Favorite Arrested Development Quotes!

[Eastern Girl]

Tobias: “A flower in my garden, a mystery in my panties.”
Wayne Jarvis: Again, this is not an audition for a CBS show.
Tobias: I was just looking for some feedback.
Wayne Jarvis: It was a little contrived.

***
Michael: Are you serious?
Wayne Jarvis: Almost always. I was once called the worst audience participant Cirque du Soleil ever had.
Michael: This is a big accusation.
Wayne Jarvis: Well, Michael, I did not find their buffoonery amusing.

***
Wayne Jarvis: I shall duck behind that garbage can.
Michael: The guy's a pro.

***
Michael: Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's, um, corn syrup and red dye. Juice.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? (laughs) This party is going to be off the hook.

***
George Michael: Uncle Gob, was Aunt Lindsay ever pregnant?
Gob: Yeah, sure, dozens of times.

***
Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.

***
Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay: Ah, that's funny. Because I was going to say, you might want to lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol.

***
Tobias: I should call the Hot Cops and tell them to dress up as something more nautically themed. Hot sailors maybe. Or better yet, hot sea-
Michael: I like hot sailors.
Tobias: Mmmm, me too.

***

I LOVED this show. I could go on and on...

[foofighter15]

And that's why, you don't teach lessons

[iggypop]

"I've made a huge mistake"

[surferguy]

His brothers name was Hermano?

[iggypop]

Lucille: Buster. Thank God you're back. There's no shame in being a coward.
Buster: A coward? I'm not a coward. Would I coward have THIS?
[holds out a stuffed seal]
Lucille: What the hell is that?
Buster: These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship and the gorilla is for sand racing.

[Eastern Girl]

Lindsay: You’ve had $80,000 worth of cartography lessons. Get us a channel to the ocean.
Buster: Okay, okay, okay. (Pauses)
Buster: Obviously this blue part here is the land

***
Lucille: And I’m putting Buster in charge.
Gob: He’s a good choice.
Michael: Buster? The guy who thought that the blue on the map was land?
Lucille: He's had business classes.
Buster: W-w-w-wait. Eighteenth-century agrarian business. But I guess it's all the same principles. Lemme ask you: Are you at all concerned about an uprising?
***

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development, Tobias gets a review of his Shakespeare play.
Tobias: Well I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman. So... onward and upward.
[cut to Tobias crying in the shower] Why, Tracy?! Why?!
***

Gob: And if I'm going to be staying here —
Lucille: Staying here? What, did that Mexican throw you out?
Gob: She's not "that Mexican," Mom. She's my Mexican. And she's Colombian or something. Anyway, it's over.
Lucille: You've got three days.
Gob: Hey ... if I can't find a horny immigrant by then, I don't deserve to stay here.

[foofighter15]

Narrator: On the next arrested development. Tobais finally gets a call from the Blue man group with a life changing oppuronity. He didn't hear it, and his life stayed the same.

[flip]

Bob Loblaw. nuff said.

[burnin_vernon]

Gob was my fave
George Sr.: I don't have time for your magic tricks.
Gob: Illusions, Dad! You don't have time for my illusions!
---------
Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh ... wait, wait. Let down your hair. No, glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door. ---

-----Gob: [to George Michael] Maybe we'll meet a couple of young coeds along the way. How young is too young for you?
Michael: Ok, that's not going to happen. Ok? There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't going to be any magic. [to George Michael] It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you, and you don't even realize it.
Gob: Um, Michael, I'm a magici - Oh, I see what you did there

--------
At the Buster/Michael party the banner reads "Family love Michael"
Gob: GOB: Take a look at banner Michael!

[Barnes]

I love how on The Next Arrested Development never actually happens.

[troutman]

Highest rated quotes at fan site:

http://the-op.com/ref/qe2.php?sort=rating

Lindsay: How do you think I feel? Bob Loblaw’s a handsome, professional man and I’m only used to... well, none of those things.


Tobias: Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over— an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.

[Flame On]

/\ You knew the analrapist had to be coming.
For some reason I just love it when Gob goes into the chinese herbalist (just before he buys the sword of destiny) and says to the effect:
I need some dingle for my dangle.

[octothorp]

Originally Posted by Staypuft

The best part of Arrested Development is it's so much funnier when you watch it the second time around and catch all the foreshadowing.

Such genius.

Yeah, they set up jokes like three episodes in advance. Pretty brilliant that way. Favorite quotes:
Tobias: You know Michael, if I may take off my acting pants for a moment, and pull my analrapist stocking over my head, George Michael has been acting strange lately. I think he may have developed what we in the soft sciences refer to as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or the O.C. Disorder.Michael: Don't call it that.
Buster: And I'm going to continue dating, Mom.Michael: It sounds a little bit like 'dating Mom'.Buster: It's starting to feel a little like it.

[Eastern Girl]

Originally Posted by Flame On

/\ You knew the analrapist had to be coming.
For some reason I just love it when Gob goes into the chinese herbalist (just before he buys the sword of destiny) and says to the effect:
I need some dingle for my dangle.

"I'm looking for something to give my dingle less tingle.... me quick want slow."

[octothorp]

Originally Posted by Staypuft

The best part of Arrested Development is it's so much funnier when you watch it the second time around and catch all the foreshadowing.

Such genius.

Yeah, they set up jokes like three episodes in advance. Pretty brilliant that way. A few favorites:

Doctor: "It looks like he's dead."
Everyone: gasps
Michael: "Sorry, looks like he's dead, or is dead?"
Doctor: "No, just looks like he's dead."

Doctor: "I'm afraid it's far too late for me to do anything to help you.
Everyone: gasps
Michael: "Let him finish."
Doctor: "Because you've been transferred to another doctor.

Lucille (about Lucille 2): "That BITCH!"
Michael: "Mom, you're not at home, and she's not next door when you're here."
-and then later in the same episode, at her apartment-
Lucille: "That BITCH!"
And then she gives Michael the most self-satisfied and smug smile. Brilliant moment.

And I love it when she makes 'quote' gestures while holding her martini glass. She's possibly my favorite of the family characters.

[Mayer]

This doesn't seem quite as funny without actually seeing the actors deliver the lines, but here's one of my favs.


Lindsay: For your information i got a job..

Michael: Really? What job?..

Lindsay: Beads..

GOB: BEES!?!?!

Lindsay: BEADS!!

GOB: BEADS!?!?!

Michael: Gob's not on board...

[Eastern Girl]

Originally Posted by octothorp

And I love it when she makes 'quote' gestures while holding her martini glass. She's possibly my favorite of the family characters.

Yeah I love that too. The rest of that scene is hilarious too, when George Michael slips on it.

Michael: Sorry. Your grandmother had a little accident here.
George Michael: Oh. Does that mean she's going to have to come live with us?
Michael: No, no. No. It was her drink, and even if it wasn’t...

(When Tobias later slips on it, that is quite possibly the best prat fall I've ever seen. His leg just goes straight up in the air and stays there.)

My favourite Lucille moment is when she drives into the post in the underground parking lot.

Narrator: Lucille was suffering from a hangover-related headache and sought her medication. That's when she mistook the red eye alcohol warning for a winking-eye alcohol suggestion. But she had the good sense not to drive herself to the meeting.
Lucille: I'll call for a car.
Narrator: [shows the car on fire] Unfortunately, this was after a failed attempt to do so.
Lucille: [walks into post in parking lot] Well, who put that--"

She just kinda trails off, she was a great character. And Jessica Walter played it so perfectly. The show was brilliantly cast.

[stuck_in_chuk]

Michael Bluth: Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?

Buster: [Tobias hands Buster his business card] Ahhhh!
Tobias Fünke: Oh, it's pronounced "Analrapist".
Buster: It wasn't the pronunciation that bothered me.

[CrusaderPi]

Tobias: Come give your Uncle T-Bag a hug
George Michael: Don't call yourself that.

[octothorp]

The narrator quotes are great too:

"Wait for it..."

"And that's how you narrate a story."

"Hey, that's the name of the show!"

Rita: You really are a real man Michael. You're such a p****. (Kisses him)
Narrator: I can't believe we had to bleep that. It would have been such a nice moment.

Reggie (the british soldier): When I miss your lips I'll put a f***** in my mouth, and think of you.
Narrator: That also had a different meaning over there.

"Nobody was making fun of Andy Griffiths. I can't stress that enough."

"Tobias went to a tryout for the Blue Man Group hoping to be seen. Unfortunately, it was dusk, and he wasn't seen."