08:38 AM

It was funny, long after I moved out, and during the time that I was trying to get my relationship with my parents and especially my dad back on track, we were sitting on the back deck of their condo and he imparted a pearl of wisdom on me, that I still laugh about today because it made things so clear if I have have kids.

He bought up the fact that he was pretty hard on me, he bought up the fact that my meh grades were a let down to him. Then he simply said.

"My job as your father was to give you a good set of morals and ethics, give you the tools that you needed to survive in the world and give you a work ethic. I wasn't there to be your friend or your buddy or whatever, my job was to kick your ass and keep you on the straight and narrow. When you moved out, we could be friends and drink beers together and go to ball games and all that, but when you were growing up, that really wasn't my job."

KTrain · 07-31-2009, 08:52 AM

I didn't realize we had so many Emo members on CP.

Machiavelli · 07-31-2009, 10:03 AM

Haha, whatever, this has been a great thread. Sure has made me feel a bit better.

Winsor_Pilates · 07-31-2009, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Draug

This thread is interesting ... Being a relatively new parent myself (daughter is almost 4 and son is 1), it is a little disheartening to read this thread.

I get that people dont like it when their parents only voice disapproval. I get that people want supportive parents. But, it seems like a majority of the posters in this thread do not respect their parents. Why? Are they people that don't deserve respect?...

I think you're reading too much into it.
I'm sure most of the posters in this thread love and respect their parents too, but the thread is about parents being hard to please.
I'm sure if you made a thread about "great things about your parents" a lot of the same people could make huge lists about their folks.

If you think people don't "respect" their parents because they're complaining about one aspect of their relationship, then I challenge your definition of respect.