Best Man Speech help

[Tron_fdc]

"There re 3 rings to a wedding. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering"

I told that at an Italian wedding with about 250 people in the crowd......some laughed, some stared and some looked very upset. Mostly the men laughed though.

Another one I heard was "There are 3 phrases every newlywed male needs to learn. 1) I am an idiot. 2) You are always correct 3) I worship the ground you walk on"

If you say it right (pauses between the 3 points, and with emphasis on IDIOT) you'll get a laugh every time.

[octothorp]

My advice: forget about the crowd, forget the bravado, forget the mildly scandalous cliched jokes, try and come up with something that's going to be meaningful and touching for the bride and groom; if you come up with something that's honest and heartfelt, it'll be a far better moment.
I went to one wedding where two brothers of the groom delivered speeches, the first telling a few jokes and conjecturing about the groom's college years. The second brother had interviewed the grandparents of both the bride and groom, and talked about their weddings and marriages and love. The first brother got a couple laughs, but the second brother had the room absolutely spell-bound, even if his delivery wasn't really polished.

[ken0042]

I delivered a speech in December. I timed myself- 1 minute 45 seconds. In my speech I had:

- funny joke about the wedding night
- brief story about us as teenagers getting into trouble; but picked a story that was still PG13
- commented about him being my "big brother" growing up
- segwayed (sp?) into congrats from an old friend he hasn't seen in 10 years

One of the other groomsmen who spent the entire wedding week trying to be the "better" man than the rest of us ended up with a 10 minute speech, and people were trying to get the applause going to get him away from the mike. That would have been funny if it wasn't so sad.

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by stang

A line I used....

Look at your watch and say

"Well I guess I should be finishing up... They say the best mans speech should be as long as the groom takes to make love. So I really should have been done 3 minutes ago."

I have done 3 speechs so far (I am only 24) and have a couple still saved here. If you PM me your email I could email them for you. THey have always gone over pretty good.

You must have given my best man some advice cause he used a variation of this one

"they say the best man's speech should be as long as the wedding night so thank you and have a good night"

He also went on to say:
" In a way I always felt more like your mother then your best friend. I've seen you crawl, helped you walk, picked you up when you have fallen, etc."

Marrying a saskatchewan girl everyone got the jokes and had a good laugh. Of course if it would have been a fairly religious group it probably would not have gone over to well

My advice, know your audience. You obviously will have met the Grooms family and know what they are like and you will probably, if not have already, met the bride to be family. Get a gauge on what they are like and what you think you can get away with. If it has you hmmming and hahing then chances are you shouldn't say it

[liamenator]

My 2 cents:

I had prepared a speach and typed it all out and everything but once I actually got up to the mic I threw it out the window and completely winged it. After watching all the other speeches (which were read/recited) being somewhat stiff, I figured it was better to just go off the top of my head....

It turned out to be the right choice as, despite my nervousness with public speaking, I was able to walk the line - being funny but also heartfelt.

[Bill Bumface]

When I was MC I used a joke when introducting the best man that you could use on yourself.

"My name is _____ and I'm the best man. Jeez, thats the first time either of those two words have been used to describe me!"

[Tron_fdc]

Originally Posted by fotze

Its amazing, not one person here was one of those bad speeches, you guys are all so awesome.

Not true. Mine was terrible.....not because I was nervous (public speaking doesn't bother me), but because the bridesmaids got up there and cried and blubbered their way through their speeches, and I got up and roasted the groom. People laughed their asses off, but I totally used the wrong format and had a few tasteless jokes splashed in there that were borderline PG13. The brides dad was ****ED that I would make a mockery of his daughters gala, and the 5 foot tall hot blooded italian let me know it when I got off stage.

I still think it's funny, but that's just me and my sense of humour.

[stang]

Originally Posted by fotze

Its amazing, not one person here was one of those bad speeches, you guys are all so awesome.

Uhhh I dont think the people who have gave a bad speech are gonna come on here and tell it.

[SaskaBushFire]

Screw that, be very funny.

Here are some jokes from mine that are very universal. Keep in mind you do want to personalise this speech as much as possible, this is your boy getting married for ****s sake! These are just randomly taken out of the speech so they might seem a bit out of place.

Good evening ladies and Gentlemen, as (MC) said my name is **** and I am ****'s best man. If you see me at the bar later on I do prefer to be called by my ful name, Evan Lemmebuyyouadrink.

It is a great honour blah blah blah, who would have thought we'd be here today, (Bride) who looks absolutely stunning today, and (groom) well.. he just looks stunned.

The hardest part of writign a best man speech is getting started. So I went to the internet for some good ideas (hey you literally did!) after about 2 hours of searching I found some very interesting stuff, but then soon remembered I was looking for speech pointers.

Being a best man comes with certain duties, it is my understanding that this includes insuring that (groom) arrives on time, sober and presentable. Well ... 2/3 isn't bad. Another of my duties is ensuring that (groom) is well rested for the wedding. I will have you know that (groom) slept like a baby last night, he woke up every 10 minutes and cried for his mommy.

My Dad told me that emberasing pictures of the groom were a good way to get a chuckle as well, I went to (Grooms parents) but all we could find is a picture of Mike naked on a sheep skin rug, with thoe little driblets leaking out of his mouth. I am sure all of us have a picture like that, however I thought this one might be a little embarrassing considering it was taken this Christmas. (if your groom is as big a guy as mine was this paints an especially funny picture in peoples heads)

(when you are building him up) (groom) was always the kind, generous, sophista --- phista---- (look at groom) sorry (groom) I can't read your writing.

Hope you can find one you like there. Good luck man, and make sure you score the brides maid!!!!

[stang]

Originally Posted by SaskaBushFire

Screw that, be very funny.

HAHA Here are some more of mine....

Every now and then we have the opportunity to talk about a man of the highest integrity and honor, a man of achievement and action, a man who is obviously destined for better things…….but not today though, because this speech is about <Groom>.

I'd just like to say, <Groom>, you are a lucky groom – you have married <Bride>, who’s beautiful, smart, funny, warm, loving and caring, and she deserves a good husband. So thank goodness you married her before she found one.

[Gundo]

my little brother ended his best man speach at my wedding with the following
"Logan...Melinda.....Keep on, Keepin' On"
No s**t thats how he ended it lol

[Jayems]

This is gold guys, pure gold. If only I could work my sig quote in somehow...

[LChoy]

Sorry to resurrect this thread. Rhettzky, how did your speech go?
I have 1 week to come up with speech ideas and I got some great advice reading it.
My main concern is that the Groom wishes it to be funny, but not that I absolutely roast him either. Also, I'm actually best friends with the bride, and having known her longer than the groom (although we are still great friends), I way more stories about the bride.
Any additional advice would be welcome

[Resolute 14]

Just hit on the bride. When she rejects you, hit on the groom.

[Rhettzky]

Originally Posted by lchoy

Sorry to resurrect this thread. Rhettzky, how did your speech go?
I have 1 week to come up with speech ideas and I got some great advice reading it.
My main concern is that the Groom wishes it to be funny, but not that I absolutely roast him either. Also, I'm actually best friends with the bride, and having known her longer than the groom (although we are still great friends), I way more stories about the bride.
Any additional advice would be welcome

It went really good, I gave some history on our friendship and on the bride and grooms first encounters. Then told a quick blurb on three embarassing things that happened to us growing up. One about some dumb thing we did together, another involving our first apartment together and the last involving something a bit more current that happened with his parents. Then just tied them all together with how his wife would (can't remember wording) help him mature or something. Managed not to get too sauced before the speech and even got a few laughs. Afterwards I even had a few people tell me it was a good speech, so all in all it went good.

[CaptainCrunch]

I've done a few weddings as master of ceremonies, so with that role its appropriate to lighten things up, especially after some of the speeches get downright towel and vomit inducing.

I always like to use some kind of quote to start a speech because most people are loaded by that time but they want to look like they're smart for their wives so they nod as if you've told them the secret of life. So I get a laugh out of it because it means nothing.

One of my favorite quotes to use at the start of a speech after you introduce your self is from Bull Durham

A good friend of mine used to say, "This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Think about that for a while.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by lchoy

Sorry to resurrect this thread. Rhettzky, how did your speech go?
I have 1 week to come up with speech ideas and I got some great advice reading it.
My main concern is that the Groom wishes it to be funny, but not that I absolutely roast him either. Also, I'm actually best friends with the bride, and having known her longer than the groom (although we are still great friends), I way more stories about the bride.
Any additional advice would be welcome

Use a sock puppet that you pull out of your pants, thats always an old classic. And none of your stories should start with "Hey buddy remember those two underaged prostitutes in Mexico. Boy was it hard to find a clinic that didn't have a dirt floor."

[onetwo_threefour]

I've got you all beat, I'm the only guy here who's ever given the Maid of Honour's speech I bet!



Actually, it was my sister's wedding and my wife is her best friend and was her maid of honour. My wife completely broke down at the podium, and being a gentleman, I stepped in a whipped off an ad-lib, skewering my wife, my sister and her husband on the way by. The funny thing is, I don't really like public speaking, I'm not terrified, but it's certainly uncomfortable. However, not having had to prepare it, and simply helping my wife write her speech, made it so I could step in without any pressure. It was actually pretty neat.

(Oh, and I totally kicked the a$$ of the best man's speech)

[Russic]

This brings up a funny story from last year. My wife's sister married a guy who just happened to be the best friend of Adam Deadmarsh. Being the best friend meant he was dealt best-man duties. He tells his regular stories of growing up and everybody laughs. The end of the speech is where the seriousness starts. He tells the new bride that her husband is the nicest guy he's ever known and how lucky she is to have him ... and then he stops and looks really confused. He then looks at the groom and says "I can't believe I might cry talking about you". Then he drops the best jewel I've ever heard in a best man speech: "It's not my fault, I've been hit in the head too many times". My god I laughed. For what it's worth, really nice guy.

My advice is to be confident in what you're saying. Be it humourous or flubbery just deliver it like you have the biggest pair in the room. Also, don't forget to be a bit of an ass, but not too much of an ass ... be David Caruso in "Jade".

[Jayems]

bumparooooo

Need some help. Buddy getting married soon and have to give a speech. Any more good jokes? I've got the personal stories down, but need some fillers or one liners in case I bomb.