Customer Service "Horror" or "Comedic Stories"

[automaton 3]

Originally posted by habernac@Feb 2 2005, 11:17 AM
Captain Crunch reminded me of more Christmastime fun. We were trying to close on Christmas eve so we could all get home to our families for Christmas dinner. We have a number of people in our location that are still picking up parcels. We have stated quite clearly that we close at 5, all of our signs so so, when we call people to pick up their stuff we tell them, etc. So I go lock the doors and stand by one to let out all the people who are already inside the building. OF course, people keep pulling up and knocking on the locked door. I tell them we're closed. They get all p*ssed and tell me they need to pick up their parcels. I let them know that they should have been here before we closed, as all of our staff need to go home to enjoy Christmas with their loved ones. "Aw, come on. It'll only take a minute..." Me: "Yes, and then others will pull up and want the same service and we'll never get out of here." Customer: "You're an @#$!!!!!" Me; "...and a Merry Christmas to you as well...."

LOL...this is a great thread

When I worked in retail our code for "go ###### yourself" was "and you have a VERY merry christmas sir"...whenever you heard someone say that phase it was worth a laugh and some good stress relief!

[I-Hate-Hulse]

Originally posted by RougeUnderoos@Feb 2 2005, 12:54 PM
Oh jeebus Rogers service absolutely sucks. Bitch loudly and start asking for names and stuff and you'll get somewhere. Mention that if this keeps up you'll be cancelling your internet and your wife's phone and your cable TV even if it's not true.

They've been sucking since the Cantel days. Unfortunate as I'd like to get a GSM phone. I feel sorry for the Fido people that are now minions of Ted.

[Gravitykillr]

ok I work at 7-11 and we live very close to the Reserve so we get alot of the native indian folk in our store most are nice some well not so nice so last summer July or August I think this woman comes into the store pushing a stroller with a baby in it (Duh! lol) and she wanders around buys a drink, use the bathroom, wanders around a little bit more, finally comes up the counter and asks how much nacho's are I tell her the price ($3.20 I think) and she happily pays it and goes to get the nacho's leaving the child in the stroller infront of the counter, after making a mess of the condiment area (Bitch!!!!) and cursing at us a little bit because the condiment area is a mess, she leaves (Side Note: in our store we have a front door and a side door we're just really busy) by going out the side door leaving the child sitting in the stroller infront of the counter, and stands outside for a few minutes eating her nacho's, no worries maybe the kids been crying she just wants a minute to herself it wasn't very busy so no worries the kid can stay there a minute, I wander away to fill up some cups and lids about 10 minutes later when I'm done doing this I goto clean the front doors and the kid is still sitting where the person left her and the person in nowhere to be found, I kinda panick and run outside looking for this woman, we're located in a little strip mall, so looking around isn't too hard so I check in all the stores she's knowhere to be found, so I go back to the store kinda baffled and unsure what to do, the kid has started crying by this point and obvously isn't very happy she's been ditched by someone who was carying for her, so what do you do in this situation phone the police they'll know what to do, so I get the operator on the phone she asks what I would like I tell her some lady left her child in the store and is nowhere to be found you could hear the disbelief in her tone, so after getting all the information she says the police are on the way, in the meantime the woman has reappeared outside the store eating nacho's still (later found out she went into the gas station to use the toilet) I'm thinking great there she is she can get her kid talk to cops get this fixed out and everyone is happy, I go out and and say "Maam, you left your child in the store" she reponds "Are you sure?" :unsure: "Umm yep pretty sure it was you who brought her in and we're phoned the police and you'll have to talk to them" finally the police show up and turns out it isn't ever her kid it's someone in her famly's kid and she was so drunk she thought that she left him in the family van, the police called in another unit and took the baby in one car and the woman in the other, to this day I still don't know how she left the kid in the store with relatives ilke that the kid is gonna have a hard life





edit: grammar was never my strong suite, sorry

[Frank the Tank]

Originally posted by RougeUnderoos+Feb 2 2005, 06:54 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (RougeUnderoos @ Feb 2 2005, 06:54 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Agamemnon@Feb 2 2005, 11:41 AM
I tried to cancel my Rogers Cell phone yesterday. Called the service twice and push-buttoned my way through 'To Cancel Your Account'... I wait a second, they ask for my 10 digit #, which I give.

Then music plays. Then a busy signal. Then nothing. Twice.

So, I wisely just press zero from the menu to speak with _anyone_. A nice guy answers, and transfers me to cancellations. Then musice plays. Then a busy signal. Then nothing. Again, I went this way twice.

In the end, they said that department was 'down' and to call tomorrow.

Fishy.

Oh jeebus Rogers service absolutely sucks. Bitch loudly and start asking for names and stuff and you'll get somewhere. Mention that if this keeps up you'll be cancelling your internet and your wife's phone and your cable TV even if it's not true. [/b][/quote]
Oh I have the ultimate Rogers story! It inspired me to find this site:

You suck Rogers!!

[KevanGuy]

Originally posted by Gravitykillr@Feb 2 2005, 01:18 PM
...

I think that was the longest sentence in the history of the human language.

[Frank the Tank]

Originally posted by Gravitykillr@Feb 2 2005, 08:18 PM
ok I work at 7-11 and we live very close to the Reserve so we get alot of the native indian folk in our store most are nice some well not so nice so last summer July or August I think this woman comes into the store pushing a stroller with a baby in it (Duh! lol) and she wanders around buys a drink, use the bathroom, wanders around a little bit more, finally comes up the counter and asks how much nacho's are I tell her the price ($3.20 I think) and she happily pays it and goes to get the nacho's leaving the child in the stroller infront of the counter, after making a mess of the condiment area (Bitch!!!!) and cursing at us a little bit because the condiment area is a mess, she leaves (Side Note: in our store we have a front door and a side door we're just really busy) by going out the side door leaving the child sitting in the stroller infront of the counter, and stands outside for a few minutes eating her nacho's, no worries maybe the kids been crying she just wants a minute to herself it wasn't very busy so no worries the kid can stay there a minute, I wander away to fill up some cups and lids about 10 minutes later when I'm done doing this I goto clean the front doors and the kid is still sitting where the person left her and the person in nowhere to be found, I kinda panick and run outside looking for this woman, we're located in a little strip mall, so looking around isn't too hard so I check in all the stores she's knowhere to be found, so I go back to the store kinda baffled and unsure what to do, the kid has started crying by this point and obvously isn't very happy she's been ditched by someone who was carying for her, so what do you do in this situation phone the police they'll know what to do, so I get the operator on the phone she asks what I would like I tell her some lady left her child in the store and is nowhere to be found you could hear the disbelief in her tone, so after getting all the information she says the police are on the way, in the meantime the woman has reappeared outside the store eating nacho's still (later found out she went into the gas station to use the toilet) I'm thinking great there she is she can get her kid talk to cops get this fixed out and everyone is happy, I go out and and say "Maam, you left your child in the store" she reponds "Are you sure?" :unsure: "Umm yep pretty sure it was you who brought her in and we're phoned the police and you'll have to talk to them" finally the police show up and turns out it isn't ever her kid it's someone in her famly's kid and she was so drunk she thought that she left him in the family van, the police called in another unit and took the baby in one car and the woman in the other, to this day I still don't know how she left the kid in the store with relatives ilke that the kid is gonna have a hard life

That is the craziest run-on paragraph I have ever read! Good story, but seriously, use a comma or the tab key or something!

[MrMastodonFarm]

Originally posted by KevanGuy+Feb 2 2005, 02:32 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (KevanGuy @ Feb 2 2005, 02:32 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Gravitykillr@Feb 2 2005, 01:18 PM
...

I think that was the longest sentence in the history of the human language. [/b][/quote]
..ya, but what a ride.

[FlamesAllTheWay]

Used to work at the safeway gas station in westhills. I've actually started to forget some of the stories about the customers there just because there are so many of them. Lets just say after working there for a year I had lost a fair bit of respect for the human race as a whole.

Though, I did a few boneheaded things too as well heheh...

[Alberta Hab Fan]

I don't come by here very often, but I was just checking the Heckle thread to see what was happening. I saw this thread but couldn't help to contribute a story or two.

(For those of you that are playing, see you at the Heckle, wherever it is... :wave: )

Anyways...my stories:
(I forgot a lot of them...over the 5 years of working in retail, I've seen too many stupid people, and I've witnessed many ######ed situations.)

Working in a grocery store when I was about 15...this native guy comes in. Drunk out of his tree, he stumbles in the store, approaches the counter and mumbles "I lost my car" and hands me his mastercard. My supervisor kicked him out of the store and sent him packing (or hitch-hicking to be more precise). :biglaff:

~~~~

Working at a Cap Connection in West Edmonton Mall this past year, I had quite a few ######ed people come in...

(Keep in mind, this is a hat store)

1. Customer : "Do you guys have any boots?"

2. Customer : "Do you guys have any scarfs?"

3. Customer : "Do you guys have any shirts?"

4. Customer : "Do you guys have any ties?"

5. Customer : "You guys have anything free?"...after I told him no, my co-worker handed him a pocket NFL schedule. :biglaff:

~~~~

In this same hat store, some native lady came in and asked me if I knew where stiches was, and I told them that I didn't know. She then tells me "Well, you're an ass!" I wasn't sure if I heard right, so I ignored her comments. A minute later, her stupid kid comes up and asks the same question: "Do you know where Stiches is?" Before I could answer, she pipes up and says "Don't ask him, he's an ass!" O_o

~~~~

Finally, here are some phrases I never wanna hear again:

"How much for dat one?" or "How much is dis?"
(Here's an idea...CHECK THE FREAKIN' PRICE TAG!!!)

(While the store doors are closed) - "Are you guys closed?" or "Are you guys still open?"

:mad2:

[RougeUnderoos]

You know those car-washes where some flunkie waves your car in then sprays it down/soaps it up with a wand, and then the car wash drags you through? Well I was that flunkie. It was fun.

One time I had this really rude white woman coming through and she refused to follow my directions to get her in the right place and ended up totally missing and then she had to reverse and then she didn't put it in neutral (as I and the sign had instructed). So she bumps up and down a couple times and she's p*ssed. She opened her window and said some dumbass thing to me so I smiled and covered her window with soap then went around back gave her a nice footlong scratch on the trunk of her new car with the metal end of my high pressure sprayer. That was satisfying. Lots of people got scratches for being rude. I never understood how people could be that dumb.

Another time some white guy came into the wash and I gave him the instructions -- "put it in neutral and it'll drag you along and when you come out the other side put it back in drive". So he glares at me and gives me the "I know how to go through goddamn car wash", then he throws it in drive and floors it, roaring through the wash in about two seconds and straight into the large heavy dryer which promptly breaks his windshield. He was steamed about that. I told him to call my manager, do whatever the hell he wants, I don't care because it was his fault.

The official company line at Petro Can was "if the car wash breaks your window, rips off your antenna, peels the paint, wrecks the trim, starts your damn car on fire, we don't care, just read the back of the ticket where it says "we are not responsible for...". I can't believe people used to drive their car through that thing come to think of it. It was more of a medieval torture chamber for cars than it was a car wash. It didn't really wash the car as much as it beat the dirt off of it with heavy nylon brushes then it would torture the car with a useless "hot wax", rip off the antenna and spit it out the other side.

Sigh. They don't make them like that anymore.

[kermitology]

One of my favourite questions when I worked at the dome..

"Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to section 212?"
"Of course, just head around the building in that direction."
"How far?"
"Uh.. It's an oval, if you go too far, turn around."

Or.. While working in the Guest Serivces booth

"Excuse me, can you tell me where Guest Services is?"
I look up at the big sign behind me, then look at the person again.
"How can I help you?"

And one good one from the playoffs..

These two Canuck fans had been at game 4 and came to Guest Serivces to complain that they were being harrassed by Flames fans (they were sitting in the 300's). I said, "Exactly what were you expecting, when you came to the Saddledome this afternoon wearing your Canucks jerseys?" These two didn't like that too much, so they continued to yell at me, saying that it was my responsibility to personally ensure their safety. I told them, that when they come back for game 6, they should think twice about wearing their Canucks jerseys if they want to enjoy the game in peace, I mean, how do I control a bunch of rowdies like hulkrogan and BBS?

The two guys, nearly bursting into tears as they told me of the horrors of having beer thrown at them (oh lord), left me by assuring me that my Flames were going down, then telling my I was secretly a Canucks fan because my uniform was blue..

I love people..

[albertGQ]

nm

[peter12]

Oh man these are all horror stories. My guess is 90% of you guys are students. I did 1 year of retail myself and hated it so much. I bust my ass now at the beginning of winter going for the student grant jobs at firms.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

as horrible as some of the stories I have are, it's fun to talk about over a beer one weekends, plus the people I worked with were great. I really did enjoy my job, even if I did have to explain the most basic things to customers like toys don't come with batteries, nothing does, "batteries not included" is part of our culture, they made a movie about it... so why are you p*ssed when it doesn't come with batteries?



oh right I was talkign about how I *LIKED* my job wasn't I?

[Alberta Hab Fan]

Originally posted by Maritime Q-Scout@Feb 2 2005, 11:52 PM
as horrible as some of the stories I have are, it's fun to talk about over a beer one weekends.

Exactly.

Stupid customers and ######ed situations make for great 'campfire stories'. How many times did you guys come home after a long in the store and said to someone "Ah, you shoulda seen this ###### today...!"?I did it time and time again. Makes for something to talk about.

Working in retail, you get the best of both worlds. For all the stupid people you meet, and see lots of great people. The stupid people can wreck your days, and make you wanna quit, but it's not that bad. Working at the hat store in the world biggest mall, I got to see a lot of 'winners', but met some great people too. One that sticks out for me was a regular looking guy in his thirties or forties. We got talking, and it turns out he was a Florida Panthers regular season ticket holder. We could've talked hockey for days on end. Never got the guys name and I'll never see him again, but it's people like that that make me wanna work in retail. (I don't work in retail now, but who knows...)

[Prototype]

Originally posted by albertGQ@Feb 2 2005, 11:10 PM
nm

I think everyone is justified, but this one is just rude... Albert, how dare you... you should be ashamed of yourself

[kermitology]

Originally posted by Prottotype+Feb 2 2005, 06:13 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Prottotype @ Feb 2 2005, 06:13 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-albertGQ@Feb 2 2005, 11:10 PM
nm

I think everyone is justified, but this one is just rude... Albert, how dare you... you should be ashamed of yourself [/b][/quote]
He was originally quoting my 212 story, so maybe he had a beef with it and then realized.. wait.. The Dome IS an oval!

[Julio]

Originally posted by kermitology@Feb 2 2005, 05:33 PM
He was originally quoting my 212 story, so maybe he had a beef with it and then realized.. wait.. The Dome IS an oval!

Kermit...I'm shocked...simply shocked...
The Dome isn't an oval...it's round...that's why the concourses are so damned narrow in the ends and wide on the sides...because they are putting a long narrow playing surface and seating bowl into a round building.

[Buff]

I worked at Canadian Tire for a tad over 6 years, the first couple of months weren't so bad, then I woke up, yet I couldn't tear myself away from that place. I must've like to torture myself. Of course we did have some fun pretending to be dumb customers. I'll start with the pranks first.

I called the parts desk regularily and played some decent pranks on them.

Prank1:
Me: Yeah, uh, I'm looking for a part for my 73 Mustang...

Parts Guy: What are you looking for?

Me: A fallopian tube.

Parts Guy: Hmm, I don't see a listing here, what is a fallopian tube?

Me: ROTFLMAO



Prank2:
Me: I was wondering if you guys have something I need, I'm looking for muffler bearings for a 1994 Ford Pinto.

Parts Guy: Muffler bearings!?!? There is no such thing!

Me: Hey, I've got my car apart in front of me and I've got muffler bearings in my hand.

Parts Guy: Just a sec.

I can hear him in the background talking to one of the mechanics
Parts Guy: Hey some guy says he needs some muffler bearings.
Mechanic (who knows whats going on): What kind of car?
Parts Guy: 1994 Ford Pinto
Mechanic: No, only 1986 Mazda Taurus' have muffler bearings.

Parts Guy (to me): The mechanics told me that only 1986 Mazda Taurus' have muffler bearings

Me: Well he's pulling your leg because Ford makes Taurus' not Mazda

Parts Guy: Hang on

I can hear him talking but I can't hear what they're saying this time.

Parts Guy: He made a mistake, only Mitsubishi Preludes had them, and they were from 1967-1972

Me: Well I have a '94 Pinto with Muffler bearings right here.

Parts Guy: ... I don't know what to tell you... maybe try another store.



Prank3:
Me: Hey, do you guys still do that loan a tool thing?

Parts Guy: Yes we do, what do you need?

Me: Well I was backing out of my garage and I got the bumper caught on the side of the door and it fell off, I can't put it on because it is a bit tight, do you guys have a bumper stretcher?

Parts Guy: I've never heard of that, let me check....


Prank4:
Me: Yeah, uh, I'm looking for some shock straighteners, how much do you guys sell them for?

Parts Guy: Let me take a look.... I can't find them in the computer, is their another name for them?

Me: No, they're just called shock straighteners, my buddy bought them there the other day but I can't remember how much the cost him and I'd like to get my own set.

Parts Guy: ... He, he bought them here?

Me: Yes, maybe 3 or 4 days ago?

Parts Guy: Do you know how big the box is?

Me: Yeah, its about 4 feet long by 2 feet high and 1 foot deep.

Parts Guy: That should be easy to find, let me go take a look

I went and watched him walk up and down the ailes looking for a big box of shock straighteners!



I once had a customer ask me were to find the bikes... I said "Really?" When I questioned him he realized that I was putting a bike on the bike rack when he asked me where the bikes were... he turned bright red... I went into the warehouse to laugh.

Another time I had a customer come in looking for the plastic blades that you can put on your weed-wacker instead of the thin piece of wire.

Me: What kind of trimmer do you have?

Him: Does it matter?

Me: Yes, the kind that we carry will only fit on certain makes and models.

Him: Well my trimmer looks like that one.

Me: Is it the exact same one?

Him: I don't know, but it looks like it.

Me: Well I can't tell you which kind to get, but if it is that same one, then there isn't any that will fit.

Him: How the hell do you know?

I showed him the model number of the trimmer, and where on the packages of the blades to see if the blades will work with that trimmer.

Me: When you know your model number we'll be able to get you the proper blades for the trimmer.

Him: Ok, I'll come back

Well he did come back. Twice. The first time he wandered around the store, came back and randomly picked some blades that he thought may work. The second time he came back, furious that I sold him the wrong blades. He demanded that we return the blades for him and get him a new trimmer because he broke his trimmer. He got so mad that he bashed his trimmer against the garage and it was my fault because I sold him the wrong blades. My department manager was in the ailse with me when he flipped and the plain clothes security guard was walking by when the customer went off the deep end. He got escorted out of the store.


One other time I assisted the plain clothed security guard and another store clerk arrest some guys who were stealing. We watched them for at least 1/2 hour load their pockets and back packs with several stuff throughout the store. Once they left the building we were able to go arrest them. The guy I grabbed just took one look at me and said "Ok, I'll go with you", the other guy decided to fight. The fighter got cuffed and we took them back into the security office. Where we got to wait for the police. The police came and searched them and also found knuckle dusters, drugs, and drug paraphenelia. The shoplifter who fought with us got mad and said, "Don't touch those, they're mine". The officer replied "They're not yours anymore". The guy got mad and said "They are too, and I'm getting them back when I'm free to go or else I'll have you arrested for stealing".


I also have a story about a naked customer who couldn't control their bodily functions. Thankfully I was on my lunch break and not in the store to see it. An elderly lady walked in the front doors with her pants and underwear down to her ankles, it seems as though she had an accident. One of the guys on the promo crew was at the front doing something with promo or impulse items and was right there when she walked in and said "Help me". All he could do was say "You're asking the wrong guy lady" and he walked away. The next day he gave his notice, he couldn't handle customer service anymore.



Edit: Added more stories.

[JayP]

Originally posted by KevanGuy+Feb 2 2005, 08:32 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (KevanGuy @ Feb 2 2005, 08:32 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Gravitykillr@Feb 2 2005, 01:18 PM
...

I think that was the longest sentence in the history of the human language. [/b][/quote]
I didn't see a period at the end of it. I don't think you can call it a sentence yet.