Twas the night before Christmas and all through the board.
Not Calpucker was stirring, it was a quiet hoard.
The hockey socks were hung on the drying rack with care
In hopes that the beer delivery would soon be there.
The fans were all banished all snug in their beds
While visions of future draft picks danced in their heads.
And mamma in her jersey and I drinking a night cap.
Had just settled in for an over due nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter.
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like the flash.
Tripped over the night stand, and threw out my back.
The construction light blinked off of the melted snow
Blew circuits in my brain and I smelled burnt toast.
And what did my bloodshot eyes did appear
But a 79 Cordoba filled with cans of beer.
With a blurry eyed driver, so greasy and slick
I knew in a moment he must be a fink.
He swerved down the road and the tires wobbled as he came
And he farted and rambled and called out some names.
Now Leon, and Connor now Darnell and Bouch
Oh come on Stuart and Dobbie and Nugent
He hit my fence and tore through my wall
Oh crap he said "I need to dash away dash from this all".
As the tires rolled down the street slamming into a truck
Then met with an obstacle launched into the sky.
The driver flew thorough the window swearing as he flew.
Followed by the rattling of empties and a greasy Olers hat too.
And with broken glass twinkling i Heard in the living room
The grunting and farting of this total goon.
So I grab a my trusty bat and was turning around.
Stumbling over the couch the Oiler fan fell to the ground.
He was dressed in old sweat pants and dress shoes on foot
And his too small jersey was bulging and covered with food.
And a ancient Oilers pack on his back.
He looked like a thief as he opened his pack
His eyes they were crossed, his mullet was quite scary
His nose was quite red, his breath smelled like cheap sherry
The drool from his gap tooth mouth ran down his chin like the bow.
And the stubble on his chin was as patchy as an Edmonton Lawn.
And he lit a cigarette and clenched it with his jaw.
And the smoke it added to the smell that covered him like a sheet.
He had a dumb face and a huge fat belly
That shook when he farted like a bowl full of jelly.
He was fat not just plump a right cross looking Elf
And I yelled "Meet Mr Bat" and swung with all might.
With a sneer in his eye and a nod of his head.
"The Oilers just rule and the league lives in dread"
"A dynasty in the making if the league didn't hate us"
He spoke no more words as my bat smacked his head
and he stumbled and turned with a lurch
And I told him "Your delusional and McDavid's a jerk"
and adding that "Skinner's a sieve"
And giving a hurt cry out the window he dove.
He pulled his sweats up over his ass cheeks they rose.
He stumbled down the streak and his butt gave a whistle.
and down the street he flew like like a broken Bissell
And he heard me proclaim as he faded from sight
"The Oilers are no good and your team is a blight"
And Merry Christmas to CalgaryPuck and to all of you a good night.
__________________
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
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Sitting here in the living room, sipping on my morning coffee #2, watching the kids run around all excited.
It's weird as a kid I couldn't imagine not caring about presents. Now, while I love what I was gifted, I'd much rather the family open their presents and be excited that Santa came.
Hope everyone here is having a great Christmas, and enjoying themselves.
PS: the oldest was jumping for his new Flames jersey (his old one was getting small)
__________________ "Calgary Flames is the best team in all the land" - My Brainwashed Son
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I don't get to see my kids. So I git my girlfriend to watch Diehard last night. Old tradition of mine. Felt awesome. Something went right, finally.
The girlfriend had complained initially. She'd seen it, so she thought. I told her to tell me what happened in it.
She told me Bruce Willis had a caption, Danny Glover, who was stuck on a toilet.... I explained that was Lethal Weapon 2.
Then she said, ohh right, it's the one on the cargo ship. Big explosion. She remembered it now.
So we just watched DieHard. I'm still waiting for the cargo ship explosion....
Merry Christmas, Calgary Puck.
__________________
Born to lose live to win
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Sitting here in the living room, sipping on my morning coffee #2, watching the kids run around all excited.
It's weird as a kid I couldn't imagine not caring about presents. Now, while I love what I was gifted, I'd much rather the family open their presents and be excited that Santa came.
Hope everyone here is having a great Christmas, and enjoying themselves.
PS: the oldest was jumping for his new Flames jersey (his old one was getting small)
I got my girls a flames jersey too. They only had one between them so had to call dibs when we go to games.
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Now we soon approach the most wonderful time of the year - World Juniours! Would have been InZayne to have Parekh there, but should be enjoyable nonetheless. Enjoy all.
Merry Christmas everyone, from reading the mental health thread I hope those who didn’t have the best 2024 can find health, happiness and prosperity in 2025. My personal goal for next year is to spend more time volunteering my time, this year was maybe 20 hours I’d like to double that at least.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by puckhog
Everyone who disagrees with you is stupid
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Merry Christmas to all of CP. I have a relative who decided to do MAID a few days after Christmas so this will be his last one with us. Feels like spending time with family is more important than ever this holiday season.
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