Marriage Finances

[Eagle Eye]

Originally Posted by Mike Oxlong

What happens if you want to buy tickets to a Flames game or go play a round of golf with your friends? Do you simply take it out of the joint account? Do you need permission or do you have the flexibility to make those decisions?

I wouldn't say I "need" things to make me happy. I want to make both of us happy but we don't always share the same interests. If I want to golf or go to a hockey game that isn't always something she wants to do, meanwhile she might want to go for drinks with her friends or spend money on something I have no interest in. If it makes her happy great. She should have the freedom to do those things as well.

Both sides of the argument have very valid points. We are just trying to figure out a system that works best.

And as for when we have a kid....obviously I am going to be the sole provider so I will make sure everyone is well provided for. I am not going to tell her she has no spending money because she has been at home for the last few months not working.

If I want to go golfing I just go, or if I want to go to a flames game she has no problem with that, as I have no problems if she wants to go for dinner with her friends or a day a that spa or whatever. But we both know that buying those kind of items don't and shouldn't happen all the time. I mean I go golfing once a month and that is good enough for me. I didn't buy seasons tickets to the Flames cause there is no way I can make even half the games, but I make it to atleast one a month.

I guess it all depends on the type of person that you are getting married to. But if you were to marry a free spender that ends up spending both of your earnings why not go on a budget? Put all earnings together into one account, pay for all the bills, save a certain percent and put the rest into seperate spending accounts, that way she can spend all her money on shoes and manicures and you can save up to buy seasons tickets etc.


Sorry missed the part about having kids^^

PS I have found that my wife doesn't care what I spend the money on and I don't have to ask her, but I do still need persmission to go out and do it, lol!!

[Buff]

We have two accounts. Both are joint accounts. One is for our daily spending and bill payments etc. The other is for saving up for emergencies. Then we have our rrsps and other similar stuff.

We can spend whatever we need to on stuff that we need, as long as it is justifiable. We give each other a monthly spending allowance (equal) and we discuss other expenditures.

[newts]

Our system:

My monthly net income + her monthly net income

subtract:
mortgage payments
groceries
utilities
misc. expenses
car payment
insurance
contingency fund
investments
savings

Whatever is left over is divided by 4.5, then divided between the two of us, and that's how much we each have to spend each week on whatever we want.

Big purchases are discussed and taken from the contingency fund/savings.

Took a couple of months engrain, but it works like a charm.

[Bingo]

I'm with the camp that has no lines between you and your spouse.

The whole ponit of getting married is to blurr those lines, shouldn't stop at fiances.

When we got married I was just coming out of school and had nothing. She had some savings. I can remember her fighting me on the merge idea with me saying trust me ... you won't lose out in the end!

She didn't.

We never fight about money.

[photon]

Originally Posted by Mike Oxlong

What happens if you want to buy tickets to a Flames game or go play a round of golf with your friends? Do you simply take it out of the joint account? Do you need permission or do you have the flexibility to make those decisions?

I wouldn't say I "need" things to make me happy. I want to make both of us happy but we don't always share the same interests. If I want to golf or go to a hockey game that isn't always something she wants to do, meanwhile she might want to go for drinks with her friends or spend money on something I have no interest in. If it makes her happy great. She should have the freedom to do those things as well.

You and her are combining your lives, it's like being on a team. You're the offensive centre and she's the defence. You don't need "permission" to drive to the net or pass the puck back, but you had better let the other person know whats going on or things aren't going to work.

If you are both honest about your goals and expectations, then you can work it out. If you both know what the family budget is then you know what your disposible income is for the month. I don't have to get every single purchase "approved", but I have to realize that every dollar I spend is a dollar that isn't saved, and if we have a goal of saving for a house (for example), that impacts the plan. And if I spend too much I can impact her disposable income.

The way we work it is similar to most of the others.. we have one account and everything goes into that account and everything comes out. Small stuff is no big deal, but if one is going to spend a couple of hundred bucks on an unplanned purchase then we just consult with the other.. Sometimes she'll remind me that we need that money for a trip, or she'll just say "that sounds fun".

If you set up a confrontational system, you will end up with confrontations. If you set up a system that promotes team work and communication, then that's what you'll get.

Exceptions of course are people who are horrible financially, or can't control their spending. Then you can do things like fixed allowances for each and such.

Plus the majority income earner might change from time to time.. I know in my house it's switched 4-5 times already.

Ultimately though I treat my marrige as a partnership, 50/50. One may make more but we both have equal rights to it.

I must say though I'm suprised at the responses here, I would have guessed a majority would have said seperate accounts (just from what I've seen with other couples).

[Sylvanfan]

Yeah, I ruffled some feathers on this topic a few weeks back. My wife and I both make decent money, but I do make more. But our problem was that she would see the joint account and next thing I knew she'd spent $400 on clothing when I thought the money should be put to other use. Afterall we had a few debts to clean up, and it was starting to really get to me. I mean call me a selfish jerk, but the fact that our house is 100% my money from before I met her, I took over and made 20 payments on her car when she was on EI, than in college, and the fact that I paid to send her to college to train for a new job because she hated her current one, and had nothing to spend on myself was getting to me.

I did implement my cash weekly cash spending allowance and so far it's worked out good. It hasn't been perfect but it's been better than we were before. We go out every Sunday, buy our weekly food, fill the cars and withdraw our spending allowance. When she has wanted more she's come to me and explained what she wanted, why she wanted it and how much it would cost. She still spends a lot more than I'd like and a lot more than I do, but at least I've known that it's coming and have been able to plan for it before hand. We've both been raised pretty differently when it comes to money, so we have differing phillosophies on the topic.

You're smart to try and solve it before hand though, as fighting over money is not the best of things. I think you should have a joint account, but still allow yourselves a set spending allowance. If one of you needs something, than they can tell the other. I wasn't mad that my wife was spending the money so much as that I felt she was doing it impulsively and could never give me a solid reason afterwards why she spent it. It also does serve as something that keeps my own spending in line too. If you keep the communication open in regards to spending it shouldn't be a problem as the two of you should be able to compromise quite easily. Afterall if you can't compromise spending it's a sign of bigger issues.

[looooob]

Originally Posted by Bingo

I'm with the camp that has no lines between you and your spouse.

The whole ponit of getting married is to blurr those lines, shouldn't stop at fiances.

When we got married I was just coming out of school and had nothing. She had some savings. I can remember her fighting me on the merge idea with me saying trust me ... you won't lose out in the end!

.

ditto

[CrzyCanuck]

Some friends do it well. Both has decent jobs. Both checks go to a joint account. All bills, payments, rrsp withdrawals, big purchases comes from said account. Both agree they want personal spending money. On every second pay day both get 200$ transferred into there personal account.

The personal amount can change but they save a crap load that way.

[Antithesis]

Interesting to read (at the start of the thread) that people have had issues with seperate accounts. My wife and I have maintained our own chequing accounts but have a joint savings. We do have a budget spreadsheet (I'm sure everyone does) and each is responsible for certain bills. We've each agreed to a certain amount of money that is ours to do "whatever" with that can't be questioned ... unless its illegal or somehow subverts the marriage To each their own! It works for us ... so far!

[REDVAN]

Originally Posted by fotze

But the other thing is if one is making $85,000 per year while the other is $19,000. One comes home with new TV's and stuff, goes on trips with friends, eats out every lunch (I mean a meal), while the partner can't buy new shoes. Works great for the big earner, you get the same life as before and sex too, plus the bills are halved.

I understand what you mean by this, and I think some of the other posters have explained it. But I know that my girlfriend and I earn about the same. I earn a slight bit more, but that doesn't matter just so long as you allow the spending monies to be the same. That way everyone can afford everything and so on.

Not to sound too high on my horse, but since she and I are making an equal amount, and it's enough of an amount, this is not an issue. But I do see problems should one partner make a small income when the other makes a large one.

[Red]

Joint accounts is the way to go for me. We've been at it for 12 years and never had an issue. Couldn't imagine doing it the other way. That would be too business like.

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Bend it like Bourgeois

Hiding a disagreement on spending through bank accounts does not make the issue go away. If you drop $500 on a driver and your wife is feeling like crap about spending $50 on shoes, you're screwed, no matter what the bank accounts say.

Worse, it encourages leading seperate lives, which in my humble opinion is a relationship killer.

Since you asked for advice - get one account if only to disabuse yourself of the notion that your spending money is seperate. Agree on limits up front if you're worried that you might get grief. I know a couple that doesn't allow more than $100 on a purchase without a conversation. I'm not sure I like that rule. My wife and I started with $500 a month each for spending money - no questions asked. Kinda the reverse Reaper. If that was $200 on lunches and a $300 driver, so be it. But if I wanted a $450 driver I had to figure out a way to spend $50 on lunches or expect to get permission/grief.

Huh?

[Bend it like Bourgeois]

Originally Posted by Reaper

Huh?

Made more sense to me at the time. Even I don't know what the hell I meant now.

Just acknowledging you'd posted something very similar in end result.

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Bend it like Bourgeois

Made more sense to me at the time. Even I don't know what the hell I meant now.

Just acknowledging you'd posted something very similar in end result.

Ah, ok.

For the record, my wife and I only have a joint account. She manages the finances and I figure out what the tips should be at restaurants. That's the extent of our financial division because I'm so used to spending like a drunken sailor from when I was single. I don't have much impulse control when I have "free" money in my pocket.

When I was single, I used to blow my money on things I wanted and then eat cup-o-soup and macaroni for the rest of the month. When my wife and I started to live together I realized that in order for the partnership to work we needed to spend cooperatively. We each get a say in how our money is spent and it works out.

[Agamemnon]

Originally Posted by Reaper

When I was single, I used to blow my money on things I wanted and then eat cup-o-soup and macaroni for the rest of the month.

I love the irony of eating cup-o-soup in front of my massive hd widescreen computer monitor. Something's not adding up here...

Of course, once a girl sinks her claws into me I'm sure I'll have to eat at the 'table' in stead of my computer chair absorbing both tv and the net at the same time.

[Bobblehead]

Originally Posted by Antithesis

Interesting to read (at the start of the thread) that people have had issues with seperate accounts. My wife and I have maintained our own chequing accounts but have a joint savings. We do have a budget spreadsheet (I'm sure everyone does) and each is responsible for certain bills. We've each agreed to a certain amount of money that is ours to do "whatever" with that can't be questioned ... unless its illegal or somehow subverts the marriage To each their own! It works for us ... so far!

My wife and I are like this. Maybe because we got married a little later in life, we were both used to the way it was. Works for us.

As long as you come to an agreement you are both able to feel comfortable with, I think that is the main thing.

[Bingo]

Originally Posted by fotze

Have you ever done anything rash or illogical, you're so sensible.

Hey!

Logic isn't boring, remember that!

But no I'm a pretty laid back person, I can admit that. Think everything through, don't make many rash decisions.

[Red Mile Style]

I find this thread very interesting, couples fight about money all the time.

I am not married, nor do I plan on getting married for a long time. I am used to conducting my own finances and haven't had anyone criticize my spending habits since I was in elementary school and living at home. I think it would be quite an adjustment to completely share finances with someone, on top of all the adjustments associated with marriage.

With that in mind, what about holidays and birthdays? There is something not right about the idea of someone else buying you a present with your own money...

[Buff]

Originally Posted by Red Mile Style

With that in mind, what about holidays and birthdays? There is something not right about the idea of someone else buying you a present with your own money...

It doesn't really matter where the money came from (in a marriage) all that matters is who the gift came from.

Remember, it is the thought that counts.

[V]

I'll buy you a birthday present, Buff, if I'm allowed to spend your money!