Was drinking beer with a few friends. One of the guys who lived there, asked where we went to get an email address. This guy had only recently got a computer and was not at all familiar with them yet. Not thinking too much about it several of us told him to just goto www.hotmail.com, and he returns to his room and computer to do just that. About 2 min later he starts yelling at us that we are a bunch of sick s and not funny at all. After a quick glance at his computer, we had to inform him that it's spelled hotmail, not hotmale.
The funniest thing I've ever seen happened at the HMV in Market Mall. The girl and I were looking at the signs for that travel place that's directly across from it. It was when HMV used to have those huge clear windows. We heard this huge clang and only my girlfriend, me and another shopper looked back just in time to see a guy reverberate back off the glass (leaving a huge forhead stain to boot), shuffle right a few steps and walk out the door. He looked a little dazed and ashamed. He must have been going fullbore, head down and just given'er.
Wow you would have been entertained at my wedding then, it happened no less then about 20 times that night, some people up to 4 or 5 times.
I got two for you. Why is bathroom humor always so funny?
1) Chinook food court public washroom
A while ago, I was at Chinook and had to take a leak. Walked into the washroom by the food court. There was a guy already at one of the urinals, and I noticed one of the stalls was occupied. When I approached my urinal and was getting ready to go, I heard massive explosive farting, followed by intense splashing coming from the stall. This probably lasted a solid 7-10 seconds, which is actually a long time! (Count it out!) This was funny in itself but all of a sudden, the guy at the urinal beside me yells "Hey buddy, how about a courtesy flush?". The guy in the stall actually replies saying "Oh, sorry.." and gets up and flushes the toilet. I actually laughed out loud.
2) My old work had a common washroom on the floor and the entrance to that washroom was in a hallway leading to a common area where reception for a tenant on the floor was. Unfortunately, the hydraulic door closer thing was really slow, so the door swang open and closed really slowly after it was released. As I was washing my hands and about to leave, the guy in the stall was obviously losing his battle against the "all you can eat" Indian buffet he had for lunch. Unfortunately, as I exited the washroom and the door closed very slowly behind me, the receptionist could hear the noises coming from the stall, looked up at me with a disgusted look and said "That is absolutely disgusting..." in a repulsive voice. I went back to my office giggling uncontrollably at what I just witnessed and wondering how many times that has happened to her.
I had just bought my PS3 and was hooking the thing up online and was going to order something off the PS3 store. The wife was beside me watching me do this and I said to her, "I'm going to download this game, I need my credit card to pay for it, can you grab it out of my wallet?" So the wife, helpful as always, gets up and grabs my card and comes back. So just for fun, I said "Okay, see the green and blue lights on the front? Wave the credit card infront of them so it'll scan for payment." She starts waving the card infront of the power lights, saying "Is it working? Did it go through?" I couldn't stop laughing.
The other night my cat took one of the nastiest dumps I've ever smelled. Her litter is in the laundy room and even after closing the door to the laundry room, I was still inhaling fumes in the bedroom. So my girlfriend comes in with a disgusted look on our face and immediately goes for the can of Oust sitting on the night table, but it won't come out when she sprays it.
Next she runs into the bathroom and grabs a bottle of perfume, holds it at about face-level and sprays a massive shot directly into her eyes. It sucked because I really had to hold in the laughter because she started crying right away and I had to help her rinse her eye out.
The other night my cat took one of the nastiest dumps I've ever smelled. Her litter is in the laundy room and even after closing the door to the laundry room, I was still inhaling fumes in the bedroom. So my girlfriend comes in with a disgusted look on our face and immediately goes for the can of Oust sitting on the night table, but it won't come out when she sprays it.
Next she runs into the bathroom and grabs a bottle of perfume, holds it at about face-level and sprays a massive shot directly into her eyes. It sucked because I really had to hold in the laughter because she started crying right away and I had to help her rinse her eye out.
Next she runs into the bathroom and grabs a bottle of perfume, holds it at about face-level and sprays a massive shot directly into her eyes. It sucked because I really had to hold in the laughter because she started crying right away and I had to help her rinse her eye out.
I have done that with bug spary one time. Not very fun at all.
Close was last week, golfing in a tournament at Springbank Links with eagle_eye from CP. We were in the cart and there was a kid on the residential street that runs through the course on his bike whipping his handlebars left and right so that you make sharp turns. I said "look at that kid, I used to do that as a kid until one day I wiped out looking like a complete fatain idiot" and within 3 seconds the kid did exactly the same thing going face first onto the pavement. The wiping out was hilarious as well. We laughed are arses off.
I did the exact same thing when I was a kid. Big faceplant into the pavement.....had a huge cheek and black eye for weeks. I didn't really find it as funny as my friends though.
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"I knowI was a great player, probably one of the top-10 guys that ever played the game."
Theo 2006
Location: In a land without pants, or war, or want. But mostly we care about the pants.
Exp:
When I was a teenager my brother and I used to spend the summers working out at my uncle's marina in Cowichan Bay; the marina had rental boats you could take out for fishing, just little 14 footers with a 10 hp motor but apparently too much boat for this one guy we had come out.
My brother usually ran the rentals, so he takes this guy and his son to the dock, and takes him thru the safety spiel and how to operate the engine (twist for throttle, here's forward, here's reverse, steer using the throttle handle), and unhooks the boat from the dock. To get out of the dock, all the guy has to do is take the boat in a u-turn into a channel that leads out between boats and docks straight out into the bay.
Instead, the guy twists the throttle aaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllll the way open and jams the handle all the way over to the right, so the boat starts going in a circle at full speed - BANG! He slides off the near dock and then BANG! he slides off the docks to the right and then BANG off another rental boat and BANG! BANG! BANG! he goes in circles, with the wake off his boat bouncing all the docks and boats up and down, and his kid is yelling and screaming and my brother is shouting "LET GO OF THE THROTTLE JUST LET IT GO!!!!!!!", but the guy has frozen up and all he can think to do is jerk the handle the other way, which of course just means he does an S in the water, bounces off the far dock and now he's circling the other way, which at least takes him into the open channel but it's BANG one more time as he hits the rental boat dock coming back before he finally listens to my brother, lets go, and the boat drifts to a stop with one last little bang.
Of course, I'm just about crying with laughter watching this guy, and my brother is mad and laughing at the same time; luckily the boat never got up enough speed to do any real damage other than scraping paint and destroying the infallibility of this dude in front of his kid, who probably never got into a boat with his old man ever again...
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Better educated sadness than oblivious joy.
Maybe not the funniest thing, but an amusing event:
We were driving back to Tulum from Chichen Itza with some friends, and stopped to visit some underground caves - I was reading from a Lonely Planet Guide out loud as we entered the parking lot - "you will be greeted by a horde of screaming children", as we were being greeted by a horde of screaming children. I had to show everyone the book to prove I didn't make it up.
I had an amusing experience on that same bus ride a couple years ago. The tour bus had a bunch of Canadians on it, including a couple groups of Flames and Coiler fans, including the obligatory mulleted guy in a Smyth jersey. The Coiler group was a little larger than the Flames group, so they were being rather cocky and mouthy. There's a Mexican prison about halfway along the route. As we were nearing the prison on the way back one of the Flames' fans yelled up to the driver "Edmonton Oiler fans' 5 star resort on the right. Please stop to let them off." The driver laughed and started to brake and pull over. It was funny at the moment at least ... maybe a person had to be there to fully appreciate it. It was the first time that day the Coilers' group didn't have anything lippy to say.
