DV Case: How Should I Handle this

[Eastern Girl]

That's pretty much how abusers work. They isolate you from all your friends, make it seem like your friends are just jealous of your relationship or whatnot, so that you are completely dependant on the abuser. That way, the person has fewer options if they decide they want to leave.

One key thing I learned when I did a story on domestic violence was that you shouldn't tell them what to do. Don't tell her you must leave, you must do this or that. It will probably just anger her and make her feel like you are also trying to control her and she will cut off ties from you. Be there for her, don't take away your support and be patient. It's a very difficult thing for a woman to be in that position. There's lots of fear and confusion involved, it's not just as simple as leaving. I have spoken to quite a few women who have survived domestic violence, and their stories are heartwrenching. Years later, these women still deal with fear, always looking over their shoulders, etc.

It is definitely a good idea though to call the police and ask their advice.

I hope it works out though.

[Titan]

Too late now but when you were at the house call the police and say you were walking by the house, heard the ruckus and thought someone was in danger then hang up.

[mac_gurl]

I also recall watching something like this on Oprah, and one of the girls co-workers had recorded incidents in a notebook. When it came time to go to court, the co-workers journals helped lock the guy up, because she had detailed stuff that she had witnessed (black eyes and when she noticed them etc).

[OilersBaby]

Ok i called the local domestic violence help line that works with the SJPD and they were very helpful. They informed me that even though theya re not married, if she reports it he will get arrested because there is a ZERO TOLERANCE policy in Santa Clara County. She can get a restraining order and can get sole occupancy of the house they're renting (although she cant afford it so it wouldnt work but she could otherwise).

I told her what I learned and she doesnt want to call the cops still....but she did say she will start staying at my house starting this weekend, so that makes it a bit better.

Then what I did next is tell my boss. He is the director and her and he have a good relationship. I told him everything, then I told her. She wasnt upset with me. She seemed relieved that I told someone else who could help her. He said there as certain things he HAS to do as a boss that I dont have to do. He is going to meet with her tomorrow morning. Im going to be there too. We're going to help her.

[REDVAN]

Originally Posted by OilersBaby

Ok i called the local domestic violence help line that works with the SJPD and they were very helpful. They informed me that even though theya re not married, if she reports it he will get arrested because there is a ZERO TOLERANCE policy in Santa Clara County. She can get a restraining order and can get sole occupancy of the house they're renting (although she cant afford it so it wouldnt work but she could otherwise).

I told her what I learned and she doesnt want to call the cops still....but she did say she will start staying at my house starting this weekend, so that makes it a bit better.

Then what I did next is tell my boss. He is the director and her and he have a good relationship. I told him everything, then I told her. She wasnt upset with me. She seemed relieved that I told someone else who could help her. He said there as certain things he HAS to do as a boss that I dont have to do. He is going to meet with her tomorrow morning. Im going to be there too. We're going to help her.

I've avoided commenting yet because I don't have any experience with this and didn't want to lead you astray, but this sounds very positive! I wish her the best of luck, and you are a great friend for helping. It's always sad to hear about abusive relationships.

[Slava]

Even though you guys aren't close this is a great thing that you are doing/have done. Whether she wants it or not, that guy needs to be locked up.