Looking for story ideas - Page 2 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

jammies · 05-12-2009, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by octothorp

Who no doubt found out where I lived by writing down my address from my recycling bin that I had left out by the curb in front of my house.

Or had they come from the bin - looking over their adorably angry little heads, I could see it tipped over and opened up, spilling what looked suspiciously like blankets and other nesting material onto my lawn. Was it the mescal again? I can't remember midgets, but then I can't remember the lack of midgets either, so anything could have happened. Anything.

stang · 05-12-2009, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jammies

Or had they come from the bin - looking over their adorably angry little heads, I could see it tipped over and opened up, spilling what looked suspiciously like blankets and other nesting material onto my lawn. Was it the mescal again? I can't remember midgets, but then I can't remember the lack of midgets either, so anything could have happened. Anything.

As I lead them down into my dungeon, I noticed one of them holding what looked like a stolen extension cord, in her small childish hands. She looked up at me and winked as she mouthed the words "Jolinkar"

Reggie Dunlop · 05-12-2009, 01:48 PM

"Come with us to the basement of Chicken on the Way", she purred.

mykalberta · 05-12-2009, 01:48 PM

Oops.

Took me a while to catch on what the thread was about.

troutman · 05-12-2009, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reggie Dunlop

"Come with us to the basement of Chicken on the Way", she purred.

Chicken On The Way ran out of chicken last week. True story.

fredr123 · 05-12-2009, 02:08 PM

Internet message board mean to lay reporters
METRO CALGARY
May 13, 2009 7:42 a.m.

A local Calgary message board claiming to be your 24/7 hockey source has proved to be little more than a hangout for juvenile delinquents with nothing better to do than chastise and embarrass innocent outsiders not part of the community, a local reporter discovered. While attempting to get members of www.calgarypuck.com to do his job for him, Metro's John Mess's request was met with thick sarcasm and thinly-veiled homoerotic overtures.

"You're doing it wrong," stated another local Calgary journalist who agreed to speak to Metro on the condition of anonymity. "You don't ask CP [Calgary Puck] for help to write one of your stories. You just troll the board and write a column based on a thread topic like you thought of the idea yourself. Also, I like cake."

CaptainCrunch · 05-12-2009, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reggie Dunlop

"Come with us to the basement of Chicken on the Way", she purred.

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim and I had to stop for the night. I decided to call my best friend, an armless legless blind deaf mute Devry dropout named dangles. We called him dangles because he had enormous testicles and a very small penis. We knew this because armless legless people have trouble dressing themselves, and Dangles was blind and he just didn't care.

I let the phone ring 20 times before I hang up, I realized that he really couldn't answer the phone, and wondered why he had a phone in the first place.

"What a drag" I said.

Teh_Bandwagoner · 05-12-2009, 02:17 PM

1. Adam Sandler falls in love with some girl. But it turns out the girl is actually a golden retriever. Call it "Puppy Love".

2. Adam Sandler inherits a billion dollars, but first he has to become a boxer or something. Call it "Punch Drunk Billionaire".

3. Adam Sandler gets trapped on a deserted island, and falls in love with a coconut.

VladtheImpaler · 05-12-2009, 02:36 PM

Dear Penthouse,

I thought all the stories I read in your magazine were made up, until my wife's
35 year-old cousin and her 18 year-old daughter came to stay with us over
Stampede...

Bring_Back_Shantz · 05-12-2009, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredr123

Internet message board mean to lay reporters
METRO CALGARY
May 13, 2009 7:42 a.m.

A local Calgary message board claiming to be your 24/7 hockey source has proved to be little more than a hangout for juvenile delinquents with nothing better to do than chastise and embarrass innocent outsiders not part of the community, a local reporter discovered. While attempting to get members of www.calgarypuck.com to do his job for him, Metro's John Mess's request was met with thick sarcasm and thinly-veiled homoerotic overtures.

"You're doing it wrong," stated another local Calgary journalist who agreed to speak to Metro on the condition of anonymity. "You don't ask CP [Calgary Puck] for help to write one of your stories. You just troll the board and write a column based on a thread topic like you thought of the idea yourself. Also, I like cake."

To be fair, most of those homoerotic overtures, weren't very thinly-veiled.

Barnes · 05-12-2009, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim and I had to stop for the night. I decided to call my best friend, an armless legless blind deaf mute Devry dropout named dangles. We called him dangles because he had enormous testicles and a very small penis. We knew this because armless legless people have trouble dressing themselves, and Dangles was blind and he just didn't care.

I let the phone ring 20 times before I hang up, I realized that he really couldn't answer the phone, and wondered why he had a phone in the first place.

"What a drag" I said.

Just then I remembered I had 3 lesbian midgets loose somewhere in the house. I never did make it to the dungeon. Where could they be hiding?

I searched high and low, mostly low as they were midgets after all and couldn't help but remark to myself how Calgary is so brown in the summer.

That's when a couple of guys who were up to no good.....

ResAlien · 05-12-2009, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barnes

Just then I remembered I had 3 lesbian midgets loose somewhere in the house. I never did make it to the dungeon. Where could they be hiding?

I searched high and low, mostly low as they were midgets after all and couldn't help but remark to myself how Calgary is so brown in the summer.

That's when a couple of guys who were up to no good.....

Showed up in a crappy van painted Canucks colours, they gave no explanation as to where they got it, but seemed really high and had what looked to be a dead hooker in the back. One mumbled something about rent and they drove off in search of....

Agamemnon · 05-12-2009, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troutman

Chicken On The Way ran out of chicken last week. True story.

I was there for it... no breasts at least.

Reggie Dunlop · 05-12-2009, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Agamemnon

I was there for it... no breasts at least.

Just a bunch o' fellers who were choking chickens.

jammies · 05-12-2009, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ResAlien

Showed up in a crappy van painted Canucks colours, they gave no explanation as to where they got it, but seemed really high and had what looked to be a dead hooker in the back. One mumbled something about rent and they drove off in search of....

the ultimate pulled pork sammich. "Leroy", I could hear one guy saying to the other, "if we're going to prison for this, I want to at least enjoy one night of fine cuisine before I go."

Behind them, the seemingly dead hooker moved her limbs, and rolled out the back of the van. She gave a sorrowing cry when her body hit the pavement, and I moved forward past the midgets to help. As I got closer I could see her face, and I realized this was no hooker, this was...

Reggie Dunlop · 05-12-2009, 05:58 PM

Send your News Tips to Metro Here

Wood · 05-12-2009, 06:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reggie Dunlop

Just a bunch o' fellers who were choking chickens.

How can you choke your chicken with no breasts?

Crispy's Critter · 05-12-2009, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jammies

the ultimate pulled pork sammich. "Leroy", I could hear one guy saying to the other, "if we're going to prison for this, I want to at least enjoy one night of fine cuisine before I go."

Behind them, the seemingly dead hooker moved her limbs, and rolled out the back of the van. She gave a sorrowing cry when her body hit the pavement, and I moved forward past the midgets to help. As I got closer I could see her face, and I realized this was no hooker, this was...

4 X 4! Seemed he had forced the wrong slow car off the left lane of the Deerfoot, and had paid a heavy price for it. As I moved forward to help, I was distracted by......

Jayems · 05-12-2009, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crispy's Critter

4 X 4! Seemed he had forced the wrong slow car off the left lane of the Deerfoot, and had paid a heavy price for it. As I moved forward to help, I was distracted by......

... the potent aroma of stagnant river water. As I approached this 4x4 character, it was clear by the stains on his pants he had been through one wild night. One can only assume it involved copious amounts of hard alcohol, an overturned dinghy, an entire sleepless night on a patch of river rocks and potentially a love interest with a wild animal. Suddenly, I heard a screeching...

Crispy's Critter · 05-12-2009, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jayems

... the potent aroma of stagnant river water. As I approached this 4x4 character, it was clear by the stains on his pants he had been through one wild night. One can only assume it involved copious amounts of hard alcohol, an overturned dinghy, an entire sleepless night on a patch of river rocks and potentially a love interest with a wild animal. Suddenly, I heard a screeching...

Ruby Dhalla. As it turned out, the three midget lesbians were her Filipino workers who were trying to escape, but having no passports or paperwork of any kind, they could only resort to living in people's blue boxes. As she advanced toward me, howling like a banshee, I noticed she was holding a Dell computer which seemingly didn't work.....