I just found out I have a sister...

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Fuzz

Is she hot?

Apparently GSA (Genetic Sexual Attraction) is a real thing. He should be careful.

[troutman]

The Force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it and... [looks directly at her] My sister has it. [waits for the words to sink in] Yes. It's you.


[astonished] I know. Somehow, I've always known.

[I-Hate-Hulse]

I hate to be the paranoid guy, but this could also be a means to get information for identity theft, either for yourself or for your late father.

Go slow. Get that test done. But regardless, keep your guard up for now. 9 kids is a bit of a red flag.

[BloodFetish]

Dammit! Came to make the "Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from you" joke but beaten to it, of course.

Congratulations (or not) on the new sister!

[fundmark19]

Similar situation but not an affair my dad in his previous marriage had a kid they weren't ready for so put her up for adoption. 30 years later she found our family and contacted everyone.

Now she is a great part of our family and we are glad she was able to reach out and find us. My opinion is if she is in fact confirmed part of your family to embrace them and their family. If it turns out they are crazy it is easy to cut them off again and forget about them.

[MoneyGuy]

I think it'd be awesome to welcome a new family member I'd be really careful in case it's a scam attempt. I hope it's legit.

[Minnie]

So.....yeah. I'm the sister. NOT YOUR SISTER hahaha. However, in much the same situation. I found my bio mom and dad in January and February, respectively. It's a bit different when it's the bio dad because they don't have the same memories or even knowledge that a birth mom will. Sometimes, they may not even know there's a child because the bio mom or her family keep it quiet and whisk her away. Or, even if he knows, depending how long ago this was, he may know but that's it because all contact is cut off and bio mom deals with everything and he won't even know when baby is born, or where or the sex.

When I found both of them, I was very upfront that I was not looking for any financial ANYTHING and that I would not ask for more than they were willing to give, in terms of time, emotional connection, talking, developing any sort of relationship - I left that ball squarely in their court, no pressure whatsoever. I said if they weren't up for any sort of further contact in whatever capacity that might be, then I would at least like as much of a medical background as they could give me, so my kids had some clue about that side of things, for themselves and their future families.

My birth mom straight up accepted me from the start - all her kids knew about me so I wasn't a shock when I turned up in January. I have 4 half brothers and 2 half sisters on her side.

My birth father I found mid January but wasn't contacted until February as he'd had some major surgery and hasn't been able to speak on the phone. My half sister contacted me - I had made initial contact with my half brother. Neither of them were able to speak with him about it until February because of the surgery. He claims me - and chances are beyond good that he's my birth father. However, we will be doing DNA testing to confirm simply because I requested it, so that we both have that knowledge for certain. I'm not entirely certain his kids knew about me and we haven't yet broached the subject as they want me to be able to speak to him at length, first. The surgery he had was some sort of very involved operation on his ears and he won't be able to hear for a bit yet. Hence the delay in speaking to him "in person." I have spoken to my likely sister and we both feel it's far more likely than not, that I'm his daughter, based on a lot of things.

Between her kids, his kids and my adoptive sibs, I have 11 younger siblings lol.

I've made a concerted effort to go into this without expectations. I think having expectations can be the death knell. They are who they are, and I am who I am and we will figure it out - or we won't. This all very unexpectedly fell into my lap - I'd searched some in my early-mid 20s but gave up because of a lack of information. I had accepted it was unlikely I'd find them and was good with that. When the info became available in December and I actually searched, I still wasn't convinced I'd find either of them.

She may be as wigged out as you are. There's the idea of finding people and then there's the reality. Even without placing expectations on the process, or them, it's been surreal. It's a continual processing.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking to do the AncestryDNA or 23AndMe testing. Then everyone knows without a doubt, one way or the other, and everyone is on the same page. Good luck with it - it could turn out to be a great thing. Although, it sure expands the Christmas list...

[habernac]

in the vein of this thread.... Harold Ramis' secret daughter with Amy Heckerling:

http://www.vulture.com/2018/06/the-s...-daughter.html

[Tron_fdc]

I dated a girl once that was adopted, and when given the opportunity to look for her birth parents she did. Turns out her mom had died of cancer, like her mom before her. So from a health perspective it was important that she avoided certain things that were cancer related like smoking. That was actually an important aspect of her finding out about her blood family.

The actual family was a different matter. Her relatives were all pretty deeply affected by the passing of her mom, and every once in a while her drunk uncle would call her to chat. I think he just really missed his sister, and really wanted to connect with my ex. He would call at weird hours crying, and just want to talk and hear her voice. That creeped her out.

She would have the odd dinner with her half sister who was totally normal, and just wanted to connect at some level. She had a half brother who was homeless that she would see downtown from time to time which was weird. It also turned out her grandparents were English (or Scottish, I don't remember) but that allowed her to carry multiple passports.

So there's good and bad I guess. I kind of echo Minnie's statement that you go in with no expectations. She was raised by her adoptive parents, and she had a lot more of "them" in her than her "blood" family. It was kind of cool for her to find a whole other side of her family tree, but at the same time they were kept at arms length. She was raised by and bonded with people who loved her as their own, so it was hard for her to form a meaningful bond with these new people, even though they were blood.

I'd be wary, but at the same time don't shut the door. Keep it at arms length for the foreseeable future would be my advice.

[afc wimbledon]

Unless she starts asking for dosh then don't go with the DNA test request, it would be likely be massively painful for her, hard enough being adopted and then reaching out as it is.

[Fuzz]

Sh may appreciate knowing though. As it is, she can only assume you have the same dad.

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by Fuzz

Sh may appreciate knowing though. As it is, she can only assume you have the same dad.

if she asked I'd think it a great idea, just not something I would ask for unless I really had to

[Weitz]

That’s a whole lot of stuff to go through on a hunch though.

If I suddenly had a family of 11 joining my life I’d want some sort of confirmation.

[Wormius]

I think he could show some genuine interest in how she found him and what kind of detective work she went through, instead of asking for a DNA test.

Anyway, I didn’t see the OP make any comments about being suspicious of her being related and a blood test isn’t going to reveal any ulterior motives.

[AltaGuy]

Ha - yup. My Dad had a child more than a decade before he had me who was given up for adoption. I just learned that I live in the same city as my half-brother (and of his existence) last year - at age 37. Haven’t met him yet, and I’m not sure if I will... other than genetics and curiosity, there isn’t a real connection...

It was quite the shock for a couple weeks last year, however... family secrets are intense!