Yup, I've become a master alchemist of my own body and it's self-care. I have some long-term and short term solutions. I learned long ago not to rely on our medical system for any ailment that is persistent.
I've also found a lot of general coping mechanisms. You've mentioned some this thread.
MY TOP TIPS GENERAL TIPS FOR ANYONE STRUGGLING
Focus on what you can control, one step at a time.
If life has dumped a turd on you, it doesn't help to sit and wallow in it. You don't have to suppress your emotions to work on solutions quickly. You can often simultaneously work through the emotions while you find a way to get out from under it. When it's incredibly hard to get started, start with the smallest possible step you can. That's the only way to climb the mountain you're facing.
Take care of yourself
Two parts to this:
- Take full responsibility for solving what ails you, no matter how you got there. Nobody is going to save you but yourself. It doesn't matter how hard or unfair it is. The sooner you can set aside any self-pity, the better you'll be able to improve your situation.
- There's nothing more important than our most basic needs of diet, exercise and sleep. Keeping good healthy patterns both helps us through stress and helps us our body's natural ability to cope and heal.
Talking to loved ones/Counselling/Support groups
Talk to your loved ones but be sure the talking is healthy for both of you and the relationship. If you don't want a bunch of suggestions for help and just want to vent, communicate that as soon as possible. Realize many great and loving people can only handle so much and also have trouble putting themselves in others' shoes. Try not to take things personally if someone isn't getting it and just enjoy their company.
Drop the dang stigma about counselling. If you're 30 over over, it's virtually certain you could benefit from counselling. The world is harsh for most people, and our modern world puts more pressures on us than ever. You don't have to wait until you're completely messed up. I'm so glad I proactively pursued this before my newest health issues hit me this year.
There are loads of FB support groups out there for different things, and they can be extremely helpful. I'd imagine there are even support groups for people dealing with loved ones' illnesses.
Do things that give you joy
Anything that can help you unplug and be happy for a short time will give you great benefit. Drop the "can't" and find substitutions. If you only a tiny bit of time, fine, but find something that works and do it!
Emotional Journaling
"Write a letter and burn it" type of idea. It helps to sort out the storm of emotions we have swirling inside. Be brutally honest. I do my emotional journaling through voice memos on my phone. If it feels hard to approach by directly aiming for your emotions, just do life update entries, like a morning check-in and evening check-in. I call my cell phone "Wilson" because I'm so often talking to it.
Breathing exercises.
Simply controlling our breathing can massively help stress, sleep, and have a myriad of other benefits. Slower, deeper breathing has a positive physiological effect of helping switch your body from fight or flight mode to rest and digest mode. Through my illnesses I actually have excess stress/fight or flight signals being fired constantly on top of typical stress.
If people knew how powerful breathwork can be even right when you start with it, a heck of a lot more people would do it. You don't have to study for years as a mountaintop yogi or monk to get great benefits. You don't need a bunch of time. 5-15 minutes can help a lot, especially once you learn it a little bit.
If you can learn to take very slow and deep breaths, then you have a tool you can use ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME throughout your day. Even if you are busy, you can do conscious breathing while you're doing whatever else you need to.
I was in excruciating pain and discomfort for my 45 mins of MRIs and the tech said I was very still compared to most people. My physiotherapist said she'd barely be able to touch me if I were most people, but instead she thinks she may have done the more aggressive and painful stuff to me in the first few sessions out of anyone she's ever treated. (Shockwave, dry needling, "manual work" - starts with the foreplay of hands but often ends with fricken' elbows.) I pushed through it and got fixed faster. There's no way in heck I'd have been able to these things, nor be in as good of a place as I am without my breathing practice.
Breathwork is an amazing treatment for stress, and I find holding my breath is a good stress test. I've held my breath for over 3 minutes (during deep breathing exercises), can exhale continuously for 90 seconds, and I've slowed down to one breath a minute for 15+ minutes. The better you can get at this stuff, the better coping and general well-being tools you'll have.
Below are some good exercises to start with. I often like to lay down even if they say not to, as this sends relaxation signals to your body.
If you don't like the idea of guided sessions, try laying down and listening to some relaxing music you like, take deep and slow breaths. You can let thoughts wander but try to focus on your breathing as much as possible.
Excellent post! I've practiced Box breathing since a severe depression episode in 2004/2005 (Post Flames losing the Cup and lockout and my life being generally aimless) it literally changed my life and even helps me during today's struggles.
Thanks for posting and sharing this.
We recently got the Ashes of our puppy, i've never scattered ashes of a pet before and feel sad about it but I believe heavily in returning to nature. For now, we find comfort in having his physical remains at home. I showed my 2 year old a photo of him and he asked "Wheh ah you?" and i almost started bawling again. We told him he's at old mcdonalds farm chasing butterflies he's just too young to understand death.
For those with your pets, give them an extra pet, hug or walk for us. We miss our buddy terribly!
Last edited by Jordan!; 12-09-2021 at 08:01 AM.
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Excellent post! I've practiced Box breathing since a severe depression episode in 2004/2005 (Post Flames losing the Cup and lockout and my life being generally aimless) it literally changed my life and even helps me during today's struggles.
Thanks for posting and sharing this.
We recently got the Ashes of our puppy, i've never scattered ashes of a pet before and feel sad about it but I believe heavily in returning to nature. For now, we find comfort in having his physical remains at home. I showed my 2 year old a photo of him and he asked "Wheh ah you?" and i almost started bawling again. We told him he's at old mcdonalds farm chasing butterflies he's just too young to understand death.
For those with your pets, give them an extra pet, hug or walk for us. We miss our buddy terribly!
Thats rough where you’re at with your dog. As soon I just read the first phrase in that paragraph my heart was crushed.
That Take a Deep Breath YT channel is generally quite well done and presents a wide variety of methods for beginners. Check it out if that sounds interesting.
They have a zillion combinations of breathwork patterns. For example they have box breathing videos “4,4,4,4” 5,5,5,5” …. probably up to 12s or higher. Then there’s also stuff like “4,8,12”, “10,20,20,10”. So you can find just the right thing for yourself.
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Well, I have to say that I fell into this category at the end of October. I won't get into the particulars of the challenges/difficulties I faced but they came to a head and my doctor cared enough to ensure I take the time to pull myself out.
It has been a long road but after 4 weeks of taking care of myself, beginning meditation, getting back to working out, ensuring I see friends, and simply rearranging my perspective I can say that I believe I am on the other side of it. I am one of the lucky ones, with benefits that allowed me to take the time to heal. I know many people don't get that, but there are some great pieces of advice here in regards to ways to heal.
The number one myth to break is that as men we need to bottle it, shoulder it, and carry one. You don't. If you need someone whose job is often to listen, I am always ready to offer an ear. I can guide you to to some of the many resources that are available, but most importantly know that you are not going through this alone. This pandemic has affected everyone. We will heal together, but before that we have to stop carrying the load alone. Reach out to those around you, use places like this board, or send me a PM, I will always listen and help if I can, and only if you are open to it. Be well gentlemen, hold your loved ones close, and know the light is on the horizon.
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Well, I have to say that I fell into this category at the end of October. I won't get into the particulars of the challenges/difficulties I faced but they came to a head and my doctor cared enough to ensure I take the time to pull myself out.
It has been a long road but after 4 weeks of taking care of myself, beginning meditation, getting back to working out, ensuring I see friends, and simply rearranging my perspective I can say that I believe I am on the other side of it. I am one of the lucky ones, with benefits that allowed me to take the time to heal. I know many people don't get that, but there are some great pieces of advice here in regards to ways to heal.
The number one myth to break is that as men we need to bottle it, shoulder it, and carry one. You don't. If you need someone whose job is often to listen, I am always ready to offer an ear. I can guide you to to some of the many resources that are available, but most importantly know that you are not going through this alone. This pandemic has affected everyone. We will heal together, but before that we have to stop carrying the load alone. Reach out to those around you, use places like this board, or send me a PM, I will always listen and help if I can, and only if you are open to it. Be well gentlemen, hold your loved ones close, and know the light is on the horizon.
Well done on the meditation and perspective front. Like i said above, i've been doing it since 2004 and while anxiety and depression still exists and always will in some form. It 1000% helps with managing and understanding why one can feel depressed and anxious. Knowing yourself is the key to finding peace.
CBD has also helped me quite a bit with just muting those anxious feelings and depression during hard times. It is 3 weeks since our dog passed and it rained all night, kind of a renewal in the Desert here - I went outside and just breathed in the fresh air and felt the sun on my face and just felt his good energy a part of everything.
Well done on the meditation and perspective front. Like i said above, i've been doing it since 2004 and while anxiety and depression still exists and always will in some form. It 1000% helps with managing and understanding why one can feel depressed and anxious. Knowing yourself is the key to finding peace.
CBD has also helped me quite a bit with just muting those anxious feelings and depression during hard times. It is 3 weeks since our dog passed and it rained all night, kind of a renewal in the Desert here - I went outside and just breathed in the fresh air and felt the sun on my face and just felt his good energy a part of everything.
I didn’t mention it in my story because the topic was lately, but I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety a lot since I’ve been a teenager. I started working hard at it last year and then early this year it sort of went “poof!” and is 95% gone.
I also find CBD very helpful. I still use it daily for pain, calming aid and to help my sleep.
For anyone with Audible who is feeling stuck with something in life, I highly recommend “Take Control of Your Life” by Mel Robbins. It’s probably the best self-help book I’ve consumed. It’s all about facing your fears and how to get rid of self-barriers quickly. Each chapter is like a case study with a different people who are feeling stuck in their lives in different ways. She has a coaching session with them in person but we get to listen in to the audio. Then she does some post-analysis and an update on how the client is doing a bit later. She gives exercises to the audio book listener and there is a workbook to work through. It’s REALLY effective for anyone who badly needs a shakeup in my opinion.
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Well, I have to say that I fell into this category at the end of October. I won't get into the particulars of the challenges/difficulties I faced but they came to a head and my doctor cared enough to ensure I take the time to pull myself out.
It has been a long road but after 4 weeks of taking care of myself, beginning meditation, getting back to working out, ensuring I see friends, and simply rearranging my perspective I can say that I believe I am on the other side of it. I am one of the lucky ones, with benefits that allowed me to take the time to heal. I know many people don't get that, but there are some great pieces of advice here in regards to ways to heal.
The number one myth to break is that as men we need to bottle it, shoulder it, and carry one. You don't. If you need someone whose job is often to listen, I am always ready to offer an ear. I can guide you to to some of the many resources that are available, but most importantly know that you are not going through this alone. This pandemic has affected everyone. We will heal together, but before that we have to stop carrying the load alone. Reach out to those around you, use places like this board, or send me a PM, I will always listen and help if I can, and only if you are open to it. Be well gentlemen, hold your loved ones close, and know the light is on the horizon.
I’m sorry to hear about your rough patch and I hope you stay on a smooth path onward and upward. You are very right about not bottling things up. I wish I’d learned that one sooner!
If you can take some of the self care you did to heal yourself and incorporate it into your everyday life then hopefully it can help keep you running smoothly. I kind of see it like maintenance on a car. Neglecting maintenance may save a bit of time in the short term, but you’re probably gonna have a worse breakdown and end up paying more dearly than the maintenance eventually.
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