The Rebound Effect

[foofighter15]

Originally Posted by Inferno

You all chipping in for the plane ticket?

lol

Ok fine, we'll get drunk together in spirit, and I'll take home the bar star. Happy now?

[ericschand]

Originally Posted by metal_geek

No worries... she'll be back... she'll prolly be 38, divorced twice, 3 children 12,10 and 2. She'll leave her abusive, money spending, drunk, 2nd husband and find solace in what you guys had, she'll tell you, she doesn't understand why she never just married you, she was dumb, but has never stopped loving you. You guys will have some good times, then she, and her 3 children will move in with you.

Wow! You just described my ex! Except, I wasn't drunk or abusive,
she did marry me, divorced me, and then re-married, divorced again,
wanted to move back in with me (gotta give her points for trying).
Even gave the "what about our kid?" line.

"Uh, no, <my daughter> will always have a home. Where you go,
what you do, I don't care." She didn't like that...

ers

[Bill Bumface]

Get back on your horse. Odds are in not much time you'll be wondering why the hell you were so hung up on her and wonder how you were blind to all her faults for so long.

[metal_geek]

Originally Posted by ericschand

Wow! You just described my ex! Except, I wasn't drunk or abusive,
she did marry me, divorced me, and then re-married, divorced again,
wanted to move back in with me (gotta give her points for trying).
Even gave the "what about our kid?" line.

"Uh, no, <my daughter> will always have a home. Where you go,
what you do, I don't care." She didn't like that...

ers

ROFL.. As crazy as that sounds, I never just pulled that outta my rear end... that senario happens all the time... Women dump some guy, move on to 1 or 2 more look for something better. When it all collapases, they are usually a little(lot) older, a little wiser, a little more financially dependent and typically have a few kids in tow..

Having a small flock of kids, broke, feeling alone, ugly, old and figuring no one will ever love them again, makes a woman fondly remember the guys who really paid attention to them back in the day.. or financially supported them... either or...
________
AsiansXX

[ericschand]

Originally Posted by metal_geek

ROFL.. As crazy as that sounds, I never just pulled that outta my rear end... that senario happens all the time... Women dump some guy, move on to 1 or 2 more look for something better. When it all collapases, they are usually a little(lot) older, a little wiser, a little more financially dependent and typically have a few kids in tow..

Having a small flock of kids, broke, feeling alone, ugly, old and figuring no one will ever love them again, makes a woman fondly remember the guys who really paid attention to them back in the day.. or financially supported them... either or...

You don't get it. You missed her age by 2 years, you hit the # of kids,
the ages of the kids is +/- 6 months (mine would have been the 2 year
old).

You should have been a fly on the wall, it's as if you were. Got the
"We really had a connection, I just didn't see it" and "I made mistakes"
and "Where will <my daughter> go? The shelter, would you really
want her in the shelter?" The whole bit. Your "feeling alone" and
"no one will love them" comments? Her quote, "I guess I'll have to be
single forever now."

Half the "how about I move in" conversation I was in shock, the other
half wondering how rude it would be to laugh.

As for Inferno, let it go. You tried, be happy with that. Not all
people are to be together, and you can bet that if she comes back
to you now, and you take her, life will be he<ck>.

ers

[Gugstanley]

Deal with these type of things one day at a time so you don't feel overwhelmed.
Lots of women out there. You will find one when you least expect it.
For now watch a lot of hockey

[wpgflamesfan]

Originally Posted by Inferno

Some of you might remember the "Friend Zone" thread about a month ago. In there I talked about the situation I was in with a friend who I've had feelings for since grade 10 but never told her until this past summer. Well the whole situation came to an end last week and I guess alot of people here can tell me that they told me so.

She's decided she wants to give her nutjob ex-roomate a chance. Basically when she moved out she realized she missed him more than she thought she would. It took a rumor started by his ex and her friend about how they were together but she was cheating on him with her friend for her to finally give in to him after he constantly nagged her about it. She decided to end all of her guy friendships over this rumor except me because our friendship is one that she wants to keep.

Basically with me she said she did feel a spark after we kissed but that died and admits she she should have made more of an effort to see if it could get brighter. She said after 10 years she thought she owed it to me to atleast see if it was there. She said she told me to let her get her head back on straight to see if her feelings for me came back but they never really did though that's hard when you only see the person once a month. She told me really the nail in the coffin for me was she saw my dependance of her and said that it didnt seem like I was happy with myself and that I needed her to make me happy and that you cant love someone if you dont love yourself.

I talked to her sister about it and she pretty much told me I'm too good for her. She doesnt know what she wants in life and it's affecting her little girl. She said she realizes people make mistakes but you should learn from them. She told me the guy is a nice guy but he tries to hard which really to me is being fake and anyone can be nice when it benefits them. She said I deserve to be with somone who I can love, respect, and trust and get that back. She said that she cant be trusted because she wont even tell her things and when she does she wants to hit her. Apparently she brought this guy to her sister's place for Christmas and he gave her these expensive gifts yet she insisted they werent involved. I made sure I let her know the stuff about him that she doesnt know. She said they arent very close so I dont have to worry about her saying anything to her about us talking.

So after thinking about it for a few days I decided to tell her atleast for now we should stop hanging out. I told her that the last few days had been extremely tough for me because I feel cheated in all of this and that for the first time in 10.5 years I broke down and cried over this whole thing with her and that we couldnt be the friends we were as long as she's with a guy who I dont respect at all for what he's done to her. I also said that seeing her would open the wounds this has caused everytime and make this worse.

I told her if it didnt last then she could contact me or if I finally got over her I would call her and we could try and repair it because we do care alot for eachother. Maybe at that time I wouldnt have the same feelings for her or maybe I would be with someone else who I realized is better and we could just be friends. Or maybe she would give us one more chance to see if that spark could be lit again and to see if it would get brighter and if not then I maybe would be able to accept that and move on and just be her friend, or I maybe I wont ever completely get over this and we can never be friends again. At this point I dont really know.

So after telling her that she told me she understood and that if she could take everything back and start over so that I wouldnt feel cheated she would. She told me I should be proud because not very many people make her cry and that she loved me and logged off before I could even respond.

So my question is should I try and look for someone right away since we never were together or should I take some time for this to sink in and wait for the cheated feeling I have to go away? Most guys would probably just shrug it off and move on but this is 10.5 years worth of feelings I'm trying to let go of.

Sounds like your to good for her. I think you should have a few beers, suck it up and move on. And no offense but it probably isn't the best thing in the world to be discussing stuff like this over msn as nothing good ever seems to come of it. do it in person or at least over the phone next time.

[Agamemnon]

I bet you'll never know the size of the bullet you've dodged here with her rejecting you. Trust me, from the sounds of both your threads you're waaay better off moving on. I think you're right not to be friends with her, she's probably just been using you to fulfill the emotional needs she doesn't get from her boyfriends. When you look back on this from a real relationship's perspective you'll be glad things turned out the way they did.

Sorry, but seriously, she gets her tubes tied in her mid-20's because she doesn't want to have kids???? And now, because of her nephew, she's thinking of reversing it? Sounds like a keeper!

[Inferno]

Originally Posted by Agamemnon

I bet you'll never know the size of the bullet you've dodged here with her rejecting you. Trust me, from the sounds of both your threads you're waaay better off moving on. I think you're right not to be friends with her, she's probably just been using you to fulfill the emotional needs she doesn't get from her boyfriends. When you look back on this from a real relationship's perspective you'll be glad things turned out the way they did.

Sorry, but seriously, she gets her tubes tied in her mid-20's because she doesn't want to have kids???? And now, because of her nephew, she's thinking of reversing it? Sounds like a keeper!

I don't know if I would say she was using me. I know she genuinely cares for me I just think she made the mistake of getting me involved in a love triangle because of my past feelings for her and then kept what she was feeling for the other guy from me as long as she could so that I wouldn't get hurt and in case her feelings changed for either of us. Problem was I did get hurt and our friendship ended up getting sacrificed in the end whether it's temporary or permanent.

Before I told her that we shouldn't hang out anymore she told me she always ends up hurting the people that mean the most to her and that she hoped I could forgive her. She's not a terrible person despite how screwed up she sounds she's just I guess a scatterbrain. And unfortunately instead of giving up sooner on her I stayed around hoping she would realize what a nutjob he was and tell him to get lost but she never did and I ended up paying in the end.

As far as her reversing getting her tubes clamped it's not a given it's just something she thinks about sometimes and says she might consider if she's with the right guy. Basically what happened with her daughter was she split with her husband, got involved with a guy who ended up knocking her up and didn't want to stick around, she wouldn't get an abortion so she decided to move back here, called her husband to see what he wanted to do with regards to a divorce, he suckered his way back into her life by saying he wanted to help her look after the kid, she had her daughter and got her tubes clamped not long after because she never wanted kids. Then four years later she realized she should have never gave him a second chance and asked for a divorce.

[Inferno]

Originally Posted by wpgflamesfan

And no offense but it probably isn't the best thing in the world to be discussing stuff like this over msn as nothing good ever seems to come of it. do it in person or at least over the phone next time.

I wanted to but I figured it would be too hard for the both of us. And I tend to not get out everything I want to when I talk to someone in person or on the phone. I didn't want to do it but I knew I had to if i wanted to atleast possibly save our friendship for the future. Sticking around and going through her being in a relationship with a guy I have no respect for might have killed it for good.

[The Fonz]

There are so many nice/fun/smart women out there. You just need to get out and meet a few. Sounds like this girl was taking advantage of you, so try not to get hung up on this. Do your best to move on and I know you'll end up a lot happier with another woman. This may be a blessing in disguise

[Inferno]

Just saw a picture of her new boyfriend on her sister's Facebook. He looks like a 45 year old child molester. Makes me even more glad I didn't get tangled up with someone who has that low of standards. Especially knowing he's a nutcase.

[maverickeastwood]

Well, there ya go dude, you just spared yourself! There is more than plenty enough good and decent women out there.

[driveway]

Originally Posted by Inferno

So my question is should I try and look for someone right away since we never were together or should I take some time for this to sink in and wait for the cheated feeling I have to go away?

Most guys would probably just shrug it off and move on but this is 10.5 years worth of feelings I'm trying to let go of.

First of all, those guys who would shrug off their emotions invariably end up - or already are - s. If she meant that much to you, let yourself hurt - don't wallow in it - but allow yourself to feel it. It might suck for months and months and months, but it will probably get better.

And, to answer the first part second, it's been my experience that those people you find when you're 'out looking' aren't really worthwhile. It's the people you meet when you're not looking at all that turn out to be the ones that you want to know.

[4X4]

Originally Posted by driveway

And, to answer the first part second, it's been my experience that those people you find when you're 'out looking' aren't really worthwhile. It's the people you meet when you're not looking at all that turn out to be the ones that you want to know.

###. Like waiting for the pot to boil... Just get on with all the other stuff you need to do and it'll happen.

[Inferno]

Originally Posted by maverickeastwood

Well, there ya go dude, you just spared yourself! There is more than plenty enough good and decent women out there.

It's like all the feelings I've had for her are gone and I can only look at her as nothing more than a friend now. I want to email her and thank her for doing this and why couldn't she have did this long ago and spared me all this crap. I know looks aren't everything but you have to have some standards. I knew she always had low standards but not THAT low. I dont know if I should take this as an ego blow or a blessing. I'm no stud but I wasn't bitch slapped with a branch from the ugly tree either.

[Ozy_Flame]

I think you need a hug, Inferno - sometimes, you just can't figure out women.

They tend to think with their emotions, passion, and mental constructs.

We have it easy, we just go where the **** tells us to.

[Inferno]

Originally Posted by Ozy_Flame

I think you need a hug, Inferno - sometimes, you just can't figure out women.

They tend to think with their emotions, passion, and mental constructs.

We have it easy, we just go where the **** tells us to.

After seeing a picture of this guy I think she needs to make a trip to Selkirk and book herself into the mental institution. I cant believe that's the guy she was so confused about all this time. When I thought about him I figured he might have been an ok looking 34 year old guy but this guy looks like he's pushing 50. He does own a trucking business so maybe money means more to her than she says it does.

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by Inferno

After seeing a picture of this guy I think she needs to make a trip to Selkirk and book herself into the mental institution. I cant believe that's the guy she was so confused about all this time. When I thought about him I figured he might have been an ok looking 34 year old guy but this guy looks like he's pushing 50. He does own a trucking business so maybe money means more to her than she says it does.

Well by your responses, it's defintiely a good thing you're getting these second thoughts - she sounds like she's far worse than you might have seen before.

That said, here's the usual post-crush stages:

1) Shock and disbelief
2) Denial
3) Anger
4) Saddness
5) Being smug
6) Back to normal

Re-arrange a couple, and you have the workings of the common man. You're probably just going through the motions, but you'll get over this.

Look at it this way - no one in this life is as important as yourself, so don't settle for anything less than your best.