Personal Dilemma

[tvp2003]

My only advice is to log out of CP on every accessible computer you have... it wouldn't be the first time that a curious gf/spouse logged onto that stupid hockey message board you're always on, only to stumble upon one of your posts.

That probably wouldn't be a good thing at the moment.

[Ayrahb]

Listen to Winsor and philip, don't talk to your GF. Would you want her to talk to you about this guy she likes?

I don't know much about the weirdness coming to your girlfriend, but if you aren't yourselves around each other, it wouldn't shock me if she a) is having doubts about the relationship herself, b) likes someone else, or c) is boinking someones else (sorry if that's the case).

And since you all work together, your life will be miserable whatever you do, so you should probably get ready to look for another job.

[Flames in 07]

Originally Posted by Ayrahb

Listen to Winsor and philip, don't talk to your GF. Would you want to her to talk to you about this guy she likes?

I don't know much about the weirdness coming to your girlfriend, but if you aren't yourselves around each other, it wouldn't shock me if she a) is having doubts about the relationship herself, b) likes someone else, or c) is boinking someones else (sorry if that's the case).

And since you all work together, your life will be miserable whatever you do, so you should probably get ready to look for another job.

Wouldn't you want to know that she's thinking about someone else???

[Ayrahb]

Originally Posted by tvp2003

My only advice is to log out of CP on every accessible computer you have... it wouldn't be the first time that a curious gf/spouse logged onto that stupid hockey message board you're always on, only to stumble upon one of your posts.

That probably wouldn't be a good thing at the moment.

.... [quietly goes on to delete his posts about Jessica Alba, etc.]

Originally Posted by Flames in 07

Wouldn't you want to know that she's thinking about someone else???

Not unless she is planning to break up with me or to cheat on me. Sometimes a person just needs time to process their strange feelings on their own. That and the keylogger on our computer tells me everything i need to know. Just kidding, just kidding...

[I_H8_Crawford]

Originally Posted by Ayrahb

Listen to Winsor and philip, don't talk to your GF. Would you want to her to talk to you about this guy she likes?

I don't know much about the weirdness coming to your girlfriend, but if you aren't yourselves around each other, it wouldn't shock me if she a) is having doubts about the relationship herself, b) likes someone else, or c) is boinking someones else (sorry if that's the case).

And since you all work together, your life will be miserable whatever you do, so you should probably get ready to look for another job.

She is boinking "J"
That explains why J is so flirty with him - she feels guilty that she's screwing his g/f.
AND it explains his g/f asking him what's unattractive about J - she wants him to talk her out of her lesbo urges....

Seriously though, is your g/f THE woman? If she is, ignore J; it's not that hard to cut it off. If she's not THE woman for you, dump her and take J for a test drive.

[Ford Prefect]

Regardless of the situation with J, you are on a dead end road with your current girl friend. The fact you are even entertaining thoughts of a different person (J) shows your current live-in girl friend is not the right life partner for you. Take it from someone who has been there and done that. In my case it lead to living with a girl for few years, eventually getting married and eventually getting divorced. In hindsight, I knew all along she wasn't the one, but was too lazy to do anything about it because even though things weren't perfect, they could always be worse. But relationships with people who aren't compatible as a life partner are kind of like wisdom teeth. At first the signs of trouble are minor, but eventually you've got a pain that nearly blinds you and the source of it has to torn out. After divorcing my first wife, I met my second wife, and from the moment I met her I knew she was the person I wanted to spend my life with, and she felt the same. After meeting my second wife I have never once looked at another woman and wondered "What if?" Sure, I've looked at other women and thought "Wow, what a knockout." But not once have I projected myself actually being with someone other than my wife, at least so far, and so far has been 20 years. At this point I certainly don't expect anything to change. When it's the right person you know it. And when it's the wrong person you know it too, even if it's on a subconscious level, and that's why you're looking at other women, like J.

[Flames in 07]

Originally Posted by Ford Prefect

Regardless of the situation with J, you are on a dead end road with your current girl friend. The fact you are even entertaining thoughts of a different person (J) shows your current live-in girl friend is not the right life partner for you. Take it from someone who has been there and done that. In my case it lead to living with a girl for few years, eventually getting married and eventually getting divorced. In hindsight, I knew all along she wasn't the one, but was too lazy to do anything about it because even though things weren't perfect, they could always be worse. But relationships with people who aren't compatible as a life partner are kind of like wisdom teeth. At first the signs of trouble are minor, but eventually you've got a pain that nearly blinds you and the source of it has to torn out. After divorcing my first wife, I met my second wife, and from the moment I met her I knew she was the person I wanted to spend my life with, and she felt the same. After meeting my second wife I have never once looked at another woman and wondered "What if?" Sure, I've looked at other women and thought "Wow, what a knockout." But not once have I projected myself actually being with someone other than my wife, at least so far, and so far has been 20 years. At this point I certainly don't expect anything to change. When it's the right person you know it. And when it's the wrong person you know it too, even if it's on a subconscious level, and that's why you're looking at other women, like J.

yep.

and to even have the issue with J in the first place should tell you everything you need to know.

[TheDragon]

Ask yourself, are you genuinely feeling the way you do about J? Or is it maybe just a little bit of a novelty? Do you legitmately like her? Or are more or less attached to the concept that maybe somebody other than your present girlfriend has shown attraction and interest to you? Look back on your present relationship with aforementioned girlfriend, and decide if the grass really is greener on the other side.

You mentioned before that she has been acting weird? And that you all work in the same place? Well then I can almost guarentee you that your girlfriend knows something is up between you and J. Infact, I can give you almost 100% odds that some other person in your workplace has spotted the chemistry or what have you between you and J, and has already blown the whistle on it. In which case, your girlfriend is probably just bracing herself for the day you tell her yourself what she already knows.

For what it's worth, I have heard stories of people teaming together in these bait-and-trap type scenerios, too. Infact, there was just recently an article I stumbled across on the internet about this very subject, and invoked this very kind of "third wheel" tactic to test fidelity in relationships, obviously written by some very self-conscience sociopath. I highly doubt this is the case, but it's something you may also want to intellectually digest.

Do what you have to do, man, but make sure you're not just kidding yourself, or anybody else for that matter, y'know?

[return to the red]

I'll weigh in. You three working together is not a good situation and any way you look at it it's not going to get better. You have to sit down and decide BY YOURSELF what direction you want to go. You're heart will always lead you in the right direction whether you think it's the right choice at the time or not.

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by TheDragon

Ask yourself, are you genuinely feeling the way you do about J? Or is it maybe just a little bit of a novelty? Do you legitmately like her? Or are more or less attached to the concept that maybe somebody other than your present girlfriend has shown attraction and interest to you? Look back on your present relationship with aforementioned girlfriend, and decide if the grass really is greener on the other side.

You mentioned before that she has been acting weird? And that you all work in the same place? Well then I can almost guarentee you that your girlfriend knows something is up between you and J. Infact, I can give you almost 100% odds that some other person in your workplace has spotted the chemistry or what have you between you and J, and has already blown the whistle on it. In which case, your girlfriend is probably just bracing herself for the day you tell her yourself what she already knows.

For what it's worth, I have heard stories of people teaming together in these bait-and-trap type scenerios, too. Infact, there was just recently an article I stumbled across on the internet about this very subject, and invoked this very kind of "third wheel" tactic to test fidelity in relationships, obviously written by some very self-conscience sociopath. I highly doubt this is the case, but it's something you may also want to intellectually digest.

Do what you have to do, man, but make sure you're not just kidding yourself, or anybody else for that matter, y'know?

and yah what he said, damn Dragon you write some good shiz

[Winsor_Pilates]

Originally Posted by Flames in 07

Wouldn't you want to know that she's thinking about someone else???

I wouldn't. ALL women think about someone, else as do all men. Unless she's gonna I don't care.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by PYroMaNiaC

Your current girlfriend's instincts are bang on. "J" is a threat to the relationship you're in. And she has every right to act "weird". You must respect her feelings on the matter. Either man up and break it off before moving on (and understand that if the sampling of "J" should prove unsatisfying, you will not have a second shot with your current girlfriend) or quit flirting with "J".

###!

[CaptainCrunch]

Watch the movie chasing amy, it will all become clear.

In an inverse way.

[Phanuthier]

First off, doing nothing isn't an option. If you work with her and keep on seeing her, your mind will start to wonder. I've been in that position.

Talk to her... gf first, maybe J... it may give you an idea of what your staying for, vs what oppertunity may arise.

Its really as simple as that for a msg board giving you advice. We can only offer 2 things, limited experiance and stories where situations and personalities/risks/etc arn't the same as yours, and logical advice. After that, its "this thread is useless without pics"

So I don't have any more to add then to say, good luck and just talk to her.

[Resolute 14]

Originally Posted by PYroMaNiaC

Your current girlfriend's instincts are bang on. "J" is a threat to the relationship you're in. And she has every right to act "weird". You must respect her feelings on the matter. Either man up and break it off before moving on (and understand that if the sampling of "J" should prove unsatisfying, you will not have a second shot with your current girlfriend) or quit flirting with "J".

Indeed. One thing I have learned is that we guys don't hide our attractions very well. If your girlfriend doesn't already suspect that your mind is wandering, and where, I would be very surprised.

My advice, and I am hardly an expert, is to focus on your current girlfriend right now, not J. Think about what you want, where you are going, and if she is the one to provide you with the life you want. If you decide on her, find some way to let her know, in no uncertain terms, that she is the one you want to be with.

If ultimately decide to to leave her for J, don't do it in one step. Break off the relationship, take some time, then try to make a move. It'll probably save both you and your gf a lot of pain.

Pyro is also dead on that there will be no second chance with your current gf if you decide to sample J. Dealing with the aftermath now of a friend who's husband dumped her for a girlfriend, and seeing the effects, I have to say that I would be obliged to break the face of anyone who does the same.

I also gotta say that if you, your gf and J all work in the same place, the office politics alone makes J a very bad idea. I would not be surprised that if you leave your gf for J in that situation, that your gf would likely have to find another job. So such a move could have simply massive implications on your gfs life.

As someone well aware of the suffering a hopeless attraction can cause yourself, I feel for ya man.

[ken0042]

Funny, well not funny, but.................

At age 25 I was in the exact same situation. Living with a girl, and then J came along. Exact same fricken thing.

At the end of the day, all J was interested in was playing around. And I don't mean in a "giggidy- giggidy" kind of way. One I had gotten rid of the live in girlfriend, then all of a sudden J lost interest.

Don't blow the good thing you've got now. Take your current girlfriend out on the best date she's ever had, and don't look back.

[Flames_Gimp]

threesome

[Antithesis]

It's very possible that the only reason this J is flirting with you is because of your relationship with your current girl; she feels as if you are 'safe' to flirt with because of your attachment.

Since you're asking for advice, examine what you want in the relationship, but if your relationship has (to this point) been as good as you say it has been, you might re-read what Ken posted in this thread.

[LeftWing]

Originally Posted by ken0042

Take your current girlfriend out on the best date she's ever had, and don't look back.

This is by far the best advice in this thread.

[LeftWing]

Originally Posted by Flames_Gimp

threesome

... Except for this.