Marriage advice needed

[TheyCallMeBruce]

1) Work out complicated signals and codes to get out of boring parties or family reunions.
Ex. If I tap my face with my palm twice, that means the conversation with Aunt Maggie has gone south and she's talking about her stupid dogs again. If I put my fist into my mouth, that means I want you to come rescue me and we should get out of here now.

2) Pretend to be Aristocrats when house/car shopping. Talk in a snooty british tone and refer to each other as Mr. and Mrs. Cunningworth the 3rd.

3) Watch "Naruto" together. Then, go to cosplay convensions as Mr. and Mrs. Naruto.

[Maritime Q-Scout]

You might want to skim though these threads:

http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=11513
http://forum.calgarypuck.com/showthread.php?t=17527

You might want to take a look at this list as well, I used it at the last wedding I emceed, but also put my own little spin on things.

http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a3b71bf221a56.htm


"While doing some research on what to say here tonight I stumbled up the top 10 things a wife is supposed to do for her husband according to a *cough*1950's*cough* home economics book. Katie as a new bride I think these are things that you should know, and frankly it might be a good brusher-up for the other wives in the audience . . . "

Then I ended it with "aaaand I wonder why I'm single!"

[Fozzie_DeBear]

When it comes to the little chores, and descisions about who gets their way...rock, paper scissors will save the day...

[J pold]

Don’t get married

[Ford Prefect]

Originally Posted by NSFL

For women: if a guys asks you why you're mad, for the love of crap, tell him. Chances are he's not going to figure it out on his own. So just help him out, and he can 1) try to fix it or 2) try not to do it again.

That's the biggie in my experience. I learned early on that there is male-speak and female-speak. For example, when a guy says "I like the brown sofa" he means that he likes the brown sofa. When I woman says "I like the brown sofa" she probably means "I'm really just saying that I like it because I don't want to hurt your feelings and then you'll never go furniture shopping with me again. In reality, I like the floral sofa. Surely you must see that the brown sofa doesn't match our decor."

My wife, bless her, understands this and tries to talk male-speak to me as much as she can.

[JBR]

During the reception, invite the couple to the podium and explain to the bride that you would like to have her play along in a game. Blindfold her. When she gets the blindfold on.. yell "Run (insert groom's name) RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!"

[Dion]

Something I did to a buddy of mine a few years back.

Take a large black ink marker and write "Help" on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and "Me" on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation saw it. Of course, this will only work if he must kneel with back to congregation (i.e. Catholic wedding). Make sure you get it so that it is readable with the shoes side by side, left to right, toes toward the floor. Do this far enough in advance so that the paint is dry before the groom wears the shoes to avoid damaging carpets.

[kdogg]

Does anyone have any good long funny stories with a killer punch line? My brother delivered a good one about "wearing pants in a relationship" last year for me, and I'm trying to find a good one for him.
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