Disciplining young children

[Locke]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Geez when I was a kid I would have gotten one warning from the old man, if I kept it up I'd get the look (we all know the one) if I still didn't drop in line we'd be taking a walk to the car and not for ice cream.

And yet I'm not a serial killer, strange no?

We only have your word on that, and I'm not convinced. People have started to go missing...

[dobbles]

i was raised by a single mother who didn't show any discipline. how my sister and i turned out normal i will never know. i am still a few years away from having kids, but i have vowed to be a good parent that doesn't let his kids run around like crazies in public places.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by Locke

We only have your word on that, and I'm not convinced. People have started to go missing...

Why don't we get together for a beer or two.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"

[Locke]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Why don't we get together for a beer or two.

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"

The City of Calgary recently imposed new sanctions prohibiting any 2 of you, myself and fotze from congregating in the same establishment.

We'd be considered a war party and shot on sight.

[FlamesAddiction]

I don't have kids, so I probably shouldn't judge too harshly, but I find that my sister goes too easy on her kids.

Like a lot of kids, they often put up a fuss and cry when it is time to go to bed - especially when there is company. Last year I went to visit my sister's family after not seeing them in a long time and every evening was the same thing - crying and screaming at bed time. My sister would end up having to sleep in the same room with them. This pretty much meant that we had no visiting time after 8:00 pm.

I finally said to my sister; "Can't you just let them cry until they fall asleep?", and she was horrified that I would even consider something like that... but that's how our parents used to do it.

[V]

Originally Posted by FlamesAddiction

I don't have kids, so I probably shouldn't judge too harshly

You're right, you probably shouldn't.

Raising kids is bloody tough. I honestly don't know how my wife handles them so well, day in day out. However, the two of us have found over the last four years that most of our child-rearing ideals have gone out the window as reality has taken over.

Truth is, you have no idea what it's like until you're there.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by V

You're right, you probably shouldn't.

Raising kids is bloody tough. I honestly don't know how my wife handles them so well, day in day out. However, the two of us have found over the last four years that most of our child-rearing ideals have gone out the window as reality has taken over.

Truth is, you have no idea what it's like until you're there.

Give me a little credit... I do have some idea. I lived with my other sister and here 2 children for 5 years and had more of a hand in raising her young children than most unlces do. I got the kids up for school and took them to evening activities almost every day while my sister worked, so I was in charge of some discipline. Still, I know I didn't have the same emotional attachement and responsibility of a mother, but I had some.

North American families tend to have more of a hands off method when it comes to the involvement of extended family and the community in general on child rearing when you compare it to Europe and Asia. I think this is why people here get so offended when people without children have an opinion on it. If someone was exposed to the responsibility of raising children, I don't think it's fair to assume they have no idea what it is like to raise children.

[Metro Gnome]

Originally Posted by FlamesAddiction

I don't have kids, so I probably shouldn't judge too harshly, but I find that my sister goes too easy on her kids.

Like a lot of kids, they often put up a fuss and cry when it is time to go to bed - especially when there is company. Last year I went to visit my sister's family after not seeing them in a long time and every evening was the same thing - crying and screaming at bed time. My sister would end up having to sleep in the same room with them. This pretty much meant that we had no visiting time after 8:00 pm.

I finally said to my sister; "Can't you just let them cry until they fall asleep?", and she was horrified that I would even consider something like that... but that's how our parents used to do it.

Your parents had it right.

Unfortunately, kids tend to learn early how to get what they want by playing to their parents sympathies. Most earnest modern parents feel a knife of pain stab through their chest when their kids cry or are unhappy.

Unfortunately, by responding to bad behavior by giving in, they reinforce said behavior. In the example above, the sister pretty much assured the kids will be kicking up a fuss the next bed time...because kicking up a fuss worked previously. It's all about incentives, really. Rewarding the behavior you prefer is the way to go - giving in to bad behavior because it's easier, faster, quieter, etc. means that's how the kids will negotiate to get their way the next time. It also means the kids are running the show.

It sounds simple, but easier said than done, no doubt - because being firm and consistent is the key to behavior modification.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by V

Raising kids is bloody tough. I honestly don't know how my wife handles them so well, day in day out. However, the two of us have found over the last four years that most of our child-rearing ideals have gone out the window as reality has taken over.

Truth is, you have no idea what it's like until you're there.

Ain't it the truth? And while I am of the same ilk as many, in that it is hard to see children running around totally undisciplined, we have to remember that in most cases, we don't know the circumstances.

And I was always of this motto. Try and keep a lot of your appraisals of other people's children to yourself UNTIL your own children are out of the house. You just never know when your own children might have a little surprise or two for you up their sleeves.

And you know, if you see a parent struggling say perhaps going through the checkout at your local grocery store, don't just stare and judge with your eyes. Why not ask the parent if they would like some assistance while they unload the groceries and pay for them? And if you are a parent of older children, why not try saying, hey, it's ok, been there, done that, I know what it is like.

[Locke]

Have you tried a backhand across the head? Works wonders. Guaranteed Results.

[ComixZone]

My biggest problem with 'general' parenting these days is that it's focused on control, not discipline.

Let kids make mistakes, but if they act out and do something rude, improper, bad etc. make sure that they feel the full consequence of their action.

If all you do is control what the kid has access to, what do you think will happen when they get into school and suddenly have access to all these things they havent had any experience with?


...I'm pretty sure I'm not voicing my opinion the way I want to be, but hopefully you can get the point. Of course you have to limit the kids on the extremes, but like...My parents were definitely pretty free range with stuff, but for whatever reason, I always knew my limits. I'd feel bad if I disappointed them, or got in trouble. I knew that there were consequences for doing bad things - so I didn't do bad things.

Discipline is a much greater parenting tool than control is.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by redforever

And you know, if you see a parent struggling say perhaps going through the checkout at your local grocery store, don't just stare and judge with your eyes. Why not ask the parent if they would like some assistance while they unload the groceries and pay for them? And if you are a parent of older children, why not try saying, hey, it's ok, been there, done that, I know what it is like.

One time my girlfriend said to someone in this situation "Hey! Just be thankful that isn't me, or you'd really be gettin' it!"

Everyone laughed hysterically, which made the kid shut up.

Haven't had a chance to say it myself yet.

[CaptainCrunch]

Father Crunch: [In the throne room, Captain Crunch is watching is watching his friends playing road hockey on the street] As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!
[Father Crunch hits the comlink switch on his throne]
Father Crunch: Fire at will, Commander!


As you can see, my father used the Tarkin doctrine to keep me and the other rebel systems . . . err my sisters in line

[pepper24]

I think most lack of discipline is from children rebelling against their parents for having dumb names or taking normal names and changing the normal spelling.

"Go to your room, Willow"
"Time for dinner, Ryleigh"
"Let's go for ice cream, Jaydin"
"Here's your allowance, Cash"

[Galakanokis]

Originally Posted by troutman

I believe that children are our future. . .

If my kid is the future we are all in deep doo doo!

We have a 13 year old and the first 6 years were easy compared to what you have to worry about now.

When he was young I used to get all kinds of compliments about how polite and nice he was especially around adults. (His mom was 16 when she had him and I came in the picture two years later so he was around a lot of older people often). Now he is the most rude and inconsiderate little smuck I have ever met. He thinks everybody owes him something!

He walked out of a store and completely cut off an old lady walking into the store and didn't stop to see if she was fine or say sorry. I was so made and completely embarrassed. I yelled so loud at him that he damn near shat his pants. Of course I made him go back and apologize to the lady and ask if there is anything he could for her to make up for his boneheadedness? He spent the next 45 minutes walking behind in the grocery store holding onto her basket and fetching things off the shelf.

Bloody kids. And for some strange reason the wife and I decided to have another one!!!!!!!!!!! Still trying to remember agreeing to this???

[FireFly]

Not enough people cuff their kids on the back of the head for shuffling their feet anymore. My mother was a big proponent of the head-cuff when I didn't pick my feet up. I now get irritated by foot-shufflers. More head-cuffing is needed in this world.

[calculoso]

Originally Posted by ComixZone

My biggest problem with 'general' parenting these days is that it's focused on control, not discipline.

Let kids make mistakes, but if they act out and do something rude, improper, bad etc. make sure that they feel the full consequence of their action.

If all you do is control what the kid has access to, what do you think will happen when they get into school and suddenly have access to all these things they havent had any experience with?


...I'm pretty sure I'm not voicing my opinion the way I want to be, but hopefully you can get the point. Of course you have to limit the kids on the extremes, but like...My parents were definitely pretty free range with stuff, but for whatever reason, I always knew my limits. I'd feel bad if I disappointed them, or got in trouble. I knew that there were consequences for doing bad things - so I didn't do bad things.

Discipline is a much greater parenting tool than control is.

This is a great point and struck home with me. With my step-kids, one of whom in particular seems to be exceedingly spoiled (Grumpy, disobedient, etc unless she is getting her way) and I've started taking away things to discipline. For example, if she hasn't done her homework then her access to a tv gets taken away. With reading the above, it's bordering on being controlling.

Where is the dividing line between discipline and being controlling?

Are there techniques to minimize backtalk, maximize respect/cooperation, reduce the amount that she's spoiled and selfish, etc?

It's hard...

[calculoso]

Originally Posted by FireFly

Not enough people cuff their kids on the back of the head for shuffling their feet anymore. My mother was a big proponent of the head-cuff when I didn't pick my feet up. I now get irritated by foot-shufflers. More head-cuffing is needed in this world.

I wish my step-kids would shuffle their feet... They all stomp instead. No quiet-walkers in my house...

[troutman]

Originally Posted by fotze

That works until the kid can tell mommy about it, then it works not so well.

My mom encouraged it - "just wait until your dad gets home!"

[jammies]

This reminds me I'm going to be watching my younger two nephews (3 and 2) on Saturday for about 16 hours while my brother and his wife are at a wedding. Usually I get maybe 2-3 hours maximum and then mommy or daddy gets home, which is short enough that I can keep them from getting bored and cranky. 16 hours - even Uncle Jammies isn't that long-winded a comedian/storyteller/monkeytalker.

I am amazed people can live day after day with kids and not just turn into quivering headcases, I know I'm going to be shell-shocked after just this one day. And these are relatively GOOD kids - I don't think I could handle it if I had a kid of my own and he/she was crotchety and rebellious.